Please Help - What is going on with my baby !!

Ashley - posted on 04/18/2010 ( 35 moms have responded )

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So as long as my baby is with mom and dad (for the most part) he is completely fine. But if we are in the living room, and i get up, and start walking to the kitchen (for example) he freaks out..starts crying and screaming and chasing me(crawling) some times he will give up and just ball his eyes out on the floor.. He can still see me. I am Right there telling him it is ok. It happens when Dad leaves the room as well. Even if he is my arms(or dads arms) and one of us leaves the room, he looses his mind. and just screams and cries forever. . I am scared to have any one babysit him becuase I dont know how they will react, and dont want to put them through it. . Then when my dad(his grandpa) babysits him he will cry for 3 hours straight, until he falls asleep in their arms(same with when cousin babysits) . Then when I was babysitting this 5 yr old..they play sometimes and i have babysat him a bunch of times.. and he cried one time when the kid went upstairs. he screamed how he does when me or dad walk away. I am at my wits end..I dont know what to do. .I feel bad for him..but WHAT DO I DO. has anyone ever heard of this..experience this.or have an suggestions or opinions or ideas for me please?? when i tried sleep training..for the first 4 attempts he cried for 4 or more hours and would only sleep for 3. . it was a nightmare..then on my 5th attempt he cried 30 min 1st night.. 20 2nd night..and now he just goes down with no noises..or peeps..and sleeps almost through the night..he will wake up and cry for about 15 min. then goes back to sleep till morning. . BUt it seems he has gotten WAY worse during the day. . Right now he is sitting on the floor in front of me..Crying becuase his dad went downstairs to fix the light switch. . PLEASE help

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Melissa - posted on 04/29/2010

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Don't know how old your lil guy is but I had a major problem when my lil guy was 6 or 7 months old... Now he is 11 months and loves people but still cries some when I leave the room if he is tired or hungry. Good Luck and just let him follow you around if that is what makes him happy! He will out grow it! (I hope for the both of us.. lol)

Deborah - posted on 04/29/2010

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Ah, my failure of comprehension there :)

Do you take your baby to mum and baby groups? I find them great for being social and a good distraction for baby too, especially if they can go exploring a little in the play area with other babies.

Tina - posted on 04/28/2010

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Im on my third round of this having had three under three!! Its hard to be sure! I bring my guy with me everywhere. If i go into the next room to make lunch I bring him along with a toy or two and sit him near me. Talk to him and play with him as I can. If I go to a different room I again bring him with me. People are created to NEED people... this is so very strong a need in babies because they need us for every need and want! They do NOT like to be alone.. .I have never felt that this is a way to controll or manipulate me in any way... it is just a need they have right now and they need to know that it will be met. He needs to be close to you thats all.. it will soon pass and he will soon be more independant than you might like! Try to enjoy this stage... it will go much to fast! Also if you let him cry lots.. he in a way has trained himself in that it is the only way to get your attention. if you start to respond to him quicker and maybe anticipate his needs I believe he will soon settle down (though it may seem forever) and start to make noises that you will recognise as warning for "im winding up, I need something!" :-)

Ashley - posted on 04/27/2010

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lol well we are soon moving onto month 4!!!!! but im sure it will pass soon, I am already seeing little things, he is taking baby steps out of it lol :)

Carmen - posted on 04/26/2010

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my son was the same way. He would cry whenever someone left the room. He would do exactly what you said..he would cry bloody murder and he would crawl towards you. He eventually got over it on his own. I remember it lasting at least a month. I think all babies go through this seperation anxiety.

Ashley - posted on 04/26/2010

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Deb, my problem isnt about sleep training.. He sleeps now in his own crib..for 9-12 hours at night....and when we were working on it..I did not just leave him to cry for 4 hours by himself. I was in there in Intervals, 5 min 10 min 15 min, and then 20 min. . and he would go on and on, . but if he cries for 2 hours or more..and then u pick him up, then he is going to learn that crying for 2 hours will get him picked up. so i would go in lay him down, tell him i love him..he would stop crying..and then i would leave and he would start again.. . that is why it took me 5 attempts(not 5 nights of 4 hour screams..5 actual attempts. a couple days at a time) before HE decided it was time to sleep in his bed. My son gets put down in his bed..and then is out like a light until morning. He is good..That is not the issue I was asking about, i just mentioned it becuase since he has been sleeping on his own his day routine is out of control..BUT it is slowly getting better, and he is warming up to some people and I am just giving him all the love he needs..and socializing him..and so on. . So one day at a time.!

Deborah - posted on 04/26/2010

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I'm not sure about your sleep training, leaving them for 4 hours to cry seems really harsh. When I was being taught how the woman said you put them to bed and after 2 minutes of crying you go up and talk in a low voice, don't pick them up or turn on lights or that and just comfort them until they stop and settle then try coax them back to laying down (if they get up). then next time give them 5 minutes alone before going again and then just 5 or 10 minutes each time.

The problem with letting them go for too long is it's said to cause high levels of cortisol in the brain which makes them more prone to stress later. so leaving them for so long can only make it worse I think. Best to start small and work your way up. My son took a week and now after one or 2 trips upstairs he's asleep for most of the night. It's hard to let your baby cry but I swear 5 minutes is all it needs.

Just keep at it and stay strong. If you leave the room and he cries don't immediately come back, do the two minutes. get the hubby to try distract him when you're about to get up :)

Brandi - posted on 04/25/2010

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he will soon get over it just takes time. my 2 year old use to all the time and she got over in her own time .just try and brae with it, he will stop soon

Jovan - posted on 04/24/2010

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Hi, I have three kids and Yea It is separation anxiety and my son is going through it right now. Not that bad but he is definately more comfy with mom around. I play the peek a boo games with him or before I leave him with any one we sit and play games that include that person so that Tommy gets to interact with them with me there. I also will let him cry a little if you jump to him he will use it. Other things you can do is if you see he is really interested in a certain show pop it on start to watch it and sneek out to another room and see if that works. But the peek a boo works great.

As for doing anything like showering I wait til nap time or I bring him with me. I sit him in his baby chair and talk to him. He loves it! We also play peek a boo there.

[deleted account]

maria....Idk about taking a shower. I usually wait until my daughter is sleeping to do this. Your child may choke on a cracker, heaven forbid, and your not around. be careful....Some children go through seperation anxiety, but usually grow out of it in no time. I agree with the women who said to play peek a boo. I believe that would help too.

Karna - posted on 04/23/2010

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Play lots of peek-a-boo games. When they can't see your face, (even if they can hear your voice), they cannot understand that you are actually still there. Playing peek-a-boo A LOT, will get the information through that you are not away for ever. Also try avoiding the crying. THis is a lot of trouble, but what I do with Inabelle is to pick her up (have a basket of toys in EVERY room (even the bathroom), and whereever you need to go - take him with, settle him next to his basket of toys, PLAY WITH for a few seconds, then stand up and do your thing, right next to him. It worked for me, hope it helps a bit

Ashley - posted on 04/23/2010

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Melany, Ya...I am doing the pop out from behind the door, or wall thing..and Boo..and he actually for the first time yesterday , made it a game while i was trying to do something. . usually he laughs etc but then comes for me so if i continue on my journey. . . bye bye game, hello screams.....yesterday he would crawl away super fast laughing..and then come back..showering.if i am in the shower he is right there..walking along the edge through the curtain...sometimes crying..even though i am RIGHT there lol . so maybe it's a break through..that he was crawling away for a second..coming back...throwing open the curtain..i would say AHHH BOOO..and he would laugh and crawl away again...I think it was the best shower i have had since he started crawling lol . .It seems like he is starting to warm up to my one friend..which is good as well. . .
Maria . . My exersaucer, and jumperoo are in storage now,..they were used basically to keep him out of stuff when we didnt have baby proofing done yet..if u even try to put him in there..all hell breaks loose..he is mobile now..and there is No way he wants to be restricted in one of those things lol . . My life would be complete if he would just sit in his Bumbo chair LOL...but u cant put him in there without him leaning over..and and crawling away. . he is a funny man this guy..but i guess he is just a normal boy going through the phase or being away from mommy or daddy. . and its ok...we giving him the love he needs and He will get over it in time...I hope sooon time..but whatever time lol.
Thanks everyone

Maria - posted on 04/23/2010

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I know it's bad but I put on a Baby Einstien dvd He likes Baby Mozart, I put him in his entertainer and give him some animal crackers and go to take a shower or try to get something done. once he settels down as long as he doesn't see me we're fine.

Melany - posted on 04/23/2010

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We have a similar thing, but i don't think it's as bad as your siduation. Amy cries whenever she can't see me and lately she wants to be held by me all the time. She also cries when i walk away from her but where she can still see me. Also crawling to me.. She doesn't do this to her daddy unless he is alone with her. And sometimes when he's alone with her she cries for me. She cries a little with my mom but not much. She enjoys being with my mom cos she used to go to work with me and i work with my mom so Amy used to see her every day. At nights: She has never slept a full night!!! I also tried sleep training but then I get even less sleep. She wakes up around 4 times a night. Refuses bottles, only wants boobs. She started daycare half day this month, she has attached herself to one person and if she is not there she cries for ages (cries a little when she's there too but not as much).
One of the other moms at the daycare said that 9 months is when they start with seperation anxiety... Makes sense to me cos she has got worse since 9 months, but before then she was also quite bad... Just keep telling him it's ok and i try singing to him (Amy loves that). I find that when i walk away and she starts crying i jump from behind the door saying boo and repeat it a few times then continue with whatever it was i wanted to do. sometimes works

Ashley - posted on 04/22/2010

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yes this has been going on since 6 months, but worse then ever over the last 2 months or so. I have heard of elizabeth Pantley, i was going to try her no sleep method, but i opted for cry and he is good to go in taht department, but i didnt know she has the seperation book . Thanks I will look into it !

Amy - posted on 04/22/2010

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my little girl had bad seperation anxiety between the ages of 5-8months, then all of a sudden it stopped! she would cry anytime i put her down and even wouldnt let my hubby hold her sometimes. if anyone else talked to her she would cry and wail!
but then like i said it was all of a sudden she stopped! its a normal developmental stage and like the local childhood nurse said that she would be worried if she saw a baby the didnt go through seperation anxiety!
have you heard of the auther Elizabeth Pantley? she just released a book called the "No-Cry Seperation Anxiety Solution" maybe give that a go? her other books are great!
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/books/0...
good luck!

Michele - posted on 04/22/2010

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Right around 10 months they get separation anxiety and they do grow out of it eventually! Expose him to lots of people so he will realize that other people are ok and good luck. just know he loves you and doesn't want you out of his sight. Usually they relax after a few minutes away from you. Luckily I have lots of nieces nearby who could babysit and i felt better knowing family was with my kids. My first was casual about being away from us and the 0thers have followed his example when we would leave. Some of my kids have been clingier and more nervous than others but they do grow out of it with lots of love and encouragement. Good luck!

Regina - posted on 04/22/2010

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Seperation Anxiety!! My son has it but not as bad as your little one. He will grow out of it but until then it will drive you crazy. I make it a game with my son and he whines but also laughs. I say where's my little man and then peek around the corner and say there he is. Each time I take a little longer. Now he looks for me and when he sees me peek around he starts laughing before I say anything. I also play where's mommy and daddy. Every child is differant though. Good luck!!

Ashley - posted on 04/21/2010

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yah my guy is to heavy to wear on my front as well.. he is 22 lbs..and the carrier I have is this tricky one for getting a kid in the back, someone else have to do it lol . but he is one heavy kid to carry for long periods of time.but maybe i can look into getting a good one that can go on my back!!!

Heather - posted on 04/21/2010

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oh ashley, i forgot . . . do you have a baby carrier? there are some great ones out there where you could put him on your back. then your hands could be free to get some stuff done! i just got a babyhawk "oh snap" for some travel in a few days. used the bjorn when we last flew when she was about 4.5 months old. she's too heavy to wear on my front anymore!!

Ashley - posted on 04/21/2010

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Thank you Ashley..We definatly arent alone!!!!!
Michelle...he will NOT let me go do what i have to do..he wont touch a toy..he freaks out.screams at the top of his lungs..water works..the whole thing..he crawls to me if I am doing the dishes..stands up and screams at my legs and wont stop until i pick him up..then he is instanlty happy. .so i will finish doing most of my dishes anyways before i pick him up, i dont always give him, but I just dont know what I am supposed to do.. sometimes he will cry and i will leave him..he will crawl to the living room..come to me..ask to come up...and then stop crying..then he will ask down and go play with toys..but brining them to me. . etc. . So I WISH it was just that simply to stick toys in front of him and go do what I have to do. . but I can.t
Heather...Thank you that is great to know . I am going to go to the library and check out that book....it def seems like the three c's.
Thanks everyone for the posts ideas and opinions.! :)

Heather - posted on 04/21/2010

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hi ashley - has he always been like this or have you noticed that it's gotten worse lately?

i'm sure part of it's separation anxiety, but based on his age, he could be entering "wonder week" 46. "the wonder weeks" is a great book i stumbled across reading someone's blog. when a child's in a wonder week period, they intensely exhibit the three "c's" - crying, clingy, cranky. it has strategies on how to help your lo get through each period. you can order it on amazon, but i keep checking it out from the library. good luck!

Ashley - posted on 04/21/2010

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My son is ten months and jhust started doing this as well!! I know its seperation anxiety but its outta control! He also never really sees any men besides his father so if my uncles or stepdad is around he losses it and wants to be held the entire time they are here!! My mom also told me it might have something to do with the fact he is still breast fed, like maybe he thinks omg if she leaves where will i get milk?? I am a stay at home mom and have never left him with a babysitter, the longest i have left was like an hour to g to the store and he was with his father. I think i have seperation anxiety myself so maybe he senses it from me. I loved reading everybodys posts and am glad u put this post here so i know its not just us!! thank you

Mazy - posted on 04/21/2010

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I almost wonder if it's a boy thing...At least in my family (my sisters & me) the girls tend to be less clingy than the boys. My son (10 months) is clingy to me & cries & chases after me when I leave the room, however he has NO stranger anxiety. He will walk right up to a complete stranger & take their food, keys, whatever! And he gives them hugs & kisses....it's really weird! It will pass in time, especially once they get to daycare/preschool & are pushed into interacting on a regular basis. GOOD LUCK!

J** - posted on 04/20/2010

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Unfortunately, persistence and patience is the only thing to offer. Just be consistent.

Ashley - posted on 04/20/2010

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I dont know many people in the city, that I could give him to. not all the time..maybe once every couple weeks..Thats what I was Trying to do, but his grandparents that live 45 minutes away, decided they dont want to be involved that often, to caught up in their own lives..and then the rest of my family lives in another country...so its hard when you dont have people, who can take him. And i do not trust leaving my baby with a random babysitter. I have seen way to many shows and things that happen behind closed doors, and with a baby that wont stop crying you can never be to sure. .
But thanks ladies for the advice..glad to see Im not the only one going through this.. I knew it was sepertation anxiety, but i have NEVER seen another case this bad..so I was concerned.
Thanks

Caitlin - posted on 04/20/2010

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It's separation anxiety. Your best thing to do is to actually leave him with a babysitter or someone you know really well. My daughter was fine with my mom but if I left her with my dad and stepmom, she'd freak. When I started school for the spring semester, I made up a schedule. Mondays my mom has her. Tuesdays and Thursdays she's with me. Wed's she's at her godmothers. Fridays she goes to my grandmothers. It got her over the separation and stranger anxieties that she had really quick. In just a few short weeks, she was fine. I can leave her for a couple of hours with someone now without her crying.

Kate - posted on 04/19/2010

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Oh, and re:relating to sleep: maybe he is just looking to fill up on cuddles during the day to get him through the night!

Kate - posted on 04/19/2010

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I think separation anxiety can increase when babies become more mobile. Not sure how recently your baby started crawling, but it makes sense that the farther away they can go from mom and dad, the more reassurance they may need, right? He will pass through this, and for now, I think there's no harm in just letting him be near you when he wants. Good luck!

[deleted account]

seperation anxiety honey, nothing serious, my little one has it with me, I can be in the same room and as long as she cant see me she is ok, but if she sees me she wants to be in my arms, I would speak to the health visitor and they should be able to help you teach your little darling to cope. or google seperation anxiety and see what it brings up....Take care =)

Nikki - posted on 04/18/2010

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It's funny because before my son hit 8 months he would let anyone and everyone hold him and I was like he doesnt even know who is mommy is , and well I should have kept quiet bc now he SURE DOES!!! it will get easier with time , I am noticing with him, I have some friends who are in the same boat as us , but others whoes babies never went through it , we just got to give it time and hope it doesnt last too long. Im planning to go back to work in september when he is 15 months and Im going to be a mess if he's like that at day care

Ashley - posted on 04/18/2010

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Thank you..I have heard of seperation anxiety but I never ever knew it would or could be this bad!!!!. . I try to stay as calm as I can..and when we are out and someone wants to hold him, ever if it someone he knows..he looses his mind..he doenst want ANYONE to hold him..My friend tries to get him to calm down and she is the ONLY one that can succeed..she will take him outside for a minutes..and he will relax but then as soon as I am in sight he will flip and turn and throw his body around until he can get to me..so Then i take him..of course....But no one i have talked to has ever seen this seperation anxiety so bad before..So I just wanted to make sure I wasnt alone....Thanks Nikki!!

Nikki - posted on 04/18/2010

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It's seperation anxiety and it sucks , my son is the same way he is only comfortable around me and my hubby, my brother , mom and my sister in law and THATS IT, anyone else and he loses his mind. I never sheltered him I always had him around people and let people watch him but as soon as 8 months hit he went from carefree happy baby to WHERE IS MY MOMMMY NOW!!!!!! , just the sight of other people other then those I listed he bawls his eyes out and won't stop til they arent in sight. Making strange is a phase and eventually they grow out of it. I have learned with my son if I hold him in my arms when we have people over after a little bit of me holding him and interacting with the other person he becomes comfortable around them, I guess he sees I am so he follows suit. If they are freaking out big time leave the situation, do not force it upon them, but if it's a mild freakout try to get him to interact with your presence so he feels comfortable , it will take time and work but be patient with your baby and don't stress out b/c they can sense it and will react the same

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