Poll: were you married when you had your baby?

Megan - posted on 09/19/2010 ( 72 moms have responded )

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When you had your baby, were you married, engaged, dating, or single? Did you get engaged or married when you found out you were pregnant?

My son is 15 months and we still aren't engaged. I want to get married so bad, to complete our family (well..you know what I'm talking about right). To know he is that commited as well. Every single one of his friends are single so of course he doesn't want to. I'm sure this sounds petty to most of you.

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R - posted on 01/24/2012

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We had just started dating when I became pregnant, but both of us were very happy with this little surprise and we moved in together shortly after. As older parents (we're both in our late 40s), we didn't want to rush into marriage just for the sake of marriage, but we did agree to get engaged a year ago (Valentine's Day) when my son was 20 months old. We plan to get married some day, but we're not in any hurry to tack a piece of paper on top of our already committed relationship.



Megan, I hope that you know that you are already a family and not at all "incomplete" - don't let the lack of contract make you feel like your relationship or your family is any less than what it is.

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B - posted on 11/27/2013

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I had been living with my partner for 12 months when I got pregant the first time. The second time we still werent married

Dulce - posted on 03/12/2012

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when i had my baby i we were only dating. i got engaged a couple months after i got engaged. my son is 12 months and were still not married. i want to get married already but he still wants to wait :(

Lalaine - posted on 03/01/2012

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WHEN I HAD MY SON 13 YRS AGO I WAS NOT MARRIED. HE LEFT..

WHEN I HAD MY 2ND CHILD I MOVED IN AND WHEN WE HAD OUR 2ND CHILD WE DECIDED TO MARRY 2 MONTH B4 THE BABY WAS BORN.



CAN I SAY THAT WITH THE EXPERIENCE I HAVE HAD YOU DON'T NEED TO BE MARRIED TO BE A FAMILY.

Ava - posted on 02/24/2012

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No. And I'm really glad I wasn't. That relationship ended in flames two years later.

Jessica - posted on 02/02/2012

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It doesn't sound petty, it sounds like you expect him to commit himself to the family you two have started! I was married, but at my wedding I was 6 months pregnant. My husband and I were High School friends and then we started going out summer before junior year. He asked me to marry him less than a year after we started dating, and we had never been so in love so of course I said Yes! We graduated, and I went to 2 years of college before we got pregnant. I was ready to start our family, I knew we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. I wasn't concerned about a wedding yet because I wanted to save up to have the wedding of my dreams. But when I got pregnant, all I heard from my family was, "You NEED to get married, it just makes things easier." I was reluctant at first, but when they assured me that they would take care of everything (Which was my main concern, since I didn't want the stress of planning a wedding while I was pregnant), I decided to go ahead with it. It was a low-budget wedding, but it was beautiful and it was during the Fall, which is my favorite season.

Janice - posted on 01/28/2012

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28 years ago when I had my son I was not married. Even 28 years ago you were on the cusp of dissaproval with the majority of folks. Its commonplace now. I am so thankful I did not marry my sons father. I did get married in 1994 and we had a baby in 1999 so I have been on both sides of the fence.

Harlea - posted on 01/22/2012

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We were engaged but were very young, just out of high school! We stuck it out for 3 years, but were too young to make it work. We were great when we were great, but were like napalm when it was bad. We are back on friendly terms for our son (7) and it took me getting remarried 2 and a half years ago to realize that he needs to work on some things for the future. He was very very hurt to realize I wasn't coming back, but he's better now than ever.

Katie - posted on 01/21/2012

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i found out i was pregante on our first valentines day after we were married. I feel he is beig very petty if he does want to get married just bc his friends are single. He is not single he has a girlfriend who he shares a child with.

[deleted account]

Married three months before we got pregnant this September will be 3yrs. Honestly, getting married isn't showing how committed he is, a married man can cheat on his wife just as easily as anyone else. I understand what you mean by completing your family. Being that your bf is still in the picture at all is a good sign. I would try to bring the subject up and kind of test the water see where his thoughts are on marriage.

Kris - posted on 01/19/2012

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No not really.

My husband and I were just starting out in our relationship when I fell pregnant with our son (5year will be 6 this year). We were just going to see where our relationship was going to take us and then our bubby come along and even thou our son was on the way, we never considered marriage. It was like a few days into our relationship when I concieved, we didn't know if we were going to remain together or anything. We parted for a couple of weeks to adjust to our new lives of going to be a parent, then he could have walked and had nothing to do with me and his baby, but no he wanted us in his life and chased after me and demanded I move in with him as I was sleeping on a couch at my fathers place.

He couldn't see me living all my life with our son on a couch, so he took me into his home fully. We both decided to have a crack at our relationship. Marriage never crossed our minds at all. When our son was 4 months I discovered I was pregnant again and when I was 6 months he threw me out in surprize, I didn't know where this came from, but he got down on one knee and proposed to me, after telling me for several months that he would never get married due to what his ex had done to him. they were engaged for 2 years and she wanted to go to europe alone before getting married, but the night of her goodbye party she said a big goodbye, told him that she was getting free accomodation in Eurpoe if she wasn't attached, so she broke off her engagement to go overseas for free accomodation at some males home. he said that this broke him deeply, that he would never get married. I too never considered marriage, then out of the blue, I am pregnant with our 2nd, sitting on the kitchen table with our son in my arms and he was doing some dishesin the kitchen. we were just talking crap like most couples do when all of a sudden he came across to me and got down on his knee and proposed. I was shocked and surprized and thrown out by it. I said yes and when our daughter was over a year old, we got married in a park and had a outdoor back yard reception which was low key and we both felt comfortable with. His brother and his wife decided to bring their wedding forward and got married 2 weeks before ours which was a pain in the butt.

it's been 3 years since, our relationship is stronger and we have another little princess who is now nearly 4 months.

We never planned to get maried, after all he went thru with his ex I didn't blame him for not wanting to ever get married but here we are now, married with 3 beautiful children.

Sheri - posted on 01/18/2012

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yes i was married befor our first kids and it was 4 and half yrs befor we found out we were having twins

Lisa - posted on 01/18/2012

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Yes, I got married before considering children. We had been married for 2.5 years when we had our first child.

LovingMom - posted on 01/14/2012

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Hi Krista



That is sooo sad to hear, I sincerely hope the 3 of you are ok!?! as well as your family & friends (should you have any)



Best wishes & keep loving your kids!

Krista - posted on 01/12/2012

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I was not married when I got pregnant. Unfortunately my sons father passed away before that could even come up.

Randi - posted on 01/09/2012

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our son is 15 months old and we've been engaged for the last two years. as of February we will have been together for 5. I want to get married, for the simple reason to have the same last name as my son, in all other regards, we already are married.

Tonilyn - posted on 01/08/2012

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We started dating Jan 2008.
Got engaged May 2008
Got married Jan 2009
Got pregnant April 2009.

Jessica - posted on 01/05/2012

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We got engaged and found out that I was pregnant 3 monthes before our wedding. We got married (with a little alterations to the dress of course lol) and had our daughter 6 monthes later. alot of people thought that we got married because I got pregnant but obviously that isnt the case when I had the ring before the baby came into the picture.

Nikki - posted on 01/03/2012

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I was married for 1yr and 10days when my baby joined our fam. I do understand about the commitment thing good luck to u!

Kim - posted on 01/02/2012

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It doesn't sound petty at all, but it unfortunatly sounds like you two may want seperate things. This is something that you must sit him down and talk to him seriously about.



I was married before we had children, and we are still married today. oldest is 2yearsn and we will have our 5 year anny this month. good luck to you

Taku - posted on 01/01/2012

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Almost seven years with my partner and having a five year old son....we're going great unmarried. We know we eventually will but you'll know as a couple when the moment is right. I did get that initial 'i want to get married' when i fell pregnant. But that all subsided with bigger issues at hand! In the end, its one day that a whole lot of people spend a crap load of money on...is it worth it? All i know is that when we do get married, it'll be low key! Every one of my partnered up friends are married now and they all regret spending all the money that they did. Funny though because we've been together the longest! All his friends are still single so i know what you mean there, but don't pressure him!Love is what makes a family, not a ring or a wedding!

Nix - posted on 12/31/2011

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hello i we were just dating when we found out i was pregnant and had a sml wedding after she was born but i think we prob wouldnt of gotten married actually if we didnt have plans to immigrate. :-)

Ashley - posted on 12/07/2011

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My husband and I had just started 'dating' when we found out I was pregnant, he was still legally married but separated with his first wife before we even met. Had our daughter Oct 2009, his divorce was finalized March of 2010. Had talked about marriage almost since I got pregnant, my folks told us many times NOT to get married for the sole reason of being pregnant, his parents wanted us to be married. Were 'engaged' on a sunday in March of 2011, and Married 3 days later. Told our families that night and the next day, Had a reception in August 2011, and found out 3 days after the reception that we were expecting number 2. My man didnt see marriage as a necessity, as he felt we were already there, just didnt have the piece of paper saying so, hence why we got married the way we did! I know it took what felt like forever for him to marry me due to his experiences with his ex-wife. But now we couldnt be happier! Good Luck! He'll come around when hes ready, id suggest keep laying hits but sometimes that causes guys to run!

Aniesha - posted on 12/03/2011

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We had a baby in Dec 2008, and currently expecting bubby #2 in 5 weeks time. STILL not married! I put it down to sheer laziness on his part sometimes, then other times we've had roaring arguments with me slinging around accusations that he's never really loved me & doesn't want to commit to me. I would dearly love to be married, but I guess I've kinda had to let it go now and just believe him when he says that it will happen when the time is right. We're still together after 4 years, so I guess that's a start! lol. I definitely know how you feel though. I personally had no wish to get engaged or married while I was pregnant as I felt so unglamorous, but after our son was born I definitely wanted to. We came very close a couple of times, but things got stuffed up. Here's hoping we both get our happy ending:)

Susan - posted on 12/03/2011

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my dh and I were dating for about 2 yrs when we got engaged and married a yr later...now it has been 21 yrs and 5 kids later and we are still together....I was brought up to get married and then have kids, that the way to do it..(so says my dad)

Ava - posted on 12/01/2011

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When we found out that I was pregnant, I told him that I did not want him to marry me for the wrong reasons. If he is to marry me, it needs to be for love and not for the fact of being "stuck with a kid". He did propose when I was about 3 months, I told him yes but to wait. We have had our though times, but we are both in love with each other. We got married a month and a day before my sons first birthday. Good luck to you, :)

Crysany - posted on 11/19/2011

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I found out I was pregnant 3 days after we got married. : ) Two kids now, still married.

Rebekah - posted on 11/18/2011

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We were engaged and had been together for 8yrs, we got married when our son was about 19 months. I think having a child with the person you love is a way bigger commitment than a piece of paper.

Brianna - posted on 11/14/2011

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when i had a surprise pregnancy with my daughter her father and I where dating and had been for like 4 years. when i was about 7months pregnant we got engage and then got married when she was 8months old

LovingMom - posted on 11/14/2011

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We knew each other for 6 years, then we dated seriously for 2 years and when I missed my period, my boyfriend proposed. We got married within 7 weeks, although the pregnancy test turned out negative. Five years later I was given a diamond for my birthday, so we only then got engaged. I gave birth to our son after 8 years of marriage, then when our son was 3 years old, while trying for a second child, my husband went through mid-life and we then separated and divorced when our son was 6 years old, so no commitment there from his side!

Traci - posted on 11/14/2011

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We had a baby in 94, a baby in 95, married in the summer of 96, baby in the winter of 96, baby in 98.....since then adopted 3 more. Lots of Kids....it seemed like we would never get married when we were young and I kept getting pregnant....on all birth control methods....he also came from a family with a messy parent seperation and did not ever want to go through that so was hesitant...we have now been happily married for 15 years!

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My husband and I were engaged in Nov of 2007 after 3 years of dating, pregnant May 2008, married Nov 2008 and my son was born January 2009. So married when we had him, yes. Married when he was conceived, No.. Yes, I was 6 months pregnant when we were married but of every single person I know in a relationship (married or otherwise) my husband and I are by far the happiest. It doesn't matter if you had baby before or after marriage as long as you love each other and are committed to each other and your child, that's all that matters. Communication is so important, be sure he knows your feelings and that y'all are on the same page!

Teresa - posted on 11/12/2011

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We got married when I was 5 months pregnant. We kinda had a fast courtship and although we hadn't set a date or even talked about it seriously we both knew we were going to get married. I am not ashamed to tell people but I have never had to explain it. It happens more often than most people know. It has been 8 years and we have just celebrated our anniversary, the funny thing is we celebrate Mar 28 because that is the day we met and we beleive God had that day set for us to meet. We only decided what day to marry.

Kacy - posted on 11/12/2011

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i didnt get married till after and it isnt my sons biological father neither. but i believed i rushed into things to soon. and from being with my husband for 2 yrs

Amanda - posted on 11/08/2011

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My husband and I got married April 08 and I found out I was pregnant in October 08. If youre really serious about wanting to get married talk to him about it and see how he feels. Like the other ladies said marriage doesnt complete a family its love. My sister in law has been with the same man for 13 years, engaged 9 and have a 4 and a 2 year old. They are FINALLY getting married next year.

Tiffany - posted on 09/09/2011

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This definitely isn't petty. I understand. My now husband and I were not married when we found out we were pregnant and together for a very short time (take my word for it). SOMEHOW he was everything and more that I ever wanted (seriously). We ended up engaged the end of february and married 21 days before the birth of my son, in June. Believe it or not, I hate telling people that. I avoid the subject. Probably because my whole life I pictured myself dating for awhile, getting married "the right way", and then having kids. Things kind of happened the opposite way. Also, I've heard rude comments from family (which they didn't think I had heard) and my parents always seem disappointed. Oh well, I try to laugh it off but I am kind of ashamed how I went about things. Although I am glad to say that some may think we got married BECAUSE we had a baby but really I love my husband with everything I have. Without him and my son I don't know where I'd be, but it definitely wouldn't have worked out any better or even close. The only thing is we always planned a big wedding, but I can't seem to justify it. I feel everyone will think we are doing it for the money which I DON'T WANT. My husband blames himself for not giving me "my dream wedding"(in his words). Anyways I'm kind of all over with this post. Be happy that it will happen when the time is right and you will be able to have the wedding you always wanted too.:)

Kate - posted on 08/20/2011

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i was engaged to my daugters father when i was pregnant. after my princess was born i found out he was cheating on me the whole time. i have been a single mom for two years. i want to be a family with someone one day but in my opinion if men dont commit to you after you have been together for a while and you ave children they never will. commitment is a scary thing. being married changes people.

Ashlee - posted on 08/15/2011

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i got proposed to 2 days ago we have been together for 8 years and our daughter just turned 6 yesterday. how long have you been together for? do you talk about that stuff?

Linda - posted on 12/04/2010

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my fiance proposed when our son was 2 months old , weve been engaged for over a year now and expecting our second son in 2 months :) were happy just being engaged for right now and arent really worrying about when to get married. when the time is right we will :)

Amanda - posted on 11/29/2010

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My now husband and I were engaged when i got pregnant. We were waiting to get married because we were both young (I was 19 and he was 21) but we were also together for 5 1/2 years. We just finally got married this past june 5 days before my dauughters 1 st b-day because we both really wanted to but it was just something small in front if the JP and no reception just pictures. When we have the money we would like to do a vow renewal and have an actual reception and everything for like a 5 year anniversary thing.

Heather - posted on 11/29/2010

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I was dating my daughter's dad when i got pregnant..but we split up 3 weeks before i had her, so i guess my luck didn't go as good as everyone else's did. But good luck to you

Rachael - posted on 11/23/2010

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We were married for 9 months before I got pregnant. Marriage was very important to him, because it meant a commitment, and we wanted to prove to eachother that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. However, some people don't find it necessary - it doesn't mean that he doesn't want to be with you, or that he doesn't value you. It may just be that he believes that your relationship is solid, or even that he's afraid of ruining what you have (since many people claim that everything goes downhill when you take the "plunge"). Have you openly spoke to him about how you feel? The legal aspect isn't important to all. If my husband and I weren't married, I wouldn't have had health care and all of the amenities needed when pregnant, which is why we waited to start our family, but that doesn't apply to everyone. We knew we would get married, but we did it WHEN we did because of legal purposes (the military only accommodates spouses, not fiances).

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