terrible twos...at 1 years old? HELP

Kat - posted on 06/30/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Tristan turned 1 on 6/11. and i hope i'm not the only one having trouble with their 1 year old.

he's refusing to eat anything (he IS teething, getting his eye teeth and 6 others, so i think this has a lot to do with it) except apple sauce cups and mashed potatoes and puffs. he only wants pediasure (which is good, since the doc wants me to give it to him for his lack of nutritious foods) for a drink.

and he's super opinionated. his favorite word is "no" and i'm constantly telling him "no" all day long because he wants to climb the cabinets and the couch and everything he can climb. if i try to give him something, he says "no. dat" (he cant say the "th" yet, lol), so when i give him what he points to, he says "no, dat" to the other thing, and goes back and forth.

he wont sleep. he wants to stand in bed screaming, and when i go in there, he starts laughing. i leave and he screams, so i go back in and he laughs. so i just end up leaving him in there screaming until he screams himself to silence. then i go in there to make sure he hasnt smothered himself in his blanket, and he scrambles to his feet, and says "hode me" (hold me) and i feel bad, cuz i just lay him back down and he screams again, and we start all over again. and this is for nap time and bedtime. and he never plays in his room, it's for bedtime only. he plays in the living room.

anyone have any advice? he's refusing to eat and he has a weight check at the dr 7/6, and if he looses a pound (he's lost 2 supposedly since crawling 2 months ago) and she wants him back up to at least 19 (he's 18.15 now and 31-1/2" - 32", depending on what measuring method). i'm worried she'll try to put him in the hospital for it, or try to have him taken away or something. so i feel like force-feeding him, which doesnt work, of course. but i need help :(

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Dianne - posted on 07/04/2010

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I read that terrible twos is actually a wrong way to define this period because it actually starts around 1 years of age and can last till they are 3 years old. Basically it is a power struggle, they are trying to assert their independence but of course with their limited vocabulary they are prone to acting out when they can't get their way or express themselves. My son is a handful, but I find that if I use humor and continuous praise, plus redirection and more redirection we can have a pleasant day, but it is tough and sometimes I get extremely frustrated and shout (which I know is not the best but can't help it at times). He is especially whinny now that he is teething. My husband gives in more easily in order to get peace so I end up having to have a go at my husband too sometimes. As for eating I am lucky for the most part he eats well when he wants too, but getting him off the breast and bottle is proving difficult so I am taking my time, I am down to one or sometimes two breast feedings which I limit to like 10 or 15 mins. The biggest struggle I have now is getting my son out of my bed so you are way ahead of me on that one. Try to research a little more on strategies, I am reading a book by an english author Mary Stoppard (DK) the complete guide to child care from birth to five years. She believes girls and boys learn and respond differently. Good luck and all the best

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Kate - posted on 07/09/2010

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Wow, Kat, that sounds really hard. These are just some idea:

Food: My son refuses everything when teething, too, and it's really hard. I wonder if your son is filling up on the pediasure before mealtimes? Maybe wait to offer that until after you have offered him other food, and maybe try to offer some foods that may soothe his gums (my son likes his peas and corn frozen when he's teething! and he likes cold fruit cut up small - watermelon, grapes, pears, or even whole blueberries). Do you feed your son or does he feed himself? I wonder if his rebellion is because he wants to start only self-feeding? This is around the age when many kids want that. He may also just want to try whatever you're having. Some kids just want to be like their parents! Also, maybe he's a grazer at heart. Could you leave some Cheerios on a low table or something and see if he'll eat them if he finds them himself?

Re: saying 'no': Like any word, said often enough it kind of loses it's meaning, don't you think? Some people recommend reserving the word 'no' for only really serious things (like not touching power cords or going down the stairs headfirst) so it stays powerful. For the other things, like learning not to pull a grown-up book off of a high shelf or not to eat a book, other words and actions can be used ("wait! Mommy will help you get the book down" or "let's leave the book on the shelf - look at this toy over here!" or "books are for reading! are you hungry? here's a cheerio!" ;) I bet if he hears the word less he'll use it less himself. As for the climbing, maybe get a safe thing for him to climb on or in, or just go to a park or outside somewhere where he can move around a lot. He might like a tunnel to climb through, or he can even climb in and out of a big cardboard box (my son LOVES boxes!).

The sleeping thing is tough. There's lots of books out there that might help, or you can ask your dr what they might recommend. The other person who posted had a good suggestion with the nanny's way of sleep training. Also, if his teeth hurt, maybe giving him a cold teether would help to suck on as he's winding down. Routines work well for lots of kids - maybe you guys would always want to have a story, get a drink, get a teether, and go to bed with a lovey or something. Maybe ask your dr if giving him ibuprofen before sleep would help with the teething.

Anyway, hope something in here helps. Good luck!

Lauralea - posted on 07/07/2010

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I would recommend that you babyproof your house more if you are saying no a lot. Baby gates are very helpful. We moved many items to upper shelves or put them away for now because I don't want to be chasing and saying no all day. My son can go into any room in the house and be safe now. It took some work but it truly was worth the effort. He can explore and be safe and I am not saying no very often. The less you say no the more fun you and him will have. We installed cupboard locks on the cleaning products but left the rest for him to explore. He usually pulls out one or two items and then moves on. If he falls off of the couch the rug catches him. He hasn't been hurt yet, just angry for falling off the couch. I also recommend letting him feed himself: avocado chunks, grapes cut into quarters, small cheddar chunks, cottage cheese, crackers w/peanut butter, strips of toast..... My son eats everything we do just cut up smaller. You might be surprised how well yours can chew! Good luck!

Nikki - posted on 07/06/2010

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wow you just described my son to the T, except he doesnt say as many words as yours. I spend my entire day chasing him around , saying No moving him from what he is doing and at night I let him fall asleep in my arms or with a bottle of water , cuz I can't so the CIO thing.... let me know if you figure something out, Im hoping this is just a phase

Kat - posted on 07/06/2010

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i'm definitely taking all this in and gonna concentrate on finger foods. thank you guys so much :)

Jennifer - posted on 07/05/2010

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This is a very interesting age! My son just turned 1 on 6/23 and I think with that age their whole attitude changes. As far as naps and bedtime I don't have much advice, I still rock my son to sleep for naps and bedtime but once put in bed he sleeps.....As far as feeding I have to agree with the other posts on this page FINGER FOODS ARE THE ULTIMATE ANSWER....by this age they are wanting to be very independent my son has been on all finger foods since about 10 1/2 months besides formula bottles and now whole milk....He won't eat anything off of a spoon. I give him fruit, and either graduate breakfast bars, pop tarts, or fig nuton bars for breakfast. I give him a meat like hot dogs, vienna sausages, and etc. A fruit like mandarin oranges, peaches, pears, and etc. A vegtable peas, green beans, and etc for lunch and supper. Also sometimes mac and cheese, ravioli, and etc. I monitor his eating very closly but I have never had a problem with him choking. This also like said before is messy but it makes them feel independent and accomplished. It is also a blessing because it gives you time to clean up, do dishes, laundry, or etc.

Emily - posted on 07/05/2010

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Your 12 month old is talking like that? That's amazing!
The best advice I can give is to RELAX. My doc told us to expect weight loss around this time because babies don't want to be fed anymore. We've switched to ALL finger foods. It's a little more messy, but she feels so accomplished! And letting her make a mess of her high chair keeps her occupied enough for me to complete a different chore like laundry while she's eating.
If you're stressed out, he will be able to tell, and it will stress him out. Sit back, relax. A mother has to do a whole lot for any state to justify taking someone's kid from them, so you can stop worrying about that.
At this age, he's not going to smother himself with the blanket, so you can also stop going in the room when he's trying to fall asleep. Put him in the crib, and don't go in to check on him until the crying has stopped for a few minutes, or don't go in at all if you can handle it. We started doing this at 6 months, and nap and bedtime are no problem now.

Basically, stop stressing about it all! :)

Jennifer - posted on 07/01/2010

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WOW Kat, you've got your hands full!
Eating: have you tried sneaking rice cereal into the applesauce cups? My Grace has no eating issues so I don't have much advice there. She sits in her high chair and I give her shredded cheese, which she loves and just about anything else I can cut up into tiny pieces.
Grace also wants to climb everything and also recognizes no...when I tell her no, she sits and screams her head off. I let her scream till she's done. Then I try to redirect her attention. Music and songs work pretty well..patty cake, dancing etc.. It's exhausting, I agree.
Have you ever watched The Nanny and her bedtime tactics? She says you put the child to bed and you sit silently next to the crib on the floor. And you stay there till the childs asleep. They scream and cry and try to reach for you, but you don't look at them or respond in any way, you just sit there. The next night, you do the same thing, only a little further away from the crib towards the door. You do not respond to them or look at them. You stay until they fall asleep. Next night, repeat, only move closer to the door each night. I've seen her do it and it works! It takes some perserverance, but it's worth it in the end.
Good luck to you!

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