Toddlers&Discipline

Heidi - posted on 10/23/2010

my little boy is 15 months he climbs every thing. i trying time i tryied no i tryied get him to play with some thing . but nothing works. i try not to spank. when i spank it dose no good. he go back to do what was not supose to do. he throughs a fit. he he started throughing things. he got a old sister who 3 he tryies to do every thing she dose. they both home with me all day. may be if he was in day care at least one day a week to be able to around other kids.

Danielle - posted on 10/18/2010

@Kristine - LOL I am dealing with the food on the floor too! I have always said "if you don't want it leave it on the table" but that was not working, this last time I said, if you don't want it give it to me, and now she insists on handing me every piece of whatever it is she doesn't want to eat more of!

They can understand quite a lot at this age!

Sarah - posted on 10/01/2010

i also agree at this age formal discipline isnt really appliable, disengaging is good and a tactic i use also, especially when i know im tired or short fused, its easier to walk away, turn it off so to speak then make a mistake because ur frustrated or overwhelmed. consistancy is important, and i also simply distract baby girl lots of times when shes doing something she shouldnt or going to fit. i like the feedback to this question , now i dont feel so out in left field, this is my 1st child also.. scared to rin her and scared to lose control of whos in charge. thanks for asking this question and for the responses!

Sarah - posted on 10/01/2010

ya i do the 1-2-3 magic thing too, i dont call it that but i count to three outloud, verbalize whats going to happen if...and then timeout for 30sec-2mins, this does seem to work.... but different behaviors/situations call for different techniques-ie. kid running into traffic or away from mom , things that r dangerouse. but ya 1-2-3 magic is a good way 4 sure. :)

Sarah - posted on 10/01/2010

ya i need advice here too, so reading the responces u got is cool. my daughter is 15mnths old and is incrediblly smart and a very good girl overall, but she wants attention and if she dont get it, or anything she wants for that matter she will bite, hit, kick, scream(ih8 this) throw herself on the floor etc....i do not want a child who is a brat. i have ignored her public tantrums, summing them up to her being tired or bored, not to worried all kids do this , but the ones at home are frusterating. i was told not to bite her back etc...but i did a few times, not hard, but she laughed at me. if i slap her hands and say no and i know she knows what she is doing is not allowed , she laughs. the new thing i do is tell her no, shes going to go in her playpen, then the 2nd time( no 2nd chnce for biting or violance though) she gets put in playpen. she screams and cries immediately and i leave her in for a maximum of 1-2 mins, sometimes 30 seconds. i explain eye to eye y and what and ask her if she is going to b a good girl and she calms down and is good after, but its frustrating ( im also single mom) . the time outs and just not acknowledging bad behavior seems to work...but i also am on the fence scared my daughter is going to be the biggest spoiledest brat ever. i do not deny her much, and i dont believe i ever will as long as she respects me (everyone, herself included ) and when shes in school does well. i will teach her the value of a dollar and rewards for work done or good behavior, but back to disciplining- i beleive that children behave based on what they r allowed to get away with as well as what they see. my daughter has a good influence and environment, doesnt see yelling, hitting or anything negative and i am very patient and loving. so i figure negative behavior = negative consequence, and im hoping if i praise reward enough and properly she will not seek attention negatively because thats the only attention she thinks she can get......... i will spank my daughter when she is age appropriate!damn right! i was spanked, prior generations were beaten and they had respect or at least fear to mess around with authoritive figures, lol, and the baby boomer generation isnt all abusive, emotionally damaged and so on.... i will not spank with a belt, maybe ill let her choose, i think i got to choose,lol.... i will not spank to hurt her, but if my kid is deserving of a swatting on the rearside, so be it! there is disciplining and then there is child abuse. I see nothing wrong with a paddle to the butt, or a flick to the hands/smack in the mouth when it is deserving, based on age appropriatness etc...its common sense and judgment calling . All these social workers of the 80's-90's have made it seem like a violant crime to "spank" children, parents have lost all control(and care, desire?) witht todays youth. there is no respect for elders, no common curtosy or minding of mouths and behaving respectablly in public anymore. young children dress and act and want to be treated like teenagers/young adults and it is offenive to say the least. if i can only take back "the power"(figuratively) from my children then so be it, at least when my kids are teenagers/tweens i can rest comfortably knowing they will be curtiouse, good examples and contributing to society when they go out with their friends. I am always blown away and thankful when a youth holds the door for me and my stroller etc.... for the fact it rarely happens! so, maybe our babies/toddlers are merely exhibiting normal tendancies and behaviors, testing the waters, finding their borders etc...hopefully anyways, cuz i hear u, some days i wonder ive spawned devil baby!! lol, just kidding in good humor, :P so i hope i have offered useful opinions, i see u r getting alot of responses. cool, good luck !!!!

Cindy - posted on 10/01/2010

I think spanking, if used, should be a last resort and typically the last resort if the thing they are doing is dangerous or likely to cause injury. I swatted my child the other day after he kept trying to take the covers off the outlet. I would tell him no firmly, why it was bad and then move him to another part of the room. He would repeatedly return to the outlet. I don't think he understood, but hopefully he will associate the outlet with a little discomfort and not do it again. However, I think my spank probably just felt like a pat on the bottom. Sigh. I just don't want to hurt my child. I think the biggest thing that would ever get my child a spanking is if they willfully got away from me at a store and took off and hid. That would get him in big trouble! They need to take the danger out there seriously.

Billiejean - posted on 09/30/2010

My daughter is 15 months and has older siblings whom I never controlled as babies. Since i've been learning to discipline them with the "1-2-3 Magic" technique. Where the first time I give a warning and tell her what she is doing wrong. then I count silently for 5-10 seconds. Then I say 2. I count quietly to myself to 10 sec and I say 3 and give her a 1 minute time-out it is very effective because I don't have to yell or spank or talk too much. She and I are very happy and she listens to everything I say now.

Anna - posted on 09/29/2010

As with many others here I don't presently feel that spanking is the method we are comfortable using, especially as I am trying to keep him from hitting me when he is frustrated. I asked my Mum who works at a Child development centre, how I should deal with his hitting and she said that their behavior interventionist recommend that you simply disengage-place him down and walk away. I believe that up to the age of 2 is really too early for formal discipline, and my main tactic for coping is distraction. My husband has used time outs several times, which I think is acceptable so long as he is consistent with when and how he uses them.

Kristine - posted on 09/28/2010

My son just turned 15 months on Sunday. He is actually really well behaved. The worst he does at this point is he throws his bottle/cup and food from the table. I've tried different things like saying "NO", taking the food away etc. Needless to say nothing worked. Recently, I decided that getting all worked up and mad wasn't working so I just use words to explain what I expect. " When you're done with you're cup put it down on the table". We seem to be making progress. A lot of the time now he'll try and hand me the cup or food if he doesn't want it.



Another thing he does is trow the DVD's on the floor. So I say "pick them up", and he does and we put them back together.



I feel a better approach to discipline is providing a simple explanation or correcting it with words and actions. Toddlers of this age understand a lot more than we think.



I don't agree with any type of physical discipline. I feel parents "spank" out of frustration and it doesn't teach the child anything. Teaching/showing them why something is wrong makes a lot more sense to me.

Think about it, they are just discovering they're world around them and need us to guide them and keep them safe, not hit them.

Christine - posted on 09/28/2010

Im so glad i logged in today and found this topic b/c I was going to post the same thing! I dont think you need to be afraid of spanking/ disciplining... Iwas spanked as a child and I turned out just fine... My dad always says " if you spank early... you wont have to spank often" and I really think he's right. Of course, find what works for you... and Im working on that. It's hard tho b/c my son literally laughs in my face at any sort of discipline... however, when he's with my parents ( they are my daycare for him ) and my dad gets stern w/ him, he knows whats up...and stops immediately. So Im wondering if maybe my tone of voice isnt stern or serious enough for him to truely realize what point im trying to get across... hmm... I think im going to try time outs after i say no 2 or 3 times...in his crib and then the final step being a swat on the hand or bum...

Rachael - posted on 09/28/2010

We just started "time outs" for a minute each time, and it works like a charm! I only do it when it's absolutely necessary, since I'm afraid that overusing it will make it lose it's magic, so that's only for when he doesn't listen after the 3rd "no" (and it rarely gets that far). He's starting to understand me better, so I always explain why I don't want him doing something, and show him that there are consequences. When he's in time out, my husband and I completely ignore him, then by the time he's done with time out, he's ready to play with his toys or do something else. It's quite effective right now, so we'll be sticking with it!
Btw, I used to believe in spanking, too, but now I think it would completely useless for my son, but every child is different, so it may work for others. I really can't say if it does or doesn't.

Kirby - posted on 09/27/2010

I personally don't believe in spanking, because I think that it only teaches them that when your frustrated then you can hit and I don't want him to hit. I repetedly tell him no, then if he doesn't stop what he is doing then I take him away from the activity or take the item away from him, if he continues to throw a fit or tries to get it back I ignore him. If you don't pay attention to the child then eventually they will learn that what they are doing, like a tantrum, isn't going to get them anywhwere. If he's really not listening then I set him in a chair to get him to stop for a few more minutes, then attempt to re direct him when the little time out is over. I absolutely agree that you need to start the dicipline young because if not then your going to have a much harder time teaching them when they get older. Whatever you decide stick to it!

Dawn - posted on 09/26/2010

I do spank my son is also 15 months but I say no and show him what he has done before spank and can not baby and hold him afterwards let him cry it out.

Jessica - posted on 09/26/2010

At this age, I still do a lot of redirecting, but we are starting to do time outs like one of the other mother's said, where I (or my husband) sit down with her. We also tell her "no, that is not ok," or "No, that is not for baby." I don't believe in spanking except maybe in extreme cases like if she went into the road when she wasn't supposed to (something that was dangerous). My best advice: go with your heart. There are a million parenting books out there, and many different ways to parent your kid. You will know what feels right to you and what doesn't, and there is no rule that you can't try other methods and see if you like them or not before deciding what works best for you.

Brenynn - posted on 09/25/2010

I havent really spanked my 15 month old yet, unless i spank her hand away from something. she doesnt really understand what it means yet, and sometimes thinks its a game and laughs. I did try time out, and that seemed to work. she kept trying to get up, so my husband sat with her and faced her to the corner for 1 minute. she screamed the whole time, and when she got up she stopped doing what she had been doing. I think maybe when she is older she will understand it better as she understands what right and wrong means.

Vanessa - posted on 09/25/2010

My son is also 15 months old and my husband and I are reluctant to spank our child for any bad thing he does. Our strategy is just to simply pull away from the wrong and distract him with what he likes: toy, music, etc. We also show him what we are saying no to and what he should not be doing, For example, if he goes to a cabinet door and opens it and starts removing things from it, we simply stop what we are doing, if possible, and sit with him and say no while we do the exact thing he was doing. (opening cabinet doors and removing dishes) He is a very smart boy and understands. It takes a couple times for him to completely stop doing it.
I agree with starting discipline at an early age with out any physical abuse or contact. Spanking in most cases leads for the child to become accustom to it as he grows, making him careless and not afraid of any consequences. A child learns how to respect others if the respect is shown to him from day one. We say excuse me, please, and thank you to our son. Grant it it's a little early for him to understand what that is but in later years there will be no need to force a please out of him. My child has hardly any contact with other children and when he sees them he is not shy to play or show love to them. I believe the physical contact only leads for them to do it on other kids. Different kids, different attitudes, this may not work with all kids but it has with mine.

Amanda - posted on 09/24/2010

my daughter is also 15mths old, and this is what i do for discipline. if she is getting into or touching something she isnt suppose to touch i tell her "No Shilo, Not for Babies" and redirect her to her toys. then if she goes back again i repeat the same phrase as above but with a light tap on the hand. IF she goes back a 3rd time(which she doesn, but not often) It's the same phrase again, but i pick her up and tell her "time out" and put her either on the couch beside me or in her princess chair against the wall, away from tv and toys. And I let her sit there for 1min. She's actually pretty good at the time out thing, she will stay there, i also make sure to explain to her why she is getting a time out, weather she understands me or not i dont know, but eventually she will. Then I put her down and she will for the most part, stay away from whatever the object was...for the remainder of that day anyways. For the most part she is a really good kid, doesnt destroy alot of stuff, and the stuff she does get into, isn't a huge deal, like the other day she decided to re-arrange our dvds....on the floor instead of the dvd shelf haha, but no harm done, she helped me pick them back up and thought it was fun.

Heidi - posted on 09/24/2010

i think he is still to young to spank, however i am not against spanking. i give him a very firm no if he keeps repeating the behavior i distract him if he does it again i slap the underside of his hand not the top you can hurt the hand that way and he cries a little and stops. i have also done time outs too. i think it is your presonal preference. good luck to all of us!!!

Elizabeth - posted on 09/23/2010

Everyone's child is different. My daughter knows EXACTLY what spanking is and what "No" means. I have the child that says "Yes" in response when I say "No!" For example, she knows she is supposed to sit still for diaper changes, and I give her a toy or something to play with while Mommy is changing her diaper. When she tries to wiggle away, I grab her and say "No" and when she continues she gets a pop on the thigh. She will cry, but she is perfectly still after that.

I believe in spanking when the correction is needed for safety. I don't set my child up to fail though. If there is something she is repeatedly interested, like the phone, eventually I just move it out of her reach. You just have to balance curiosity and discipline at this age, because some things they just can't help. For the most part, she minds and listens. She knows when Mommy and Daddy mean business. And the biggest key is consistency. You can't relent half way through because then they will think they just have to outlast you to get what they want.

Another strategy we have is to say "yes" as often as we can. I.e. I will let her walk around a little cafe as long as she listens about where she can and cannot go.

Caitlin - posted on 09/22/2010

I do time outs in her crib or playpen. Usually she falls asleep. If that doesn't work, she gets a swat on the butt. It used to work until she decided it's funny to slap mommy back. She loves listening to daddy though. Probably because he's never really firm with her so she doesn't expect it when he is. I'm the one who disciplines usually. Sometimes time out and a swat works. Sometimes it doesn't. She's usually pretty well behaved until she gets tired which is why I said she usually falls asleep.

Staci - posted on 09/22/2010

My daughter is 15 months old and has been spanked once, about a month or so ago. She threw a box at my head b/c I would not open it for her, after I told her no repeatedly. I spanked her and told her no again. After about 30 seconds or so of crying, she handed he box to me nicely and asked me to open it. I said no and she put it down and picked up one of her toys and that was that. I think she understood the point I was making, and she hasn't thrown anything at anyone since. I don't think spanking should be a first resort, but I do believe it can be effective...it seems to have worked the one time I have had to use it.

Ashley - posted on 09/21/2010

We have a whole discipline routine. we explain why this is an offense based on God's word, and then we explain that there are consequences to the offense. It usually is a swat because we are still training obedience and listening when mommy says no. but for some things it isn't. sometimes the discipline is pack and play with no toys until he calms down from a tantrum. so it really varies. also, if he is just being completely defiant (ie ive told him no multiple times and swatted him a couple or three times) then its the pack and play with no toys. Also the pack and play is in the other room.

Laura - posted on 09/21/2010

There's a lot of cotroversey on the whole spanking situation. #1 I believe in spanking however it should be used sparingly and only as a last resort. at 15 months old your child doesn't need a spanking. He's learning about his world and his environment. tatrums are mostly thrown because of either a lack of communication or the in ability to actually logically think out why he's being told no. remember that small children act solely on emotion because it's all they know. when my son is acting up i find a firm no and redirection works fine. if it doesn't then a tap on the hand. when he throws a tantrum for no apparent reason then i place him in his crib or playpen until he calms down.

Tarrah - posted on 09/20/2010

I agree. Discipline can be scary and confusing at this age, or so I have read. I have tried slapping hands, spanking & time out for 1 minute. (add 1 minute for each year of age) None of this seems to be that effective yet. Time out is what I like best. My son simply doesn't seem to remember what he did wrong because he keeps doing the same thing each day. I have always been told to be consistent if you want to discipline. I gave 6 time outs in 2 hours one night. He had not napped well that day, so I blame it on being overtired. Consistency is draining. I have no problem experimenting until I find out what works.
I also seem to have to get his attention while he is doing something I don't like by making a loud noise. I clap once. He usually turns around and looks at me then I ask him to stop and give him a consequence. Why can't it be as simple as saying "no-no" anymore. I used to say that and he would stop what he was reaching for and repeat "no-no". I miss those days. I guess we have to keep adapting and hope we can stay ahead of the curve.

Amy - posted on 09/18/2010

I don't think children this young are capable of understanding what behavior resulted in the spanking so I don't do it. Instead, because my son seems to have such a good understanding of what we say to him, we offer consequences. For example, he likes to stand up in the bathtub. I tell him in a firm voice to sit down and will repeat myself one time, if I have to say it a third time I say "Sit down or you're getting out of the tub". This is a negative consequence for him because he likes to take baths. The important thing to remember is that if he doesn't sit down after the third warning I have to take him out, even if he sits when I try to pick him up. I have also found that if he is not listening, I yell "hey" or some other one syllable just to startle him out of his current behavior.

Erika - posted on 09/18/2010

Step one: I tell him no do not do "ABC" because "XYZ. Step two: an empty pack and play for five minutes and another explanation of the offending behavior. Step three: a swat on the butt with an explanation of why he can NOT do the offending behavior again. So far I have not had many step twos or threes,but for the important rules like no reaching up to the stove top.
Hope is helps.

Kim - posted on 09/17/2010

i'll swat mine on the butt or the hand if she's doing something that i've repeatedly told her not to do and stopped her from doing. there is no shame in that. discipline has to be started early, or they'll be running all over you in no time.

Tami - posted on 09/17/2010

I just did a 'time out' with my son for the first time. He has been biting, hitting, and when I go nose to nose with him and say 'no' very firm, he laughs. Grr. So tonight I took him to the corner, stood him there for about 15 seconds and said 'time out' and after 5 seconds when he turned to walk away I redirected him, put him back at the corner and said 'time out' again. Then, we went back to the center of the room and started another activity alltogether. It seemed to break his 'spell' of naughtiness... was not violent, not a spanking, quick enough to get his attention and make him change gears. But we've only done it once so I don't know if it works! I'll tell you in a few days. If nothing else, it is a method I can live with. I too thought I would be ok spanking until I had my very own little rascal. We may get there... but not now at 14+ months .