Affairs/cheating

Tah - posted on 07/04/2011 ( 34 moms have responded )

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Is there ever a good reason for it???

Is it ever justified???

For instance, your wife is a b...., or doesn't have sex with you, doesn't support you, degrades you as man..etc etc...or your husband is abusive, doesn't respect you, doesn't appreciate you..etc....

Could you ever understand their reasons behind it or sympathize with their behavior???

Is an affair any worse to you if the party is married as opposed to just in a serious relationship??

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Barb - posted on 07/06/2011

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No, there is never a good reason to cheat. There are good reasons to get divorced and you listed them.

Saying that however, i see cheating as doing something without your spouse's knowledge or consent that you value over your marriage/relationship. This could be video games, work, an addiction to drugs, etc.

I also agree with Marina, i don't feel it's cheating if you have your spouse's blessings to find someone to fulfill a specific need in your relationship.

Carolee - posted on 07/05/2011

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I don't think cheating is ever acceptable. My husband knows that I will not hesitate to leave him if he cheats on me, and I will take the kids with me. If there is a medical condition, you deal with it and masturbate (in our relationship).

Now, as for other couples... I do know couples who have agreed-upon sexual encounters with people outside of their relationship. I, personally, still think it's cheating, but to each his own.

I think it is definately worse to cheat in a marriage, because you took a vow to stay faithful to that one person. A marriage is a legally binding contract, and should be treated as such. You do not just disregard one part of a contract because somebody is being a bitch/asshole. I may be a bit old-fashioned, though.

Amy - posted on 07/05/2011

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anytime i think of cheating, i think of the movie Only You where the gal thought her husband was having an affair. the itialian guy goes "she was your sister?" no. "your best friend?" no. just someone i don't know. "eh, it's alright then". lol.



then i think of that movie with hugh grant and sarah jessica parker where she kept pressuring him about not having a baby etc. i think people can be driven to cheat.



people really should talk about what's wrong and i told my husband he'd better let me know what the deal is so i can fix it the second he thinks about straying. will he? eh, who knows. sometimes i understand why people do it. but if they'd have just talked/straightened it out, it could have been avoided. Cheating is a betrayal on some level. People can work through things and grow together - i think. I don't get why people tell husbands it's ok to cheat or, sure let's bring in another for a threesome. It's still cheating.

Rosie - posted on 07/14/2011

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i don't think anything justifies cheating. get divorced if you are unhappy. i don't think i can sympathize or understand if they were treated like shit, LEAVE.
to ME, an affair while married is worse than in just a serious relationship. but then i think marriage is more than just a piece of paper and different than a serious relationship. but that's just my opinion, on MY relationship.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/04/2011

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I do think that cheating in a marriage is worse. Because you are taking a vow to honor eachother. Not to say it is ok to cheat when you are not married, it is just my personal opinion that when you are together long term....the next serious step is marriage....so it is just that more binding.

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Sana - posted on 10/18/2012

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Carolee york ur not old - fashioned at all its all abt commitment nd loyalty thats whay ur nd i lov ur post..

Laura - posted on 07/19/2011

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I can never understand why anyone would cheat nor would I want to understand why they did it there is no reason for cheating no matter what the situation is or who your with cheating is cheating and you cant take it back once you have done it no matter what you consider cheating once you have done it its on your mind on your heart and even when you do get it out it hurts even more it doesnt make you feel any better because your hurting the person you love the person you said you would never hurt in a milliion years..its a horrible feeling to find out someone has cheated on you and its something you will never forget about...it doesnt matter if your in a serious relationship or married with kids it doesnt make it any easier to deal with. cheating is such a bad word and anyone who has cheated I dont think you can trust them ever again and they have ruined your trust for the next person you decide to see.

Tah - posted on 07/18/2011

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I see the double talk so much being a military wife, I talk to the wives and they say they agreed she would stay home..some do say she just won't work...but when you talk to the husband he says something different. I have had husbands ask me to talk to their wives..you talk to her. I am blessed I can make my schedule, like now, we are wanting to buy a house and take two different vacations and I dontbhave school this semester, so I've picked up alot of work, as soon as these last few things are paid off, the savings looks better for buying a house, not just having a small cushion and the kids are good for back to school, I'll be back in school and working maybe 2xs a week..if that. I know it's harder when you have small children and aren't able to have a career where you make your own schedule. I just hate when they tell you one thing and tell everyone else something different making you look like your are lazy etc. If something changed in finances, etc, open your mouth.

[deleted account]

I'm sorry Donna. That's fairly similar to what I went through almost 3.5 years ago. I always thought my ex and I agreed that I would be a SAHM... then find out (after he left) that he had bragged to a mutual acquaintance that he had finally found a woman w/ a job....

Oh yeah... got the text messages that it was all my fault too. If I had been more of a cook, cleaner, and hooker... he never would've left. Blah, blah, blah....

Tah - posted on 07/17/2011

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I am so sorry Donna..i am in PM talks with another woman who just found out her husband is cheating, im not sure who i would go after first...alot of men do that..tell the wife everything is okay and then tell the other woman something different. it happens all the time over here, like your situation, they agree to the wife being a sahm, then they tell the people they work with and the other woman, my wife wont work etc..your cash cow..FOOL..ITS HER HUSBAND..i guess we all have cash cows then. Its like they lose their minds all of a sudden, does she think she will be different. the grass is always greener when you aren't watering your own lawn....and then the nerve of her to be texting you as if you did something wrong....i WISH A CHICK WOULD....i would just be praying they have access to COM from jail...im sorry that you are going through this and im praying for you. Take him to the cleaners

Donna - posted on 07/17/2011

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He only had 1 1/2 more months to work two jobs. Now he's going to be working 2 jobs for the next 14yrs. Dumb asss.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/17/2011

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I am so sorry Donna, please know there are many women in here that will support you. I have to go get my kids, but I will be back later.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/17/2011

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No, that is NOT a good man. A good man does what ever he can to support his family, and if it was to much for him working 2 jobs, he should have talked with you....but even with the 2 jobs, he didn't find time to talk....but found time to cheat. THAT is NOT a good man.

She knew he was married, and helped break that up. She is a trashy women.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/17/2011

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I am so glad you have support. That will help so much during this tough time.

Donna - posted on 07/17/2011

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And the whore was texting me that I ruined the marriage by not working, my cash cow has left & I lost a good man. A good man doesn't tell his wife everything is ok, talk about her at work & have sex with another woman.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/17/2011

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Well, if you are planning a divorce, definitely get alimony AND child support. I don't know how old your daughter is, but if she is school age, you may have to find a job while she is in school

Donna - posted on 07/17/2011

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Yes, thank God I have a good support system but I don't know what I'm going to do for money.'

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/17/2011

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Donna, I am so sorry to hear that. How horrible, and what a betrayal. I hope you and your daughter recover from this quickly. Do you have a good support system?

Donna - posted on 07/17/2011

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I just found out last Wed that my husband was cheating on me. We have a 4yr old daughter. He was telling me everything was fine & telling this whore that I won't work, he has to work two jobs. We agreed I would be a stay at home mother & in fact I was going back to work in Sept. I feel so betrayed. I kicked him out of the house & he hasn't even asked how our daughter is. I am in complete shock & my heart is broken.

Billie - posted on 07/16/2011

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If my husband broke his vows, I really don't know how I'd be able to forgive him. I would feel so disrespected, disgraced, unloved, unappreciated. I've been in that position before I got married and I'm sure just about everyone has, but I couldn't imagine my husband doing that to me. Not only is he my husband, but we're best friends.

Serinitee - posted on 07/15/2011

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Cheating is a no no. If you don't like me leave me, cause if I don't like you, I'm leaving too!



(But seriously, although I wouldn't just up and jump ship on a marriage -- I take marriage very seriously, it's not just some flaky commitment -- I would certainly express any feelings of discomfort or unease, and I would expect the same from my husband. If you're wanting to see other people, let's discuss it, personally I'm not down with the open marriage crap but I'm at least willing to be open-minded as far as discussing your reasons before calling it quits, maybe we could fix it)

[deleted account]

I don't think anything justifies cheating. What eve the problem is try and work it out and if you cannot then go your separate ways.

Movies with cheating Unfaithful. That's what came to mind when I saw this post.

Billie - posted on 07/12/2011

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There's never a reason for it, there's only excuses to try and justify it, but there's no justifying it. If you're having problems at home, be a man/woman and handle your business! Talk to your SO and figure out what's going on. If you want to be with someone else, end your relationship and go be with someone else. Plain and simple.

Barb - posted on 07/06/2011

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oh, the relationship vs marriage question.. I don't think it matters. What matters is the depth of the commitment. For example if you have children together, or have bought a house together, aren't married in the eyes of the law, but are committed to each other. vs people who have just been dating, still live in separate homes and don't have any children together. The second scenario wouldn't be as bad if one of them cheated as the first scenario.

Amy - posted on 07/06/2011

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but i'd consider cheating if gerard butler showed up in the phantom costume. ;)

Amy - posted on 07/06/2011

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i don't see marriage as a legally binding contract. Makes it sound like something i'd want out of. lol. I see it as the legalities and paperwork don't matter, it's a commitment of the heart. And that you love that person - faults and all. I honestly have no idea what I'd do if my husband cheated on me. My world would end. I couldn't cheat on him. He's my life.

Casey - posted on 07/05/2011

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There is no excuse at all to have an affair, if your wife doesn't give you sex or your boyfriend is abusive then leave don't just go around and screw other people behind their back. And no I don't think it matters if you are married or just in a relationship cheating is cheating no matter how you look at it or what your relationship status is.

Tah - posted on 07/04/2011

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look with your eyes, touch with your hands..you touched..now you have to answer..lol

[deleted account]

No. No. Yes. Hard to answer this one since I'm against sex outside of marriage anyway. Guess it's a no cuz they equally suck....

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 07/04/2011

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I think it can be justified, BUT only like 2% of the time out of a 100%

I think you should try and work things out and if nothing is going good…then go your separate ways, unless you come to the agreement that its alright…I watch a lady on Dr. Phil give her husband the okay to go out and cheat (she didn’t like it, but accepted it)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/04/2011

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I think all the reasons you gave are supportive of divorce, not cheating on someone. Unless for some medical reason, one of the couple cannot have sex, and it is agreed upon by both in the marriage to have extra marital affairs.

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