arguing in front of the kids

Tah - posted on 07/21/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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..we don't do it..we may joke but if its a spat or something having to do with the kids, we talk away from them and then call them in for the bottom line, some say yes, it will teach children how to deal with conflict or that people can disagree and still love each other etc...

what are your views on arguing in front of the children??

is it healthy???

what does it teach???

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Amy - posted on 07/22/2011

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To me arguing is stating my opposing view, then daddy states his and there's no yelling involved. We just don't yell at each other. Love that we can stay calm when disagreeing. I think kids need to know what happens when you don't agree with another's opinion and that you can talk it out without screaming/yelling/pitching fits etc.

If there's an issue with one of hte kids we usually talk about it after kids go to bed. We don't want kids there trying to argue their points and going ''oh, so and so is on MY side!".

Disagreements are fine, but if parents are having some kind of an all out fight or yelling or whatever, leave kids out of it.

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We discuss things infront of them like I would like to have salad with dinner but he would prefer potatoes well okay lets have potato salad then, anything more intense than that we wait hit pause and argue away from young ears and eyes. We were both brought up in homes where fighting, verbal and physical, took place and thats just not the kind of home we want to have. For us once we get into it verbally things can get pretty intense because we both cuss really bad we're both stubborn and loud, it would never get worse than that but even still it would be really upsetting for the kids to see or hear so we just make sure we dont get right into it to begin with until we can do so away from the kids. In the last year we've had two situations where voices were raised both took place at night and though they we'rent resolved for a few days we still managed to not get into it during the day and be peaceful for aiden's sake. We're pretty good about resolving things later even if it takes a while I know some people need to address things right away or the argument gets worse.

Barb - posted on 07/23/2011

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It sticks in my mind of one of the first times Jr said he didn't want to go spend a weekend at his Dad's because his dad and step-mom fought all the time. He said to me and Doug, "you guys never fight"

I agree, fighting is scary for the kids, but on the same token, they need to know how to have a productive disagreement. Of course the best way to learn that is to set an example.

And yeah, Doug and i do fight, but we've always kept it away from Jr. Well, there was one time when i said to Doug, "Can i see you in the bedroom for a moment?" And Jr said "oooooooohhh!! You're in TROUUUUUUBLEEEE!!!" LOL Which got us laughing and totally took the wind out of my sails.

I'm pretty much in agreement with everyone else.. disagreements that can be discussed rationally should be done in front of the kids so they can also learn from it.. fights that disintegrate into immaturity, name calling and cussing should be kept away from the kids.

[deleted account]

I think it depends on the subject and the heat of the argument. My parents fought behind closed doors. My sister and I would sit outside the door incase it got too heated. We knew that if we went in that they'd stop; we would often lie about something that would need to be taken care of right away. It was all because we were afraid that my dad would get violent. I'm not saying it would have been better in front of us; but that it's scary and hurtful even if they aren't.

I think a disagreement in front of kids is fine, however a full out argument or fight, no. Parents fighting is scary. But a child seeing that people don't have to agree to get along, and live well together, is very healthy. That way as they get older it doesn't come as a shock that someone close to them disagrees with them.

Barbara - posted on 07/22/2011

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I'm with Amy on this one. I try not to disagree with my husband about how he's handling situations with the kids in front of them, but we are good disagreers, if that makes sense. I feel totally comfortable disagreeing with him in front of the kids in regards to anything but them. We've never been anything but respectful to each other in these situations. I do want to present a united front to the kids, though, so parental debates are reserved for after bedtime.

Jenn - posted on 07/22/2011

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We fight in private but we will respectfully argue in front of the kids. What better way for them to learn how to argue among themselves or with friends than to see their parents handle conflict in a manner that isn't mean or hurtful.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/22/2011

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My husband and I do it, we are not proud of it. We try not to, and it is never anything major. It only teaches how to argue, which is not what I want. i do not want my kids seeing me get angry. But man, i am hot tempered. It is something I need to work on.

It is not healthy for the kids.

[deleted account]

Depends on the argument.

Minor disagreements? Yeah, I think it's fine to have in front of the kids cuz they can learn conflict resolution and that you don't always have to agree w/ someone in order to still love them.

Big or private topics, anything involving the kids, or any arguing that involves yelling or rudeness/cussing/insults/etc...? Totally not ok.

That's my opinion, but what do I know.... I think I no longer qualify as having relationship experience. ;)

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