put a ring on it or put THE ring on it

[deleted account] ( 21 moms have responded )

Would you rather hold out for a fancy/expensive engagement ring even if it meant that it was delaying not only the wearing of such ring but also the wedding itself or would you prefer to have something less flashy for the sake of tieing the knot sooner?

As most of you know hunni and I are engaged, my promise ring was lost several months ago and my finger feels naked without it. So he's brought it up a couple of times how he wants to go above and beyond with the ring and the proposal and the wedding and the honeymoon and I've tried my best to explain that none of that matters to me really I'm committed he knows it and I'd be just as happy with a plain ring and a trip to city hall and for us to start our life as a married couple, we're already commonlaw and our friends and family view us as a married unit anyway but you married ladies I'm sure can agree actually being married is quite different. Now he makes comments about the wedding I deserve and a ring I can brag to all my friends about and thats nice, I know he only wants the best for me and I want the best for him....that includes not working himself into an early grave for a piece of jewellery though. His plan is to get me an expensive ring, have a huge wedding to accomodate all our family, and to go to Italy for our honeymoon. I'd be happy with an inexpensive ring, small intimate wedding in town and tickets to some place warm when said tickets are on sale lol. I guess whats frustrating me is that the more expensive his plans get, the farther away from setting the date we get. It's not that there's a huge rush for me exactly so if it were a matter of bidding time which I'm 98% sure its not then thats fine but if it really is just about the money well wth. If we don't base anything else on money then why is the price tag on a ring standing in my way of being happily married as opposed to happily engaged? If it really is about what he thinks I want or deserve why wont he listen when I say what I want is just to be married in the near future not in 10 years lol. Anyway what he thinks I deserve gets more expensive each day while what I really want gets progressively further away, he just can't seem to grasp the fact that THE ring for me is whatever ring he gives me not neccessarily the biggest sparkliest rock in the cabinet. I just really hope it doesn't end up being 10 years from now and him saying that he hasn't saved enough yet...I mean one of his paychecks could afford me a beautiful ring that I would be more than happy with but he's so hung up on saving for long enough to buy me a ring that most likely in this town will get robbed from me anyway. Call me crazy I'm not comfortable walking around with expensive jewellery, so long as its pretty I'm happy :)

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Amy - posted on 06/16/2011

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oh - kaleigh - my husband asked me in a sears parking lot in his truck if i'd marry him. Didn't have a ring or anything at all. Just wanted to know "hey, this is fun. you want to do this forever and be married?" HELLS YES!! "okay, let's go pick an engagement ring we can afford." off we went. [into sears, incidentally to look at rings there. ha ha.]

Tah - posted on 06/15/2011

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I love you kaleigh, but it sounds like an excuse..sorry it does. If being married is that important to him he would go to the jop like you want. I will take the marriage and did. When we were married I didn't have a ring, I had jeans and a blazer on. He loved me and didn't want to wait another minute. I was engaged for close to 7 years with sydneys dad with 2 huge rings, but he did the same thing...then it became canceling weddings. He was active in taviers life, we had a townhouse, all that good stuff, and now I'm someone elses wife. Of course you deserve a huge ring..but that may never happen, you may get a beautiful small or moderate size one but it doesn't make or break a marriage. You can always have the ceremony later.

When we have a baby with the men we love, of course we start to really want to have the same last name, be able to go on their insurance, know he loved us enough to take that step and prove his commitment to us. People get excited because they have huge rings and nice cars and never make it down the aisle. It's nice to be able to say my husband and it actually be true. I never wanted to be with somebody so long that the state said geez..you're married already..kinda...

Tell him how important it is to you and if he's ready...really ready..you guys can take thirty bucks to the JOP and be married by the morning...

Amy - posted on 06/15/2011

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personally, i wish my wedding ring didn't have diamonds. suckers get caught on everything. Wish it was a plain gold band. Maybe something with etching that he picked out. so it's personal yet functional. plus, in today's world money matters and to me the ring is just there for everyone else.

my husband doesn't wear his ring. it's dangerous for what he does for work. I'm not having him risk his life so he can show the world he's married. We're committed in our hearts, not on a band of gold.

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[deleted account]

Our 3 ring set was about $300 total. My first engagement ring (only got a second cuz it came w/ the set we liked best) was $60 from Kmart. ;) I do NOT like spending money at all and for jewelery? No thank you. :)

[deleted account]

I think that sounds perfect. and yeah will be back by then. and I'd be the exact same as you about not being far from home.

[deleted account]

Yeah mine is silver, my mum made some stupid comment about how your wedding ring HAS to be gold...um what if I don't like gold? hmm?

Thanks for the offer Vicki but you should be home by then. Our date pending is August 15th on our anniversary, you know why I say pending. Nick wants to take me to the falls for our honeymoon, found a good deal on train tickets and the room he wants isnt too bad of a price but I'm not really down with being that far from the kids. I'm a close to home type of gal that way if there is a problem I can be to my kids with just a short cab ride away. I don't want to spend our honeymoon stressing over how the kids are so I'd rather be closer to them so I don't have to be thinking about them as much if that makes any sense. Lol my maid of honor/witness pointed out a sign (she joked it was a sign from God but it was an actual sign post) that said the holiday inn books weddings so I think if we do go ahead with everything we might just have the minister come there, have dinner with our besties and the kids and have them leave from there and we can stay at the hotel. Short sweet and to the point, not a lot of running around just one consolidated effort...a block away from our house lmao. Only way the universe could make it any easier for us is if it were free lol.

[deleted account]

ok so I'm late here obviously and can't remember the date you said but if I'm still in Italy you guys are more than welcome to make a wknd if you can handle being away from the kids (or even just a night) and stay at my place then go do some lame touristy thing if you wanted. my neighbour has a key so that isn't a problem. and my friend has a cleaning deal I bought online and I can ask her to go over and have it done before you guys got there.

could be a fun option. save the hotel money and maybe go for a nice dinner and a walk downtown?

and btw I don't have an engagement ring and am fine with that. our bands were not hugely expensive but I did make the mistake of getting white gold (like the silver look but couldn't ask our sorta best man that was getting them for us for platinum, the white gold discolours and didn't know that). anyway...just putting the idea out there for you :)

[deleted account]

Well we picked out our rings and put own the deposit and he's going to pick them up later. Do to a weird price quirk I got a very lovely diamond ring for the same price as the plain band so thats cool and he likes the ring he picked out so we're set. we're on for september I have a new skirt and shirt to wear and the kids have their outfits, just need to get him a new dress shirt and sneakers, little stuff and most of the arrangements have been made so its going well so far :) I'm oober excited obviously but not as excited as he seems to be which is surprising but very sweet.

Keri - posted on 06/20/2011

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My husband was planning on asking me in a beautiful garden, on a beautiful night, but I was hormonal and 6 months pregnant and thought he was going to break up with me so I burst out in tears! He ended up asking me in a hotel room, naked in the bedsheets...not as romantic but better than breaking up ;) No ring though, still no ring and its 13.5 years later! We also got married at the Justice of the Peace, we got our license, had to wait a few days, thought we were getting married on the following Monday, but it ended up being Columbus day so we had to do it on Tuesday, funny thing is he had my wedding band engraved with the Mondays date lol ah well...Would love to have a ring, but its not really functional like someone said before, I dont need but wont refuse it!

Julia - posted on 06/19/2011

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shit my husband asked me to marry him while we were naked laying in bed...in Iraq! No rings nothing...less than a month later I was on my way home pregnant...thanks D! He wanted a wedding with a dress and a tux and rings...I didn't care because both of us had been married before. But for him I got a simple white dress, I got a beautiful ring, he got a titanium one, and we got married on the beach at sunset in Hawaii, with my mom, niece, goddaughter and my daughter present! That was it! We are "somewhat" happily married now (kidding, kidding he's just been a butthead lately) with a total of 3 kids (our irish twins 11 mths apart) and own our own home...so whatever!!!! Do what you want and need to...my husband still wants to buy me a Tiffany's 2 carat ring...I don't need it, but I won't turn it away either ;-P

Nichole - posted on 06/17/2011

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We just wanted to be married, so we bought what we could afford at the time. I had money saved up, so my husband actually got a really nice ring. Cost more than both my wedding and engagement, and has a lifetime warrenty. He didn't have that kind of money, and I really didn't care. So we picked my rings at Walmart. He promised some day he'd get me the "flashy" rings when we could afford them. I told him it really doesn't matter to me, but he's been talking about it alot lately, since my rings (white gold) are starting to turn yellow on the bottom and inside. He's mentioned maybe for our next anniversary...this december getting me one of my "dream" rings. Funny thing is he gave me a funny look when my "dream" ring was not thousands, and wasn't gaudy and huge. I dont know, I don't understand the point of guady huge jewerly. I'd be happy with my Walmart wedding ring, I think it's pretty. It's the emotions behind the ring, my husband would have waited years to afford a ring, because he swore I deserved the best, but I begged him just to be married, he was the best, and that was enough for me, not an expensive ring. Makes the ring I have priceless, if he does get me a new ring as an anniversary gift, I will always keep this one, probably give it to a daughter if I have one, or to my daughter in law if my son ever marries.

Courtney - posted on 06/17/2011

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Well I have to say I like the way you think! Too many girls just worry about the flashy ring. What you could tell him is that you guys could go to court, get married, put on the wedding band. Then, have him save money for the wedding and ring he really wants you to have. Say it may be 5 or 10 years, but then you guys can renew your vows at 5 or 10 years and have a wedding then, and the new beautiful engagement ring will be your present from him for being a wonderful wife.
I currently have a pretty nice sized ring, luckily when my husband and I got engaged he got approved for a hefty amount from Kay's. But for the wedding, we just went to the courthouse and decided we would have a traditional wedding at either our 5 or 10 year anniversary to renew our vows. I liked the idea. and to me it means more anyway. A lot of people these days spend tons and tons of money on their weddings, then a year later get divorced. I would rather spend the money on a beautiful wedding with someone I have been with for a long time and know there are going to be many more beautiful years ahead of us. (not saying you guys will be divorced. That is just my theory on weddings =) )
Best of luck to you though!!

Tah - posted on 06/16/2011

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why in the world does it cost yall so much....we paid 3o bucks for the license, then he asked the lady how long we had to wait between getting the license and getting married, she didn't know and told us to go ask the magistrate..so we went to his office, he made me wait until the man came off lunch break(eager to trap a girl much dude)...lol then he asked him. the same question,,how long do we have to wait? he said when do you want to do it?..Now..okay...and thats when we did it..lol...but i know different prices for different places. Now..im not rushing you, because a couple months is no time...but if you guys did want to get it done and save a couple pennies to maybe add a nice dinner in with that hotel room, you may look want to look into a magistrate. We didn't have to pay him anything. Thirty for the license, he filled out that huge wedding thing certificate but told us to wait for our real ones in the mail..boo yah...lol

[deleted account]

We could do it monday but I don't want to stretch us too tight financially so we're going to squirrel away. We're paying up our bills this month then between next month and the month after we should have enough to get r done without skimping on groceries or bills. Need 125 for the license, 15 for the certificate, some unknown fee to have the judge marry us, and of course cost of the rings and we're getting a hotel room for the night while sonya watches the kids. So yeah couple months I'll be a married woman :) I'll let everyone know the actual date once we make the appointment with the court. Lol it was pretty hilarious I went upstairs to wake him up and asked him to tell me exactly why we don't just go off and elope already, his response was 'huh, elope, was that an option?' fool, and then after he said 'you'd seriously be okay not getting the diamond ring' and 'you would seriously be okay with a city hall wedding?' he got all smiley and started talking about the new game plan. Knew he was just being stupid, love him dearly but he is too sensitive to other peoples opinions. Lol and then he started fretting over what he'd wear lmao I told him jeans like me. I'm excited, now we just need to make sure we don't spill the beans to anyone in our family and its on like donkey kong....if one finds out they all will and then we'll be back to square one.

Tah - posted on 06/16/2011

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Good lol sometimes it takes that to kick somebody on the pants. If you have waited long enough that you are already common law, that's pretty far from pushy. I never even brought up a wedding to my ex. It was always him, okay let's start planning a wedding etc. Then he would turn around and decide he wasn't ready. I don't give ultimatums If I have to do that, I don't want it. I'm glad he got on board, when is it?

[deleted account]

God bless you Tah for triggering my paranoia lol so its official we're getting married at city hall with wedding bands and our bestfriends present, no big to do we're eloping YAY!

[deleted account]

I'm of the same mind, the ring, the big ceremony with the fancy to do reception, all of it is for the guests not the bride and groom. What irritates me the most is everyone elses comments, his family's my family's our friends...they all have an oppinion and I know he's getting a lot of judgement for that and I'm thinking that might be the hold up which is absolutely stupid. My first instinct of course is to assume this is just a stall trying to put off the committment but thats more to do with my own insecurity than his, he was all smiles and snuggles when we were officially common law and he brings up the topic of getting married too often to be avoiding it. He makes little comments and I find myself reminding him we aren't actually married m'dear and then that just gets him back on the topic of the ring the to-do etc. I'm finding it the most difficult trying to express to him that it's not about the money without coming across as 'lets get it done and over with already'. I've been the committment phobe in the past and I know if I seem apprehensive or less than enthused about it he'll worry. And of course lets be honest I'm not the pushy type to begin with. I dunno my grandparents got married shortly before they passed away mostly just because they were'nt prepared to blow the money on the wedding. I don't want that to be us. Hell I've told him about how my father proposed to my mother in a grocery store with a twist tie lol he thinks its sad I think its cute. He's even talking about the proposal he's planning out...apparently the whole shpiel he gave me asking me to marry him last year wasn't good enough for him and wasn't the grand story he wants others to here...it was good enough for me I mean if it wasn't would I have already said yes? I just don't like how he's letting other people's superficial comments dictate when we will get married, its not even that I'm in a rush I'd just much rather him pick me out a ring based on what he thinks will look pretty on my finger not the pricetag the saleperson pushes. And I agree the band itself would be the most logical thing for me to wear...I'm far too accident prone and forgetful to be entrusted with anything expensive!

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 06/15/2011

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Um well I'm not married, but I have the RING.....um so if I didn't I would do whatever I felt at the time, if that's wait or not.
But at this time the next step for us is city hall

[deleted account]

While this is a decision you two need to make I'll tell you what hubby and I did. This is totally ass backwards but hey it worked for us. We met and moved in together. Lived together for 8 mos and couldn't stand the woman we were renting off of so we moved out buying a place. months after we decided we wanted kids together and be parents together. So after trying for kids for 6mos I get preggers with the twins. @ 5mos preg. w/ twins we get married. Had no money,still don't, so no ring and did not want one any way. I bought a white maternity dress at Target and stainless steel wedding bands(will hold up best since we work in the trades) at Walmart, and went to a JP. Had dinnerafter just us and parents and had a reception the next day with friends and extended family at a nice restaurant. That's it in a nut shell and we are very happy. If you don't want all the fancy smancy stuff and he does maybe make a comprmise.

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