Siblings

Merry - posted on 08/30/2011 ( 13 moms have responded )

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1- How many siblings do you have? age differences?



2- Do you think that ages makes a difference as to if you relatd as kids? Or even as adults



3- Do you think siblings are a blessing, or are they overrated?



4- Did your own family dynamics play a part into your decision to have x amount of kids?how many kids do you have, or want?

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Brianna - posted on 09/06/2011

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1. i have to older sisters. my sister rena is 2 years older than me and my sister alana is 3 years old than rena.

2. as kids i was closest to my sister rena i think that was because we were closer in age and were closer to the same stages. but now that were adults i am very close with both sisters.

3. i think its important to have siblings.. growing up i was so happy to have sisters cuz one of my best friends was a only child and she wished she had a sibling so bad and i found her to be very.. spoiled cuz she was the only child and when she got older she really didnt have any "life" skills to take care of herself because she never had to life a finger growing up .. she is now 24 years olds and still can cooks at all and her mom still does everything for her lol
4. having 2 sisters made me want to have at least three kids (maybe even 4). my hubby has 3brothers and 1 sister and he doesnt really care how many kids we have he kinda left it up to me lol

April - posted on 09/04/2011

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1. I have one sister
2. We are 3 years apart and rarely fought as kids.
3. Blessing! BFFs then and now. I have one child and I want 2 more!

Melissa - posted on 09/02/2011

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I am the oldest of three; I'm now 25 and have two younger brothers ages 20 and 16.

I definitely think age makes a difference when it comes to how we relate to one another, but I think the home environment makes a large difference, too. My middle brother and I had a bit of a rough start; our father suffered severe brain damage during a construction incident (lost his life 3 times, but they were able to revive him and he ultimately survived) and after that he completely change; he became abusive towards our mother and got really into drugs, so for our safety our mother had to leave. As a result my brother and I bounced between her and our grandparents for a few years, making it difficult to really ever feel secure, and being young and unable to really gain any sort of control I think we ended up taking our anger out on each other many times. When it came down to it we were bonded and we would protect each other through thick and thin, but when we fought it was pretty ugly. Once our youngest brother was born we were slightly settled; we were back with mom for good and I was almost 10 and beginning to build that mothering instinct, so our youngest brother basically became my baby. Our mom was still working 2-3 jobs to make ends meet and to keep us all together, so I became mother hen and she was basically the working dad. Up until roughly age 7 our youngest brother co-slept with me, came to me for booboo's, I did bathtime and dinner time and helped with homework and kisses tears away, he even called me mom until about age 4 and really understood what "mom" was. My middle brother and I still harbored a lot of residual anger, and just didn't really know how to use it, I guess, so our rocky relationship continued until I was about 16 and moved out of the house. Once we had some space from one another we quickly began to get closer and closer, and now almost 10 years later the three of us are certainly bonded very tightly; they even occassionally come spend the night in my home with my family and I just so we can have some time together.

I think siblings are certainly a blessing. Without them I feel like my life would be very lonely. They keep me grounded and they give me a sense of "family" that no one else ever really has. My youngest brother is still my baby, and I still call him "baby", which he puts up with even when I slip in front of his friends lol. My hubby is a single child and he wishes he'd had a sibling; he says his childhood was pretty lonely without someone at home to play with and share christmas morning with, fight with, grow up with. A sibling is a bond, good or bad, that no one could ever simulate.

Having 2 brothers of my own, and hubby having no siblings (and no real family at all besides his mother and one cousin down south), definitely effected our decision on how large we want our family to be. We want 4 children. We want it busy, we want it loud, we want a house full of love and noice and chaos lol. We had our first December of '09, and he's the absolute love of our lives. We're expecting our second this December, then we'll wait a few years and have another couple. I love the large family dynamic :0)

Karla - posted on 09/01/2011

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1- How many siblings do you have? age differences?

I have 3 siblings, all boys. My oldest brother is just 13 months older than me, one is 2 years younger and the other is 4 ½ years younger.
At the age of 9 I acquired 2 step brothers, one close to my age, the other about 4 years older; though we were raised in different households.

2- Do you think that ages makes a difference as to if you related as kids? Or even as adults

I don’t think the age made as much difference as our personalities. I always got along very well with my youngest brother but we have very similar personalities. I get along much better with my second brother now that we are adults – we are much more sympathetic to one another.

3- Do you think siblings are a blessing, or are they overrated?

I suppose it depends on the sibling and family and how one is raised. My mother raised us to be understanding toward one another. Even though we fought in our childhood, we also got along and played lots of creative games together.

As adults my brothers have been wonderful blessings to me. I used to miss the scenario of having a sister, but after giving birth to my 3rd and 4th children my two younger brothers each brought me meals just as a sister would have done. I just think they are wonderful men.

4- Did your own family dynamics play a part into your decision to have x amount of kids?how many kids do you have, or want?

I don’t think my own siblings played much of a role in my decision. I read about children and family dynamics, and I thought I had it all figured out… 3 years between children, and 3 children. As “luck” would have it, we have 4 children, and I would never want to go back to my original plan. It’s funny because there are nearly 5 years between my 2nd and 3rd children (both girls) and they get along wonderfully. I still think a lot of that has to do with similar personalities.

For what it’s worth – “Siblings without Rivalry” is a great book. ;-)

Amy - posted on 09/01/2011

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1 - one sister. we are 19 months apart

2, no

3. siblings are bittersweet. but..mostly blessing

4 in a way. we knew we both came from families with just one sibling. so we wanted 3. not sure why. some days i think we were crazy, but we all love each other. Whatever happens, happens. I'd LOVE to be done with kids. Some days they drive me nuts!!!

[deleted account]

I have a brother that is 3 years older than me. I also have 3 stepsisters (only for the past almost 11 years). I 'think' the oldest one is 3 or 4 years younger than I am and the other two are 9 years younger (not twins, both adopted 3.5 months apart).

My brother and I were close when younger... and fought a bunch too. He lives 3000 miles away now and we only have a superficial Facebook relationship. My stepsisters and I virtually have no relationship.

My 'brother' and 'sisters' that I consider my REAL family.... are no relation to me. THEY are a blessing. The others.... not a blessing OR overrated.

My family dynamics had nothing to do w/ the number of kids I had or wanted.

[deleted account]

1. I have 3 siblings, my brother is 18 years older than me, one sister is 16 years older, and the other sister is 4 1/2 years older.

2. Age was a HUGE factor as children. Partially because... 2 weren't really children when I was little. I barely remember my brother living at home. But I do remember having sleep overs at his apartment and playing videogames with him. He was always bringing over the latest system for us to play. My eldest sister was like a second mom. She would volunteer at my preschool and in my kindergarden class. She would take me to the lake and slurpees galor. My other sister... that relationship was turbulent to put it nicely. Lots of hitting, bitting (mainly done by me), name calling, I actually have scars from her doing rose gardens on my arm. She would constantly call me insane and would tell me that if I wasn't good (to her definition of good) that I'd be sent to a mental hospital for the rest of my life (I was 7 at the time and was deathly afraid of them).

As adults all of us get along really well. We suport eachother. Even with all of the things I went through with my one sister, despite all of that we are really good friends now. We all have children around the same age so we get together once a year with most of the children and have a huge birthday party (my son will be the 14th cousin).

3. I think that siblings help eachother developmentally. I do think that there are ages where (without a child in between) it can lead to issues. But a lot of that has to do with the personalities of the individual as to what that gap is.

4. The main thing that my family dynamics played into was the age gap. It is something that I've had to explain to my husband's family multiple times (they really don't get it). Right now I have my 21 month old daughter and a boy on the way. They will be 25 months apart. If it wasn't for the fact that for some reason I have a hard time staying pregnant (despite hormone treatments), I would want at least 4 but no more than 7. As of right now we decided that emotionally we can't handle trying for another for a while. However if we ever want one more it has to be before I'm 35 (I've got 10 1/2 years). After that, we decided the risks aren't worth it, especially when we'd be fine just adopting.

[deleted account]

1. I have one brother, six years younger than me.

2. I doubt that age played as much a part in our relationship as the fact that we were not raised together did. We were raised two completely opposite ways, so we are two completely different people.

3. I wouldn't know, the first twelve years of my life I was raised as an only child, and then all of a sudden here's this 6yo kid they call my brother thrown into the mix.

4. I only have one, and would be, for the most part, fine with stopping there. I never planned on having my own children anyway, my husband and I were fine with adopting. Two is the max, though. I have a little girl, but if I were to ever have a second child, I'd want a little boy after Julie is potty-trained.

[deleted account]

1. One sister. 3 years younger.

2. As kids we fought. But by the time we were teens, we were best friends. She's still my best friend.

3. blessing

4. At first I wanted a lot of kids. When I was a kid, I always wished there were other people to play with other than my one sister. But now we are DONE at two. A lot of factors went into that decision.

Tah - posted on 08/30/2011

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i have 6 siblings..4 older sisters..one younger brother and younger sister..the older sisters are from 8-12 years older than I am so 38-42 and then my mom had myself, 3 years later my brother and 3 years after that the baby..not to be confused with babygirl(thats me)..lol...though im not the youngest....

i do think it made a difference, i was a nusiance and then a babysitter built in for my older sisters, but they were very close, they fought, made up, hung out together, raised their kids together..etc. had mutual friends...my brother and I were close, it was like every friend i had was about 3 years older than their little brothers, 5 off the top of my head, so i hung with them and they hung with my brother and often together. Sometimes i think it still plays a part in how they see me as an adult..im grown, married, have a career, children, home, vehicles..everything they have, but sometimes i think it's just instinct for them to call each other up for lunch and forget about me because they have been doing it like that for so long, and when i bring it up..like hey i occasionally get hungry....not often..but every once in awhile its like it didn't even cross their minds to ask..i think its the age difference...

i think they are a blessing....i think its neat to have a big family, big support system, to have aunties and uncles and cousins...my mom had 11 brothers and sisters and then had 7 kids, one of her sisters alone had 10 kids..so we have a huge family..

i don't know, i was wondering about the dynamics..i fugured after having a boy and a girl there wasn't anythng else i could have..so i would be done...but relationships didn't last, i didn't do it the right way..marriage, then babies so wheni got married i had a third child, and husband wants a nother...id i do give in 4 will be it but i never wanted &...ever...lol...i have my son's friends calling me mom, so i may be one of the few 30 year olds wirh 5 teenage sons..lol

Barb - posted on 08/30/2011

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I have three older brothers and an older sister. My sister is my half sister, same dad, different mom. She is 14 years older than me and was raised by her mom. I did not know she existed until i was 13 and she called me to be in her wedding. My oldest brother is adopted by my mom and didn't know our father.. he is 8 years older than me. My next oldest brother is 7 years older than me. He is also a half brother, has same mom, different dad. My brother closest to me in age is 18 months older than me. We are full siblings.

I don't know that ages make a difference. My older brother, Craig, and i were closer emotionally, than my brother and i that were closer in age. My brother closest to me in age, Bryan, didn't bond until a few years ago, fought constantly and never had each other's backs.
There was a vicious circle of violence. My brother Bryan would beat up on me., then Craig would beat up on Bryan for beating up on me who would then beat up on me for telling Craig who had beat up on him and then would get another beating from Craig for beating on me.. and so on and so on..

I think siblings can be a blessing, others can be overrated.

My own family dynamics have not played a part in my decision for my own amount of kids, however, in dealing with my stepmom, it gave me a new perspective in how to interact with my own stepchildren as well as be wary of my husbands interactions with my child, his stepson.

[deleted account]

1. I'm the youngest of 3 girls all 2 yrs apart in age. no clue how my mom did it but she said the best years for her were when we were all at home before we started school.

2. hard question as not close to the eldest now at all but she'd always be there if/when I need/ed her. jsut really strained but apparently when we were younger she babied me. just very different people as adults. the other sister better relationship but lives in ny (I'm in toronto). our kids are closer in age so would be nice to have them here (max my nephew is almost 6, mine are almost 22 months, my eldest sister has one in university and a 16 yr old).

3. blessing or overrated? ha! given the day different answer!

3. I never knew how many kids I'd want I jsut always knew I expected I'd be a mother. always. didn't meet my husband til 8 yrs ago (42 in september which is nice as for some odd reason I thought I'd be 43 but friend today jsut did my math and yay gained another year...turning 42 - duh me). so met husband late and ran into fertility issues. babies were conceived via donor egg (I carried). twins b/g. and...definitely done for now! have 4 embryos frozen (TMI hope not) but think we will eventually donate them anonymously to a family that have been through the wringer and is there last chance to have children. a part of me would like to have another but would be very selfish. would like to know what it is like to have a singleton and also have a younger sibling for eli and sofia but man...they already keep me too busy and I'm fortunate enough as is to have them. couldn't handle another and go through the newborn thing. plus husband (emanuele) works out of town and financially there is no way we could have another and emotionally I couldn't cope. so eli and sofia and their relatively crazy mom it is :)

Merry - posted on 08/30/2011

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1- I have a sister Bethany who is 2 years older, a brother Kevin who is 2 years younger and an adopted brother Matthew who is 10 years younger. Then when I was 16 my dad remarried and I got a bunch of step siblings, two were already adults and on their own, one step sister Tiffany is 2 years younger and another step sister Jenny is 10 years younger.



2- yes, as kids me and my 2 siblings were always close, we usually ganged up two on one but it changed so often no one was ever ostracized long :) I think being close in age was nice, we played the same stuff alot and generally got along quite well. When we added my brother Matthew into the mix it was great for me, I was 10 and I was very motherly to him and adored everything about him, my sister was 12 and not so interested in babies so she never bonded as much with him like I did. And my brother Kevin was 8 and mostly thought Matthew was annoying :/ he loved him on some level but rarely paid him any attention.

As adults my sister and I are very very close, and she has developed a good relationship with Matthew and Kevin too. Kevin and I bonded in high school but now don't really talk much cuz we have no common interests.



3- I definitely think siblings are a blessing, I don't know what I'd be like without my sister and having my baby brother Matthew shaped me so much into the mom I am now.



4- yes, I always wanted a bigger family and I've always loved having siblings especially since we homeschooled my siblings were my best friends and I knew I wanted at least 4 kids so my children can experience the same stuff. We have 2 now and my husband would be happily done but I'm sure he will be ready for another eventually :)

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