spanking study

Christina - posted on 02/08/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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http://health.yahoo.net/news/s/nm/spanki...





my only comment is I personally noticed a link between lack of punishment to lack of respect for authority... I am not saying everyone every were needs to beat there kids but after working with kids I am much more for stricter parenting. Only a parent knows their kid well enough to know the best punishment for them, but I think the outlawing spanking your disrespectful, rude, mean, brat is wrong. Then studies sayin staying specifically American children are arrogant and have high entitlement issues because of to much positive feed back and the whole everyones a winner thing... there seems to be no happy medium studies like this come out then more laws come out and next thing you know your once toddler that didnt respond to time out is standing in F_*$ YOU, MAKE ME, OUR NOT MY BOSS! At a whole 10 yrs old making a seen that embarrasses everyone...

Just wondering what yall think about it I guess do the benifits out way the risks, and what form of punishment or rewards do you use, do you use different things for each kid an if so why?

I spank on occasion when the situation is extreme and nothing else has worked, my son never has really responded well to time outs but my daughter has so she gets less spankings. We do use rewards for potty training in the form of stickers which has worked wonders for my son, but thats the only reward system we have used and that has stuck

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Jenni - posted on 02/27/2012

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I don't spank but I also don't believe that parents who spank a handful of times as a last resort are doing irreversible harm to their children either. When they're using other discipline strategies.



This post has been all over COM, hasn't it? lol

I've added the odd comment to it but it's really hard to debate these studies without the specifics. It'd be easier to debate the individual studies and have at least some understanding of the methods used.



I do feel that parents who use spanking as the "go to" of punishments/discipline are probably not doing their children any favours. Or parents who consistently spank when they are angry.



Kelly, I totally understand the feeling of wanting to hit or swat out of fear. Heck, I don't believe in spanking and I've done it. The only difference is that I don't agree that it was the best choice I could of made or that it taught the lesson that I was trying to teach my child about the offending behaviour. It was out fear, it was an impulsive reaction. The next time they exhibited the behaviour, I had developed a plan by then to handle the behaviour.



I don't agree that all parents know the difference. I've met enough here on COM that used switches, belts and believed in spanking for every infraction, ones that spank their 12 month old. And of course, I've met others like you who are very careful with it and have a good understanding of other disciplinary methods.



I've also met parents who lock their child out of the house as a form of timeout! Or that post about the girl (in DM) who's stepmother and grandmother made her run to death! So yeah, there are people who don't know the difference. And what's considered abuse is very subjective.



There is also the group who spank when they're angry which can be very dangerous. For one, it teaches the child that it's acceptable to react by hitting when angry. But when we're angry we don't have control. Losing control and becoming physical is a dangerous mix and injuries, even deaths do occur.

Mother - posted on 02/27/2012

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The last couple spanking threads I wandered into blew up. This one seems new so I'll post before it too blows up.



I believe in spanking. Although I only had to employ it about 3-4 times in my daughter's lifetime it was successful. We do NOT use spanking as a sole method of correcting. I had to put that out there because many anti-spankers seem to think the pro side just walks around smacking people all the time. I will repeat, we only spanked 3-4 times in her whole life.



My girl venturing into her teens and is an awesome kid. Maybe I was just lucky or maybe I actually did something right along the way but she is a great kid. My other techniques are the same as anti-spankers, getting down to their level, talking to them, taking favourite toys away, sitting on the naughty step, cancelling outings, taking away privileges....etc etc.



Many people say they use spanking as a last resort, I can totally see that. My reasons were slightly different....fear drove most of the 'spankings'...mostly dangerous situations where an immediate full stop was required. A shock tactic more then anything. I DO NOT believe in using implements. I DO NOT believe in repeatedly spanking them. I DO NOT believe in spanking on the bar bum. Nor do I believe they should be spanked anywhere besides a clothed bottom or on their hand. Anything that leaves welts or injuries....is not spanking. Hitting in the head is abuse. [although I have touched my finger to her lips on occasion and said no when she thought spitting juice on EVERYTHING was the new cool trend. IT wasn't a hit...or a slap, it was a tap, much like the force I would use to push my space bar or back space on my computer. Followed by a firm NO!!



After many debates on spanking I've come to realize that my way, may not be the ONLY way. Many argue that parents can't clearly see the line that separates a spanking from abuse. I don't believe that...not for one minute. I think everyone knows the line but chooses for whatever reason to ignore it. Either to keep abusing OR to keep arguing against spanking. It is my belief that if parents didn't KNOW where this line was.....they wouldn't hide away in secret to spank their child. I've been in public, I had employed a swat to the bottom of my child.....and was not afraid of the repercussions because, I did not do anything wrong.



Just my opinion. I don't need anyone to agree or disagree, just stating my thoughts.

Melissa - posted on 02/11/2012

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I think there's a fine line between spanking and abuse, and unfortunately not many people are able to recognize where that line is drawn. And I think if someone is dead set against spanking, assuming that it's abusive, then they probably shouldn't ever spank because they'd likely be someone who would not be able to decypher where that line is. We do spank as a last resort in our household and I have to say that I think assuming a parent who spanks is abusive is absolutely absurd. Our son is extremely social, expressive, friendly, happy, healthy, so on and so forth. He's also very hard headed and stubborn and sometimes needs a stronger hand, so to speak, to guide him. I was spanked growing up, as was my fiance, and we're both well rounded individuals who never felt fear towards our parents, but rather love and respect. We knew that we had the CHOICE to behave or misbehave. We knew what was expected of us, we knew right from wrong, and we knew we had the CHOICE to decide what we WANTED to do. We also understood that if we chose the wrong path that there would be consequences. To be quite honest, I was more afraid of being told I couldn't go out to play with my friends than I was of a quick swat on the backside. I don't agree on spanking for everything, but if our son does something that could get him and/or someone else hurt, depending on how sever, we'll offer a warning first and a spanking the next time. If he's been told the same thing repeatedly, had time outs, had toys taken away, etc, then we'll resort to a quick swat on the backside. Honestly, all I really have to say is "do you want a spanking?" and that's usually enough for him to correct his behavior on his own. And I've heard parents try to say "oh that's a threat", but so is saying "if you misbehave you're going to have to have a time out" or "if you can't listen we're going to have to take some quiet time", really anything can be construed as a threat. All it is, in reality, is making him aware of the consequences should he CHOSE to continue misbehaving.

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