what do you consider a single mother???

Tah - posted on 09/06/2011 ( 13 moms have responded )

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i remember being engaged, having 2 kids a townhouse etc etc..and i definitely didnt consider myself single, but techinically i was. I remember sitting there with the big rock on my finger wondering why there wasn't an engaged option on paperwork..lol..but technically I was still single. i see some people who aren't married say they aren't single and i just wonder

Are they technically single?

should you be considered otherwise if in a longterm relationship?

what should the guidelines be?...for instance if together longer than 3 years etc

do you consider unmarried mothers in long-term relationships single?

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Rosie - posted on 09/08/2011

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i consider a single mother someone who does not have help from her childs father.

Melissa - posted on 09/07/2011

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I get kind of upset about this subject sometimes, and maybe I shouldn't, but I do.

I was raised by what I consider and "actual" single mother. Our father took off. He was not at all involved, he didn't help situationally, financially, emotionally, he wasn't there to offer a shoulder, or to give my mom a 5 minute break to herself, she literally did EVERYTHING on her own. She made the money, she kept the roof over our heads, she kept food in our bellies and warm clothes on her back, and she broke hers doing the best she could.

I know girls who call themselves single mothers, who rant and rave about how no one understands how hard it is for single moms like them, and I really can't help but wanting to shake them! Both of these "single moms" I speak of are no longer in relationships with the fathers of their children, but the fathers of their children take them every weekend, they pay child support, they pick the kids up from day care or the babysitters if the mothers can't, they have "family outtings" together, the mothers are friends with the fathers of their kids so when it's time to go trick-or-treating or go see Santa for pictures at the mall, they all go as a family. Yes, they are single WOMEN, they are NOT single mothers.

I am "technically" a single mother because the biological father of my son hasn't been involved in my life since I was 2 months pregnant, and he's NEVER been involved in his son's life. However, I would never call myself a single mother. A dear friend of 8 years showed interest in me when I was 5 months pregnant with my son, and for whatever reason everything felt right and we got together. He wanted to be there, he wanted to help me raise my son, he wanted to be a father to him and a partner to me. OUR son (which is what he is and always has been considered) is going to be 2 years old this winter, and we're expecting our second child around the same time. Even though my sons biological father has not been there, I have been far from a single mother; my son has 2 parents who love him whole heartedly and have raised him as a team.

To me, a single mother is a woman who is raising her children without assistance. A woman who is mommy AND daddy. My mother got married when I was about 15 years old, my brothers were 6 and 10, and since she and our step father joined their lives together and became a joined family, she has no longer been a "single mother".

Kagisho - posted on 09/09/2011

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couldn't have said it better myself. i have 3 kids and have been living with their father for the past seven years. before then we were working in different places but he was there in their lives from the get go as much as he could be notwithstanding the 1000km that separated us. we are not married but i do not consider myself a single parent. i'm a single woman who is in a committed relationship. i do not go on dates except with my boyfriend on date nite, and i have someone to help me out when the pressures of parenting in today's world weigh me down, and i can say the same for him. so i'm not married but i'm not exactly single either. my children are being raised in a stable and dual parent home and hopefully this will do good for them. my parents were married but my dad walked out when i was 12, leaving my mom to care for me and three other kids who were all younger than me. she never wanted to divorce him, because she didn't want to be labelled a 'single parent', but she did all the work, so as far as i'm concerned she was.

Jenni - posted on 09/08/2011

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I've always considered it as 'relationship status'.

If you have a serious, live-in partner who takes on the role of a parent. Then I wouldn't consider them to be a single parent.



I'm an unmarried mother in a long term relationship and I certainly don't consider myself a single parent!! My SO supports us and our children and parents them. (their his bio kids).



A single parent to me does it all alone. Or the parents are split up and are still both involved with their children. And they are living on their own or not in a serious relationship where their new partner takes on the role of a parent.



As marriage isn't important to me and to some others, I would not consider it a deciding factor.

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B C - posted on 07/15/2014

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There is no such thing as a single mom or dad. It takes two to make a child. Therefore, not single. There are many categories of mom/dad... not married male/female w/child(ren); in-relationship male/female w/child(ren); married male/female w/child(ren); divorced male/female w/child(ren); widowed male/female w/child(ren)...maybe other categories. But not single.

Nataley - posted on 02/12/2013

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Thanxs. It has helped me. I feel as though Iam not a single mother because my daughter's father and I have been together for almost 6 years and just because I don't have a piece of paper stateing my last name is the same as his and my daughter's does change the fact that he is there in both mine and my daughter's life always. I agree with the fact that if your by yourself and raising your child or children then your a single mom or father.

Thanks again for all the help.

Stifler's - posted on 09/12/2011

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I think you're technically single unless you're living with someone and sharing finances. De facto is on paperwork here but that means in a relationship and living together.

[deleted account]

For legal paperwork status... yeah, you're either single, married, widowed, or divorced.

For practical purposes.... you are single if you aren't in a long term, committed (married or not) relationship.

Tah - posted on 09/08/2011

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yeah, not here..lol. some states have it and some don't and some states that had it are stopping it. wheni lived in pennsylvania i could go on my ex-fianee's flight priviliges and fly for free but i could only be on his insurance through the airlines if we were married or same-sex. Same with my jobs, no matter where they were. legally if you aren't married, you are onsidered a single mother, whether for tax purposes, insurance or what have you, but yes depending on where you live

Jenni - posted on 09/08/2011

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Now I can see why the definition varies so much! I think it depends on where you live, for the most part.



Here in Ontario if you're living with someone for more than 12 months you are no longer considered single, you're considered common-law. And yes there's a box to check it off when doing taxes, census etc. We're afforded virtually the same rights as a married couple. We do taxes together, my husband claims me as a dependent. I'm on his health insurance. I'm his beneficiary.

Jenni - posted on 09/08/2011

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Not in my province. We have common-law status. I'm pretty sure most provinces in Canada have common-law status.

Melissa - posted on 09/08/2011

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yeah but that's mainly for statistical and tax purposes. i mean, even if my bf were the biological father of our son, we could be a day away from being married and i would still technically be considered a "single mother" but in reality i'm far from it.

Tah - posted on 09/08/2011

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it may not be considered that by the people who are in the relationships, but by the outside world there is only married, single, divorced, widowed. So if you are doing an application trying to get assistance or do paperework to make a purchase etc, its single.

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