What's wrong with traditional roles

Teresa - posted on 08/17/2011

I think "traditional roles" should be defined. Both my parents worked. Both my parents did housework. My father could cook, my mother didn't know how. Both my husband and I do housework and homework with our son. We both cook and both do yardwork. What is "traditional"?

Lissa - posted on 08/09/2011

I don't think there is anything wrong with traditional roles if that is what makes a couple happy. In our situation we wanted one of us to always be home for the children. I stayed at home when they were little and my husband worked away five days of the week. My husband also felt it was very important for him to play an active part in their lives so after the first few years I went back to work and he stayed at home. At the moment we are actually both going back to college my husband is retraining as due to an accident he would not be able to return to the work he was trained for and I am going to be a learning support teacher. I feel we truly are a partnership we both take equal roles in everything and both feel that we chose to have children so we are both equally responsible for raising them.

Brittany - posted on 08/09/2011

Ok this is going to be interesting.

My husband doesn't make enough to get us by. However, child care alone would mean that I would have to make almost as much as he does (which is impossible around here). I don't work because I did the math. I would have to make at least $16 an hour just to pay for childcare, heath insurance, extra gas, extra car insurance (since we'd be using it more), extra food that was the quick to prepare for lunches. It just didn't make sense.

I so wish we didn't live in the city so that we could raise our food and have a garden. Right now it isn't possible. I swear I am going to have my goats, pig, and chickens.

I love being home, I clean (save the catbox), why, because I'm home all day. My husband works hard and has 2 jobs during the school year, even though the second only pays $35 a month, it is our oh shit fund. Thank God we have it too because we have to use it right now to get ready for the next baby. We don't have a lot to get but even with cosignment it still adds up.

There are somethings around the house, that I have to do. My husband has very bad wrists, so anything that is repetative when it come to using the wrists, I do. At the same time he can cook. He gets crabby at me if he doesn't get a chance to cook at least once a week.

Amy - posted on 08/09/2011

*applause*

Beautiful - posted on 08/08/2011

I completley agree with Amy. My husband makes enough for us to live on one income, the difference with us and some others is, we live within our means. We budget, we dont blow money on ridiculous silly things like new cars every 6 months. And honestly if I were able to Id make some of our clothes, if we could have a garden where we live, we'd have one in a heart beat .We live just fine on one income though. Id like to go back to work but it just isnt going to happen any time soon. I see no point in sending my kids to daycare and then having to pay daycare most of what I would make.... I'd basically be paying to not be with my kids, no thank you. As for traditional roles goes, Im kind of old fashioned and always have been. My husband does not decide anything without my imput on it. And he sure as hell doesnt tell me what to do... honestly he could'nt care less if I cleaned the house, cooked dinner ect.( When i need help he's there, sometimes he cooks. He helps with the kids when I need it). I do it because I like it. There are still women like me out there that see nothing wrong with taking care of their families. I didnt have kids to leave them in daycares or with babysitters and I didnt get married just to sit on my ass and expect a man to take care of me. I did those two things because I enjoy taking care of people. We are a team we help eachother as we can when we can. There is nothing wrong about that kind of marriage.

Barb - posted on 08/08/2011

Oh goodness. over the last 17, almost 18 years Doug and i have switched back and forth in roles so many times its not even funny.



When we first got together i was working at the State Hosp which is under the Indiana Family and Social Services Department. The IFSSA is also the same Dept that deals with welfare. People on welfare made more money than i did by about $200 dollars a month.



Every two weeks i brought home $298.00, i did get one raise and it let me bring home $307. My daycare for Jr was 180.00 for two weeks. My car payment was 140 a month so that's 70 every two weeks, my car insurance was 65 a month so that is 32.50 every two weeks. so that left me 17.50 for gas to get back and forth in my car to work. no groceries, no rent.



I survived because Jr's dad paid me 90 a week in support, that was my rent and groceries.



So Doug and i figured i was actually paying IFSSA to be able to work for them. So i quit working, sold my car, no more insurance, no more gas, obviously no more daycare. I started a garden, and just lived off of Doug's paycheck. It seemed like we had more money than ever before. I found black raspberry bushes out in the woods behind the house and could make him pies, i learned to cook from scratch which made things a WHOLE lot cheaper... It's cheaper to buy a whole chicken than a box of chicken nuggets. and the best gift of all?! I got to be a stay at home mom with Jr.



So i think when people say that a family can't survive on one income. I don't think they are looking at how much it actually COSTS them to work.



After Jr started school, I took one class, just to get my confidence up. I took a class on PLC controllers (computers that control machine processes) I got the second highest grade in the class!! and the guy who got the highest grade worked on them for a living. He was just getting his certification.



After that, Chrysler hired me as a part time worker, which was great, i worked second shift, went in friday night, worked sat night, sun night and sometimes mon night. But sat and sun were still time and half and double time respectively and i was making 44 hrs worth of wages. So during the week, i still got to be stay at home mom and bring home a great paycheck.. i about fell over in shock on my first one.. it was $732.00.. I made that in FOUR days when i didn't even make that in a MONTH of working for the state.



Doug lost his job and got to be stay at home Dad for a little bit.. He was great, he had supper ready when i got home, i never washed a dish or clothes.. yeah he could have done some dusting, but really, c'mon, he was awesome.



He found work through the IBEW and then i got laid off from chrysler. We talked about it.. Jr was now in 4th or 5th grade and he pointed out no where else is going to pay me what chrysler was paying me without any type of education under my belt, but if i had a trade, like an electrician, then i could demand the pay i was worth. So i half heartedly applied thinking "ugh, it's a man's job, they won't want a girl" But they did!! and i got was hired! woo hoo!!



But i still got to be a girl. Like when Dave the Dick told me to take out the trash.. i said "that's a man's job, girls don't take out the trash" LOL



About a year into my apprenticeship, the company Doug was working for went under. So Doug again became SAHD. We had our own company with fabrication and so he worked on that, doing welding and fabrication for farmers as well as working on the radiant heating systems and he did plowing, seeding, fertilizing, and harvesting for some local farmers..driving their tractors. He calls himself a "dollar whore" He'll do any you need for the dollar. LOL But by now, Jr was a worker too, Jr was now the stay at home son LOL.. he got to do laundry, dishes, even make supper from time to time (yeah, we had corndogs and tatertots a couple nights, with corn for our veg)



Now he's grown and gone and it's just me and Doug. I'm disabled. Somedays i can manage to do dishes and laundry, and even sometimes work in the garden. Other days i can't even get out of bed. So now Doug is the do it all man. He works, he does laundry, he cooks, he does dishes, he helps me in and out of bed.



I guess the short of it is... we are eachother's helpmates. We pick up eachother's slack, because he's my bestfriend and i'm his, and i believe that is what true "traditional" is.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 08/06/2011

Our roles are traditional and it just happened that way

Rosie - posted on 08/06/2011

we just do what works for us. he works at night so he sleeps during the day. that of course means i am the one doing everything. cooking, cleaning, tending to the children, yard work etc. on his days off he tries to help me out a bit. at least one day a week he will do the dishes and picks up. i don't think i will ever catch him cleaning a toilet though...

now we are not so traditional as in archaic, lol. my husband does not tell me what to do, and if i can do things, and i do the same for him. of course out of courtesy and simply to see if something else was planned we still run things over with each other. i would shit a brick if my husband didn't "allow" me to go out with my friend once a week. and i simply cannot imagine denying him time with his friends or to be by himself. we both have respect for each other and the roles that each of us plays in our family.

Jane - posted on 08/06/2011

My husband was a terrific cook and really enjoyed babies. OTOH I am good with outdoor projects. So we opted for a non-traditional arrangement of certain chores. Then my husband had to retire on disability, so he ended up being a SAHD.

There is nothing wrong with traditional roles as long as they play to the strengths and interests of the two people playing those roles. However, if you have to take on certain jobs just because you are female or male, then you need to rethink your relationship.

Amy - posted on 08/06/2011

We only have one parent working. We have three kids. We raise/hunt our meat, grow most of our food, cloth diaper...it's not impossible.

Why would I want to pursue this lifestyle? My children are more important than money. plain. simple. We have enough money to live and a bit extra. I don't want my kids raised by someone else. We budgeted it out and after two kids it wouldn't be financially beneficial for me to still work by the time i paid for gas money, daycare and all that. After my daughter was born - with a hole in her heart that needed monitored - we also decided it wasn't worth her being at a daycare and someone not paying attention to signs like we knew and could.

Who cares what century we are in? A relationship is personal and not dependent on time. Just because I don't have a job, does that mean I don't work? I am still helping around here. I stack firewood, I can and freeze food so we don't starve in the winter. Are you thinking women who stay home just tra la on the couch and make sure kids stay alive? I don't get it. Yes, my husband is the head of household. We make decisions together, but if I'm not sure what to do, I TRUST him to make the right decision.

The LAST thing my husband thinks of me as is his little cleaning agent. Please. I think that's a huge assumption and a slap in the face to men everywhere. Yes we are women. We do a lot of cleaning, but here it's only because I don't know how to do the stuff he is doing or physically can't. Can you roll those giant pieces of wood of the back of the truck or split them with an ax? I'm sure not strong enough. But I can make a kick ass chili for him to eat when he's done and get other things done. I'm helping him get food, he's helping his family stay warm in winter.

i don't get the susan b anthony thing. so, because we have legal rights and can vote we no longer are to cook meals or care for our own families? just pay someone else to do it?

Teresa - posted on 08/05/2011

Yeah, I know it's in the Bible. And that is up for debate. If you both make the decision, then what does the head of the household do? ANd why when in his absence or even if he is there a woman can do the same thing?

Tah - posted on 08/05/2011

Actually I get that from the bible, and as a helpmate I wouldn't follow blindly while he led us to ruin. We also make decisions together, he doesn't come home and say this is what we are doing and I curtsy and say yes sir..it's no different from you and your husband do really...if you are single of course you would be the head of the household, who else would?...if I disappear I passed out, I have an infection in my tooth so the medicine makes me sleepy..lol

Teresa - posted on 08/05/2011

So are you saying traditional in that the husband is head of the household and the wife is the helpmate? What century are we in? You are speaking Susan B Anthony. Who is the head of the househols in single family homes? I have never understood that. My husband and I make decisions for the household together. One does not supercede the other. That is crazy. What if the man is really bad at being head of the household? Does a woman just blindly follow? Not if she has any sense. Once again, I see these misguided "traditions" as an ideal made up decades ago to promote some cleaning agent or something and it caught on.

Tah - posted on 08/05/2011

O you will find lots of women on here that are living that life..they have their reasons..daycare raises your children when you work, their dream was to be a mom, they don't want to miss their childrens first. I guess I didn't notice that so many lived that life..me, I'm a bit of everything. I have a career, but it allows me to work pool, or prn..so I make my own schedule, I'm also in school and my kids have activities as well. My husband is military so I needed something flexible. We could make it on his salary, we kind of do because he pays for 95% of the bills anyway, but I like the kids to be able to go to karate, pay band and scouting dues and trips they go on without breaking the bank. I stayed home for awhile and about lost my mind, but that's just me. I do look at my husband as the head of the household and I his helpmate,and I do the majority of the household, except he loves cleaning..lol, paying bills etc, because I'm there and since he is gone often It falls on me...

Teresa - posted on 08/05/2011

Tah. I always thought that was just on TV. Never knew that people actually lived that way. Honestly I never knew any family that did and I honestly don't see why someone would want to persue that lifestyle. It does not work in society and I know NO ONE that can afford to have one parent not working. After working 40 hours I come home with a 7 year old to be fed, homeworked, bathed, etc. My husband meanwhile is out till dark. I'm usually in bed when he gets home. I guess my question is: What is so enticing about certain rlifestyles portrayed 60 years ago that were not the norm then? They were made up families. My husbands 86 year old grandma even worked all her life and not just around the farm.

Tah - posted on 08/05/2011

If you grow up in home then you may feel that is what worked for you.you do make good point about traditional to who because there are many different variations of the typical traditional role. I was addressing the man works, woman cares for the house type roles....again that may not always be the case..

Teresa - posted on 08/05/2011

Found you. there is nothing wrong with traditional roles but traditional to whom? Every family, every community has different traditional roles. I was raised in the city by city parents. My dad cooked, mom tried but burned everything, mom and dada did housework and shared responsiblities with me and my younger sister. My husband grew up on a farm. EVERYONE worked. Cows must be milked and fed, animals need to be tended and then there's the crops. Now that I'm living on the farm, it is not traditional according to me but it is what needs to be done. It is not traditional according to my husbadn because I work 40 hours a week but we get done what needs to be done. WHy try to be something just to be it? Find out what works for you and your family, it will be different than the norm or tradition.