When to mind your business...

Jaime - posted on 11/06/2011

i mind my own business unless someone is about to get hurt. if someone steals something and i see it, i report it. if some people start getting into a fight and i don't feel like i can stop it, i grab a policeman or something (cuz usually it's in the mall or walmart and we have cops everywhere). but otherwise, it's not my business and i don't care that mr. whatsisface picked up something stupid and the mrs. is pissed about it.

as for myself, if anyone were to watch hubby and i in the store they'd have a decent laugh so as long as they don't invade our space they can watch and judge all they want.

Teresa - posted on 11/03/2011

I beleive that you can't judge a person umless you are that person, and you will never be that person so don't judge.

Donna - posted on 10/17/2011

Depends on where you come from. I believe if im not involved, it aint my business. But the town that i live in now is small and everyone likes to talk about everyone and everything in between, yet i still mind my business.

Tah - posted on 09/13/2011

sociocultural marina...thats what it comes down too...the enviroment.....where you live maybe its okay..where im from..peope shoot at you....my fb friend said she just saw the cops patroling with guns as long as them...m-16 or something she said...(i have to go check) at 30th street station...so it depends where you are thats the bottom line.

Jazz - posted on 09/13/2011

In some areas-YES-expect to get shot. not everyone lives in bubblegum candydrop land. I lived in East New York Brooklyn and seeing a child get spanked is commonplace. I also lived in a neighborhood that COPS wouldnt even come to bc this was at the time that crack hit the scene so it was up to each and every one of us to survive on our own using "street smarts". It would be quite a scene if someone had anything to say. Like previously stated-just call the cops IF you truly believe you are witnessing abuse. The thing is people DONT call the police bc they KNOW they dont have anything to report. They are just pissed off the person did that bc they dont believe in that method. And not for nothing but if you are going to start with an abusive parent and not call the cops, arent you making it worse for the kid? And what did you truly accomplish by not calling the authorities if you witnessed actual abuse?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/13/2011

Soooooo.....see an injustice being done in public, try to help or stop the situation, expect to get shot? Yeah I am not sure THAT should be the expected outcome.

Stifler's - posted on 09/12/2011

No there is right and wrong in some situations. Beating your kids up in public... expect someone to say something or call someone about. Feeding your kids chocolate..? No ones business. They can judge but why say anything?

Jazz - posted on 09/10/2011

i so agree. people these days think that because they dont agree with what we are legally saying and doing they have the right to confront you about it. the philly example is a perfect one. although they were absolutely insane and wrong for what they did, that was an unfortunate result of someone not minding their business. and if a person truly feels that a child is being abused they wouldn't confront the person they would just call the police. people really are out of control with being so judgemental and thinking that just bc they dont handle things the same way the other person is wrong. *spoiler alert* noone really cares. lol

Tah - posted on 08/18/2011

so i have to goodle this, but one of jennifer's links in another thread was talking about riots etc..and in sopt the article said that a woman in philly was on a bus with her child..she disciplined the child and someone threatened to call CPS on her and that she made a phone call, a couple stops later she got off the bus and 4 guys with guns got on and started shooting the bus up..it was absolutely wrong of them to tdo that and wrong of her if she knew that would happen but that is what i am saying, you never know how someone will react to you minding their business or threatening to havetheir children possibly taken away. i am going to goodle it and see if anyone died..and it is sad, but, it proves the point..

Amanda - posted on 08/18/2011

This maybe a first but I totally agree with everything Tah has said. If someone is in danger then yes act but just because you don't agree or like what they are saying or doing doesn't give anyone the right to impose their beliefs on someone else. If you don't like the way they are talking (volume, words, ect) or doing, you can remove yourself, spouse, kids ect. But getting involved can as Tah said can at times become dangerous for you because there are still alot of people who don't like people getting involved in things that don't involve them.

Teresa - posted on 08/17/2011

If it does not affect you personally, or you aren't voting for the person in a leading govermantal position than it is none of your business.

Tah - posted on 07/31/2011

ok..so im laughing so hard i may need to go to the emergency room for oxygen...ill tell you why..you may not laugh...but its funny as all get out to me...so...a friend of mine i grew up with and talk to on fb was out in public..her son began to show his butt...or act up for you that dont know that term..she set him straight..aanother mother..who by the way had a son with her who was telling her to shut up..lmbo..sorry...i laugh at that as well...went up to my friend and said "how do you sleep at night?"..she answered the lady like this.."i sleep butt naked with a sheet over my ass with one leg hanging out, how about you??"....LMBO..and that was her being nice...if she had caught her on a bad day it wouldn't have been so funny as tragic...or one of the other ladies i know...sorry..lmbo...its funny..

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/26/2011

Good luck and thanks!

Tah - posted on 07/26/2011

Then I'm glad this didn't happen last week..my job had me pissed..they better be glad I didn't have school this summer and am helping fix my husbands credit faster so we can get a better loan because the pissed me off I had to act a fool..like refusing to work until they fixed their crap and was still steaming when I got home....this could have gotten ugly..lol..I'm off to the lions den again today...wish me luck..lol....

Hope your feeling better...lol

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/26/2011

"Was your mood different yesterday than any other day? ; ) "

YES! LOL, I was a bit miffed about some stuff.

Tah - posted on 07/26/2011

Also..not bring the debate anywhere, it goes where it goes..I roll with it..?.

Tah - posted on 07/26/2011

I don't and won't expect people to mind my business..ever...I do expect them to have an opinion....and i really am seeing how judgmental and condescending and "I know better than you so you should do what I say and what I do" ish people are. I'm just sure they haven't run into the right one yet. I am not saying people won't want to say something..my point is should they?...and in alot of cases I don't believe they should. I think they should mind their business. I always laugh as I community hop and see where someone told some mom she was too young to be one..so because she bought her young self and kids out the house she deserves to be critized, or when someone comments on other aspects of someone's parenting and they get cussed out or scared the piss out of and they have a "well I never"..or a I can't believe she said that to me look" on their faces....lmbo..sorry it's funny to me..I'm not really sorry...I think it's the least they deserve for sticking their noses in someone elses business..if you guys are those people. More power to you, don't expect me to think you are right or solving some big injustice in the world....I just think it's being mosey and openly judgmental and I think people have enough crap of their own to deal with and should probably do so...



Was your mood different yesterday than any other day? ; )

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/25/2011

I am in a bit of a fiesty mood today....just incase that was not obvious ;)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/25/2011

Well Tah, if we are gonna bring the debate back full circle to spanking, quite honestly this thread and the spanking thread have me all mixed up at this point. If you are gonna spank in public, expect a critical eye, or the fact that people are going to speak up. It is the chance you take for hitting another person in public for all to see.

Tah - posted on 07/25/2011

Well to be honest marina..that's the type of stuff I was referring to, this somehow became about saving lives..lol, I was talking about those random people who walk up to you and tell you how to parent, etc...lol...but since it went there I rolled with it...

Tah - posted on 07/25/2011

I want to be clear, because I think you all think I watch people getting beat in the street, I don't. I have broken up fights and helped diffuse situations on several occasions. I just don't think people swatting their child on the butt is my business, and there are other things I steer clear of, heck in EMT school they even said protect yourself first, so if we rolled up and the scene was sketchy keep rolling. People get assaulted, and killed minding other peoples business, that's a fact. I teach my kids the same things, but I won't put them in danger and I won't raise them to think everything done outside of someone's house is fair game for them to intercede..sorry, won't do it....but that's just my stance, you are welcome to yours...

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/25/2011

I don't think that is imposing your views on someone....I think that is being a good citizen and person. Imposing your views is the example Kaleigh wrote about the arrogant bitch that was being racist to her and her child. That is also being critical.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/25/2011

Tah ".I'm saying be careful because your kids would rather have a live mommy, that's hero enough for them."

I want to teach them to stand up for themselves and others. That it is important to show them to help people in need....not just stand aside, or turn your back so you don't see it and let someone suffer.

Tah - posted on 07/25/2011

We have to agree to disagree, everyone has an opinion, I just don't think they get to Impose that on me...and I haven't see any arguments to change my mind. Have your opinion...over there..lol...

Tah - posted on 07/25/2011

I'm not saying don't help marina..I'm saying be careful because your kids would rather have a live mommy, that's hero enough for them.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/25/2011

I think you did the right thing. It may have ended your friendship, but it may have also shown her how serious the situation was.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/25/2011

Sorry, but that is not a reason for me not to intervene. I know the potential consequences of my own actions. I just feel it is the right thing to do. When you are witnessing an injustice, help. YOU may save someones life in the process. Take Kaleigh's other example into mind.

The other women was obviously a racist. That is a whole different ball game.

Rosie - posted on 07/25/2011

personally i would've been a wimp and not said anything and just left the crazy woman to her bullshit.

you know i totally understand what tah is saying, i just think it's ridiculous to expect someone to mind their own business when they feel a child is being threatened. whether you think spanking is abuse or not is not really important at the moment, cause that person feels it is.

i've called the police on my best friends boyfriend when he was being more than rough with her and grabbed their baby daughter out of her crib and ran off with her in the middle of the night drunk off his ass. she was pissed at me and our friendship ended over it. was i right or wrong? obviously in her opinion i was wrong. i also brought up the vagueness of the law to say that what i saw when i saw those two women spanking their children COULD be classified as abuse and therefore illegal.



i agree though that my choices as a parent- like bottlefeeding, or someone breastfeeding in public, or whatever other thing people like to scoff about. they can kiss my ass if they don't like what i do, and i think they're rude as hell if they say something, but do i think they have no right to feel the way they feel? or that they don't have the right to say anything? no, but like you said they can expect me to say something back.

Tah - posted on 07/25/2011

As I said, if someone is in danger I may intervene, I can't say you did the wrong thing..i was the pool and some teens were heckling another woman who had called the liltary police on them..I knew one of the kids from being in my karate dojo..so I calmly approached them and said hey guys, let's not do that etc etc..and they were cool with it and how I approached them and they did stop. Just be careful next time, I'd hate for you to be the peacemaker who gets in over your head. My bill just buried his cousin who was breaking up a fight and was shot, and that's happened before. That's why I say be careful because everyone isn't going to be so inviting to outside interference.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/25/2011

Well, this is how one of my stories goes. I would be interested in how any of you would have dealt with the situation, or if you would have gotten up and ignored it.



So, I took my kids to the beach in the Ghetto where I live. It is a city beach, so off the bat, that is never a good sign. There were a few groups of families there, including me...I think about 5...some of them had like 8 people with them. So anyway, my kids and I are playing, when I hear and see this women stand up and start yelling at another women, cursing, calling names, stepping foward in her face. The other women was yelling too, but not nearly like this blond women. The other women, stopped and tried to walk away. The blond kept going, she was atleast in her late 40's. She should have known how to conduct herself in public with a bunch of kids running around at a beach for crying out loud.



As soon as I heard the commotion start, (I was about 15ft from them) I gathered my kids and stuff as fast as I could go. The women was continuing to yell. This other women who was completely not involved but had 2 kids with her said "PLEASE, could you stop? I don't want my kids hearing you yell, and using swears. Please stop saying the F word!" So the blond women proceeded to start yelling at her "I WILL SAY WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT!" bla bla bla....so....I stepped up "HEY HEY HEY....(then in a very calm voice) I am leaving this beach right now because of you are out of control. If you continue with your antics of screaming, swearing, and being a bully intimidating everyone, I am going to call the cops on you. Once again, I am LEAVING the beach because of you. People like you are what give this area a bad reputation. I do not want my kids hearing you, there are alot of families here. Have some respect."



I pulled out my phone while I said I would call the police, to make sure she knew I was not joking around or bluffing. She sat down and shut up. She was very tall, and very large. She could have squashed me like a bug. I did not care. I just wanted to get out of there in peace.



When I was walking away, she appologized to the women who originally spoke up and was trying to fight with. She looked at me, and I just turned my cheek. I didn't want to hear her appology quite frankly.



I stopped a particularly violent out burst from getting physical....it was on the verge. I have NEVER threatened to call the police on someone...that is how bad it was.



What would you have done?

Tah - posted on 07/25/2011

Also, the fact that I have just read on many threads the admission by many different women that they are giving out these looks to let you know they don't approve of yourvtactics let's me know the only thing in my head is the voices..the rest is quite real...lol..again..this forum opens my eyes..lol

Tah - posted on 07/25/2011

Yeah..that reason in my head would be that they were nosey and felt entitled to speak to me..my thoughts would also to be sure next time I went to that store to pack my mace..lol...look at the things that were said to kaleigh..no need for that. What if one of the ladies who sees spanking as a human rights issue saw me swat a bum..she would feel there was a reason to speak up even if I and the law didn't..that's why I can't get behind it, alot of times it's just people thinking they know better than you and feeling entitled to tell you what they think or ho to raise your kids, and that's not their business, now if I'm kicking and punching my toddler, than yes by all means, call 911..or yell for me to stop, but that's obvious abuse, someone being attacked yes, but me swatting a bum etc, no, not your business..sorry just not, and I don't think that everything that does happen in public is up for public opinion...

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/25/2011

I indeed know the looks you are referring to, but sometimes they are just in our heads. Yeah, and I would also give a tongue lashing to someone that spoke to me in such a manner....but.....it would honestly be food for thought. There was a reason someone would feel the need to speak up, it would give me self reflection....later...not at the time.

Tah - posted on 07/25/2011

I have seen people minding others people business come to blows at least and I'm not exaggerating..I'm just trying to keep you ladies off moms gone wild..but have at it if you like, but when you meet the wrong one don't come calling me for some defense moves..lol...again coming on here gives me other points of view because everyone I know feels like me..lol

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/25/2011

LOL, well in this statement "they shouldn't look to impose their views or hangups on someone else." this implies that no one can speak up about any situation!

Tah - posted on 07/25/2011

I'm not talking about a accidental or maybe she rolled her eyes, I'm talking those blatant eye rolls and scoffs that dyan mentioned throwing around.....don't play like you don't know what I'm talking about. Also goodness help you if you do decide I need a lesson and proceed to actually say something to me in a smart ass manner...

With the wall thing, that's my point, so many people have so many different ways they define things that they shouldn't look to impose their views or hangups on someone else....thanks you may helped..this is fun...lol

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/25/2011

Most of the time we completely agree! LOL!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/25/2011

LOL, I have never debated AGAINST you before, this is kinda fun!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/25/2011

And really, some people truly see spanking as abuse. So in that case to them, it is the same as seeing someone getting bashed into a wall.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/25/2011

Well, in the same sense, if you feel I don't have a right to speak up, if I roll my eyes at you for the way you are handling a situation, but I don't say anything, what right do you have to give me a tongue lashing?!? What if I just happened to look in your general direction cause I heard a commotion, and you mistook that for something that wasn't?

Tah - posted on 07/25/2011

I'm. Not talking about closing your blinds to the person getting their head bashed in, but everything isn't up to you to fix. Like kaleigh said someone using reasonable punishment, well what if you are someone who doesn't view a swat to the bum as reasonable, is it your job to tell that mom, ESP in front of her child, I don't think so. Tact is always nice, you doling your eyes or scoffing at me is enough for me to tell you to bite..and that's the nice version.kaleigh..if your gonna mind other peoples business, please use some tact, hate to see your mosaic thread telling us you approached the wrong one and actually do have two now...Lol

Kaleigh - posted on 07/25/2011

Don't worry Tah I can handle my own ;) and for as many times situations like that have occured I still only have one! miraculous I know seeing as I lack the tact mary was talking about. If someone is going to get physical with someone right in front of me or ignorant verbally or whatever and its right in my face then thats half of why I say something get that person to lay off who their assaulting, if they direct shit at me I'm perfectly capable of defending myself (though I'd be more affective with the kar-a-te I never learned lol) but yeah they wont phase me.

To call cas here doesn't do anything but open a file and they have to investigate. They aren't legally allowed to take a child until they've found something worth taking them over thats crazy they can take a child there when they haven't even finished their investigation.

The society question, Well on a grand scale I think no people don't care enough but locally oh yes everyone and their mother has made comments, remarks, 'observations', given advice, looks, or made those stupid sniff scoff type of noises at me for EVERYTHING. I'm not the only one either everyone I know has to deal with the public eye like they're a damn celebrity. For me personally I can respect genuine concern, it wasn't me that called the police on my abusive ex it was someone who witnessed me being tossed around like a ragdoll...thank you to that person. When I was attacked walking home from the bank a man witnessed it from his store and did nothing because he didn't want to get involved...fuck you to that person. Aiden was screaming bloody murder once because he didn't want to go to bed so a neighbour dropped by to make sure I wasn't beating on him...thank you to that person (I wasn't but still that was brave of her and we actually became friends after that). Another time Aiden and I were at the park and some woman came right up to us to lecture me about how its my own fault I'm not married I shouldn't have gotten with a (insert less than polite term for native man) and something about how my poor brown kid is going to hell for being a bastard...a BIG fuck you to that person. Theres a time and place for everything, if it doesn't affect you then its not your business but if it does affect you then yes step in. Seeing someone be attacked does affect me, seeing/hearing someone abusing their child affects me, someone having their dog shit on my lawn affects me, someone having a conversation near me doesn't nor does it affect me if someone is punishing their child near me in a reasonable and legal way. Generally most things I can mind my own business over but like I said once they are imposing what their doing on me and whatever it is its in my face and they make it impossible to ignore then they've made it my business and I'll speak up. In general I try to leave my opininons out of it, give facts not feelings. So if someone is arguing with their boyfriend at the park and beng loud and obnoxious I'll let them know they're being disruptive and to please chill out or go somewhere private to be loud, the fact I think that behaviour is jeuvenile tacky and irritating I keept to myself because thats just my opinion and they probably don't give a shit. Good advice though should try to be more tactful next time, in general I'm usually blunt not exactly rude about it but definately blunt.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/25/2011

But Mary is right, it is all about tact, and how you go about addressing it. The same thing happens in this area, people don't pick up their dogs shit. I do not live in a great area (oh lord PLEASE let us get out of here!) and people really have no regard for others when it comes to picking up their own dogs crap. I have said things to people, and I do NOT have as much tact as Mary. Of course I don't currently have a dog either so I tend not to have plastic bags readily available. I have stepped in so many steaming piles, and this is in areas that kids run and play....lovely. So yes, I say something to offenders, and I will continue to do so. Maybe I will be a bit more gentle about it the next time....but I had stepped in the dogs pile pretty much after he did is business....big ass labs, so you know it was not a little pile.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/25/2011

If you are gonna air your dirty laundry in public, people should expect public reaction.

"Have we become a society of entitled persons who think we can impose our views on others????"

Actually, I think society is the exact opposite. People don't generally give a rats ass anymore. People turn a blind eye to so much, it is more often than not people WON'T and DON'T speak up when they see an injustice. I personally do....can't help myself.

Mary - posted on 07/25/2011

I think it greatly depends on the situation at hand. Snide comments about someone's appearance aren't appropriate, and reflect poorly on the speaker. Speaking up when a child is running amok in the grocery store, randomly pulling items off shelves, and his parent is too busy yapping on their cell phone to pay attention to reign in their kid and keep them from wrecking the place - yeah, I'd feel compelled to speak up.

For me, a general rule of thumb is whether or not the behavior in question is negatively impacting either me, another person unable to speak for themselves, or the surrounding environment.

For example - most of you know that I am a an avid dog-walker. It really pisses me off when others do not clean up after their dogs. Sorry, but if I can do it with 2 big dogs and a toddler strapped on my back, there is just no reason that "you" with your one little purse dog, cannot do the same. Now, I concede that there may be the odd time when the bag fell out of your pocket while walking, or Fido surprises you by dropping a 2nd or 3rd load after you've already chucked the bag. I get that, and it's happened to me. However, after a few years of living in this neighborhood, I pretty much know all the dogs, and I know who the chronic offenders are. At this point, if it occurs within my sight, I will say something, since opting not to pick up Fido's offering makes my walk an obstacle course of crap.

I do think it makes a difference in how you approach it though. I don't think that being a smart-ass, no matter how satisfying it may be in the moment, is going to achieve your goal. In my example, my approach is usually to say, "Oh, did you need an bag? Mine are always falling out of my pocket, but I have an extra one today! Picking up poop really is the worst part about a dog, isn't it?". Truth is, what I really want to say is, "Hey, asshole, pick up your dog's shit. If I can do it with this crew, there's no reason that you can't!" However, my intent really isn't to piss them off - just to get them to clean up their crap.

Tah - posted on 07/24/2011

Probably as much as I hear of people whi had cps called on them and their children taken away for months while an investigation was done that turned out the children weren't abused. Like the man in the grocery store with his child who bruised himself in daycare..neighbor saw them, immediately called on him and they took the children first, then asked questions.after he was cleared the investigation stayed on his record so he can't teach, be in healthcare etc even though he did nothing wrong..i say mind your business. I will be surprised if someone thinks they are entitled to mind mine, and I'm sure they will be surprised at the reaction they get...but I guess they shouldn't be because when you intervene in things that aren't your concern, with people you don't know, you can't be surprised at whatever comes next...

Rosie - posted on 07/24/2011

of course it's fair game if you do it in public. do i think we SHOULD go around telling everybody what their business should or shouldn't be? of course not. i just don't think someone should be surprised if it happens.
what things SHOULD we intervene in? domestic abuse, or child abuse. i guess some peoples definition of that is different and that's where we differ. me watching someone hit their child for offenses that are ridiculous to hit for (which are the two times i'm talking about previously) makes me uncomfortable. i'm not going to hide my emotions to please anyone.

have we become a society of entitled persons who think we can impose our views on others? i don't really know how to answer that. part of me thinks we have, part of me thinks we don't do it enough. how many times do we hear of kids getting killed or abused and neighbors who know something was going on don't call about it. they didn't think it was any of their business. IDK...

Tah - posted on 07/24/2011

At kaleigh makes sense..but don't be surprised when that someone turns to you and rips you a new one...or worse...

Maybe it is being naive Seoul, but they'll learn quick enough..just because they see or hear it doesn't make it their business. They have no idea what may really be at
play and they shouldn't have to walk around whispering and wondering whose going to mind their business just because they aren't in the house. Now people have to never come outside to avoid having people mind their business...I don't think so..

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 07/24/2011

Well yep Snitches get stitches!!

Unless someone is physically getting hurt in front of my eyes or a child is getting picked on by kids or a adult or beat on…then I will stay out of it.

Depending where you grew up at or who your family is/was then you can be naive to the fact that you should not always stick your nose in others business or feel the need to shove your view points down others throats
I grew up in white neighborhoods mostly but my father is from South Chicago and he taught us the do’s and Donts, we heard stories and just being around that side of our family taught us a lot.

The funny thing is many who are sooooo opinionated probably have a dysfunctional life in some way shape or form or their kids run ramped or their husbad/wife treat them like crap...ect ect

Kaleigh - posted on 07/24/2011

I was raised oldschool, mind your business if it doesn't involve you it doesn't involve you. At the same time goes the thinking you don't share your private business with others. The problem with this oldschool thinking is that they applied it to everything, so like no talking about your sex life you also shouldnt be telling people if your husband starts beating you. If you see someone wearing tattered clothes you don't point it out draw attention and make them feel bad but if you see someone beating their kid you turn a blind eye to that too.

For me I try to mind my business but if someone is going to impose their personal issues on my eyes or ears then they are making it my business. So if some one is raising their voice at their kid at the park I do my best to tune them out but if their raised voice makes it impossible to tune out then they are downright yelling, probably upsetting my own kid as well as scaring theirs, and at that point I'd tell them to fucking relax tone it down theres no reason to be getting like that with a child. Does that make sense?