Would you allow your 15 year old daughter to have her boyfriend sleep over?

Konni - posted on 08/23/2011 ( 67 moms have responded )

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Heard this on the radio this morning. The mother had intially said no but her daughter responded with "If I'm going to have sex anyway wouldn't you rather it be at home where I'm comfortable and not in the back of a car somewhere"
What are your thoughts? If you knew they were having sex, would you allow her boyfriend to stay the night?

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Tah - posted on 08/24/2011

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FINE..now your curfew is 3:15pm right after school and I'll pick you up since I know you won't be having sex in the back of mine while I drive..hate me now.turn 18..move out....I wish I would say yes because she is threatening to have sex in a car....HA

Jurnee - posted on 08/30/2011

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Hell no! My daughters are 18 and 26 and they knew that was out of the question. Now I did wake up the other morning to my daughters boyfriend coming over at 5 am, after a fight with his stepdad, I let him stay in the spare room. I wasnt too happy about it though. They are both in college and livng at home, I know they have sex, they went away together for a weekend, but I have a 9 yr old and they have to set a proper example for him. If they want to have sleep overs, they can get their own place. I also did NOT allow my son, hes 24 now, to have girls stay over. I know people that say , with a boy it is ok, but you have to remember that girl is somebodies daughter. I tell my sons you treat a girl the way you want a man to treat your sisters.

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It depends on the situation, but if I knew they were having sex, then NO. And I wouldn't have him over for the purpose of having sex. Reasons a boyfriend might stay the night: 1. He was over at our house and the weather got bad. 2. We are including him in a early morning family activity. Can't think of any other reasons at the moment. But sleeping arrangements would be such that they would not be having sex. And yes, I know that teens can be sneaky and get around things like that, but I hoping that my relationship with my daughters will be one of trust. Ask me this question again in 10 years.

Trish - posted on 01/29/2013

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HELL NO!
the fact that my 15 year old step-daughter says she "will try and wait until she is 16" not to have sex is beyond me.. if she was my daughter, I would ground her! it's crazy her mother thinks it;s 'normal!!' - whats wrong with some parents???

Teresa - posted on 09/12/2012

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No. My children are taught what God has said about sex. They are taught to respect God's wishes and mine and my husband's wishes. If I thought they were having sex then NO even more. I they want to have sex in the back of a car, I can't stop that but it will not happen under my roof. If I don't give them guidelines in my own house then where will they get them? I know kids have sex without the parents knowing, I didn't hatch from an egg yesterday, but I am here to guide my kids and I wouldn't be a good guide if I didn't explain and enforce the rules.

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Rachel - posted on 01/30/2014

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She said "if" that doesn't mean shes going to do it. She just said that because she knows that's what your thinking they are going to do. Shes just trying to open your eyes that IF she was gonna do it she could do it anywhere so you can let him sleep over. I think that if she was REALLY gonna have sex with him it wouldn't be in your house when you are there and aware that they are doing it. Where you can even hear them for crying out loud!!!! It probably would be in a car somewhere. She wouldn't even tell you she would in the first place 15 is a rebellious age and kids are trying to do stuff without their parents knowing. Those things include drugs and sex. I've never heard of a teen that would tell their parent that frowns upon early sex that shes going to do it in your house for comfort or a teen whose parent is against drugs saying they wanna do acid in the safety of their room. Its just a reality that you are taking a little remark wayyy to serious. Every teenage girl knows that her parents think couple+sleepover=sex so shes trying to make a little rebellious remark and trying to make you seem dumb cuz you think they are gonna do it.

Claudia - posted on 01/26/2014

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The main points of having a boyfriend is not sexting. It's love. If you find out that your daughter is sexting with her boyfriend. They should not be together during sleep time it hurts the reproduction.
If they had their door open people can see it

Claudia - posted on 01/26/2014

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No, because there are other people in the house. Plus you don't know if they are having sexting

J - posted on 12/15/2013

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No matter how much parents try and control where their child goes or what they do. Trust me, they will find a way to make it happen. When I was 15, my dad wouldn't let me out of the house. Almost ever. I was constantly sneaking around before and after school, and eventually began cutting school. Just to hang out with my boyfriend. Even my friends. My friends would have sex anywhere semi-private they could find. Including myself.
Now that I am older and way more mature. I wish I never had did those things. But my dad locking me up in the house to prevent this didn't help at all. It destroyed our relationship. I found myself in very very bad situations that could have been prevented if I was allowed at my friends or boyfriends houses or if they were allowed over without my dad around.
Teens will have sex in bathrooms, outside, stairwells, school, anywhere. And they find themselves doing it more, because they feel they need to take advantage of every chance they get. If the chance was always available, they wouldn't feel the need to do it so much.

Yes, I regret all my 15 and 16 year old decisions. But at that time...it was what I felt needed to happen, it was my focus. And I did everything I could to get it. My first few sexual relationships. Duh I was immature and it was the most important thing to me at the time.

I wish someone simply gave me the sex talk or shared their personal experiences instead. Since I didn't have that.. I was uneducated and did whatever possible to have a social life in high school and be looked at a certain way.

Perhaps ask teens how they feel. To both talk about it. Not other moms, times have changed. 15 year olds are having sex now. I'm affraid in just a few years it will be common for 12 to 13 year olds to have sex.

Anna - posted on 11/27/2013

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After reading a number of posts here I have come to the conclusion that quite a few people here are actually trolls.

The way they talk about controlling and punishing their children can only mean one of two things:
a) They are trolls pretending to be the worst kind of American possible, religious, stupid and uptight.
b) These people are not trolls, but should not be allowed to raise children. Their behaviour is close to child abuse, it could maybe even be considered child abuse.

People may have different opinions, but the way these people write about their children makes me want to rescue the poor kids.

Amber - posted on 07/21/2013

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Absolutely not. My daughter is 15. I have been communicating openly with her about relationships among teens since she hit puberty (age appropriate topics). Sex is more than just raging hormones. Girls have sex for many more psychological reasons than physical ones. We have to instill in our daughters that our bodies are more than just play things to be used in the back of some random's car. They deserve to be treated with respect. The decision to have sex at such a young age is taken so lightly by young women today.

Although two of the most important reasons to say no, it's not just about teen pregnancy or STD's; it's also about maturity or capability to handle all the emotional turmoil that comes with having sex before truly ready. Most young girls live with the regret wishing they could take it back.

We have to build stronger young ladies from within. Let them know their virtue is worth more than some good looking jock who tells them what they want to hear. Especially with the age of technology and Internet there is no guarantee that what two people do in private won't become public.

We have to stop Disney Princess ideology that some "Prince Charming" is waiting for them. Teach them to be strong on their own so that they don't offer themselves up to the first guy who's nice to them or tells them they're pretty. Let them know that when ready there are good guys out there, but to be alone isn't the worst thing either.

We have to teach our daughters that when a guy breaks up with her because she won't "put out" she should be angry enough to walk away rather than desperate enough to try to keep him.

If young ladies are taught their own self worth as well as respecting their parents, the above-mentioned conversation wouldn't take place.

Myia - posted on 05/20/2013

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Really that is your answer to this?? Wow read the laws. it is not that easy and what an uncaring thing to say. You must not have children or must not care.

Myia - posted on 05/20/2013

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No Way would I permit a 15 year old to have sex in my house. If she had a cell cancel it. If you have a computer shut it down. This is how kids start stuff. At 15 if you start letting her tell (you) what she is going to do you have a big issue. I would get her to a doctor and get her on birth control, because you can't follow her everywhere. She needs to be educated about sexually transmitted disease. She also needs education in what a pregnancy will result in as far as no free time or money. All the things she will miss is she becomes pregnant. MAKE IT CLEAR YOU WILL NOT RAISE A BABY. With the electronic media, if it is like most kids once she have a sexual experience it will be all over the internet and she will go from nice girl to slut in a hurry. Ever thought of sending her to an all girls school? Do anything you can to stop this right now. They have shows on TV about this and it never turns out good and in this electronic age whatever she does will follow her for the rest of her life. Good Luck.

Katie - posted on 05/19/2013

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NO WAY, I would want her to be as uncomfortable as possible. Might not do it as often then, and if the back of the car was good enough for me it's good enough for you.
But seriously a long talk or a trip to Planed Parenthood for a talk about birth control and teen pregnancy and graphic picks of STDs!
Let her know, you are always there to talk to about anything and that she needs to be safe no matter who her partner is or how long they've been together, but it will not be happening in your house.

Regina - posted on 05/19/2013

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No way in gods green earth or in hell would my daughter have a sleep over with her bf at 15 I have to agree let that happen and that opens other doors.

Krista - posted on 05/19/2013

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Unfortunately, if your child is going to make the choice to have sex, you as a parent are not going to be able to stop her. The best you can do is to keep the lines of communication open with her; make sure she knows all the information she needs to make an informed decision (I hope that I can do this when my girls become teenagers). That being said, no parent needs to support or enable behavior in their children that they do not agree with. If/when my children make those decisions I hope they will feel close enough to me to have these discussions, but I will let them know that it will not happen under my roof, or with my permission.

Jenny - posted on 05/19/2013

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I have no answer to this but Hell NO! Whats the next thing "hey mom i should drugs at your house because at least im not out on the streets doing it?! You let the sleep over happen and you just open that door for other things. And she's 15 this shoulsnt really be a question

Holly - posted on 04/08/2013

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sex is one thing, sleeping over, i am not comfortable with. IT is more of a respect for my home thing, having boys sleep in my house i am not comfortable with. Go on a date, that's fine, come home, go to his home, that's fine, sleeping in my home not fine.

Julie - posted on 01/28/2013

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A 15 year old is not emotionally ready for that kind of relationship, you are the parent you decide the rules she doesn't.

Trishina - posted on 01/27/2013

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heck no sorry absolutely NOT and then she would loose sleepovers at friends houses too 15 is way to young to have sex PERIOD. this is why we have so many teen moms! go IMMEDIATELY put your daughter on birth control for the love of society!

Sammantha - posted on 01/27/2013

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Not at that time, but if i knew she was having sex i would make sure she was on birth control and going to a counselor. because if she is having sex and such a young age there has to be something she is not telling me. after that i would be skeptical of her leaving to go 'hang out' but she is growing up and just around the corner from adult hood, and if she wants to act like an adult she can. But at the same time i would make her hold a job, like an adult would. clean the house, Like and adult would have to, and i would take all her paycheck to show her that there is more to being an adult than screwing around. (but id put the money in an account for her.)

Melissa - posted on 01/27/2013

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I had my boyfriend stay over at 15. He wasn't allowed to sleep in my room though. My mom made sure I was in my room, door closed and he was either in my brothers room or in the living room. She wouldn't go to bed until she new we were all asleep. Yes, there were times I went out to the living room to snuggle up with him and talk but nothing ever happened. It couldn't even if we had wanted it to because my mom had ears of a hawk the second my bedroom door was opened.lol

Kristin - posted on 01/26/2013

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Nope, but I wouldn't let my son either. I believe my child, if they responded with that, would also be grounded for a very LONG time. Anybody ever wonder why chaperones went out of vogue?

I'm also pretty sure I would promptly schedule an appointment with my gynecologist to get her long term birth control and a full panel of STI screening. Then it is time to talk to her about what she wants from her future and if this fits with it.

I would get my son to the doc ASAP too. He needs a full screen and to have that profoundly uncomfortable conversation with a medical professional.

Then, boy or girl, it is activity time. Music, soccer, track, knitting, skating... I don't care what, just keep them busy outside of homework so they have less time for sex.

We can impress upon them our values, moral code, and hopes for their future through candid talk, not lecture. We also need to arm them with information about sex; the good, the bad, and the ugly. We need to remind them and encourage them that they have value and it's not just in bed. If their person truly values them, they won't rush them into sex. Ultimately we cannot make the choice for them, but we can make them smarter and safer about it and make it more difficult for it to happen.

Sarah - posted on 01/26/2013

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I would never allow a boyfriend to spend the night and if I received a text message like that, she would be grounded and not going in the back of any car except mine as I dropped her off at school and picked her up from school. First off, part of growing up is learning how to be responsible and make a living to afford your own place where you make your own rules. If this wasn't the case, there would be no incentives for children to grow up and begin understanding that in life, if you want something, you have to go for it and earn it. As long as my house was being occupied by her, she would be under my house rules.

I do think, however, there is an issue with sex and the lack of communication parents and children have regarding it. A sexually-active 15 year-old who has it in her mind to have sex is going to have sex, but needs to learn the responsibilities of sex and parents have to start being pro-active rather than re-active.

The question of "why" a child is having sex is more important than "what do I do when I find out". This has to be determined subjectively as each child is different and has a different set of circumstances. In a divorced home, if a child watches her mother have multiple sexual partners and boyfriends, the child is going to think that is subconsciously okay. If the child is being bullied or lonely and a guy makes it better, she will be more willing to have sex under peer pressure. I think that parents have to start looking at the way they live their lives as they are the ultimate examples and start diagnosing their child's behavior early on and not when it's too late because the damage has already been done and acted upon.

JUST FROM THE LANGUAGE PRESENTED, HERE ARE PRESUMPTIONS INFERRED:

1. THE FATHER IS ABSENT FROM THE HOME
For the teen to ask her mother, this implies that the father is absent or if he's not, there is an even bigger problem. There are very few fathers that would be okay with the fact that his daughter was having sex with a male in his house. In fact, a boy that attempted that would most likely risk loss of life.

2. TEEN HAS SUPERIORITY OVER CONTROL WITH MOTHER
The language used implies that this teen has seniority over her own mother with manipulation as presented: "Wouldn't you rather it be at home where I'm comfortable?" This implies mother has guilt over something and child has preyed under those waters.

3. NO FEAR OF PUNISHMENT
Most teens would fear the punishment of admitting a sexual relationship and not have the audacity to ask if her boyfriend could come over to have sex. The fact that this question was so freely presented implies that the child has no fear of any punishment regarding even asking the question. A debate could ensue on whether a child who tries to cover it up because she knows it's wrong is easier to deal with than one who obviously finds nothing wrong with having sex at 15 other than the "uncomfortable" locations such as the back of a car.

4. HER BOYFRIEND IS AT LEAST 1-2 YEARS OLDER THAN HER AND HOPEFULLY NOT MORE
At 15, a child is not legally allowed to drive in most states. For her to be in the backside of a car implies she is with an older boy or hopefully not dirty man. Statutory rape exists and this should be evaluated because there is no denying that she is in her boyfriend's car when she is having sex, which means he is older than her and who knows, if not older. If the guy is older, he certainly is not doing well financially not to have a place to go to which would infer he is a deadbeat.

5. THE OTHER PARENTS DIDN'T SAY YES OR WEREN'T EVEN ASKED
The fact that the girl is having to ask her mother means that the boyfriend's abode isn't available. That alone implies support from the other party somewhere down the line. I would be calling parents.

6. "IN THE BACK OF THE CAR SOMEWHERE"
I would love to know the where in the some. Obviously this teen has ample time to waste. Children with activities and curfews generally would be able to show there whereabouts but "SOMEWHERE" implies that she has ample time to do the act without fear or indecent exposure or being caught. Public indecency is still a crime in all 50 states.

7. INITIALLY MOM SAID NO
It's hard not to try to be a friend to your kids, but at the end of the day, kids will have a lot of friends, but only one mother and father and that includes being the bad guy sometimes. I hated my mother because she was so strict and relentless, but now I couldn't thank her more. She held off till the day I said thank you and grounded me (which meant she was grounded to). At the end of the day, giving kids what they want is not giving them what they need.

Tah - posted on 01/22/2013

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I don't think your answer could ever be too late as long as we have daughters..lol

Victoria - posted on 01/22/2013

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My comment on this one is soooo two thousand and late :D My answer would be NO! No boyfriend until you're 18 and even then I'll be watching you both closely.

Tah - posted on 01/14/2013

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Then they both dropped the ball. Even if I did try to bring my daughter's boyfriend in, My husband would be walking him right back out before he got to the staircase..

Tah - posted on 01/14/2013

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So she sacrificed having her man, so her daughter's could have their boyfriends....HA

Lori - posted on 01/14/2013

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I know a mother that allows (allowed) her 3 daughters boyfriends sleep over and eventually move in!!! yes at age 15. Now the middle girl, now 19 is engaged to him and getting married this summer. Mom and Dad are divorced. and he is not a happy camper. He loathes her raising his girls. They don't want a relationship with their dad, cept for when they need money. No these boyfriends do not support his daughters. The mother pays for the boys cell phones and buys them expensive gifts at christmas and birthdays. Their oldest is 23 and has recently separated from her long time boyfriend (live in)..she's started to rebel, because she missed out on her teenage years. Dating the wrong guys etc. all I can say is...she has absolutely no morals and is not helping her girls the way she thinks she is.

Victoria Hatcher - posted on 01/12/2013

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i wouldn't allow him to sleep over. But he would be allowed to come visit for awhile.

Rita - posted on 01/08/2013

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Wow! This one just abt. blew me away. How could a daughter speak this way to her mother. I can see someone staying over however it would definetly not be in the same room. If her daughter is admitting to the sexual end of it I would be taking her to the Dr. and have her on Birth Control or something along that way. She is not going to stop what shes' doing just b/c you say STOP!! If its not this b/f its' going to be another. This is the sad part. Mom should be having a little chat with her daughter letting her know what her friends may be saying abt. her as well as the fact of STD's etc. This fifteen year olds' hormones' are running rampant and obviously she thinks its okay. NOT!! As I said she isnt' going to stop at number one. Mom should be telling her daughter that for the most part when she is running around like this, that may sound cruel, however does she know what others' call her behind her back. Its' sad when you think abt. it. Once this one leaves' her, she probably thinks this is a life time thing, hopefully mom can open her eyes'. Unfortunately when this one leaves' there will be another and another, just to use and abuse to their advantage. First the Birth Control, she doesn't need to be getting pregnant and mom being a mom to a grand(son/daughter). This girl is a baby herself.
Then the sit down and listen. Explain to her how those in school are talking behind her back, of course she will say they wouldnt' do that, "yes" they will. Her name will be all over the school as being easy, thats' a shame but the truth. In time she will be coming home to her mom in tears' b/c someone is calling her a S..t. This may be the eye-opener for her or she may just continue trying to be hiding the fact of what she is doing. You can hide but you cant' run. Isn't that the way it goes. As well I would be calling the b/f parent(s) and let them know what is going on. Perhaps they should be having a talk with him as well. If the daughter gets' mad because of a phone call, so be it. Is she missing something at home? Like perhaps "How was your day" "I love you so very much, and want the best for you". Who knows,' has she learned this from her parent(s). I'm not saying this is always the case so ladies pls. dont' jump on this one!! For some reason and I dont' know why something is telling me she is missing something at home. Has something changed. Is mom now out working where before she was always home when her daughter came home. Has she been told that she can come to "mom" anytime abt. anything good/bad ugly/sad. There has to be an open communication here. I know when my children were in their teens I sat down with them (at this time I drove school bus) so I was always home when they got home. I asked them what they thought of "mom" going to work full-time. Well jaws dropped, my daughters' eyes' started filling with tears. Everyone one of the 3 said "no" mom, we want you here when we get home, or if something happens to us at school they can get in touch with you. We were your normal household, middle class. I was fortunate for so many years to be at home with them but I myself was thinking of change. Needless to say they won. They were never afraid to come home from school and tell me if they had a rough day. I was open to their discussions. When they are teens' I honestly think that they need someone close (preferably) mom or dad. Teens' hormones' change, friends change, conversations, you name it. Prior to them getting off the bus I always said "have a good day, love you". To this day now they are in their 20s' and up, if I call them or vice versa, or they come over prior to ending a call or them leaving, they never ever forget to say I love you mom. It gives you a cozy feeling inside. Back to the actual question, if she is admitting to this "no" her b/f would not be staying over but I would still have her put on something knowing full well that she is being intimate.

Tah - posted on 01/08/2013

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We are helping little boys objectify our daughters. Look at the girl that was at a party and says she was raped by two football players at her high school. They have pics of her being carried around like a hog. That is bad enough. The video where the other boys who didn't even try to help her when they saw this type of behavior is just as bad. What they said about her being "As dead as Kaleigh Anthony" and then when asked what if it was their daughter.."Well it wasn't.....and she would have to get over it" shows a lack of empathy. Our children are not identifying with humanity and emotions. They have no respect for themselves let alone others. These are things that we teach to them. Respect yourself, don't just have sex because you can. NO your boyfriend can't come and spend the night just because you are "so in love". NO, i am not going to allow it because if not you will do it in the back of a car. I am just saddened that the mothers that allow this type of behavior don't think the way we are raising our sons and daughters now has anything to do with the state we are in right now. It is sad. Parents want to be friends and don't want their children to be upset with them. Children are running the households now and I find it sad. I had my son when I was 16. I became pregnant by my boyfriend of almost a year the first time we had sex. The condom broke. We were children. I told my son, I am not growing up with you, I am raising you. He just turned 16 himself on Christmas and I turned 32 one month prior to that. The same goes for him, No girlfriends he needs to respect himself and the girls he will come across, even if they don't know how to respect themselves. I will also be talking to him about being empathetic. College is coming, he doesn't really go to parties now, but when he gets home from wrestling practice tonight, we will be discussing the situation from above and I will be telling him(as I always do) not to just stand by while others do harm to another.

Dianne - posted on 01/08/2013

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I wouldn't allow my 23 yr old daughter(she's no where near that old yet) to have a 'sleep over' with her boyfriend in my house! What is wrong with everyone everywhere??? I was 33 & brought my fiance to meet my family and my older sister had me stay with her and my now husband stay with one of my brothers!! This is why we as a nation have gone totally down hill & our children are out home invading & harming others in all sorts of ways, no morals being taught.

Mary - posted on 01/07/2013

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Ladies...

Getting your girls Birth Control when you know they are having sex or think they might even if you don't want them to is giving them permission to have sex and hurting them by opening the door to STD's. There are way worse things then an unplanned pregnancy!

The pill does not prevent STD's.
Do you really think a teenager is going to want to wear a condom if he knows the girl he is with is on birth control? Hell no.
You can't tell me with 100% certainty your daughter has been his first and certainly won't be his last.

Be a real mom and say NO.
Be a strong woman and set an example of self respect and self worth.

Tah - posted on 01/05/2013

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actually Trol, I didn't enjoy it my first time, the condom broke and I have a sixteen year old as a result. I am not going to live my life feeling that I have tell them yes to things that are wrong because they may sneak and do them anyway. I will not be held hostage in that way. And they can die by doing it. I have seen teenagers come in to the clinic with HIV, so yes, eventually they will die because they had sex. I am not going to treat kids like adults. That's the problem with the world now.

Trol - posted on 01/05/2013

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Think about it, your teen having sex with the guy she likes and is close to. Telling her no will jest make it difficult for her and make it so that they will both end up trying to find some way, causing stress for you knowing that there "up to something" when she either says "Im going to my boyfriends house", or something concerning her boyfriend... Im not over protective and im not one that will jest let her do anything, there are still rules in the house, but its also not healthy for you, your daughter, and even the boyfriend considering that they would have to wait another 2-3 years with the suspence that they want "there time", jest like when you want you own "time", you know what its like to have sex, and you know how releving it was to do it for the first time, weather it was at and age of 18±, you still enjoyed it, and more than likely thought it was "fun" in your own way... Jest try trusting them or letting them try it out, you have to let them have there time some time or later, and making them wait another 2-3 years jest because you or one of the other parents disapproved this, is not going to make anything better at any rate... There more that likely to have sex without you knowing, and if one of the parents does find out, there probably going to be mad because your basicaly invading there moment, and might stay angry at you for some time, espicaly if you punish them, wich is not the right thing to do. Its common sence, if you tell them "no" to having any sexual intercourse, then finding out they did it, then getting mad at them for disobaying you, is not gona solve anything, instead, tell them, "Dont do it again, at least without my/our full permission", they will understand... Of coures they might do it again... ITS CAUSE WERE HUMAN... There not giong to die by doing this, comon, put some comon sence in this :)

Trol - posted on 01/05/2013

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Think about it, your teen having sex with the guy she likes and is close to. Telling her no will jest make it difficult for her and make it so that they will both end up trying to find some way, causing stress for you knowing that there "up to something" when she either says "Im going to my boyfriends house", or something concerning her boyfriend... Im not over protective and im not one that will jest let her do anything, there are still rules in the house, but its also not healthy for you, your daughter, and even the boyfriend considering that they would have to wait another 2-3 years with the suspence that they want "there time", jest like when you want you own "time", you know what its like to have sex, and you know how releving it was to do it for the first time, weather it was at and age of 18±, you still enjoyed it, and more than likely thought it was "fun" in your own way... Jest try trusting them or letting them try it out, you have to let them have there time some time or later, and making them wait another 2-3 years jest because you or one of the other parents disapproved this, is not going to make anything better at any rate... There more that likely to have sex without you knowing, and if one of the parents does find out, there probably going to be mad because your basicaly invading there moment, and might stay angry at you for some time, espicaly if you punish them, wich is not the right thing to do. Its common sence, if you tell them "no" to having any sexual intercourse, then finding out they did it, then getting mad at them for disobaying you, is not gona solve anything, instead, tell them, "Dont do it again, at least without my/our full permission", they will understand... Of coures they might do it again... ITS CAUSE WERE HUMAN... There not giong to die by doing this, comon, put some comon sence in this :)

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I think that saying no outright would most definitely be the wrong way to go. Its all about communication. Obviously the daughter is just interested in sex right now by the comment she said. However, that being said, I would first get her to go on birth control. She needs to know how to protect herself. I would then take her to visit some teen moms and ask about their experiences. I would also take her to a clinic where I would have a doctor explain in vivid, graphic detail exactly what happens when you get an STD. I would ask him to explain as many as he can. I would then make her get tested.



She has made a valid point though. If she wants sex, sex she will get. Understanding that mindset is difficult. But, I would ask her, what are her plans should she get pregnant and make sure she understands the reality of what she is doing. I would probably also ask her to see a psychologist. Not because what she said is wrong or bad but because I would like her to better understand why she wants sex at such a young age. There must be some emotional connection - maybe low self esteem or something. If she can understand that, then maybe she would learn to respect her body as well and not want to have sex.



Its important that she protect herself and understand why she wants sex. If she is in a committed relationship then I could better understand it. I would still have a problem with the boyfriend staying the night unless they had been dating for a long time, at least two years, has good grades at school, has plans for his future, has declared to me what he would do should he get my daughter pregnant and I have a good relationship with his parents. Even then, after a statement like that by my daughter, I would be very hesitant to allow him to stay in her bed. On the couch, maybe. In her bed, no way.

Mary - posted on 09/16/2012

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I understand everyone’s concerns. However, when I was 15 my boyfriend would spend the night. My mother did not want me in the back seat of the car. (I had the same boyfriend from 14 – 18) I think it was a very healthy relationship. We learned a lot during those years. His parents were upset at first but came around to the idea.



So, my answer would be yes. I would allow it. Especially if they are already active.

Alexandra - posted on 09/13/2012

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That is some response from a gilr who does not have any respect for her mother. talk about respect for herself!

The answer is NO. In your house, she does what you want, not what everyone else does .

Morganjohnson - posted on 08/22/2012

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I would talk to the boyfriends parents, and if the mom and daughter had a close relationship this wouldn't be a problem

Barb - posted on 09/02/2011

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For some reason i have the image in my head from the movie The Patriot, Heath Ledger being sown into the bundling bag while sleeping over at his girlfriend's house.

Shawna - posted on 09/02/2011

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HELL NO!!!!!!!!! And if for some reason, he had to stay the night, due to bad weather, etc., my daughter would be sleeping with me in my bed, and my husband would be sleeping right next to the boyfriend! im not stupid, i def know teenagers will find a way to have sex if they want too, but i will make it as difficult as possible! i promise you that!!!

Bobbie - posted on 08/31/2011

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No way would I let her do this I won't even let my 11 year old sleep over at one of her good friends house because he is a boy. Good luck with your delima

Jurnee - posted on 08/31/2011

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@Konni, No, I wouldnt let her stay at his house either, nor would his parents. They are pretty strict. They have been dating about a year now, its her first serious boyfriend, and while I know they are having sex and they know how to be safe. At 15, as the question was posed, no way at all I would even be comfortable with her having sex. Its a bit more difficult now, because she is an adult, with a job and school, but cant afford to move out. my older two were away at school and military at her age, so this is a bit new to me. At this point we have kind of settled on she can have her autonomy, but still needs to respect the house rules. if only to set an example for her younger brother. If I put it to her that way, she is much more eager to comply.

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I probably would have smacked her and told her not to be stupid. Or asked her if she would rather just move out, since she apparently thinks she's adult enough to make such big decisions. I'd even help her pack her bags.

Konni - posted on 08/30/2011

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@ Laura - Would you be okay with your daughters staying at his house? The reason I ask is when my boyfriend (now husband) was 17 he was allowed to stay at girls houses but they weren't allowed to stay at his. He used to stay at my house when I was 16 (I figure this may get used against me by my daughters at some point lol) his mum knew & was fine but I wasn't allowed to stay there (I never would of anyway). It always made me think, is it ok for them to have sex aslong as it's not under your roof with you allowing it?

Denikka - posted on 08/30/2011

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My little sister JUST turned 17 (August 10).
Our mother, prior to her birthday, has allowed my sister's boyfriend to move in. Mom gave them the basement as their little pad, and they pay $200 in rent.

I think that is crazy. There would have to be a lot of consideration and extenuating circumstances for me to allow my kids bf/gf to live with us.
Spending the night, I might be more lax on. Depends on the kid. But only in separate rooms where I'd be able to make sure they STAYED separate.
I'd have about the same vigilance as during the day. Door stays open, check in every once in a while etc.

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