10 year old defiance

Michelle - posted on 05/11/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

1

20

0

I am looking for suggestions on how to handle my daughter who is 10 and everything I ask of her she either rolls her eyes and grunts, says, "just one minute" and one minute turns to many and sometimes never, or totally ignores me. I get so frustrated I usually just end up doing it myself. We've tried everything--taken her TV out of her room, grounded her from the computer, nothing seems to be working. She is lazy and totally happy to just lay around doing nothing but reading and watch TV or play on the computer. I am noticing she is gaining alot of weight lately too and I don't want to plant that seed in her little mind at such a young age. HELP!!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Michele - posted on 05/15/2010

9

31

0

Ok Moms we all are in the same boat here our childern have learned how to get away with everything. Now its time to take back the control. My fiance had to go to parenting class with his daughter when she was 13. (shes now 25 and a mommy) but they told him that we as parent only have to cloth them feed them and give them a roof over their heads. So what I just have to do with my own daughter is strip her room and don't forget the door. She wont like you for awhile but we are not here to be their friends. Like Robyn said reward them... they start doing what you ask of them they get something back alittle at a time. So far this is working with my daughter. Good luck MOMS.

Bobbie - posted on 05/21/2010

43

21

5

I will tell you the same thing the psychologist told us. She is a manipulator and she will do this as long as you allow it. She is your boss and you are her employees. Just switch it around. Allow her to do things she likes to do when she understands this. This is tough but if you don't change the dynamics of this relationship now it will be too late by the time she is 12.

Stephanie - posted on 05/18/2010

5

1

0

Hi,
we have also resorted to stripping the room when things got bad with our 13 and 11 yr old daughters. We couldn't keep it up forever and after having baby 3 recently we had to do something. We had a family meeting, made a list and posted it. For a family to succeed everyone needs to pitch in.
When the kids get home they are to do their chores ( unload dishwasher, set the table, clean up their room, then do homework ) BEFORE they are aloud to watch TV, use the computer, chat with firends or go outside to play. Once they are done they have free time. We got the eye rolling and "you are so unfair", blah, blah that comes with their age but now they know they are helping the family and being responsible. With that come privilege! Don't help and you don't get privileges. Simple. Once it's enforced they won't do it very often. It's been working now for 9 months... with the occasional off day of course :)

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

17 Comments

View replies by

Laura - posted on 05/28/2010

15

6

2

I have found that if I tell my kids alright if you don't want to do anything then you wont. I make them sit on the couch no tv, no books, no laying down on the couch, they have to sit and look straight ahead. If they slack, slouch or lean to one side the time starts over. Kind of like a time out.

Also, I have to agree with Danielle Hargrave if you do it for them then they know they don't have to because mom will do it, eventually. Also, I know you probably want to be a friend, as well as a mom but you have to be a mom 1st.
Get her outside and do things with her, get bikes to ride, a skateboard or a rip-stick, get a Badminton set, go to a pool, walk around the block.

Susan - posted on 05/24/2010

3

7

0

What does your daughter love? Does she have activities that require you to drive her to? Is she social with friends? You need to take away the things that matter. My daughter does not get rides to dance, sports, birthday parties, etc unless she does her chores. They have to be done without me asking. Have her think and link behavior. If she acts a certian way then she will either be able to be driven to (fill in the blank) or have permission to go (fill in the blank, movies, b-day parties, sleepovers, etc ) or not. Another idea, take the TV away completely, meaning even the TVs in the common areas of the house. It's just filling their heads with garbage anyway. Hope this helps.

Cheryl - posted on 05/22/2010

6

15

0

I dont have any suggestions. My 14 year old son went through that at that age. Except dont give up. Keep it up. It will let up a little soon. And pray alot.

Bobbie - posted on 05/22/2010

43

21

5

we mostly lived in motel rooms when my daughter was growing up there wasn't much around except a TV, back then we only taught her and never spoke baby talk to her. She had genius IQ and figured out the ins and outs quickly to pull our strings. She is good now and a wonderful daughter. She is a doctor of psychology.

So whatever works is good.

Della - posted on 05/21/2010

63

13

1

My son can be very disrepectful. However I call him on it and let him know how much it hurts me. I also take games, previledges ect.away. Mostly I try to teach real world consequences.

As far as activity is concerned we have no tv or games during the week. We bike, scooter, walk, hike,kick box...Take away the lazy distractions (except reading) and fill the gap with cool busy stuff.

Donna - posted on 05/19/2010

20

12

1

i hate to say this but...it really is normal for the age. :) that is the age where they're not yet teenagers but not young kids (they think). i bet you'll hear from alot of other paernts with the same issues even though you think it is just your child. be very firm with what you want her to do and have her do it. do not just do it! at age 10 my son had chores that he did. he didn't want to but he did do it even if i had to physically go get him and bring he to the chore :) he out grew it around 13 but then he turned 15 and it's starting all over again lol just have alot of patience and understanding. good luck and take care :)

Lea - posted on 05/19/2010

4

4

0

you know i thought having attidudes dident start untill closer to teenage years im having the same issues with my ten year old and i dont know what to do it seems that in the last six months shes turned into a different girl shes not my little girl anymore and im starting to worry about what the teenage years have in store anyway i hope someone has a good idea

Robyn - posted on 05/13/2010

5

1

1

It was amazing to see the change in my daughter and the help she could be after promising her a "reward" for her birthday. (a cell phone). She was so excited, she showed me she could fold clothes, and help with anything I needed help with. Then I saw how much she could really do!!! Of course, after the birthday, all went back to normal (rolling eyes etc...), but....... I could take the cell phone away. Since this is a girls life line, usually me threatening to "take the phone away" typically leads to better behavior. You may tell her she needs to "run the block with you" 3 - 4 times per week also. It will make you both feel and look great! Sometimes, rewards help!!

Michelle (shelly) - posted on 05/13/2010

1

22

0

Reading is good
You could always get rid of cable and or internet.
Keep all the fatty foods at the grocery store. If there not there she cant eat them. Dont buy prepackaged foods like tv dinners or anything that is easly able to eat.
When she askes you next time for something tell her just a minute.
At this age they are going through the puberty stage it mayget worse.
I talk with my boys and tell them everything you do in life is a choice and it will always be in your life weather its bad or good. Life is hard at this age but with a little guidance from you and perhaps others you wont get to many gray hairs.
May be there is something inside that is bothering her I would let her know you are there for her always if she needs someone to listen to her.

Anita - posted on 05/12/2010

10

1

0

My daughter is nearly 12yrs and she too went through this period - it's getting a bit easier now - talking with her friends parents it seems it's quite normal behaviour! i too took her favourite things away - at one time everything went for a whole month which helped her social skills - she had to talk! She still is quite moody - her hormones are kicking in - we are in for a bumpy ride! good luck!

Danielle - posted on 05/12/2010

128

17

14

Please don't take this the wrong way, because I go through the same thing. The answer is in the question. You said, " I usually do it myself". She has learned what she can do and what you will put up with. You may not like it, but continue to allow it to happen. I'm not judging you, I do the same thing too sometimes. It's easier to see when it's someone else. Try not giving her the option. She does what she's asked or she doesn't do anything else until it's done. You might have to stay on her for a while, but in time she'll know your not giving in. The main key is being consistent. So easily said, but so hard to do. Still trying myself. Good luck.

Wendy - posted on 05/12/2010

28

29

1

I'll be curious to see what other Moms are posting about this because I have the same kind of problem with my daughter who just turned 11. Not to mention trying to get her to help around the house, but fighting with her about Homework and Lying is being a weekly almost nightly event! Ugh.

Krys - posted on 05/11/2010

129

15

22

Humm i figured this was just a boy thing..my son is ten and i had to take action...i sit down and made out a point system and if he didnt aquire enough pts in the day he then lost privileges that were b4 just something he did...although i had never enforced it so strong until a few weeks ago. but, i figure hes ten and in ten yrs he will be 20 and i want him to show responsibility. I also have a list of "xtra" things he can do to allow him a extra hour on something that he likes to do. It has worked trully...we are on our 2nd week and it seems to be working....the chores really boil down to half the things he should already be doing. As a mom i have always picked up and did all the things around the house bc i felt it was my "job" but, i think my plan is wrking and he has improved in his attitude:)

Amber Lyn - posted on 05/11/2010

29

40

4

have u tried enrolling her in karate, its great for teaching discipline, respect, and helping others along w it being great exercise.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms