10 yr old daughter accused my husband of slapping her

Alida - posted on 04/12/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I have a fantastic new husband, 2 amazing girls and a pretty decent relationship with my ex-husband. I find out yesterday that my 10 yr old said my husband slapped her and left a mark...a month ago. She posted this on FACEBOOK with his name for all to see. Her father told her that she needs to speak to me about it as it "happened" at our house and not his. My 10 yr old never approached me, as she fears talking to me (according to my ex) so it was left alone. It came up yesterday. My husband is mortified that she would make the accusation and my ex doesn't believe he would do it either. I spoke calmly to her on the phone yesterday, as she is visiting her dad, and asked her to explain what happened. Claiming I wasn't home, which according to the date I was, she told me what happened.

Now three things about this puzzle me

1) Should I be taking her Facebook away permanently as a consequence as my husband could be hauled away by the police, or temporary?

2) How do I deal with such exaggeration she puts on things?

3) How do I change things so that we have healthy communication so she doesn't "fear" speaking to me? I've never hit her BTW

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9 Comments

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Gina - posted on 05/13/2012

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Your are in a very hard place.. Just keep your eyes open.

We women can love somebody new, but we can't really know how new husbands will react if our child or children act when we are not around. Don't close doors to her, and explain to her that you are not only her mother but her friend too. Keep yourself comely.



Last thing, you and your new husband NEED TO MEET WITH YOUR EX-HUSBAND and assure him that her daugther is safe and if anything he will be inform right away. Ask school to keep eye on her, don't feel alone. You need to cover all the bases.



good luck!!!

Julie - posted on 04/29/2012

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One of the reasons Facebook has a guideline of a child must be at least 13 years old to be on the site. I have a 10 year old daughter. It's hard when her friends are on Facebook and she can't be on it. But...the rules are there for a reason to protect children from putting information online before they understand the consequences.

Karen - posted on 04/19/2012

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my stepdaughter used to do this before we caught her. It was a huge cry for help. Not that any of done anything but she was out of control with her emtions plus she felt so alone. We got her some help and now she is fine.
We did take away alot of her freedoms.. NO facebook or my space or anything till she was 18, and now that she is she is thankful we did that.

Ellie Richardson - posted on 04/16/2012

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she definetly shouldn't be on face book whether it happened or not. Thats not what facebook should be used for.

Ellie Richardson - posted on 04/16/2012

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I hate to play devils aovocate but what exactly does she stand to gain from making this up?Ask your self a few questions. Does she lie frequently to get attention?Can u honestly say with every fiber of your being that he would never hit her?

Rhiannon - posted on 04/14/2012

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My daughter who is 10 did something very similar to this not so long ago she told the school that her stepdad had hit her, (this was not true i was there at the time) i then had the school phoning me wanting to know what was going on.

I spoke to her about it and explained that the consequences of her saying this could be very severe. I explained to her that the police and social services could end up involved and that she could end up being removed from our house and not being able to see her stepdad again (he has brought her up from a very young age and she loves him very much)

It turns out that she didn@t quite understand what her saying this could do to, and she was very upset. In th end we grounded her for a week which seemed to work.

Hope this is of some help x

Alida - posted on 04/13/2012

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Thank you, Natassia.

I pick my daughter up from her dad's tomorrow. I'm a little nervous about the conversation as I fear conflict....I have to remain calm. Thank you again for your encouraging words.

Natassia - posted on 04/12/2012

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Im a parent of an 11yr. old daughter and she can be very dramatic sometimes. But no accusations like this. Does she have resentment of any kind towards your new husband? Yes, I would take facebook away as punishment. Your husband and you and your ex could get in HUGE trouble if the wrong person looked at the post. I would sit down with her alone or take her to lunch and let her know that she can talk to you about anything. Tell her in age appropiate conversation that if this really didnt happen that you could all get in serious trouble over such a thing. I know my daughter has lied about many things and accused many people of different things when it really didnt happen. Later on down the road she has told me that it wasnt true and she dont know why she said it. We have talks quite often about this. Good luck to you and your family.

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