11 year old boy - who doesnt feel that he fits in with other boys

Mandy - posted on 02/16/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )




My son is 11, he is not a football player, and is not very sporty he told me that he doesnt 'fit' in with the other boys because he is not the same. He hangs around with his 2 best friends from junior school, one of whom is very outgoing and in the centre of everything. I have told him that he is the same, he might not play sports but he plays on the computer, he plays on his DS and now the Wii. His self esteem and confidence is very low, what can I do to help him ? any suggestions please ? thank you


Lisa - posted on 02/16/2009




My oldest is 12 and hates sports. He has participated in Bowling the last two years and is going to do 4H this year. He loves to draw, watch tv and also play on the WII and DS. He never gets invited to birthday parties or even to go to other kids homes which is hard when his younger brother who is 10 gets invited often. We have gotten a new preacher in the last couple of months and Kyle does seem to get along well with their son and finally has been invited over. Kyle is a good kid but just hasn't seemed to click with other kids very well. I worry at times but I know that he each child is made different and God will take care of him. It's just heartbreaking at times as a parent he says he has friends but it doesn't seem to me like he has any "real" friends.

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Pamela - posted on 02/17/2009




My 13 year old son has always hated sports. His best friends are girls, he is a b/g twin and has always hung out with his twin sister and all their friends. They are in grade 8 now  and he still has only girls for friends. I have learned to accept that he will not be a matcho boy like our other son. Whatever.... I really don't care. He is into Photography and art, he is a wonderful kid and loves hanging out with girls more than boys. I really am not worried, he is happy and his best-friend is a girl. They have a great time together. As long as they are happy and you get him out for some form of physical excercise (take the dog for a walk or something) and I am sure he must get some at school.


Also, the years around 10 - 11 are so hard on them, My son's worst time so far has been when he was in grade 6. We were really concerned about him being depressed, but he seemed to pull out of it and since he has hit puberty and grown, he's almost 6ft now he has more confidence. I don't have any real answers, just love him, don't push him to make friends with other boys until he's ready. He will be ready eventually.

Good luck

Gwen - posted on 02/16/2009




my DS is almost 11, and has the same problems- you are not alone!  Is he willing to do something to keep him active?  maybe karate, boxing, or a bowling league?  that's my only concern with my DS- that if left to his own devices he'll play video games 12 hours a day.  I do have him playing sports (soccer, basketball); he isn't one of the 'good' kids but still doeswants to play,  so I keep him in the rec leagues where the emphasis is on fun and exercise. 

Unfortunatly, sitting around playing video games by himself isn't getting him the socialization he needs to feel better about himself.  Sports aren't the only place kids can get some peer socialization-  there's also Boy scouts, or school stuff like the play or the student newspaper.  Our library has tons of stuff like the chess clubs and even an Anime club.  if they don't have them, help him start one up! 

To boost his self esteem, find out what he is interested in, and then find or make a peer group of kids with the same interest.  Encourage him to have the guys come to your house- lol, it can be a drag being the neighborhood hang out, but if the kids feel comfortable at your house, with your kid, then he is well on his way to feeling like he fits in somewhere!

Jayne - posted on 02/16/2009




My son is nearly 11, he isnt into sports,bike riding etc like his other "peers" he is into Star Wars and sci-fi he gets picked on for this and it breaks my heart. The teachers to be honest are not very good at understanding things. He sees an Educational Psychologist for different things and she has assured my Husband and i that him being into Sci-Fi takes alot of imagination, more than football, Im proud of the fact that he is strong enough NOT to conform to their constant picking and sticks by what he believes in and loves. He has 20 weeks left at Juniors and im dreading the thought of him going into High School, but hey another hurdle that im sure we can get through. My son had low self esteem and confidence and we continually praised him and took a real interest in him and his loves and interests, your sons confidence will soon grow sweetie knowing that he has the love of his family and the ongoing support. Chin up hun xxxxxx

Karen - posted on 02/16/2009




My son is also 11.  He hates sports.  He is the only boy in his class who does not participate in any athletics at all.  The rest of the class all participate in our towns hockey, soccer and baseball.    This year he was the victim of some bulleying at school because of it.  It has been nipped in the bud and dealt with.  However weekends are harder for him as he is an ony child, and he can never phone a friend to come over as they are all at a game of some sort.   My son is very much into video games and we let him play a fair amount on weekends and then we make sure  he has quality time with us.  I do beleive though, that one thing we did is we made it mandatory for him to participate in one activity in the summer and one  during the school year.   He has chosen to join a boys group, alot like scouts, but at a local church.  Hes met some great kids there, and hes not judged on his athletic ability. 

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