11 year old daughter wants a boyfriend

Erin - posted on 08/18/2011 ( 329 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 11 yrs old and in the 7th grade. She just started a new school and now she's into boys. There are a few boys who are interested in her and she wants to have a boyfriend. I told her she's too young to have a boyfriend and that they should just be friends.I know she doesn't agree with me and she'll probably do it anyway and not tell me. I think she's trying to grow up too fast as we all do at that age. I knew it was just a matter of time before this started happening, but I'm not ready.

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Wendy - posted on 08/29/2011

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At this age it realy is not a big deal it just means they want to hang out at school and on breaks. I see it as a natural progression they see relationships all around them naturaly they want to check it out....as long as its supervised why forbid it.....at school or home with you or home with his parents why not.....Dont forget forbiden frute is always sweeter......lol.....I would rather know about it so i can moniter it.

Rebecca - posted on 08/10/2013

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I have certainly not read all of these comments, but I have read enough of them to where I feel I have something helpful for you to think about. I am just going to just shoot straight with you, but this time not from a mom of 4 kids, but as a 7th grade teacher of 120 kids. I am one of those teachers who am fortunate to have many of my students come back to me year after year and want to keep up. I love that they are very academically successful in my class, but more than that they begin to learn that learning can be so much fun and rewarding. I only say that to let you know that I am coming from the perspective of teaching for 12 years and loving this age. My own child was in my class last year by request and permission from the principal and it was a success. Okay...so my opinion on this post.... I see 11 yr. old girls struggle with balance all the time. Having a boyfriend and not having a boyfriend seem to be more of a social status and a bar of where their self esteem is set unfortunately. The girls that are athletic and in some competitive sport do not seem to focus so much on boyfriends and seem to want to achieve all their goals. We do a lot of goal setting in class and my girls that are wanting boyfriends and the whole "popular lifestyle" are not that involved in something that gives them a competitive edge to strive to beat personal goals and set new ones. In fact, their academics start to fall behind, they tend to participate less in class, and become a little disorganized. I have asked the girls one and one and in group settings about this and they say, "I can't keep my mind off of ______." Some of the girls that have been really open with me go on and explain that they will be in class with their boyfriend's friends and they are worried that if they say something dumb that he will know. They feel like they have to stay in "impress" mode or they will fall behind and some other girl will be after him. They analyze EVERY LITTLE detail of the notes they write and the notes they read and of course go over and over every detail of conversations. When I have bf/gf in class.....OH MY GRACIOUS ...that is another story. Where in the world can academics fit into this head stuff? We haven't even surfaced anything inappropriate, this is just what gets in they way of the stuff that should be a priority. It's just something to think about, but I would really get her focused in a whole different direction. Her self-esteem will be more solid at goals she can manage rather than the ups and downs of a relationship with boys who don't think about them 1/2 of the time that they think about the boys. I say that lovingly and truthfully.

Kim - posted on 09/01/2011

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LOL get ready for it...shoot I had boyfriends from the age of 6...didn't mean we went on dates...the meeting at the movies started at age 8 but your just watching the movie then at 11 your holding hands and kissing. My daughter is now 25...I never had a problem with her drinking, doing drugs, smoking or getting pregnant...because I sat her down and talked to her one on one. If you close off communication and make it where she feels she can't confide in you, you will soon regret that action. They grow faster from this point on, it's never too late to share with them the consquenses of their potential actions. Show them what STD's are out there, what can happen if you get each one.... let her know she can have a boyfriend but you will be involved with their meetings outside of school. Talk openly so you don't end up on Maury show finding out who the babies daddy is! Let them know when they turn 16 then they can go on a date to the movies or races (whatever is sutible to you) without you being there holding her had but she will be monitored. Let her know about Date Rapes, let her see or educate her about girls being kidnapped, murdered, raped, sold etc..When she turns 17 close to 18 she will need to be ready to face the world on her own so, this is your time to get her ready for that! You can protect them but if you try to cage them you lose them!



Make sure the tracking chip is activated on her cell phone..people don't forget the last few children that were on amber alerts were saved due to cell phones!

Julianne - posted on 09/02/2011

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Times have changed, and not necessarily in a good way. If you go down this road be prepared to deal with the possibilty of sex. The reality is that you can't control the boys that your daughter would be dating. The other side is that your daughter is 11 yrs old! what is the real interest of her having a boyfriend? See what her intentions are. If you are aware that she will have one behind your back, communicate and teach her the respectful ways that a young man is supposed to treat her, and how to stand up for herself, again because you don't know how these boys or other girls have been exposed to what is out here (experimentation). Personally my daughter was not allowed to DATE until 16. Thankfully she is still abstaining. I had her when I was 18, the sex talk didn't happen until she was menstrating at 13. but I talked to her honestly and she talks to me, and she even told me when she had her first kiss at 13, and how an ex-boyfriend tried to put her hand in his pants and tried to unzip her jeans. I was surprised, angry, and nervous, but thankful she came to me. I am not saying at all that your daughter will start adult experiences; when it could be as innocent as holding hands, eating lunch, or walking home after school together. Just help her to understand that it's not all black and white, but shades of gray.

Ivana - posted on 09/02/2011

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my daughter almost 13 has been dating a boy 6 months now. tried to stop them it didn't work. got lots of advice saying to stop them. easy said not easy done.up all nights crying, angry not being able to stop them. so i said to both of them, i don' agree the two of you dating. i gave them some rules and they continue to date. RULES: he' not allowed anywhere around the house. she has a curfue to be home before dark, or streets lights on. if i see them kissing or holding hands i will say something and then a punishment, take away phone + lap top and grounded. i let her see him only once a week. we'll see how things go. i feel better with these rules and she is obeying so far. i'd rather this then a rebelious daughter . I NOW SLEEP @ NIGHT. P.S. i'm a single mom, and no help from her dad. GOOD LUCK to you. a concerned MOM.

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Alexa - posted on 07/10/2014

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I'm 11 and a girl I'm not really close with mom I want to ask her if I could get a boyfriend I'm not sure how to?

Anna Blakely Rose - posted on 07/03/2014

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I actually got my first boyfriend in 7th grade, and we are still together now (ily Jude ♥) but, I actually went behind my mom's back. I didn't tell her until eighth grade that I was dating him, so you should be thankful your daughter will tell you.

I would let her have a boyfriend, with some conditions. No kissing, just hand-holding and hugging is the main thing. She's not too young. My thirteen year old cousin, Dawne, is also dating right now.

But, you are right that she will go behind your back. You should accept that she is growing up, maybe a little fast, but don't let her grow up too much, still maintain boundaries.

~Anna Blakely Rose

Melina - posted on 05/27/2014

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I rather have my daughter at my house with her "boyfriend" so I can monitor them, what is you reasoning being not allowing him at your place?

Bailey - posted on 04/07/2014

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right i am in 7th grade and nearly every1 including me has a gf/bf and believe me there is no kissing or anything involved it just basically means friends but closer im going out with my BEST friend and ive been out with some1 before and im still really good friends with him so at 11 to 13 a boyfriend is nothing serious so dont worry all u moms out there ok because this is what an ACTUAL 11 year old relationship is i have kissed some1 before but i was 9 and i was silly me and my boyfriend dont really like holding hands or kissing and neither does any other year 7 couple

MsUnderstood - posted on 04/06/2014

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My daughter is 12 and she and her friend met two boys at the movies....Not only that ....my son who is only 14 admitted that he had sex once.....I feel so terrible

CalistasMom - posted on 04/06/2014

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That's too young. But of course it's never too young for one's chemicals to kick in. My younger daughter asked me, when she was 11, very straightforwardly about blowjobs. I was stunned but only for a minute -- kids just grow up faster, these days. I know for a fact that she has been giving them since age 13, since I walked in on her doing it! Awkward moment but at least very open and honest.

Carly - posted on 03/22/2014

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My Daughter has 10 years old and also wants a boyfriend, I try telling her that she is too young, but I can't really not let her have a boyfriend if she wants too, your daughter it's just as young as mine, if she get a boyfriend, it will be harmless, just two kids walking together calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend but that actually doesn't do anything
But you can't really have that thing that mostly parents do like "you can't have a boyfriend until your 17" which is obvious, they won't listen and sometimes, depending on their age, even get mad, which will make things worse and then they won't actually care about it. Don't try controlling your daughter's relationships
She's only 11, and as long she received a good education, she will know what's right and what's wrong

Michelle - posted on 03/11/2014

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My two sons one in 6th grade one in 8th grade both have girlfriends and I have no problem with it. I think it is good because they will date for a lot as they grow up.

Angelique - posted on 03/11/2014

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I totally agree with you just... well, there are so many risks like physical abuse between a couple, and peer pressure. My mom thinks you don't need a boy to tell you your beautiful or pretty, cause you already are. If I had the chance to have a boyfriend... well I guess I would see how things play out. This is coming from a ten year old girl, just to let you know :-o

Angelique - posted on 03/11/2014

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Hi. My name is Angelique. I am not even close to being boy crazy but there's this boy who asked me to my 5th grade prom. I said yes only because we were good friends and I wanted to be nice. My mom said she hasn't decided if she wanted me going with some boy (were very religious Christians) but I haven't told her about the boy yet. I personally think it's okay but I guess going as friends is fine, I mean it's not like were getting into anything serious. Maybe you should tell her something around this area, and I hope it helps :-^

Robert - posted on 02/19/2014

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Im 12 & im in 6th grade... I've never had to re-do a grade. How is she 11 and in 7th grade? Let her date bc i have a girlfriend and my moms fine with it

Robert - posted on 02/19/2014

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Im 12 and I have a girlfriend. Just let them hang out. All of the moms on this site are misjudging their children. I know what's right and wrong

Athena - posted on 01/26/2014

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My little sister lives with me I let her date when she turned 13 which was 7th grade I knew she had a boyfriend in 5&6 grade and she made horrible grades she lived with my mom and she also made horrible decisions now she does good, better grades, better decisions and she tells me everything we have a strong bond, let her have some freedom you would rather know what's she doing and have her tell you than have her sneaking when kids start to sneak they do horrible stuff that they really are to young to do and even if you think you can stop it you can't !!!!!!!!
We have to admit that our babies our growing up we can't stop it help them grow up while taking the right path hope I could help!!!✨

John Duffy - posted on 01/06/2014

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When I was 11 years old and starting in 7th grade, I wanted to have a girlfriend too but it wasn't because I was too young, because I was very ugly, I also understand about your daughter that she's into boys but those boys should be friends not boyfriends, I think your daughter is growing up too fast, however when I was 11 years old, I was growing up way too slow and I was never girl crazy, your daughter can't have a boyfriend because she indeed too young!

January - posted on 12/31/2013

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Also I would like to add that several of my friend were having sex at 10, 11, and 12. On Facebook I noticed several handfuls of the girls I when to middle school with ( moved from CA to FL in the beginning of 8th grade in 96) had babies at the end of 8th and 9th grade. And at my middle school in Fl near a military base a couple of student contacted herpes, the girl who first got it was12 and in the 7th grade worst part was she got it on her mouth how embarrassing. After I finished high, while in England it was reported in the base paper that four 9 year-old were participating in a game of true or dare and one was performing fellatio another while the other two watched. Don't be fooled these kids grow up way too fast, this is a different world than the one we grew up in, which as you can read from my posts wasn't so great either. Last year I found out that my son's 3rd grade classmates already have learn were to find free porn on the internet SMH.

January - posted on 12/31/2013

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I've know kids to have boyfriend when I was in 3rd grade and it increased over the years. One thing that has been proved from my generation is , the earlier they start "dating" the sooner they will start experimenting. Most children who date in elementary school lose their virginity by 8th grade, of those who start in middle school over 25% loose their virginity by 9th grade. I'd say she should wait and be content with crushes. Dating young cause stress and drama anyway who needs it. When I was in 4th grade the whole point of having a boyfriend was so you could dump them in public. My daughter is 11 and in 6th grade, and some of her friends were "dating' in 4th & 5th grade, at her previous school, in OK the kids didn't date. A lot of it depends on the culture of the school, you need to find out what goes on there, is dating just emotional drama or is there physicality with it. My daughter has told that the one friend she has with a steady boyfriend (since 5th grade) makes out with him, other parents have told me stories of 8th grades getting caught in the bathroom. I would let her talk to these boys on the phone and leave it at that, give her an age to date maybe 12 or 13, keep in mind she maybe already dating behind your back, many of my 4th grade friends were. But at least you'll have time to access the situation and decide how you will tackle it.

Rochelle - posted on 12/30/2013

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i think that if she is mature enough you should let her have a boyfriend.
its all about trust and how you raised your child if u can trust her let her go for it

Chuck - posted on 12/29/2013

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Then let her have a boyfriend it's not too soon .
I had a girlfriend at the age of 9 so don't tell me it's wrong for a girl to have a boyfriend at the age of 11 . I'm also guessing you want her to keep focus on exams and school related stuff, I agree with that but then again she might get depressed or worse that's where a boy can help her through all of it. And I'm also guessing you don't want her to get hurt, well people will get hurt from relationships no matter what age so it's better to let her have a boyfriend when she wants one. Hope this helped

Mia - posted on 11/07/2013

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My daughter got grounded before summer vacation for having g a boyfriend and kissing him.and goin behind my back about things n lying...I thought she had started the school.year off right so come to find out she had been dating another boy and she had wanted to stay with her dad n grandparents 4 almost 3 weeks and I ended up finding out her idiot father just let her take off with a friend to the movies and their is where they meet up with their boyfriends tryn to act grown...I.almost home schooled her and this all just happened the beginning of October her chore list got bigger on top of sports end of soccer middle of volleyball n starting of basketball....and she's 11 and now I just found out she already was seen hugging on another boy 3 boyfriends in the last 7 months....I'm going crazy I just don't know what to do.with this gurl

Rosella - posted on 09/16/2013

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I think you should allow it and see how it plays out, if you see strange things happening you break them up ASAP hope i can help

April - posted on 08/23/2013

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Its true kids today are growing up to fast. I made it a rule when I was pregnant with my first that there would be no dating till the age of 16. I have stood by that rule. My children are now 16, 15 & 13. My oldest daughter hated it and did the sneaky boyfriend at school thing but now that she can date she said that she is glad I made that rule and that it is a lot diffrent dating now.
My rule is for both my daughters and my son. I just feel that they need to be kids. Iam a preschool teacher and work with ages birth to 5. I have had parents as young as 12 in the preschool program. This is scary to me as a parent. Iam very happy I made the decision I made about dating.

Moza - posted on 08/22/2013

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my daughter is 11 years old and in the 6th grade. i told her she's too young but she says she wants a boyfriend... and she is looking for one but she can't find her true love and i want to help her ....

Unknown - posted on 08/16/2013

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Let ur daughter have a boyfriend see how it goes and if she doesnt like it then she'll break up with him

Carmen - posted on 08/14/2013

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thank you. I have 5. boys and I would not ever want them to lose focus on school and god for bid. kids can get in trouble now a days

Rachel - posted on 08/03/2013

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Katelyn go to your ex and ask to talk maybe when hes not with his friends. Once you get him alone tell him why you didnt talk to him and ask to give it another go and promise to talk to him.
best of luck xx

Rachel - posted on 08/03/2013

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Ok im 11 years old and i have already had 2 boyfriends. My parents didnt object they just joked about it, they dont mind me dating. I hate when parents think we cant handle the ups and downs and everything else we may be young but we do know more than you think. Trust your daughter it might bring you even closer believe me treating her like a five year old will just make her want to disobey you. xx

Melissa - posted on 07/29/2013

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way too young, they aren't able to handle the ups and downs, plus do you want her to become physical with boys at 11? The earlier they begin stuff the earlier they do other stuff.

Katelyn - posted on 06/22/2013

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i know what you mean ema but just tell her" just play with your bf no dating of just watch a movie " ema if there watching a movie sneak in an listen to her conversation.
from your 10 year old friend katelyn

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