11 year old daughter wants a boyfriend

Miriam - posted 1 hour ago

Better to let her and then supervise in the extreme. Though I have to say, if I had it to do again I would not have allowed it and my daughter's new rule is no boyfriends until she can stand up for herself and break-up if she doesn't feel good about the relationship. She couldn't break up when she wanted to and I had to help her. So now there's a rule. No boyfriends. She was 12 and he was 11 when the bf/gf thing started. It was always more about hanging out and playing video games. There was some hugging but even that didn't feel okay to her and she was just so miserable. But you can't TELL a kid that because they won't get it until they've experienced it.

Lisa - posted on 05/07/2013

Ill I can say is that I remember my 6 th grade year and yeah I wassn't doing anything bad but there was other people that were doing more then hanging out. Times are different and I blame it on the tv, music videos, peer pressure even parenting. I am suew that the teenage pregnancy has increased.

Latoya - posted on 02/24/2013

i think that having a boyfriend means different thing to different girls at this age. i would say talk to her and find out what she thinks it mean to have a boyfriend and go from there. my niece is in the 7th grade as well and we just had this talk and her idea of a boyfriend is going to the movie hanging out playing video games and getting to go out for pizza or to the mall. so the rule is she has to go in a group and the parent take turn tagging along but also remember to give her some space cause u want her to feel free to come talk to u about everything so if u over react bout this she will not want to talk to u bout anything else. good luck

Barbara - posted on 02/24/2013

Unless you want a Romeo and Juliet theme running through your daughters head, just let it be. They can't actually go on "dates". They'll be under school supervision when they do see each other and schools don't tolerate any PDA's. It's a safe time for your daughter to explore a bit about this boyfriend thing. Learning early can prevent some serious mistakes in the teen years. Just be happy she is healthy and socially adept. :)

Pamela - posted on 02/22/2013

How old were you when you had your first crush.
I was in 4th grade Kenny Beason was his name. He kissed my once and my brothers beat the crap out of him because he was in 6th grade.
My next boyfriend was Kelly we were in 7th grade. I was not allowed to be alone with him. He could walk me home from school and see me at school but was not allowed in the house for the longest time. My parent went out there way to meet his mother. They became great friends. Which meant we were being watch 24/7.
My mom finally let him come in the house but only the front room. After I got this boy friend she had a rule keep the door open and your feet on the floor.
I think it's okay to have a boy friend at 12. My daughters girl friends and her only keep them for a week or two anyway and if you raised her right you have nothing to worry about.
Pamela

AndyandBelle - posted on 02/19/2013

They're 11 so being BF/GF only means they see each other at school and probably talk/text on the phone. End of story. I call these school relationships. Start laying the ground rules now...no make-up until 13, no dates until 16, no sending/receiving pics, etc. abd reaffirm your rules constantly!!

J M - posted on 01/20/2013

Friends fine, but should not be encouraged further,
When trying to hard to be a Cool parent this may bite you later...

Let Children be Children.... Some noticed this is about the Mothers daughters side, what if a Dad said he did not mind his 12 yr old hang around your 10 or 11 yrs olds.... um But you say its ok? then you have been a part here, as you say um Yeah it"s ok, and others are wrong "then you cannot complain if the boys get to your girl to early.


Educate them , but don't encourage them to get into relationships nip it in the bud before they experiment and regret, they will grow up soon enough.

10-11 ys old! NO, if parents are saying yes it ok, then would worry about their illogical reasoning as they seem more worried threat they wee girls will through a tantrum, like not getting their own way and caving in to their " immature" thoughts.

And to the person that says, they don't think its a parents business, needs parenting classes no matter how much you trust your daughters, facts remain they are Children under parental Love Care and authority.

Personally as parents they would not need to be encouraging emotional relationships with Children, condoning its ok to "act they they are in a relationship, heck no".

Where are the boys parents in all of this? they to should be involved,however personally 10 ,11 etc jeepers NO, far to early and should be discouraged to be treated "anything other than friends", NOT girl and boy friends.

If they don't take your word you know better, then they wont respect you later when they want to give away their virginity to someone they FEEL they are in love with, but only want to use them.

Take the girls on camps etc, hobbies do they have any other than boys:) um

Parental care is most important so cannot see why it would not be a parents business?

Thats the problem nowadays, Children are allowed to run their parents round their parents fingers, and parents bend and cave in.

Heck our son is 10 NO way is he remotely interested in any pressure of having a girl friend he is leveled headed and has a healthy respect for us, thus see her its driven by girls.

Simply they are Children first.

Alice - posted on 01/18/2013

If people are saying no, then they are wrong. She is 11 and wants to do a bit of growing up. One of my daughters is thirteen and has had a boyfriend since she was 10. They have broken up a few times and she's gone out with other boys but they seem very happy together and I don't think a mother should be deciding if they are allowed to be happy. she is 11 and isn't going to do anything stupid, it will only make her more friends and encourage her to do even better in life. Children learn from their mistakes but adults sometimes don't see when they are making one and i'll tell you if you don't let her do what she wants then you will be making a big mistake.
I hope i have been helpful.

Sonya - posted on 01/14/2013

My 12 year has a boyfriend. They have been "dating" (which is see each other at school, his Mom took them to dinner and a movie once..rated "G") for over a year now. They have plans to get married, move to Michigan, get an apartment and he is going to propose while they are watching Family Fued. They have it all planned out. lol. If you forbid the "boyfriend" they will still be secretly "boyfriend and girlfriend". Take this opportunity to teach your daughter to get the respect she deserves, handle boy drama and all the other little girl drama that stems from being in a relationship. Last year, I laughed at the whole thing..thought it was cute. But now that she has "blossomed..and I mean double D taller than me over the summer, I freaked out about the situation. Thought the boyfriend would pass. But I have taken every opportunity to talk to her often and be straight with her about the hormones, and love and yes..even sex. You can't keep em from growing up, but you can help them through it. Be there for her. Allow the word boyfriend, but actual dating, that is another story.

Lakota - posted on 01/11/2013

Hi, Collins. Can you ask Dr. Ogungbe how he feels about being reported?

Rita - posted on 01/08/2013

At 11 yrs. old and her asking abt. a b/f I honestly dont' even think she knows what a b/f is. Of course they get all flustered, giddy and have to tell their friends. When she is saying b/f thats' what she thinks but in reality, they are just friends. Explain to her abt. boys, I dont' know if you have already had the mom/daughter conversation and if you haven't now is the time. I myself wouldnt' take this to seriously b/c of her age, unless she is at the monthly, you find that her hormones are changing drastically. Girls' at 11 just want to be noticed and to tell her friends that she has something that they dont'. I know that this is a serious question and when this young boy asks' her out she may even say "no" not expecting this. To be honest I dont' think you have anything to worry abt. The only thing is when this boy decides that he doesn't want to be her so called b/f her poor heart will be broken and yes "mom" she is definetly going to need you. You know your daughter more than anyone, does she act older, like wanting to wear make-up etc. or is she still "moms' baby girl". This is how you should be able to acess the situation and come up with an answer. Take care!! :D

Lady - posted on 01/06/2013

just clm yourself it will be fine! dont think about it so much! get things like that off your mind.
she is really WWWWWWWAAAAAAAYYYYYY to young but dont let it bring you down! my daughter is 9 and she asked me! i said okay but she said never mind. this wont work on all kids but sometimes when they want something they get it and dont want anything to do with it. it works with toys. and even if she gets a boyfriend behind your back its okay because youd be prepared for it and since shell keep it from you, you wont have to worry about her coming home and catting her mouth off about him! dont worry tho okay! it will be fine!!!!!

Julia - posted on 01/05/2013

Good choice,now stick with that!!

Trol - posted on 01/05/2013

Jest say no -_- you dont have to explode like soem of the people here did, 11's too early, try 13 :) ( If she wants to hange around buys thats gr8, jest no BF...)

Amber - posted on 01/04/2013

Its okay, when I was 11 (I'm not a mom, im 12 now) lol, I had my first boyfriend in sixth grade at age 11 (I have been in a new school where I was age 11 aswell lol). I really fancied this boy. I asked him out he said yes! In sixth grade he asked me to go to my school prom with him. He bought me a birthday present and we went to the movies and out to eat together. In a way its nice that guys like your daughter and that your daughter wants a boyfriend. To Be Honest, as long as she isn't doing anything she shouldn't be (You know what I mean by that) I think her having a boyfriend is nothing to worry about. xx I hope this helped xx ♥33

Sheryll - posted on 01/03/2013

You have to figure out what she means. Different ages mean different things.
When my daughter was in the 7 th grade she also wanted a boyfriend ( they were going out) but they didn't go anywhere. To her it meant he would walk with her in school. No phone calls, no dating. If there were school functions she might talk to him. It was more about learning socialization.
It was simple when I asked her to explain it to me. Eighth grade basically the same thing.
Ninth grade she asked to date. But this time when I asked her what she meant she really wanted to date. My answer was no. But I compromised. She could meet them at dances and school functions. If I drove, and if it was chaperoned. They also might come to her games.
School dances, it was structured. Tenth I did the same thing. No compromise.
Eleventh she could socialize in groups. But you also have to know she showed responsibility. She deserved more freedom.
Socialization is important. But different ages mean different things. I finally had to wrap my head around socialization and structure in school. It is important they learn to socialize appropriately. Going together or dating on her part probably doesn't mean the exact same thing as high school dating. Have her explain what she means. Hopefully it is innocent.

Cari - posted on 12/30/2012

JESSICA I agree with you 200%%% parenting is all and dating starts later in life..!

Jessica - posted on 12/30/2012

I would have to suggest no, i think she is too young to start dating. my daughter is 10 and 11 is not to far away for her, i personally would tell her no way, i think that age is a little too soon, i would have her wait until she's older to start dating.

Tammie - posted on 12/30/2012

Eleven years old is too young, but the world we live in before 5th grade the other children inspire each other to be in a relationship; which is no comfort, I am sure. I would only allow it at lunch time at school and at Christmas and Easter Parties where they are monitored and don't let it go no farther.

Alyssa Charmina - posted on 12/29/2012

ya know what,if she's not going on romantic dates to the movies with just the guy,it's okay.it's no big deal if she has that kind of boyfriend

Cari - posted on 12/29/2012

GET A LIFE. I think you are bluffing.. bye. and good luck

Kaylynn Diane - posted on 12/28/2012

My kailey she over to her friends house [her friend is a boy name logan] and they were in his bed watching a movie and they were making out and the she un butten his pants and he un butten her pants he took off his shirt and than he took off his onderware she took off her shirt and underware and she said this is a bad idea and he took off her bra she had sex and pregnate ate age 11 and i am age 26 she is now logan mother text saying that they are have sex again for the 100 time today she is grounded change that lgan said that was 40000 this week and she only been over thare today and yesterday

Morris - posted on 12/26/2012

It depends on your daughter ask her what "boyfriend" means to her. It could be a simple exchange of a pencil......I personally think it's harmless. But it also depends on the way you brought her up. My daughter is very conservative, respect herself, very mature, and has a strong relationship with God. I trust her 99% LOL!

Caity - posted on 12/26/2012

Teen pregnancy is not ok. LET ME TELL YOU I find this to just be rude and really offensive, i met my partner at barely 16years old YES A TEENAGER, we fell in love just like any "adult" YES LOVE we got pregnant it wasn't planned :O PREGNANT, and gues what? we have the most wonderful 5 year old daughter she is the most amazing part of our world and our relationship is pretty friken flawless WE ARE HAPPY and planning our 2nd before we wed! The question is what about all you old people that do it "propally" and end up divorsed, unhappy with three bloody kids done and dusted after 5 years of marriage!? people don't ever talk about those "divorsed single adults with kids" just the "teen mums" .it's so frustrating there are just as many of you that have so called soiled the world!, my partner and i have been together for 7 years,. we plan to marry one day but we don't need any piece of paper to state when we can have kids or how much we love each other and that doesn't make us any less of a person for living our lifes the way we have chosen to. The best bit is that you have to question the generation that have raised these ""teen mums" haha yep thats you lot.... an now you wanna judge us for it... go back 40 or even 60 years it was not un-common for teens to get pregnant WE NO YOU HAD SEX TOO! it was just hidden and lied about, shit ur sister is probably ur mum..and you wouldn't bloody no it, my aunty had 2 kids out of wed lock at 16 they tryed to take her baby! that was 50 years ago they made her get married to my uncle they are still together the only diffrence between them and us, is they were made to wed and myself and my partner were not, we will do it when we are good an ready the way we choose too! and FUWEEYY to all your P.C CRAP. .point is being a teen mum is OK they have always exsited, you would just get looked at sidewaes these days if your 16 year old fell pregnant and you told the boys parents they were to be married ... because the whole concept of marriage via pregnancy is rediculous and always has been WE HAVE LEARNT FROM THE MISTAKES MADE BY GENERATIONS BEFORE US, THAT YOU ONLY GET ONE LIFEAND YOU SHOULD LIVE IT!!!. I will probably not be the most liked person for this comment, you can frown uppon it as much as you like and you can have your opinions but the reality is simply what will be will be and always has been, you can't put an age on love ♥....
a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person, i feel some people develop a sense of wanting this in there life sooner than others and you have nothing to worry about so long as you install good values in your child. Ask yourself what is normal ? is there such a thing? because our whole life we are taught we are all different, there for if we think about it we all have different needs and wants at different stages for many reasons, so what is right for me my life and my child may be far from perfect in your or someone alses eyes ... rant over thank you.

Cari - posted on 12/26/2012

oops I thought it was the original posting person that just responded.... ok yes.. friends is good.. too young to be boyfriend/girlfriend. TV does not help us parents.. is awful....:(

Cari - posted on 12/26/2012

yes .. you are right..... do what your heart tells you and you know your kids.. .. it is tough! being parents of teens...... good luck and pray.. take them to church . or whatever religion you are .. get them involved..... it helps to keep that faith..

Amber - posted on 12/26/2012

I gave my daughter my trust when she told me she liked her best friend and I said they could date but she was 13. If she had told me when she was 11 I think it would have been a whole different story. I don't think she needs a boyfriend right now. So I'd tell her to wait and be friends for now.

Cari - posted on 12/26/2012

say yes.. sure... ha ha ha ! meet the boy and the family to see where he is coming from you are still her mom!!!! and authority.. then take them out for snack and movies.. with YOU AT ALL TIMES. period... that is my opinion. but she is too young or say.. " yes honey he can come over our house"........................................................ that is what I would do.. tough tough and very tough. good Luck.

J M - posted on 12/26/2012

Very good reply below from a 11 yr old....
However this is circle of MOMs for Moms and not for under age Children.....




Paige - posted on 10/26/2012
10
I honestly think that thats perfectly normal becuase I'm 11 and HEAPS of people at my school have boyfriends/Girlfriends I understand that you are worried but nothing bad will happen to her she will get a boyfriend but thats because of peer pressure and/or shes dessparate its just thats shes growing up and thinks shes very matture and then they might dump her and she will hopefully learn from her mistakes just let her do what she feels shes ready for and be nice if she asks about a relationship be kind and even if you disagree with what she thinks let her know but always be open minded about what you say to her and I'm serious it helps soo much when mums can help you through your problems

Reply

J M - posted on 12/26/2012

You don't say what after school activities she has to distract her?

find other avenues to learn appropriate Social skills you may want for her to have. Guide her be with her all you can do. Fact remains she is just that 11 yrs old still a very young girl, be firm ....

I dont have a girl but any boy crazy girls try to get to our son, they will have to come through me first lol! make no mistake there are boys as well that are in no way ready" or should they think are for girls that young and should not be hassled by young emotional girls as well!

Media and advertising or peer pressure TV, can push a lot of over emotionalized stuff at children. Guide and teach them all the way, is all you can do.

While you can protect and control them now for their best interest and good, keep doing so, your are the parent.

Flora - posted on 12/25/2012

Much as I hate to admit it, kids are exposed to a lot more than we were. Look at Disney and Nickelodeon--all of the main characters have crushes or "love" interests. If you take the "hell no!" approach --you run the risk of invoking the "Romeo and Juliet" syndrome." Do not give into the temptation to go Rambo or Medea on your daughter. My Dad did that, and the first thing my sister did was to marry the first boy (player) who would get her out of the house. You have to be like a good Detective, get chummy with the moms of her friends, but do this quietly. Invite her friends over and do things like cooking or sewing--you are gathering intel. Listen to their conversations about who the "fast" girls or "hoochie mamas" are. That way you will know what some of their moral barometers are. Pretend you don't know anything. A few days later, bring home an outrageous over the top dress, put it on and say you're thinking about wearing it some place. Listen to her comments, then you will have an idea on how to craft the conversation. Most middle schools have socials, your daughter may call her new interest a "boyfriend" but you make sure that is just a friend. Never allow her to go to any parties, dances anything social never let her "date" alone. Any boy must treat her like a lady, nothing less than that.Always have another set of friends for her to go out with. Remember to give her enough rope to make her think that she is in control. Pretend you aren't paying attention to her calls, then when she goes out--write down the numbers of people she's been calling. Check her facebook. Now, if she is really into a a misogynst jerk that has a lot of girlfriends, find a movie---and there are many--about boys who think of girls as toys--get male relatives who are younger involved. Enlarge your daughters social life so that you always have someone else looking out for her. Don't deal with this alone. It really does take a village!

Elissa - posted on 12/22/2012

Have you asked he what having a boyfriend means? You might be surprised

Sawerakon - posted on 12/21/2012

yes she is

Jordie - posted on 12/20/2012

OMG...r u serious I'm 11 and I've had three boyfriends and my mum didn't no you hav to let it go cuz she's gonna do it wether you like it or not

BryonyPeake - posted on 12/14/2012

Dont let her my girl is 14 and my boy is 19 i didnt let them have boyfriends and girlfriends till 14 i would of lasted longer but i wanted to be kind on my children!!

Someone - posted on 12/13/2012

hey, i'm eleven and have my briends phone #. nothing 2 worry about!

Presley - posted on 12/12/2012

my son presley is 11 and needs a girl friend his just broke up with him last week he has blond hair and hates blacks

Ellena - posted on 12/10/2012

You're assuming that an 11year old is mentally and emotionally ept to handle situations that arise from having a boyfriend! I know some adults who can't handle themselves and give into temptation. Like I wrote in my post, equipping your daughter to make wise and appropriate decisions happens years before puberty and comes straight from the parents. It's not enough to say let them have a go. Decisions made this early in life no matter how insignificant it may seem can have a ripple effect.

Ellena - posted on 12/10/2012

You're assuming that an 11year old is mentally and emotionally ept to handle situations that arise from having a boyfriend! I know some adults who can't handle themselves and give into temptation. Like I wrote in my post, equipping your daughter to make wise and appropriate decisions happens years before puberty and comes straight from the parents. It's not enough to say let them have a go. Decisions made this early in life no matter how insignificant it may seem can have a ripple effect.

Ellena - posted on 12/10/2012

Here's the thing. Preparing your daughters for this time of their life begins YEARS before the time actually comes. Instil in them what it means to date find a husband and have a family from early on. Also really establish strong communication channels so they will feel comfortable in telling you personal things. Don't wait until the day comes where she says I want a boyfriend and you barely talked about the subject before that. I have managed to take this road with my nearly 14 year old and she shares lots with me about boys and friends and what her dreams are of a family and a husband and how she wants to establish a career first. I admire young women who know who they are and what they want. But that comes from the parents being as open about the talk as allowable. Just because its common and almost normal for such young kids to date doesn't make it right. You don't have to follow the masses and say its part of life and experiencing life is ok. Teen pregnancy is not ok nor is abortions etc that can result. Nor is the crap that surrounds all the constant break ups and bitch fights that can result from boyfriends and the whole dating scene. My experience and my advice? Start very early about instilling those values about relationships and family or it will become too late at even 10 years old.

Lucy - posted on 12/10/2012

Just let her and see how it goes for her and then if it does not go as well as she hoped then she wont do it again for a while?

Sonia - posted on 12/03/2012

no way too young

Sonia - posted on 12/03/2012

you have to talk to her make her anderstand how the life is , tell her she is not ready for a relationship yet.

Caity - posted on 11/29/2012

O.kay the way i see this is .



A.) you let your daughter have a "boyfriend" and teach her to be honest with you, make sure she knows CRYSTAL CLEAR boundaries, what is acceptable and what is not acceptable for her to be doing with this boy at age 11 (e.g, you can have a boyfriend the same age as yourself NO older boys, .. or you can watch a movie in the family room together BUT you can not watch it in your bedroom with the door shut) Teach her that you are there for her 100% if she needs to talk to you. They will probably kiss and hold hands, the up side of this is that you will be aware of this and most likely if you have a healthy relationship with your daughter she will come and talk to you when she is thinking about advancing things with boys in the future.

or

B.) you make her think your the devil by not letting her have a boyfriend and she will most likely rebel, lie and do it behind your back because in her mind "her friends are doing it, and it's not fair", she wil not be as aware of her boundaries so she will most likely be pressured into doing unacceptable things with boys at a much younger age, which she will not tell you about. In turn she will probably end up pregnant at 14 years old from lack of knowledge and support and you will be asking yourself why your going to be a grandma when your baby is still a baby.

Charity - posted on 11/27/2012

My daughter is 8 and she says she has a boyfriend..they've been writing notes about love and they won't cheat which I'm like cheating?? Really??? But to me notes are harmless at 8 anyways..I still have to read them. Until she really understands what she's saying then ill explain to her but I did tell her she isn't allowed to kiss him or hold hands and if he ever touches her anywhere to tell him no its not appropiate and she looks at me with digust like what?? Kissing ewwww! I know a 11 is more mature then a 8yr old...why must kids try to grow up!

Nica - posted on 11/23/2012

oops, my 11 is the same. she had a boyfriend for a couple of days and she dumped him because he didn't play football well. He came to my place once in despair :-)

They are just children trying to play adults. For them sex is a tiny kiss that happens rarely. I don't think we can stop this. What I am doing now is being best buddy. So that she tells me everything and if one of her friend does something I just go like "no way, did she really do that?". Playing buddy dummy mum at the moment works for me. She tells a lot :-)

Isabelle - posted on 11/22/2012

my daughter is 12 nearly 13 and she had a boyfriend for a month and thats all. I dont think relationships at that age last long anyway. Dont argue or shout at her , that just makes her upset and angry at you. She is a bit young maybe another two years?. try and make a deal with her. Its better if they're just friends .If she has a phone, please respect her privacy or just check it whens shes asleep because she can get VERY upset. Try and talk to her when your out walking or shopping take her on a day out and try and tell her that they should just be friends. When my daughter broke up with her boyriend [ i knew he broke u with her she just didnt admit it] she was heartbrken for two months then she healed again.Dont let them talk to much over facebook or the fone. Remember if you thing shes too young , shes too young.11 is a very young age so i dont recommend it

Isabelle - posted on 11/22/2012

my daughter is 12 nearly 13 and she had a boyfriend for a month and thats all. I dont think relationships at that age last long anyway. Dont argue or shout at her , that just makes her upset and angry at you. She is a bit young maybe another two years?. try and make a deal with her. Its better if they're just friends .If she has a phone, please respect her privacy or just check it whens shes asleep because she can get VERY upset. Try and talk to her when your out walking or shopping take her on a day out and try and tell her that they should just be friends. When my daughter broke up with her boyriend [ i knew he broke u with her she just didnt admit it] she was heartbrken for two months then she healed again.Dont let them talk to much over facebook or the fone. Remember if you thing shes too young , shes too young.11 is a very young age so i dont recommend it

Taylor - posted on 11/17/2012

look im 16, i was having little boyfirends in primary school at her age they are just a bit of fun, and if you tell her she can't its just going to make her want to have on and not tell you. at her age i idnt tell my mum anything about boys so its a good start that she is, you just have ot let her grow up :)

LaJoyia - posted on 11/13/2012

well my daughter is 15 and i had her when i was 14 she will not be dating untill senior prom when shes asked to the prom...i didnt make it to mine so atleast shell be able to say i went and hopefully by then she will be head strong enough to know how boys work and what theyre mind is set on at that age . I tell her all the time how boys her age acts and think ..who wants those problems now or later? Am I right?