11 year old daughter wants a boyfriend

LaJoyia - posted on 11/13/2012

well my daughter is 15 and i had her when i was 14 she will not be dating untill senior prom when shes asked to the prom...i didnt make it to mine so atleast shell be able to say i went and hopefully by then she will be head strong enough to know how boys work and what theyre mind is set on at that age . I tell her all the time how boys her age acts and think ..who wants those problems now or later? Am I right?

Jen - posted on 11/11/2012

I'm going to tell you from being on the other side of it (2 years into it), NO. Tell her if she wants some b/f that she only sees at school, fine. If she wants a boyfriend that requires telephone calls, getting together, etc. NO. I've watched a NICE, sweet girl (grand daughter) spend two years with the same guy. Now they're both hormonal, and yep... I'm pretty sure where they might have been, and if not, they're definitely planning it, and soon. And she only recently turned 13!

Don't put your daughter in harm's way while she's still obeying you. Let her know at what age (WHEN) you'll allow her to start dating, and (HOW) the rules of beginning dating, such as it starts with group dating of at least 6 people, only in a lighted area, or only in a movie theatre, or only at your house first, whatever your rules will be. Tell her you will be TEACHING her HOW to date, when the time comes, but at this point in her life, she needs to learn more about herself and responsibilities of dating, which don't come over night.

Three years ago had I saw your question, I would have been like, "Relax, she's just 11. What does that mean? They say, 'He's my boyfriend' and that's it?" But I'm telling you: in today's society, that IS NOT it. Hormonal kids in THIS day and age are much more forward and cunning. They take their messages from media, etc., that say, "Do it with many and often."

I'm telling you: protect your daughter. Otherwise, it might come back to bite you in places other than just your butt.

Lin - posted on 11/10/2012

Tell her that it is very normal that girls will like boys. But never be serious! Just find some friends of boys, not boyfriends. In fact, you little girl does not know what a boyfriend means. The boy who would kiss her is not a real boyfriend.

Shirley - posted on 11/09/2012

Neither is she! But I would say.

He could come to your house (only when you are home) and she don't go to his house..

They can't hang out at the mall together by themselves, the mall don't allow it, they have to be 18 or with an adult.

They can yack on the phone, or see eachother on the computer..

The lines have to be drawn, and you could contact the boys parents and get their reaction, I'm pretty sure they would agree with you.

Lakota - posted on 11/09/2012

April wrote:



"you can not stop her from anything the more you say no the more she will want to do it."



I disagree. She can stop her. This girl is 11, not 21. Her mother still controls where she goes and who she sees.



Erin, I have a son in the 7th grade. He has "girlfriends". He texts them and will talk to them at school, football games, on the phone, etc. He doesn't date them. Your daughter is perfectly normal. Let her have her "boyfriends". She only sees them at school. Take a deep breath. This is a special time for her and she needs your guidance. You know what the right thing is. Trust yourself.

April - posted on 11/07/2012

you can not stop her from anything the more you say no the more she will want to do it. Set rules like he can come over if you stay out of your room or have her go out on double dates w friends instead of alone or having a parent present. just breath and remember this is what happens, this is life. you grow up like boys marry and have kids circle of life. Try to let her know she can tell you anything and doesn't need to hide anything. that's when girls get in trouble is when they don't trust their parents

Anoymous - posted on 11/01/2012

Looks like you've got a big problem. This seems to be some thing that you need to understand, when your child left primary they know that secondary school is going to be a hell of a ride. They may also think that at secondary school, they will have the time of their lives. Which they will, (depending on which school they now go to.) but you need to let her know that she has stepped up to a place where she has no time for boyfriends. What happens in the secondary stage is going to shape her future. She decides where she ends up and if she doesn't want to listen then tell her that being mature is what she should be.



Check up on her every now and then and be sure of what kind of phone she has or will have(if you want her to have one.)because she may be talking to the 'boy' on her phone.

Hope this advice helped.

xxx

Paige - posted on 10/26/2012

I honestly think that thats perfectly normal becuase I'm 11 and HEAPS of people at my school have boyfriends/Girlfriends I understand that you are worried but nothing bad will happen to her she will get a boyfriend but thats because of peer pressure and/or shes dessparate its just thats shes growing up and thinks shes very matture and then they might dump her and she will hopefully learn from her mistakes just let her do what she feels shes ready for and be nice if she asks about a relationship be kind and even if you disagree with what she thinks let her know but always be open minded about what you say to her and I'm serious it helps soo much when mums can help you through your problems

Anonymus - posted on 10/24/2012

im 12 and in the 7th grade. the truth is she'll do it behind your back whether you say yes or no. she wont care. if u dont allow her to have her freedom she'll never confide in you. the worst thing is to not have trust in a mother-daughter relationship. u mite not be ready but she is so the best thing to do is to jus let her have a boyfriend and find a way to get over it.

L R - posted on 10/16/2012

Erin, this is a time when kids are wanting to have "boyfriends" and "girlfriends". As long as it's clean and they are not doing anything other than hold hands, I don't see anything a wrong with that. However, anything beyond holding hands is totally off limits! 7th grade is the average age they start but it's up to you to make sure that you explain to your daughter about values.

Marcellas RayShadd - posted on 10/16/2012

I am a 11 year old boy and in the 6th grade looking for a girl I am allowed to have one or more I live on tamarack so text back if you get this message. I am going to tell you about my self some people think I am stupid but I am not I am funny so have her come to tamarack and ask do you know where Marcellas lives.

Julie - posted on 10/15/2012

Truth is they don't really know that the word "boyfriend" means or involves. Remember "going steady" was like, when some guy dropped the question in a note, or sent his freind over to ask you? It's all innocent at first, and if she is still young enough, open enough and innocent enough to talk with you about it, KEEP IT THAT WAY. Don't encourage, but don't discourage. Feel her out, let her know its normal and healthy to have these feelings, but not to the point of interfering with her life, achievements, activities and goals. It's when she is NOT talking to you about it that you need to worry :)

Teen - posted on 10/15/2012

I had a boy friend at 12 but not 11 im 14 now and have one but im smart enough not to have sex.

But, relationships doesnt last long until your 12. your daughter doesnt really need a bf right now. i was focusing on grades back then now you cant really help it. At 13-18 teens hormones are raging,and they have to learn how to control them. They better learn now then later.

Emma - posted on 10/09/2012

hi i am emma and i am10 years old and i want a boyfriend ang theres a boy how likes my and my mom and dad said i could not have him he calls me boo,baby and honey i wont to say yes coues i like him to and we kissed 1 time and i don't know what to do.

Judy - posted on 10/09/2012

You can not stop your son or daughter from liking someone but you can control if they see each other out of school or not. They can call their relationship whatever they want but again, you control where they go and who they are with. 11 years old is to young to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Don't be over anxious as a parent to start something that they have their whole life to experience.

Josselyn - posted on 10/08/2012

Feel you girl! My daughter started getting into boys in the 6th grade! She had her first boyfriend then and she didn't tell me about it right away. She told her cousin and then one day I over heard them talking about him and then I talked to my daughter about it. That's when I had "The Talk" with her for the first time too. She has been with a few other boys since then and now she's 13. As far as I know she has never done anything with them. I've only let one of the boys she has been with over to the house since I knew his mother and since my bedroom is right across from my daughters I left both our doors wide open and kept an eye on them ahaha. I know you may not be ready for all of this, but there isn't much you can do about it except try your best not to let anything happen.

Starr - posted on 10/04/2012

If you had asked me last week I would say, kids at this age say they are boyfriend/girlfriend but not really in the sense of the word that we think of. Its more of just a title, maybe they sit together at lunch. At least that's the way it is with my 8th grade. But after my experience this week with my 16 yr old daughter I say there is NO F IN WAY! Keep boys out of the picture for as long as you possible can, no matter how innocent it is or how great the boy may seem.

Sage - posted on 10/04/2012

I think that you should let her do what she wants, its all part of growing up. Let her experience these feeling and let her be free... Although if she knows what sex is and she speaks to you about it you should say no, even if she already has her period. I do not suggest sex but I suggest that she should be able to go out and have a boyfriend. Dont scowl at her because tweens feel bad and insecure about it. Make her feel open..........Hope this helps Erin!

Jessica Lynn - posted on 10/03/2012

just let her have a boyfriend my daughter didnt have one until she was 13 and was in 7th grade she had boys all over her shes a beatuful gurl and i would kill a lil boy if they ever hurt my baby girl

Ellena - posted on 09/30/2012

You HAVE to start these values from a very young age and be open about what it means to date and what it means to finally find a husband. My daughter is 13 and although she may say a boy is cute, she has realized the sacredness of finding that special someone rather than boy hopping just for the fun of it. No real long lasting good comes from allowing an 11 yr old to date for Gods sake! Imagine what she'll want to do when she's 13 or 14! And instead of simply saying no explain your reasons from the heart instead of just saying,"you're too young". I have explained to my daughter that from experience from dating more than one guy I felt you leave one small piece of yourself with each person you are with and when you finally meet the one it would be special if you hadn't had 20 boyfriends before him. This is just my opinion and I know lots of girls who have started dating late and only dated when they were ready to commit to a possible marriage out of it. In other words you don't have to test the waters. It is possible to find mr right the first time. I never agree with parents who say that teens need life experience and diverse experiences. No they need our guidance and advice. I really hope you get what I mean.

Candra - posted on 09/27/2012

I had a "boyfriend" when I was 11. It meant I wrote him love letters - my 13 year old nephew has had "girlfriends" for years and it means love letters, holding hands and someone extra to buy presents for at Christmas and a special Valentine.

My parents never let my "boyfriends" come over or let me go anywhere with them until I was a Freshman in high school - But I didn't ask either. I never really had dating rules - I went on group dates after that with my friends and their boyfriends all through high school.

I didn't go on an actual date - just myself and a guy going to the movies or something until I was 17.

Having a "boyfriend" at 11 is NOT the same as having a boyfriend at 15 or at 17. It's harmless.

If you're too strict with your kids then they'll lie to you and sneak around behind your back - AND feel like they can't talk to you about anything.

Aspen - posted on 09/25/2012

I want a boyfriend so bad and I'm 12

Melissa - posted on 09/20/2012

I dont think she is too young because she isnt thinking the same way you are about boyfriends. I would however let her know that she should truly like someone not just pick a guy because she just WANTS a boyfriend!!! We cant help how we feel even if we are 11! Just make sure you know what she is thinking. My 12 yr old has a boyfriend and we love him and his parents. We all do things together! And they love the same sports!!

Ariana - posted on 09/19/2012

You may want to tell your daughter that instead of jumping into 'be my boyfriend' you are more willing to allow her to go on dates, or rather group dates. You should tell her that in real life people don't just talk to someone else and become their girlfriend/boyfriend, they go on dates and see if they like each other. If she's on group dates (like her and a couple other girls/boys go out) it's less likely anything untoward will happen.



You're right that she'll probably just go behind your back. It will be better for you to put limited restrictions on the boyfriend situation, where she'll feel like you're compromising rather than just giving in or completely saying no.



You should probably talk to her about all of this too. So tell her why you feel uncomfortable with her dating and ask her how she feels about it. Then you can bring up the group dating scenario and explain that you feel like it will help you worry less about her with boys. Tell her she needs to be responsible about all of this or else you'll make it so she won't be allowed to date at all (which really you have no control of but she doesn't really know that). She'll be kind of bugged that you're not just saying yes really happy that you aren't totally saying she can't.



She's going to end up dating seriously down the road so it's better to put limits on it now and start a open relationship with your daughter. It's sort of like if you have a younger child who wants to wear a bunch of make-up. You can say no and they'll do it behind your back, or you can tell them it's ok for them to wear lipgloss until they're older. You have a lot of influence on your daughter right now while she's 11 that you might not have when she's 14/15 you want her to feel like she can tell you what's going on and that you're going to watch out for her best interest while still acknowledging that she's getting older with new interests.



Good luck to you!

Bobell2 - posted on 09/17/2012

but you want her to feel that she can be open/honest with you...that is important. Mine is 12/7th grade, if they keep it at school or maybe if I took him to the movies w/us that would be ok, but all the endless texting and fb I wouldn't approve of....I think the boys will say much less face to face and in my home.

Patricia - posted on 09/16/2012

I think it all depends on how "innocent" you think it is. I know for us it would be a BIG NO! Of course my daughter will be 11 soon and thinks boy are disguisting-hahaha. I hope she continues to think that way. It would make Daddy happy.



Kids are growing up way too fast these days. I do think however instead of answering no outright you need to explain to her the reasons why.

Nykia - posted on 09/16/2012

Let her have one

Nykia - posted on 09/16/2012

Yes.......... Let her have a boyfriend!!!!!! it will teach her to stand up to boys when she get`s older..................

Dianne - posted on 09/12/2012

No boyfriend until she is at least 15 years old. Sorry children are trying to grow up way to fast. Let them be friends and do things together in group settings or with either his parents or with your. Let her know that if she disobey your rules that she will be punished and make sure you follow through.

Zahrah - posted on 09/11/2012

have you seen what the kids of today are talking about?? my youngest sister is 14 i see the way she talks with her friends on facebook. These kids of today know things i didnt even know when i was their age..... basically its a HECK NO TO BOYFRIENDS, NOT TILL SHE 21

Susie - posted on 09/09/2012

just let her have a boyfriend once after she goes though her first break up she will see its not as fu n as you think i did that with my child it worked like a charm

Bonnie - posted on 09/07/2012

. My daughter has a friend who is the same age as her. Her friend is crazy about my son who is going to be 16. Her friend is the same age as my daughter who will be 13 in Nov. I've caught my son and her friend making out. These days dating doesn't just mean talking on the phone and texting each other. Her Mom and I spoke and we both feel that their too young to have a boyfriend. We told my son and he said that he respects her Mom and will back off. We also told him and her that if their feelings are real that in 1 year or so they could go out and see how it goes. They say they love each other, but do they really know what true love is at that age? I don't think so. I sat down and spoke to my daughter and explained to her that if she starts dating now the chances are that she will be pregnant before she's 15. I also told her that she has her whole life ahead of her and to think about what I said. I also told her that if she thinks she's going to date behind my back and I won't find out that she's sadly mistaken. The truth always comes out

Jessica - posted on 09/07/2012

At age 11 I had a boyfriend all it ment at that age is I set by a boy at lunch and I was on the phone with him when my homework was done. Its kind of nice her starting dating at this age because you can control it, and see how she handles it. If she handles it badly you know she isnt truly ready to start and it will be much longer until she can handle going on one on one dates. And to tell you the truth at that age if you just flat out tell her no and give her a reason without giving her a chance she might do it behind your back and as a parent you never want that. Sorry if what I say doesnt help.

Prvsh - posted on 09/05/2012

if u know she would do it anyway..then why would u even bother thinkin about it?

and remember u are the one that is not ready..she is...so get ready...

Prvsh - posted on 09/05/2012

if u know she would do it anyway..then why would u even bother thinkin about it?

and remember u are the one that is not ready..she is...so get ready...

Prvsh - posted on 09/05/2012

if u know she would do it anyway..then why would u even bother thinkin about it?

and remember u are the one that is not ready..she is...so get ready...

Alie - posted on 09/04/2012

Let her have a boyfreind it probally wont last very long and if you trust her enough there shouldn't be any problems.

Rozy - posted on 08/18/2012

Hi Erin
This is kind of movie thing. May be she is seeing certain movies and getting the ideas of boy friend what you could do is dont say No to her if any ways you say No to her she will do it. they are experiencing some thing in this age so what you could do is engage her in some busy schedule such as painting, making art & Craft stuff or making cloths dont give her reading or writing as those kind of things may feel her boring so kind. of hand work or some thing to think and do would be helpful. Never be hard on her just take it easy step by step you will see she forgets boys and will give you a hand.
Thank you

Glimmer - posted on 08/17/2012

What is ur problem you ***** LET HER HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!!

Christine - posted on 08/09/2012

My daughter is 12 and says her friend at her old school is her bf..they didnt do anything except hang out together in class..they've been in the same school for several years now but she left the school via our move. She says he's her bf but she doesnt know what that is..

Karen - posted on 08/07/2012

OK, you say no (which I think you should) and she "does it anyway" - what now are the consequences? That is the real question here. I know that I did a few things against my parents wishes when I was a kid and truly weighed whether the consequences were worth it. If you are serious about no, the consequences better match your seriousness or you will lose respect and this will just be the beginning. I also know that when I was a kid this never would have been a question because my folks knew where I was and with whom I was with at all times. It saved me from a lot of dumb choices since my folks were going to be right there, and for that I am grateful. So, how serious are you about her not growing up too fast?

Dora - posted on 08/02/2012

Tell her NO SHE IS TOO YOUNG PERIOD.

Bonnie - posted on 07/26/2012

I have a 12 year old daughter. She said all of her friends have hooked up with boys already and have boyfriends already. I would like to know how their parents can allow them to start so young. They have their whole life ahead of them. I told my daughter no way and if I find out that she does have a boyfriend I will punish her. I told her that's why girls are pregnant at the age of 13. Kissing leads to other things.

Catherine - posted on 07/26/2012

WHY DO KIDS WANT TO GROW UP SO DAMN FAST. Whatever happened to playing with dolls etc. It's really sad but unfortunately its the times we now live in. I'm 54 now and wouldn't have been seen dead with a boy at the age of 11. Although does she me a Boy Friend as in "relationship" or just as a mate? My Sons had girl mates when they were younger in fact my youngest who has just turned 18 is still best friends with his girl 'friend' although they have never been in a relationship. In fact she's now engaged to another young lad and they all get on just fine.
Maybe if they just hang out with a group of girls and lads. But at the end of the day you're her mum and what you say goes. She has to respect you for that. No doubt she'll kick off but she'll just have to deal with it. I certainly would not be happy about an 11 year old child of mine being in a b/f g/f relationship. Trouble is there is so much peer pressure these days. Maybe she'll soon come to her senses and listen to her WISE OLD MUM (not being rude there darling just all our kids think we're ancient) Good LUck

Cari - posted on 07/24/2012

I think you have the wrong idea about "having a boyfriend, as does my husband. Our oldes tis 12 and has "had boyfriends" since age 6! It is just a social status- passing note, wlaking together and talking- that's it. Dating is something different all together. Dating means spending time ALONE or with a group away from adult supervision. Our daughters are not allowed to DATE until at least 16......
So, yes, an 11 year old can have a boyfriend- it is innocent. Just keep an eye on it.

Despite other people's opinion, remember this rule: if it makes you uncomfortable, there is a reason and you need to draw the line. Your instincts are never wrong!!!!!!

Simone - posted on 07/23/2012

This is interesting my daughters are nine eleven and thirteen. My thirteen year old pretends to be into boys to impress her friends but she is really only into boys on TV and in music. My eleven year old has no interest in boys yet but the nine year old lawd help me....

Elizabeth - posted on 07/12/2012

I just had to post here on this one...even though I have done it before. Today, my daughter and her little friend wanted to go to the mall, and meet two other little boys. My first thought is NO WAY....then I thought again. I trust my daughter to conduct herself as a young lady, but I didn't know the boys except for one but that was by reputation only...He is a chick magnet. The girls drool over him so much I am surprised there in't a saliva slick running down the hall for him to slide down. My daughter is absolutely ga ga over this boy. So her daddy and I discussed it.... We know we can't keep her under our thumb or she will rebel,n so how do we help her grow, see that she has fun and still remain in control.You know what?, I gave her a choice, I go or she doesn't. I stayed about 20 feet back and didn't cramp her style. She had fun, got to see the boy she liked and everything was still firmly within my control. My daughter, under my eyes.

I only had three rules...
One , dont even think about ditching me
Two act like young ladies or the day is OVER
three...the boys keep their hands to themselves or I break their arms off at the elbows.

They had a good time..my daughter told me how much she loved me a couple of times we were there...I think I just made some headway.

Jamie - posted on 07/12/2012

id accept it

Sarah - posted on 07/11/2012

~Joni~ 1st I have to say that I do not agree w you. I know each family is going to have their own rules, but being that forceful is just going to cause them to rebel!

As a christian mom, I truly want what is best for both of my children. I was allowed to date at 14 & car date at 16, but that did not stop me from having boyfriends starting at the age of 11! I have told my children they can date at these times as well. My daughter who is now 13 (& might I add is already in a D cup)-( she blossomed early, but my husband and I have always been honest with her about how & what little boys are thinking!) has had a boyfriend, but he is the son of family friends, their relationship was strictly hanging out w a parent around close by. They go to different middle schools, have broken up for now and decided mutually that they would try again in high school. They are still friends!! I really do not see the the problem with the "dates" being supervised. If they both know the consequences of rules being broken,& we can talk to our children making sure that they know we are there for them. I pride myself in the fact that both of my teens feel comfortable talking to me, about EVERYTHING!!! I know that they do things that they think I don't know about, but truth is I always know where my children are, who they are with, etc...!!! I know I rebelled against my dad when he said I couldn't date...yeah right! I found ways to see my boyfriends. I was a bad girl to an extent. I didn't find Jesus until I met my husband, we were high school sweethearts. My dad truly liked him, & his parents considered me a part of the family from the get go. We have raised our children under God. I'm very proud of both of my teens!!! Oh by the way both of them (my 15 yr old son, & 13 yr old daughter) have asked for purity rings!

Joni - posted on 07/11/2012

Just Say No!!! and keep her suoer busy !!! or if she has a rebelious nature just keep her really busy with... drama class .. dance.. sports.. homework afterschool & family and appropriate friend time on the weekends.. and don't let her watch PG-13 movies or the Disney Channel !!!