11 year old daughter wants a boyfriend

Victoria - posted on 01/14/2012

Im not a mom but I feel like I have to take care of my self its just I have no one to talk to about how I feel my life aand me are a joke

Victoria - posted on 01/14/2012

Im not a mom but I feel like I have to take care of my self its just I have no one to talk to about how I feel my life aand me are a joke

Kim - posted on 12/06/2011

I think everyone is forgetting the question wasn't about dating but about having a boyfriend...

Natassja - posted on 12/06/2011

11 yrs old is to young to date, and will lead to things that she is not ready for, my mother let me date at 12 and I had my first kid at 16. I suggest trying to put her in extra circular activities and perhaps talk to her about the birds and the bee's. I have a 10 yr old daughter who likes boys but she know's, if she wants to be somebody she has to keep her head in the books, and stay focused. I tell her everything a boy will say to get what they want and that she is to smart to fall for that.

Suzanne - posted on 12/05/2011

I know this may sound silly - but I allow my 11 year son to have girlfriends only because at this point in his life - it's just "saying" that he has a girlfriend. There is no real dating or going place with the girl. If it makes him happy "saying" he has a girlfriend - then there is no worries on my part and he feels better among his peers. I will not allow either my 13 or 11 year to go out on dates with the opposite sex. They are too young and are too influential. But they can, by all means, say they are dating someone, if it makes them feel more mature and grown up.

KatieCampoli - posted on 12/04/2011

No, no way.
I mean let her have a little crushes, let her have some freedom, she is ALMOST in highschool.
But no boy friends until she is like.. 17? 16?
Hope this helped!

Catherine - posted on 12/03/2011

Wow erin, I do feel for you on this one....emphasize to her that boys aren't mature enough to carry on nicely with girls yet...and that although it may seem like a cool thing to do..it not quite the right thing to do-----she should admire with her eyes and have them as just friends.

Edna - posted on 12/03/2011

OOOOOOOOh My! My 11 yr old daughter told me she doesnt even want to think about dating til she's at least 16(we'll see if her attitude changes before that):( I told her I wouldnt want her in a serious relationship at that age. I said its ok to have a boy for a friend, hang out at our place his place (if parents are reliable), hangout in groups with friends etc, etc. Right now my daughter is concentrating on her education......her words :). Hope it stays that way until graduation.

Yaz - posted on 11/30/2011

The answer is NO. I am going thru a difficult time with my 14 year old,. I have always told her from the age of 8-9 that everything has an age. The onething I have done is taken her to school and picked her up from school. Learn from my mistake and do not allow overnight stays with anyone., I did and I am in deep soup because of that., No matter what she says, just say I love you and will not let you ruin your future. Give her examples of stories if you can and show her what could happen., Also let her know until she is 18 she has no choice but to listen to you. There after she is her own person., They dont listen often but keep repeating this,

If I knew what I know now, honestly, I would not have kids in this day and age,.

Good luck and be strong.

Prayers to you and your family,.

Sincerely,
Yasmine

Marj - posted on 11/28/2011

Wendy Hubner it is a BIG deal as girls are getting their periods as young as 9 and having babies at a younger age so YES it is a big deal.

Sylvia - posted on 11/28/2011

Meh. When my 9-year-old was about 4, there was a little boy at daycare that she was going to marry when she grew up. Last year (Grade 3) there was a boy she liked, and she referred to him as "my boyfriend" although I have my doubts whether she ever told *him* that he was her boyfriend LOL. They were in the same class and sometimes hung out at recess, but that was as far as it went. Recently he's fallen out of favour, so no boyfriend, but I'm sure there will be more. I know I had crushes on boys from time to time long before I ever actually had what I would consider a real boyfriend -- there was a boy in Grade 1 who stuck up for me at recess one day, and then there were cute boys in Grade 5 and Grade 6, and a friend's older brother that I had a huge crush on in Grade 7, and the son of a co-teacher of my mom's whom I'd known my whole life who suddenly became terribly attractive when I was ... maybe 11?

I was always much too self-conscious to discuss any of this stuff with my mom, although once I was in jr high / high school and actually going out on dates, of course we discussed the guys I was going out on those dates with. Unrequited crushes were just too embarrassing to talk about, I guess ;)

I'm happy that DD is still willing to share with me. And I'm about 99% sure that if I made a big deal about her being too young to have a boyfriend, when I know perfectly well that she's grossed out by kissing (even on TV, and even when her parents do it) and her idea of having a boyfriend is, like, playing tetherball together at recess, she would keep doing what she wants to do at school and I would never hear another word about boyfriends.

Am I looking forward to hearing about DD's love/sex life when she's a teenager? Not particularly. But I would sure rather hear about it than *not* hear about it. By all means talk about what behaviour is appropriate where and when, but IME a flat "no" or "you're too young" is the quickest way to encourage the very behaviour you're trying to stop :P Nobody ever stopped thinking about boys/girls because their mom told them to.

This is just anecdata, obviously, but when I was in school (elementary through high school), the kids whose parents were strictest with respect to boy/girl relationships (nobody was talking about boy/boy or girl/girl relationships in those days, although in looking back at my peer group I can see we obviously should have been...) were, with a few exceptions, the ones most likely to be involved in such relationships, the most likely to be having sex, and the least likely to ever tell their parents anything about any of it.

Just my 2 cents.

LAURA - posted on 11/28/2011

My daughter's work in a day care. The kids now start at an early age. The little girls are so flirty with the boys. I was still playing with dolls at 11. There is no way I would let my 11 yr old date. My daughter is 14 almost 15 and I don't want her to date. I know she don't tell me everything. Do I trust her. No she's a teenager with hormones.

LAURA - posted on 11/28/2011

That is way too young. I wish I could make my daughter wait until she is out of high school.

Marj - posted on 11/24/2011

My daughter is the same way and she is 12. I wish they didn't want to grow up so fast as they have 18 years as a kid and 70 years as an adult.

Tammy - posted on 11/19/2011

My oldest son is 26 and didn't start dating until 10th grade. I believe children need to be children and participate in extracurricular activities such as sports and clubs that help them have self esteem without looking to other kids for it. Then they can have healthy relationships later, when they are emotionally mature enough to do so instead. It seems to have worked so far. My son has had 2 girlfriends, the one he is with now, he has been with for over 5 years and they are engaged. No point in starting to young and leaving a trail of heartache.

Alana - posted on 11/17/2011

Wow 11, its funny my 9 year old daughter told me she had a crush on a boy, i made it very clear that she is at school for an education, that friends are fine but a boyfriend will never be an option even in junior high. Her education is the most important thing and focusing on that and her studies and hobbies is much more important than having a boyfriend. They are still learning who their are and having a boyfriend that young could cause insecurities due to rejection and kids at 11 are so cruel and judgemental. Even in highschool it can be more of a distraction.

Also hanging out can always lead to other things. As long as it is a group thing its safe. But do you honestly want your daughter hanging out one on one? It opens up too many opportunities...

DuSharme - posted on 11/16/2011

Post a reply!way too young for that find something productive to fill empty space in mind and heart

Sarah - posted on 11/16/2011

Well I think its fine tey are 11 Its harmless:)

Katherine - posted on 11/13/2011

My daughter came home fromschool about 2 months ago and said to me she has a boyfriend- I said No you dont. and that was the end of that . I feel as a parent it has to be your decision- only you know your child no one else. I know my daughter does not need to be boy crazy just yet. I would say make some ground rules if you are to go forward with this. and get ahold of the other parent to see how they feel about all of this.

Jocelyn - posted on 11/13/2011

My daughter is 13 and in 8th grade. She is of course into boys and did get asked out this year by a boy she did like. I told her "no". The next day he was crying cause another girl said "no". I told her that he obviously doesn't like her if he can ask out another person so fast. My daughter at least seems to understand. She see's her friends worry about boys and be upset because they broke up...it's way to early to start dating and she is okay with that. (Course I wouldn't care if she wasn't okay, haha). It's our job as moms to protect them. I think there should be more to dating than just being asked...friendship, etc. We are teaching them how to be treated and that they are worth waiting for someone...at least that is how I feel. Good luck mom!

LaJoyia - posted on 11/12/2011

gurl i kno the feeling my 13 yr old is giving me the blues about it and she thirteen so i could only imagine how you feel

LaJoyia - posted on 11/12/2011

gurl i kno the feeling my 13 yr old is giving me the blues about it and she thirteen so i could only imagine how you feel

Yvonne - posted on 11/08/2011

It is time, invite her ne boy friend to pitza and go with them take them bowling but take a seat somewhere in a corner, tell her you trust her but 11 is young this is the time when they explore, my granddaughter is 10 and just told my daughter she has a boyfriend.

Angela - posted on 11/05/2011

TOO YOUNG! Explain the rules and don't back down. Your her mother and it's ok to have expectations for her. It's called loving your child. When our daughters start having boyfriends they start thinking they are grown and too old to hang out with mom. She will start pulling away from you before she is ready. Maybe what she needs is a social life. Get her into cheerleading, soccer, dance, gymnastics or something that makes her feel special. Let her know you want her to have every experience in life but she needs to trust mom in this and take her time. Let her know you want her to a friends (good friends) but not boyfriends. Let her know you even think its ok to like a boy. That's normal and you want her to talk about her crushes with you. That is so special between mother & daughter. I have four daughters they are now 29, 25, 23 and 13. Our rules are no boyfriends until age 16 but they were allowed to have friends of both genders. But they didn't get all caught up in calling, texting and feelings that they weren't ready to deal with yet. I maybe strick but my girls thank me now. My 25 year old told me she even secretly liked my rule because it gave her an excuse to say no. I would tell them blame your mom. Tell them boys your mother is crazy! I didn't care what they told them just as long as they didn't call each other boyfriend & girlfriend. All of the girls were very social and had very busy lives while in school. Lots of family time sleepovers & camping. The main thing is don't let your kids get too bored. Good Luck

Cynthia - posted on 10/31/2011

yes it is not the same as we were that age and if you look around it is not unusual for a girl or boy to claim they have a boyfriend. but at this point you can still monitor them, they go to school dances, or if they go to the movies they go in a group of boys and girls and you drop them off and pick them up. they are still kids in a lot of ways at 18 as well but you have to let them go, so it is important for them to learn the responsibilities while they are young. like i said before i have two girls ages 24 and 18. the first one finished high school and went to college and married a wonderful man, my youngest just started college, so i guess i did ok

Cynthia - posted on 10/31/2011

yes it is not the same as we were that age and if you look around it is not unusual for a girl or boy to claim they have a boyfriend. but at this point you can still monitor them, they go to school dances, or if they go to the movies they go in a group of boys and girls and you drop them off and pick them up. they are still kids in a lot of ways at 18 as well but you have to let them go, so it is important for them to learn the responsibilities while they are young. like i said before i have two girls ages 24 and 18. the first one finished high school and went to college and married a wonderful man, my youngest just started college, so i guess i did ok

Eva - posted on 10/29/2011

I am not ready either. I know I was not an angel but that wasn't until I was about 15 not 11. But it's a different time and our kids seem to want to grow up faster than we did. Thanks for your post :)

Jackie - posted on 10/29/2011

no. tell her boys have cooties! The only things that should be "cute" to her are puppies and kitties. She's too young...

Jennifer - posted on 10/26/2011

I have to say no, she's to young to have a boyfriend at this age. She is still a young child although growing faster on the outside. It's okay to have boys as friends and have crushes but a boyfriend is completely out of the question. I think you need to keep a close eye on your daughter if you think she will do something behind your back like a teenager usually does. You need to be firm and sit down and have a mother daughter talk and explain to her that she's too young and that our bodies do and feel things that she wouldn't understand. You surely don't want a teen mom on your hands at such a young age. Good luck with what you decide, I hope you have support from your family.

Cynthia - posted on 10/23/2011

I think maybe allow her to have a boyfriend and that way you can monitor them. Allow them to see each other but only with an adult around. Set limits on it. I think it will be ok. Oh, and say lots of prayers from this point on, lol. I raised two girls and know the challenges.

LaShawn - posted on 10/21/2011

No way!!! Don't do it!! I have an 11 year old, and I can re-late. She is way too young. I also have a 15 year old and she has no boyfriend and don't want one either, and no she is not gay, just smart. lololol. So my advice, keep them away from boys and on the books, that is what matters. They have all the time in the world to experience boys at a later time in life. Let them enjoy their youth while it lasts. Good luck.

EMMA - posted on 10/20/2011

I haven't had that yet but my advice would be let her have a boyfriend by my experience as myself at that age it doesn't last long its probaly just a phase!x

Jelilat Adedoja - posted on 10/20/2011

i think she is too young to have a boyfriend...she needs to be a kid for now and enjoy her childhood.good luck...

Dot - posted on 10/19/2011

Innocence can be lost in a day! I prefer to remain concerned and involved in all that my daughter is doing. I am hopeful that she will make wise decisions later, but I don't fully trust that yet at this age.

Vicky - posted on 10/19/2011

In middle school "boyfriend" is so different than we moms think. My Abby is 12 and the boys text say hi at school and Fun night funded by the school. Never go out to movies dinner or things like that.Pretty inosent.

Sandra Reece - posted on 10/18/2011

Hi there! I also have a daughter who likes boys ( she will be 14 in Jan. 2012 ) so I do understand! Let her have a friend ( that happens to be a MALE ) and just say, you want her to fit in and have friends, but she needs to be careful with whomever she associates with. Let her know you do understand and you LOVE her, and you want what's best for her. Tell her she can ALWAYS come to you whenever there's a problem. Stay FIRM, let her know you expect her to keep you informed about what's going on with her life ( rather it be with boys, school issues, or anything important ) P. S. Give her a hug! I hope this has help! Sign a MOM who cares! ~ Faith Ann's MOM ~ * Sandra

Shanna - posted on 10/18/2011

My daughter is in 6th grade and turning 11. She tease her all the time about having a boyfriend. She always says they are just boys that are nice to her. They don't tease or hurt her feelings. She did have her friend tell her she asked a boy "out". The boy said no. Not sure where they thought they were going. to the playground?

Corey - posted on 10/17/2011

According to certain people I have been boy crazy since the day I was born. I was around your daughter's age when I wanted a boyfriend. My mother ran a tight ship and she agreed but the "dates" were chaproned by her or the other parent, and the door to my bedroom had to be opened same with the tv room.

My soon to be 10 year old step daughter has a best friend that is a boy but she is not boy crazy at all. I also don't think all these young girls should be wearing make up. I wasn't allowed to wear make up until high school.

Patricia - posted on 10/15/2011

this is normal especially withher being in junir high school around alot of older kids that have boy friends. She thinks that she should like them even though she really doesn't have to be she thinks she does. I would watch her close to make sure she doe not get into trouble.

Eva - posted on 10/15/2011

I feel your pain.My 11 year old is asking me if she can have a boyfriend. I said no for one thing she is too young, second of all what makes a boy a boyfriend? Third there are rules in school that there is no hand holding, kissing or basically touching. SoI asked my daughter if she could come up with a good definition of a boyfriend we would talk more about it. The next day she wrote the definition on the palm of her hand. Still didn't make sense to me so it's still no.

Beth - posted on 10/13/2011

You have to weigh the two possibilities. Are you ok with her going behind your back and having a boyfriend or would you rather as against it as you are, have her be honest with you and tell you things that she knows you aren't ok with? I feel like if you know that she is going to do it anyway then you have your answer. Be open and honest with her and say "I am really uncomfortable with you having a boyfriend at your age because I feel like you are too young, that being said I am afraid to forbid you because I want us to always have an open honest relationship where you can come to me with everything the good and the bad. I'm sure this isnt the first time I am going to feel you are too young to experience something but as long as you agree to come to me for anything then I can adjust." I feel like people who tell you "no way" too young" absolutely not" are not thinking this thru enough. The worst possible thing you can do with your daughter(and I have a daughter the same age)is isolate her. Then you are totally skrewed and she is going to do things just to spite you and you have not taken advantage of the opppurtunity to really show her that you are a reasonable mom who will always be there for her even if you are at odds with her decisions. Have faith that you gave her good tools to deal with things that she may have to deal with and on your own try and accept that it's totally normal for a 7th grader to have a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend at this age means nothing. Really, don't freak out. Good Luck!

Marie - posted on 10/12/2011

You are way behind the times miss. a 10 year old boy is not thinking of anything but friendship at that age. You may think you can keep your son from having a girl friend but you are WRONG. He will do what he wants to when you are not around if you make a big issue of this. Have some common sense. At 10 years old he has nothing in mind but being friends. Most boys 10 just want to be friends with a girl because their male friends have a girl friend. I have BA in Psychology and he will have 1 if he wants to be rebelling if you push to hard and say that lamb statement h to no to him plus DHS may get called on you.

Marie - posted on 10/12/2011

Well you have two choices 1) Lock her up til she 18 or 2 ) trust her judgement. You can't watch your child 24/7/365 and if you trust in them they will not let you down. Unlike the lady with the 10 year old son who said H to no she is an unfit parent. Girls are not all boy crazy/ 08/2/11 her date of post. I say let her have her boyfriend, if you trust her and if you make to big of a deal on this she will learn not to trust you. I have a BA in Psychology.

Martha - posted on 10/10/2011

I am in the same position as you. My daughter asked me this afternoon how I would feel if she had a boyfriend.

Tammy - posted on 10/10/2011

NO WAY! I have a 9 yo daughter and she has boy ask her to be thier gf all the time, she tells them that her mommy said she cant date till she is 18 and her big brother said not till she is 25. (her big brother is 25)

Donna - posted on 10/09/2011

o no i completely agree 17 isnt mature enough to handle a baby, Even at 20 i dont think i was truly ready. I just meant 17 is just a better age to handle certain feelings and emotions then when i was 15 and 16, and now at 27 i'm hopefully more mature than when i was 17 lol

Lisa - posted on 10/09/2011

@ Kim - mea culpa. I failed to differentiate between the idea of having a boyfriend, and dating.

Kim - posted on 10/09/2011

@ Lisa...at the end of the day..even 17 is too young, if you fear you haven't placed the proper guidance. I don't truly feel even a 17 year old is mature enough to handle the responsiblity a baby and the life that comes with it...



I was a little suprised at the beginning of page 4 of this thread you were ok with the thought of a 11 yr old having a boyfriend...



Quote: "Having a boyfriend is not what it means at 16. At your daughter's age, having a boyfriend normally just means they talk to each other at school. Most parents won't let a preteen date anyway. Ask her what she wants from a boyfriend, why she wants one" END QUOTE



Later you agreed with other posters it wasn't such a good thing. ;)



I think the most important thing to remember...the original mom's daughter is asking for a boyfriend... she's not asking to date.



I do realize it can make a huge difference in what city/community you live in... in how street smart a child can or can not be. We are all diffent in how we mature and what we want out of life...I do feel your suggestion in asking what having a boyfriend means to her...kinda gives you more insight of her intentions.



Every suggestion could be something to take in consideration for those that have different life styles.

Lisa - posted on 10/09/2011

@ Donna - I tend to agree with you.

Donna - posted on 10/09/2011

nope dont blame you. Thats tough. I would probably tell my daughters no if it were me. Personally 11 is way too young. Especially these days you hear alot of stories about kids having sex at 12 and 13 which is what scares me. My mothers rule was 16, but I think 17 is a better age b/c at 17 I was more mature, and mentally and emotionaly equipped to handle a relationship