11 year old daughter wants a boyfriend

Tammy - posted on 10/10/2011

NO WAY! I have a 9 yo daughter and she has boy ask her to be thier gf all the time, she tells them that her mommy said she cant date till she is 18 and her big brother said not till she is 25. (her big brother is 25)

Donna - posted on 10/09/2011

o no i completely agree 17 isnt mature enough to handle a baby, Even at 20 i dont think i was truly ready. I just meant 17 is just a better age to handle certain feelings and emotions then when i was 15 and 16, and now at 27 i'm hopefully more mature than when i was 17 lol

Lisa - posted on 10/09/2011

@ Kim - mea culpa. I failed to differentiate between the idea of having a boyfriend, and dating.

Kim - posted on 10/09/2011

@ Lisa...at the end of the day..even 17 is too young, if you fear you haven't placed the proper guidance. I don't truly feel even a 17 year old is mature enough to handle the responsiblity a baby and the life that comes with it...



I was a little suprised at the beginning of page 4 of this thread you were ok with the thought of a 11 yr old having a boyfriend...



Quote: "Having a boyfriend is not what it means at 16. At your daughter's age, having a boyfriend normally just means they talk to each other at school. Most parents won't let a preteen date anyway. Ask her what she wants from a boyfriend, why she wants one" END QUOTE



Later you agreed with other posters it wasn't such a good thing. ;)



I think the most important thing to remember...the original mom's daughter is asking for a boyfriend... she's not asking to date.



I do realize it can make a huge difference in what city/community you live in... in how street smart a child can or can not be. We are all diffent in how we mature and what we want out of life...I do feel your suggestion in asking what having a boyfriend means to her...kinda gives you more insight of her intentions.



Every suggestion could be something to take in consideration for those that have different life styles.

Lisa - posted on 10/09/2011

@ Donna - I tend to agree with you.

Donna - posted on 10/09/2011

nope dont blame you. Thats tough. I would probably tell my daughters no if it were me. Personally 11 is way too young. Especially these days you hear alot of stories about kids having sex at 12 and 13 which is what scares me. My mothers rule was 16, but I think 17 is a better age b/c at 17 I was more mature, and mentally and emotionaly equipped to handle a relationship

Lisa - posted on 10/09/2011

@Olivia - Once you allow a child to enjoy a privilege (dating), taking that privilege away is not as "simple as that". It's easier, and much more beneficial in the long run, to establish standards and rules of conduct with the expectation (and demand) that those standards be met. Talking with a child early on, with constant repetition is much more purposeful than waiting for something to happen and then talking. Having seen so many teen relationships in my classes and school fail or have bad results, it's better to postpone the idea of this woman's daughter dating until she is mature enough to handle boys or men. Even the early teen years is too early in my opinion. Olivia, you also asked what's the worst that can happen - teen pregnancy, STDs, etc.

Olivia - posted on 10/08/2011

I think you should just allow her, I mean whats the worst that could happen? If you think it get's too far then simply talk to her. If she's still pushing it too far than don't allow her date anymore. Simple as that (:

Janine - posted on 10/06/2011

I dont agree with young children having "boyfriends or girlfriends" but if you assert your authority and say NO, it probably will happen and she wont then be open with you. You need to respect the fact that she has come to you to begin with - that shows a great line of communication already. I would like to think that as her teen years progress, she could keep coming to you with her thoughts and ideas. I have to agree aswell with what another mother stated early on. Usually at this age, all it means for a girl to have a boyfriend or vice versa is that they merely have a chat at school. It's not dating persay where they go out together to venues. Have the time they may just smile and giggle at each other - it really is innocent. There are the few that take it to the extreme but if your child is aware, knowlegable and open then I really wouldnt worry. Unfortunately we all went through this at the age of around 11 and 12 and it is a natural progression to start this interest in the opposite sex. I would say be her guidance and support and just allow her to progress naturally. Best of luck x

Sidra - posted on 10/06/2011

An 11 year old girl should be concentrating on school along with having fun in life with friend both male and female but not a boyfriend. I suggest keeping an open relationship with her where she can express her feeling with you. Be careful though! There are a lot of kids out here wanting to grow up to fast because of what they see all around them. You seem like a loving and concerned mom who want's the best for your child and I'm sure you both will get through this with grace. Just let her know how important she is to everyone who loves her and to always respect herself along with making sure others respect her as well. We are raising children in a wild world where everything go's and we can't lock them up from everybody but we can get more involve in their everyday activities as well as volunteering at their schools and being role model parents. Good luck and never give up on wanted the best for your child and her future.

Kathleen - posted on 10/06/2011

I was hesitant to allow my daughter to have a boyfriend but ended up allowing it. This has really opened the communication between us. She tells me everything about the relationship and it has allowed me to guide her on what is appropriate and how she should be treated by a boy.

http://www.gulfcoastip.com/

Lesley Anne - posted on 10/05/2011

My son is 12 years old and he wants to have a girlfriend too! I wanted to faint! I don't want him to experience the pain of being rejected by a girl..not just yet. But I can't help it.



http://lesleyanneyp.com

Atisha - posted on 10/05/2011

No.....way too early in my opinion.

Lisa - posted on 10/03/2011

@ Mary - NOT GOOD. Boys learn quick what they want from a girl. Two years difference at age 25 is okay - as a teen it's dangerous.

Sherri - posted on 10/03/2011

@Mary and you think this is okay at 11yrs old?!?!?!

Lisa - posted on 10/03/2011

Having a boyfriend is not what it means at 16. At your daughter's age, having a boyfriend normally just means they talk to each other at school. Most parents won't let a preteen date anyway. Ask her what she wants from a boyfriend, why she wants one.

Mary - posted on 10/03/2011

my daughter bf is 2 grades a head of her

MISTY - posted on 10/03/2011

My daughter just turned 11 and I have already given her the birds and bees speech and i have shared my exp. as to why I had sex at 13! My mom did not have an open communication with me and my sisters.So when I became pregnant at 14 and I lost the baby.....My mom started paying attention to my other sisters and I have given her valuable information and she talks to me about everything. All you have to do is keep the lines open!

Lachelle - posted on 10/02/2011

I ADMIRE YOUR COURAGE TO SHARE THIS.

Mary - posted on 10/02/2011

my daughter has bf

Lachelle - posted on 10/01/2011

HECK!! NO...SHE IS TOO YOUNG. THEY ALL SAY THEY HAVE ONE. WELL PLEASE BE HONEST WITH HER ON HOW YOU FEEL.

Lachelle - posted on 10/01/2011

HECK!! NO...SHE IS TOO YOUNG. THEY ALL SAY THEY HAVE ONE. WELL PLEASE BE HONEST WITH HER ON HOW YOU FEEL.

Nikki - posted on 10/01/2011

Get her on the pills, and give her knowledge.

Susanne - posted on 09/30/2011

What would you rather her telling you the truth and feeling she can talk to you about boys and relationships? Or do it behind your back, lie to you and feel that she cant be honest with you or ask you for help with boys and contraception when shes older?

Emily - posted on 09/30/2011

You are right These days kids are having sex at her age. For real. The best thing you can do is stay involved, know all her friends and keep track of where she is always.

Ellen - posted on 09/30/2011

I have a son, almost 17, & daughters 14 1/2 & 8. They go to a very small Christian school (about 250 students at the high school level) where there are no dances & minimal dating pressure compared to what I hear about in public schools in my area. But aside from that, I have told my teens that they have no business dating until they can handle EVERYTHING involved in that kind of relationship, including the inevitable breakup. They have friends/classmates who have dated/broken up & they see the silliness of it (for example, an 8th grade couple who broke up because they had a fight over which cheese is better LOL) & can't be bothered. My daughter, especially, is very busy with 4+ dance classes a week plus volleyball games & practices & church activities. She doesn't have time for a boyfriend. She does have male friends at school that she texts with, but she does not really hang out with anyone outside of school~~HER choice. We don't forbid our teens from doing things, but we encourage them to think it through & they always end up doing the right thing.

Pat - posted on 09/30/2011

Tell her that she is much too young to be thinking about boys. Tell her to have fun with her girlfriends and when the time is right it will happen.

Laurie - posted on 09/29/2011

I totally agree that you should do what you can to prevent a relationship at this age. To those that don't think that it's a big deal, I have talked to different counselors that say that a lot of kids start having sex at 11-12.

Theresa - posted on 09/29/2011

I am wondering what kind of role does her Dad play in her life? Does he give and has given her up until now the affection and attention that she is craving from boys? I highly recomment the top seller book "Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters" by Dr. Meg Meeker. She has been a pediatrician for 20+ yrs and has been seen on many media circuits. As a female, I read her book and what she described was so what I wanted from my own Dad as do so many young girls. She gives Dad's great advise! Google it! You will be so glad you did!!

Maria - posted on 09/26/2011

she has plenty of time for that later...

Ruth - posted on 09/26/2011

My daughter is 12 in the 7th grade, her birthday comes late. But last year in the sixth she would tellme all these stories about her friend dating the other friend's ex boyfriend which cause a ruckus in their friendship. Before I knew that this firend was dating I allowed her to spend the night, this girl was up 12AM texting her boyfriend on a cell that her mom gave her. I told her that it was time to put away the phone, that in my house there are rules. Heck my daughter didn't even have a cell then, but the friend continued and I told my daughter she could not come bac. There were other things I had asked her to do, like eat super before finishing off her junk food, none of which she complied to. I should have expected it though, her had never met me, nor talked to me, let alone knew what my house looked like but she allowed her daughter to come over and stay. i had to request to at least speak to her before hand to ensure that her daughter was allowed to sleep over. She rode the bus home after school with my daughter. I will say I do not allow facebook simply because there are predators of all sorts on their and it is way too much freedom for a child. Needless to say that the girl and my daughter are no longer friends. We do things and she has a cell now which is prepaid so she has to use her minutes wisely. But from the things my daughter and her other friends tell me there is a lot more going on on school buses and in the nook and crannies of the school buildings than you would like to think.

Lika - posted on 09/22/2011

While you're right, she's too young for a "boyfriend", it's also par for the course since she's about a year or two ahead academically. Maybe rather than try to put a total kabosh on it, let her know the types of activities you approve of, say the library, hanging out at home, or a group outing with peers to a movie... Just make sure that she knows, and her potential boyfriend too, that they need to stay in "public areas", even if that means your living room.

If you pull the reigns in TOO tight, she's going to rebel, and may do something we all regret... Give her just enough leeway to let her feel more grown up and independent, while close enough to let her know that you're still mom. That should give her the pride of being mature as well as cozy feeling close to you.

Tracy - posted on 09/22/2011

LOL...we have been having this discussion at school. For some reason around 5th grade the BOY/GIRL Friend thing starts! Hand holding in the halls and hugs that last a little longer than they should...along with notes being passed. They had an assembly not too long into the 5th grade yr...boys one room/ girls in another stressing that personal displays of affection at school were inappropriate. And that friendship between boys and girls should just be that...friendship. Again in the 6th grade we have had this same discussion. Especially with the Christmas dance the topic of discussion among the kids. Most kids at this age the boy/girl friend thing is just limited to hanging out as school events together or talking/texting on the phone...most of it is harmless and at times cute. Just be frank with your children that they are not allowed to date until they reach X age (mine were 16) but around 7th grade we did let our kids go out in groups to the movies or bowling... a group of moms nearby to chaperone. The main thing is to talk to your kids about their growing feelings towards the opposite sex and keep it on a real level. I have told mine that it is not a good Idea to date or have a boy/girl friend at their same school due to the fact that if you break up with them or suddenly dislike them you will still be forced to sit by them in class or even worse get assigned a project to work on with them....

Jean Horgan - posted on 09/21/2011

I think you are right, she is not ready. I have an 11 year old girl myself and I know how boy mad they are and I think all we can do as mothers is advise them. After that there is nothing we can do only wait for them to come to us when they need to talk. Im sure your daughter will take what you've said into consideration though

Jakcie - posted on 09/18/2011

I will not let my 10 year old start having a boyfriend for a long time to come i started Young and i dont want my child too.:(

Karen - posted on 09/17/2011

afraid that is part of ben a parent, they have to grow up sometime, you may not be ready for change but you have to let her learn

Dot - posted on 09/16/2011

NO TIME ALONE! KIDS THAT AGE SHOULD VISIT IN FRONT OF THE PARENTS OR CHAPERONE ONLY!

Pat - posted on 09/16/2011

Talk to her doctor (a Pediatrition?) and you can also talk to a counselor at her school for advice. I found that if I let my daughter bring a boy home while I was home, and give them a small amount of time alone, after I got to know him to gender trust, etc... my daughter felt more comfortable at that age. I had a home day care, so it was easier to keep track of what was going on.

Laurie - posted on 09/16/2011

just say NO!!!! it is a joke in our house that our girls cant date until they are 30...but seriously if they are dating at 11 what are they going to be doing at 13??? stay strong mom!!!

Lora - posted on 09/15/2011

What does she consider "A BOYFRIEND" Does she walk home from school or take a bus? As long as she's at home when she's not in school. Not out running around at night. If she's at home you know nothing can happen there. The boyfriend cannot come over that's for sure. I would just listen and see what her ideas are as far as what it means to her to have "A BOYFRIEND"

Jay - posted on 09/15/2011

I think that telling her no is the wrong thing to do...
My brother went through this with his daughter when she was nine, she told him about her 13 year old boy from the estate. He went mad and told her no way, only to find out when they broke up that she had been dating him in secret all along!
I think that the best thing would be to say okay but to explain what being an 11 year old girlfriend is all about.. (what is NOT allowed..) And have her invite the boy over and ring the boy's mum and explain what is going on, that you are not over-the-moon, but you don't want her hiding.
And never let them close the bedroom door!
I was an out of control child and at 11 I was doing alot of things I shouldn't have. make sure to check where she is going from now on. now that boys are on the radar, girls will try to make ways to hang out with them, like house parties and the sorts!.... :D good luck xxx

Iris - posted on 09/15/2011

Nope...

Kim - posted on 09/14/2011

Hey I was born in Lawton, Okla. My dad was raised there and from the stories I had heard of the schools/teachers I know what your talking about. Hope it all works out for you!

Jennifer - posted on 09/14/2011

It's not an easy thing for sure, this whole children "dating" thing that we Mom's are facing. Gently remind her that at this stage, nobody is "going out" with anyone, but if she chooses to allow someone male who is a good friend to use the title "Boyfriend" to differentiate himself from other classmates and he treats her well and respectfully, SHE may give him that permission. Also remind her of the gem that she is and that she must honor herself by assuring that boys and girels alike must deserve those titles.

Jamie - posted on 09/14/2011

11?? Yikes! My daughter is going to be 11 in a few moths and is in the 5th grade. She came home from school and told me that a boy in her class asked a girl in her class out they they kissed. It is a very scary world out there but as of right now my daughter has no interest in boys like that other than t.v. crushes and I am going to ride that ride as long as I can :) I wish you the best of luck...

Samantha - posted on 09/14/2011

@Kim Semmel , We are in Lawton. Comanche County School System seems to be the worst one I have seen.
Lack of teachers and space for the kids for the most part.. The school my girls went to last year had 3 5th grade teachers that also taught 4th grade so they were doubled with both grades. It was stressful for my daughter being in 4th grade having 5th grade work on most nights..

@ Melissa, You are right the kids are to young for the girlfriend/Boyfriend Rubbish but sometimes kids think they know better than we do.. We can't watch them 24/7 as the teachers can't but sometimes the parents relay on the teachers to make sure nothing happens that shoudn't in the school... I remember a time last year when my son came home from school and was telling us that a girl and boy got caught in the girls bathroom having Sex.... That started sex ed classes in 7th grade!

I know at Ft Campbell both older kids took sex ed before they got out of elementary school. It sometimes is amazing what the schools teach the kids.. I guess it is what the school system pushed and of course ALL SCHOOLS are different...

Melissa - posted on 09/14/2011

Okay okay ... I think my comment was misunderstood! Firstly I was being facetious ... as I read people's comments I was like are you serious people ... surely you want to be part of your children's lives and not have them start lying to you. My son's almost 13 and for years I had been telling him that he couldn't have a girlfriend ... there was no if, buts or maybe ... it was a straight NO! So he kept it a secret when he finally got one last year. I was upset when I found out but need and what him to have an open and honest relationship with me so I had to change my thinking (this was hard because as a classroom teacher I tell children as well that they are way too young for boyfriend girlfriend rubbish) ... however we have an obligation to assist our children with making informed decisions that are sensible and morally correct - we can't do that if we are excluded from the experience.



So now I'm not negative, I ask him how its going ... he tells me ... asks my opinions and even shares with me when she broke up with him. As immature as these relationships are, they are very real for our children so we need to be there for them.



My comment about watching my son at school was a joke. I was trying to point out that we can't watch our children every second of the day realistically, we need them to make their own choices and mistakes (this helps shapes them into the adults they become and makes them stronger as people) ... in this digital world we need to be aware of relationships and be as supportive as possible or we will get left behind :(



Also I teach in New Zealand. We have 350 children out in our school yard/playground/lunch eating area and they are monitored by 2 or 3 teachers ... that's it ... over the space of 50 minutes ... and unless we are outside the school grounds I would never escort a child to the toilet ...



Yes education comes first most definitely and I don't for a second think that my child is thinking about the next step but if and when he does I'd like to think he had all the facts as well as being aware of the consequences for actions ...

Marlyne - posted on 09/14/2011

its o.k to hve boys as friends..but boyfriends noooo they are to young they need to concentrate on there education first she is still a baby these kids are growing up to fast my daughters are 14 15 and 16 an havent yet had a boyfiend they have there whole life ahead of them education first xxxx

Kim - posted on 09/14/2011

@ Samantha Fletcher
We are in Moore Public Schools even tho we are in OKC limits....love the schools here. They have been great for my son. Yes, that is what I was saying, they get a period time after lunch where they stay outside and aren't allowed back in school til the bell rings. I'm sure that will change if we have server cold weather but even in the 3 digits we have had they have had the kids outside...tho we found out today that they were allowing some to stay inside if they couldn't take the heat. My son is in 7th grade...we had a meeting tonight with his teachers and was thrilled with the news we had received he was tested to be a 8th grade 2 semester level in math and 9th grade 2 semester level in reading. Moore does require more credits to graduate then alot of the schools here in Oklahoma..where are you at in Oklahoma Samantha?

Sherri - posted on 09/13/2011

Interesting Samantha our children are not allowed outside the bldg for lunch they must sit in the cafeteria and lunch is divided into multiple lunches so there is only ever 50 kids at a time for lunch and there are at least 5 teachers in there to monitor them.