11 year old doesn't want to live...

Cathe - posted on 02/06/2012 ( 15 moms have responded )

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My daughter who is 11 just told me that she doesn't want to live. She is in 6th grade and the girls have just been horribly mean this year. Girls that she thought were her friends have shown thier true colors this year. I am going to get her into counseling but I just am feeling lost. I lost so many friends in high school to suicide and I can't believe my 11 year old is contimplating it. Any words of wisdom?

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Luvmia - posted on 02/25/2012

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I am so sorry that this is happening to your doctor. Please call a crisis hotline because THIS IS AN EMERGENCY situation! God forbid she decides to kill herself while you are trying to get an appointment for her. You DO NOT want to wait on this.



Let the principal know what is going on so they can deal with this matter immediately! These girls have no right to harrass your daughter in anyway. If you do not get any results from the school, go to the Board of Education.



If all else fails, you may want to check into www.k12.com or www.connectionsacademy.com. They have public and charter schools whom use this curriculum and you can enroll your kid for free. They will give your daughter all her books, school supplies, a laptop, printer with ink and an internet subsidy. The schools have plenty of activities, online class sessions with qualified teachers and tutoring sessions.



I know it is hard. Eventually, I had to homeschool my son because of the many issues with these schools and the children, both in good and bad neighbors. And it is getting worse.

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Anitta - posted on 03/15/2012

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happy to hear your daughter is improving! if it does happen again, formally complain to the department of education, the principal...again and you may have to make a police report. i know it sounds harsh, but i have had to do this before and we have all heard the saying about the squeaky wheel....squeak loud. your daughter has the right as a human being to feel safe and happy and these girls are taking that right from her.

Chelsea - posted on 03/08/2012

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i would do homeschooling, there are some homeschools that do have a small amount of kids in them, a good way to find a new group of kids for her to get close to. poor thing, thats so scary, i would be so troubled, i hope she realizes that mean girls are normal, and when she is older it just wont matter anymore to worry about them

Cathe - posted on 03/08/2012

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Anitta - she does not have a plan. She has just been so down with the way her so-called friend has been treating her and the names she has been called. I recently wrote the mother a letter regarding this issue and thought that we could handle it together as mothers and as adults. Well, she won't even deal with it. She sends everything to her husband and when we tried to have a conversation at school she walked away and left me to talk with her husband about it. I had cc'd the principal on the email so that she would be aware of it and she did not respond. So. when I saw the principal the other day I asked her if she received the email. She sat there for a moment and then said yes...and that was it. She did not want to discuss it any further. I am beyond frustrated at the school. I have put my daughter on a swim team and so far she is really enjoying it and already seems happier.

Anitta - posted on 03/08/2012

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has your daughter said anything about a plan she has to commit suicide or is she just feeling like she cant handle life? i know the above sounds the same, but it isnt. a plan may mean that she intends to and the other is a cry for help. she may benefit greatly from counselling and it appears that you and her have a close relationship. talk to the principal...again. i think almost every school in the world has an anit-bullying policy but some have to be reminded a few timesw before they will do anything. it may be that she will eventually be put on anti-depressants. i hope she gets better soon.

Marie - posted on 02/25/2012

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I really feel for you hun as my daughter is 14 yrs old and feels the same. She is bullied at school. She has even started scratching her arm which is only minor but is classed as self harm. I took my daughter to the drs and she has been referred for councelling. It is so scary when your child says things like that. Take her to the drs hun x

Cathe - posted on 02/09/2012

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Christine - the thing is our school does have an anti-bullying policy but it seems to only apply to certain people. I have a friend who has helped me with the wording that I choose when I am speaking to the school or the district. I was just talking to another mother the other day and she said that there are children (nieces) in her family going through similar issues at the school too.



It seems like at our school if you are rich you are treated completely different. Nothing can touch you.



This is her last year at this school and I can't wait for her to get out. I will be debating on taking my younger child out also. She was actually threatened to be killed and nobody did a damn thing about it because the boy was only in 2nd grade. I was told that if he would have been in 4th grade the dicipline would have been more severe.



I will check out the link that you sent me. Thank you very much.

Christine - posted on 02/08/2012

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check out www.kindnessabovemalice.org (KAM) it is an anti-bullying organization/movement that grew out of the suicide of one of our high school freshman last year. They might have some resources that you'd find helpful.



Also, if your school district does not have an anti-bullying policy in effect, perhaps this is something that you and your daughter can create together. I'm thinking it might be good for her self-esteem and would help others who are being bullied.

Sandy - posted on 02/07/2012

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I am so sorry to hear that your little girl feels so bad that she would want to kill herself. I think it's smart that you got her into counseling, there are some wonderful counselors out there that can really help. I would definitely tell the principal too and your pediatrician. Church groups are very supportive too. My girls are in girl scouts and that helps build their confidence. Plus most of the girls are really nice and supportive of each other. I think at this point, any group where she can feel supported and accepted would be a good thing so that facing the day at school won't be as bad. At age 11 it's hard to see the future, but you and I both know it does get better! Just keep telling her that! Good luck!

Mrs. - posted on 02/06/2012

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" I don't know about the church thing as the girl who is being the worst to her goes to church. Their family acts so much more superior than ours and I can't stand that. "----



Yeah I hear that, & indeed that is a whole 'nother can of worms. (My family is fundamental, independent baptists, and hypocritical church is one of my pet peeves; "big" and "fancy" in a "church" is a pretty good indicator of corruption IMO)



I understand you have a situation where staying at home is a non option now. Perhaps you could get her into a charter school, or even transfer to a different district, where she can get a clean slate.



But I hate to think there are just no options for a school change, because as good as those out of school activities and social groups are, its somewhat a one step forward two step back scenario if she is forced to engage in that same situation with those same kids 5 days a week.



Dont give up! Maybe some creative thinking is called for, necessity being the mother of invention and all..... depending on your states regulations on private school & homeschooling, perhaps even start your own mommy Homeschool Co-op, where a team of moms can help a group of Students within your daughters age range at some other Moms Home... like a mini Mom Run private school in Home somewhere.

There are many retired moms whom , their own children having left the home, would be a great resource in our society of busy moms in need.

When the state pushes our children to the point of suicide I just feel like us moms have to band together and take things back into our hands.



I sure Hope for the best for you and yours Cathe.

Cathe - posted on 02/06/2012

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Mrs. Fairchild,



I totally agree with the anti depressants. I would never put her on them. I don't know about the church thing as the girl who is being the worst to her goes to church. Their family acts so much more superior than ours and I can't stand that.



Since we have joined the gym recently she has enjoyed running and swimming. She has also done some Zumba classes with me.



Her dad recently went back to work after being laid off for about 5 years. He is now a long haul truck driver now and he is gone a lot. I work full-time and we do what we can. She seems to get along better with boys and I get a lecture on that from my mother-in-law that she is at the experimental stage and that I should not let her hang out with boys.



I have explained to her that at recess if the kids are not being nice that she should grab a book and sit and read. She likes to draw so she has been getting into that a little bit more. I am just trying to find thing that interest her and help her find her way.

Jennifer - posted on 02/06/2012

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Wow! That is very hard for a young person to go thru... bullying has become such a problem in our society... The most important thing for you to do is to let her know that she can come to you with any type of problem. It seems that the school is not doing much to help this problem and neither are the other parents...Which is sad that our society has come to that. And its great that she is getting invovled with other things besides school. That really helped me. Since a boy attack her, I would really suggust that maybe looking into a self defense or karate class would help her not only with her confindence level but with staying up for herself.Fighting is never the answer... but being able to say no and you cant do that to me can be.

Mrs. - posted on 02/06/2012

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Your poor baby. Im so sorry to hear how much this has hurt her. Personally, Im not a big fan of putting kids on antidepressants or any kind of serotonin reuptake inhibitors, as they can actually lead to more violence and self destruction. So please be very wary of the many therapists who will push those.



I agree with Jennifer that a place like Church is a great place for kids to meet other sweet, safe kids.



I would ask her what changes she thinks would help, and tell her you will do anything to keep her from being destroyed daily!



This is one of the reasons I home school, sending your kids to these state run places is just so risky on so many levels. Imagine being at a place 8 hours or more a day and feeling scared, trapped, and bullied everyday! It would be mentally and emotionally exhausting for any adult, let alone a child who has not yet developed the skills to cope with this sort of agony. So Please be open minded when it comes to totally removing this from her life and saying "see-ya! Nightmare School!" Anything is better than making her suffer to this degree.

Cathe - posted on 02/06/2012

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Thank you so much Jennifer. She is being bullied by both boys and girls. I have gone to the principal and even the district. They support the "richer" families more than the other ones. I get so frustrated but I don't want her labeled as the child with the problem parent so I have had to choose my battles.



Last week I requested that her teachers seperate her and another girl as much as possible in their classes. I was shocked when I was told that they were changing their periods around so that they would not be in any classes other than homeroom. This is a girl that was her best friend in 1st grade. The girl has called her a bitch the "c" word and many other things and tells her that I don't love her and that I don't want her. I actually got this girls parents involved and we had a big discussion with the girls and they were all great. This other girl was back to her old ways within a couple of days.



The first week of school a boy hit her in the head with a ball, kicked her in the back, and slapped her in the face and nothing was done. I went to the prinipal who asked if I informed the teacher. So, we did that and nothing happened. I even went to talk to his mom because I thought we were friends and she was on her way out and told me to call, which I did. I never heard from her and I was told that she was saying that our family has anger issues.



My daughter is signed up to join a swim team and the girls are supposed to be really nice and support each other. I really hope this helps.



She is the youngest in her class and her reading and spelling are not as good as the other kids so I am sure they tease her about that too.



I am trying to be her mother and a friend to her.

Jennifer - posted on 02/06/2012

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I was in 5th grade when I said this to my teacher one day after being bullied for years about being different. I was over weight, had a speech problem and we were not that well off with money. So I got bullied alot. What my parents did to help me was to get the school invovled with counseling. Reach out to mentor groups in your area is one way to help. Most mentors have been where your daughter is. Get her invovled with school, church and other social grouping so that she can meet new friends that are not like her others. Girls can be mean... very mean, but there are nice ones out there. Make sure you listen to her, have her write in a notebook/journal about her days and maybe even about the girls that are doing this to her so she can see that they are not worth her time or her feeling this bad... Help her learn that she is the only person that make her feel and think things.. no one has the right... And maybe in sometime she can confront them about it. I hope this helps.. your not alone and neither is she! Be a friend to her!

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