11 year old lost her best friend, no clear explanation on why...any ideas?

Ginger - posted on 06/15/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

11

0

4

We moved to our current state a year ago, and enrolled our daughter in a new school. It was tough leaving her old friends behind, but we knew our daughter would not have a problem making new friends, so we were thrilled when she made new friends quickly in school. She became especially close with a girl who was also new to the school and they were inseparable during the entire school year. The last week of school the friend gets a little weird; she was moody, reserved, acted like she did not want to be bothered. I asked my daughter if something happened in school (her friend gets picked on a lot by other kids) but she said nothing had happened; however, she had noticed the moody behavior. My daughter tried calling, but her friend would not return her calls. I told my daughter maybe her friend had lost her phone again, and that she would call her once she found it. My daughter was playing with another friend and finds out that her BFF had told her other BFF that they were no longer friends. My daughter was crushed and confused on why her supposedly best friend was telling people that behind her back. The friend's mom and I have become friendly so I gave her a call. The girls mom had no idea why the daughter was acting strange and she did not know anything about the friendship ending. We got together with the girls to try and figure out what was going on. The girl kept saying she was having a hard time explaining why she wanted to end it and ended up giving some ridiculous excuse. I told her flat out that what she said was a poor excuse and she really needed to be honest because she was hurting my daughter. Her mom told her the same thing. She started coming up with all sorts of stuff, pointing fingers at my daughter and even saying we were rude to her. When I called her on it, it turns out she was upset that we had the nerve to reprimand her when she behaved badly. She always wants to come off as the victim but I see right thru her and don't allow it. She decided she wanted to just be very casual friends and not her best friend. I told my daughter she would have to accept what her friend wanted and maybe it was better to just move on. What is horrible is that my daughter feels guilty for the friendship ending, and she did nothing wrong. I had my reservations about the friend from the beginning because she was extremely manipulative, a bit disrespectful and has major issues with authority; the total opposite of our daughter. When they were playing at our house, she had to conform to our rules, and she had issues with that. Her mom told me she had problems keeping friends, and my daughter had been the only girl with whom she had been friends for several months. The girls parents did not want the friendship to end, but they would support whatever the daughter wanted to do. I did find it odd that I never heard her talk about old friends from the previous school, and we never met any of her old friends. My daughter is still friends with the girls back home and really misses them. This little girl has some major issues and was disliked in school. She would get mad if my daughter spoke to other girls who refused to talk to her. She's a know-it-all and refuses to accept any other opinion, she's rude, back talks to people and the teachers, lies, exaggerates, and gets insulted if you reprimand her. My family and friends who have met her always say there is something off about her, and I agree. The problem is that my daughter really enjoyed playing with her so we allowed the friendship to continue. My daughter is hoping the friend will come around and will want to reinstate the friendship, but quite honestly, I prefer that she moves on. I worry that this child will hurt my daughter and I do not want her at our house after what she said about us. She lies so easily, there's no telling what else she would lie about. Her parents are lovely people and I would hate to lose their friendship but I have to worry about my family first. This is the first time my daughter has lost a friend and it's been hard on her. Have any of you dealt with something similar?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Louise - posted on 06/16/2012

5,429

69

2296

I can tell you that this happends all the time with no explanation. Encourage your daughter to join a new social club after school in your area. I dont know how old she is but try venture scouts or girl guides or soemthing. These groups encourage friendship and team work and they have lots of fun too.

The other child has issues and is always going to be a Jackal and Hyde sort of charactor. Best out of the loop if you ask me. As I say encourage looking for friendship in a different way. My youngest son did Sea Scouts when he was 11 and is still good friends with the group he met at the age of 18 and my son did RAF Cadets and is still in contact with a group of his friends now aged 21. My daughter is 3.5 and as soon as she is five I will enrole her into Brownies. It is important that your child has friends outside as well as inside school.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

2 Comments

View replies by

Ginger - posted on 06/16/2012

11

0

4

Louise, thanks so much for your response. I was going to enroll her in a summer camp, but she's not interested in attending, so yesterday, I searched for a local Girl's Scout troop. She says she's not interested in going, but I'm going to take her anyway. I know once she goes and sees what they do, she will decide to join. Back home, she was on the drill team, and only one school friend was on it, so it was a great opportunity for her to meet and befriend other girls outside her circle. This kind of drama is new to her, and I keep reminding her that she's been a great friend to the other girl and she should be proud of that. My concern is that the other girl will come back and say, I'm sorry, I changed my mind and want to be your friend, and my daughter is going to get sucked in again, and this kid will drop her again. She plays head games and that's unhealthy. Thanks again!!!!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms