Ali - posted on 08/31/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )
I recently moved in with my sister to help her with rent and caring for my 11 year old niece. My niece just started 6th grade today and is extremely rude at times, does not take responsibility for most of her actions refuses to help out around the house and makes a nuisance of herself. She doesn't seem to grasp the fact that even though there are now two adults in the house she still has to help out and its not like she is being asked to do hard impossible chores! Take the dog out and help clean up the kitchen and to clean the bathroom! Cleaning the bathroom literally took her FOUR days! And it was still not clean! The biggest issue yet though was tonight. Right now my sister and I are sharing a vehicle which works out well for the most part. I had plans this evening and around 9pm I get a call from my niece asking me where I am and when I will be back because she left her backpack in the car and really needed it to get some work done. So I cut what I am doing short and head home as I do not want her getting behind. Well it turns out what needed to be done was just a piece of paper my sister had to sign! The reason my niece pulled this stunt is because she wanted my sisters attention focused solely on her. My sister had a friend over that she has been seeing and they were watching a movie. My niece was supposed to be getting ready for bed and was in a sort of time out as at dinner she had been acting out and being very cocky! Well when I figured out exactly what was going on I was a bit annoyed and told my niece it is her responsibility to make sure that she takes care of her backpack. She got very argumentative at this point. I dropped it but I somehow got roped into getting her ready for bed. I gave her an extra 10 minutes so I could finish cleaning the kitchen and when I went back into the living room she had not finished organizing her backpack yet again (a ploy to delay going to bed) so I gave her a few more minutes. Finally once she had everything all set I told her it was time for bed. She said why do you care when mumma doesn't? "I told her you heard mumma she said 30 minutes ago you had to be in bed in 10 minutes I gave you extra time to finish up what you were doing. You have school in the morning and need to go to bed." So she got her stuff and went to her room. I went to check a few minutes later and she is in there cutting a shirt up. I asked her what are you doing and she says trying to fix this shirt mumma got black mold on it and I want to wear it tomorrow. Now by this point I am very frustrated with the whole situation. Being put in the situation of having to come home early trying to deal with my niece and her attitude and I did get upset and it showed in my voice. I told her that it was not her mothers fault the shirt had black mold on it as her clothing is HER responsibility and no one else's and that this particular shirt had been on the basement floor for weeks and she had not bothered to pick it up and was it before so why bother with it now? And that she never takes responsibility for her actions or responsibility for her thing. I didn't raise my voice at her but I was very annoyed and walked out. Of course she had some smart mouth reply to why it is not her fault but by this point I just do not care. I tell her to just brush her teeth and finish getting ready for bed and walk away from the situation.
Later on once my sisters date leaves I go downstairs to talk to my sister now it is 11pm and my niece was supposed to be in bed at 9:30! And of course she is not and the moment I walk into my sisters room the kid is seriously rude and has an attitude! So I just walked right back out.
My sister is exhausted from trying to keep her business afloat and dealing with this kids attitude and treatment of people ,she just doesn't know what to do anymore. My niece is aware of how hard her mom is working to just be able to put food on the table. She is aware that things are very tight right now and that we all need to help out more yet she still refuses to give her mom the slightest bit of slack or leeway. I try to be consistent with her but it doesn't work! I know it there are a lot of factors at play between how my sister parents what my niece is used to and how I react to things but nothing I have tried with this child works! And I am at the end of my rope with her! The kicker is she only acts this way around my sister and I. Although she did act out like that around my father recently so he saw how she can be. The attitude and total lack of respect! I just know that the next time I have to take care of her so my sister can work or whatever it is going to turn into the same thing! I just don't know what to do anymore. I am regretting my decision to move in and help out! I would leave but I just can't do that to my sister right now. Not with the state her business is in and the fact that she really needs my help with finances and my niece. How do we get an 11 year old to start minding and being a productive member of the household? Without the arguments and constant bickering? How can we get her to be more responsible for her things like her clothing and school bag? Any help and guidance would be greatly appreciated!