11 yr old daughters pouting, whining, stomping and ATTITUDE!

Tanya - posted on 02/27/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )




Okay....My daughter just turned 11, she just recently started her period (her attitude started about six months before that) and is the most difficult person to be around. I love her so much but WOW!! She will not listen to anything her dad or I have to say, she is constantly pouting, stomping or whining when things don't go her way - which is most of the time apparently. And she is just making the rest of the family miserable - her 2 brothers and sister have told me shes mean and they don't want to be around her. She yells at them for the littlest things. The only way I have found to keep some peace here is to tell her how she's acting and send her to her room for awhile....she spends more time in her room now because of this than she does out of it.

I have had people tell me to take away her things, really, she doesn't have the things that people keep telling me to take away from her....no cell phone, hardly any computer time, we don't have cable - so no tv time except for the very occasional movie - so that stuff is out. =)

Is this seriously something I just have to ride through until she outgrows it or does anyone have any advice as how to curb some of the attitude? I am seriously losing patience with her and unfortunately sometimes this gets taken out on my other 3 kids. Thanks!


Bobbie - posted on 03/07/2011




Your daughter values something. Regardless of what it is. As you figure out her currency that is what you take away until she begans to treat people different. Rather it be new clothes, etc. What does she do in her room? If you have to make it bare bones that is what you do.. If you give her a lift to school let her walk or ride the bus if that is feasible. Also see if you can talk to her one on one to see what is bothering her most about her life. It may not be anything her family is doing it may be interactions at school or school work that she has trouble doing. If you are in a place where you can get free couseling for your daughter take advantage of it. And remember the old rule Monkey see Monkey do. If you or her father act like that she patterns her behavior after you.

Chris - posted on 03/04/2011




I have four daughters, 14, twins 11, and a 10 yr. old. This is a rough time, but it will get better. I encourage you to spend time with her doing things she likes like some of these other moms have suggested and really listening to her. My oldest has had a rough year, but with patience, unconditional love, and lots of support we've gotten through. My twins are just starting to show a little of this, too so I'm praying A LOT!!! One of the consequences that we've done with our girls through the years has been going to bed early, which they hate. We only use that now though if there's blatent disrespect or disobedience. Hang in there and just be with her!

K - posted on 03/02/2011




Hi Tanya,
I am going through some of these same issues with my 12 year old. I spoke with our peditrician and she told me to get my daughter a journal so she could start writing her feelings down. Sometimes that helps her to release her frustration. Is everything ok with her at school? I hope this helps try to stay strong.

User - posted on 02/28/2011




hi tanya

hi my name is terri i have a fourteen year old boy,a daughter turning thirteen,an eleven year old daughter ,ten year old son and a eight month old little girl. i can relate to your issues. have you tried taking the time to spend with your daughter, just the two of you and talk. maybe she just wants to express herself but not quite sure how to do it without lashing out. so i suggest maybe the two of you get up early one weekend and spend the whole day together,this way you get to find out somethings about her that you probably didn't know. well that's my suggestion, let me know how it goes.

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Rachael - posted on 03/08/2011




sounds alot like my daughter. what i found to get the best results is simply talk to her. one on one. she growing up and she needs her mom. but tell her at the beginning that if she starts her "attitude" ur going to walk away and to let u know when she is ready to talk, then talk even if its about what u would think is the dumbest stuff for some reason its important to her.

Julie - posted on 03/03/2011




welcome to the preteen world............when your kids get to this stage they will become sulky whiny and think they know best and the attitude will get worse before it gets better.....time and patience is the thing....spend one to one time with her doing girly things and picking nice smelly bath and hygeine products and clothes and generaly being girly girls now and again and this will address some teen issues before they start. the attitude still needs to be addressed but at least you know the underlying cause and are not just trying to figure out whats causing it but deal with it in any other way you normaly would . anyone with teenagers will relate to you at the moment and can tell you that it doesnt last forever and if you get a grip on it you will both be fine. think back to when you were her age or round about that age. what was it like when you were hormonal. even now you can still relate some times. some days you cant be bothered other days your ful of energy. and did all you ladies know that ginger is good for periods. apparently it has some form of calming so i love a nice coffee with ginger biscuits. if she's only 11 she will still like her cookies and things. teenagers and tweens grow up you will get your sanity back honest. mine are 20 and 22 now and i must admit it wassnt easy but we all got through it without killing each other.

April - posted on 02/28/2011




She is probably lashing out because of the hormones. Maybe she is having trouble controlling herself. I know I sometimes get cranky when I am hormonal and sometimes say things I regret. For an 11 year old with lack of self-control (due to age) it is exponentially harder. Maybe you can give her some coping techniques like using yoga to relax or just deep breathing when she feels like she's going to yell.
You might have to sit her down with her father and explain why her behavior is not appropriate and that you understand it's hard when you have feelings you don't think you can control.
If she feels like she's being heard it might make a difference. Good luck!

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