11yr old. Unreasonable expectations?

Rylee - posted 6 days ago

i am elleven my mom wanted me to join to get ideas ,

Rylee - posted 6 days ago

thats good advice

Crystal - posted on 10/17/2012

hello im 11 and was wandering the same Q becase i do chores an all but its hard to think of things when they ask the Q what du u do that is responsible :? im rllly confused

Heather - posted on 05/09/2012

We have an eleven years old (who is our 3rd child, and only still at home).
He most certainly does help around the house and with no money expected! We go with the "you live in this house you help out"! He does small things like feeds the cats, help with laundry when asked, helps clean after meals, and other daily life chores as they arise.
He also vacuums the whole house, puts away his laundry, and help with the weekend clean-up!
Now I can't say our second child was the same and our first (agirl) was easier to get to help.

As far as money because he is so helpful and does so with saying boo.....when he needs money we give him some.

Hope this helps!

Wendi - posted on 05/07/2012

well said Jaclyn I dont want to give my daughters $ til they are maybe 7 so they can learn the value of money and learn to save and pend something if they want to. Until then they dont need to get paid for something thet should already be doing. A family helps each other and works together. That is what my hubby and i think. I will raise my 2 mth old the same i am my 21 mth old. They see you clean so they want too.My daughter tries to sweep.its so cute!

Teresa - posted on 05/04/2012

Hi Marie, Sounds like you have your hands full, although you are quite right pocket money is a reward and should be given in return for helping you, but also as a way of training your daughter to become an independant adult. Having said that the task of setting a 'chore list' is probably going to be met with lack of enthusiasim from your daughter, to overcome this it may be better to have her co'operation in working out exactly how you are going to do this, for example if you were to ask her if she would like to go on a shopping day with you to buy something she would like, then ask if she could do some chores before you go, the more she gets to understand the reward system of helping, the quicker she will see how it works to her benifit. I would also suggest you get your 4yr old on board with this ,maybe a reward chart for helping with small chores, putting toys away,picking up their clothes, this then will seem less like you are just expecting your eldest daughter to do all the chores. Always make sure you give lots of praise for any little attempt at helping, even if it does not quite go the way you want it. I am sure your daughter is like many eleven year olds and will constantly be testing the boundaries, just keep cool and dont give in , no chores no rewards and lots of praise when she does. Good Luck with the new baby and your lovely family.

Sandra - posted on 04/30/2012

Here is another perspective on chores. I wasn't home much growing up because I spent many hours at gymnastics. My parents knew that it was a challenge to keep up with school work, gymnastics, and have a little bit of social time. When I went off to college, I had to read the laundry bottle and machine to learn to do the wash. I didn't really know how to use cleaning products - got the squirt and wipe, but didn't really know that there were different products for different things. It was a really tough transition, especially since I didn't want my roommates to realize how clueless I was.

Ashley - posted on 04/29/2012

when i was 11 i was helping my dad raise my newborn sister and taking care of my brother while my dad was sleeping cuz he worked nights. i used to do everything in the house! from my room and bathroom to the outside chores. so no your not being unreasonable in expecting her to do chores.

Catherine - posted on 04/25/2012

I dont believe you are being unreasonable at all. I believe that all children should have to contribute to a smooth running family home. (age appropriate of course) I also do NOT pay for certain chores which are just expected to be done. My belief is that you are part of this family, you live here so you help. I will however pay for work around the house that is not expected to be done.....ie mowing grass, sweeping garage etc. Babysitting a younger sibling or doing dishes on a night that is assigned to someone eles.
Honestly at the age of 11 your child should be doing the basics, its part of raising well balanced considerate people. My father NEVER had my sister or I do ANY chores, while this may sound great its not. When I first moved out I didnt know how to do anything. Remeber chores and responsibilties that we teach our children are preparing them for their future and you honestly want them to be as prepared as possible!

Michelle - posted on 04/23/2012

Umm my daughter is almost two and she helps out around the house. Mind you she doesnt have chores but when I clean she is in there helping me. I had to cook once a week do dishes 6 nights a week, help with the washing, along with a few other little chores when I was around her age. If she wants money she should earn it because things arent given for free.

Kim - posted on 04/19/2012

Come up with a chore list & an allowance, if you are ok with that. However, chores (& I mean all of them) not done, equals no $$ for her... & if you want to get really creative, if you or someone else does her chores for the week, she owes you that same amount of $$..

TealRose - posted on 04/17/2012

I am 57 and can remember well having to do chores. I can also remember just how much I was 'expected' to do them instead of ASKED to help. That makes a huge difference in anyone's mind. Parents with lots of children shouldn't expect help from the children because THEY were the ones who 'invited' them into the family. I lost track of the times my mother thought that just because I was a child, I SHOULD be doing things when if she had merely said 'Would you help me here because I can't fix everything?' I would have jumped in with both feet to help. Instead she was of the 'You WILL do this this and this' brigade which made me feel like a slave! She also gave me far too much to do and had me go to bed at silly times like 8pm at 18yrs old - and then wondered why I couldn't get my homework done.

Children should help, not be the mainstay of the home. Sure get them to put their dirty clothes in the linen bin - but don't make them wash it. Especially as teens. I felt terribly depressed because I couldn't get my homework done and yet was washing dishes, drying them, dusting, vacuuming, keeping my room clean, washing clothes, ironing them, putting them away etc etc and NEVER had five minutes to think my own thoughts.

As I said, help yes, and from an early age. I started with my children when they could just about walk, by having them pass a cup to me for me to wash, or to put away etc. To help sort the clothes. Taught them to cook some things when they wanted to learn. Not as a chore.

Basically then, just as I don't EXPECT and demand my husband to help, I request it and he gives it willingly this is how I treated my children as they grew up. We chose to have them.. they didn't choose to come into our lives. They had a lot to learn and even more homework than I had, We all helped one another. The only thing I really insisted on as they got older was for them to keep their rooms reasonably tidy. Not perfect. Just clean enough. Now they are 28 and 32 and I have grandchildren who are 3yrs and 6yrs and they help when asked. No big nasty 'chore' word needed. Much easier!

Tiffany - posted on 03/26/2012

i am a stay home mother of 4. my oldest just turned 7. he and his 5yr old brother both have chores. they help put away the clean dishes, put away their clean clothes, clean their room, and they gather their laundry for me on wash days. i fully believe children should have responsibilities around the house.

Karen - posted on 03/20/2012

Ok I will first tell you what I had to do as a child/teen. we each had a chore to do in the house and one to do outside the house. The inside chore was to be done on Friday night or Sat. morning pending on our sports schedule before anything else was allowed to do.. They consisted of dusting, sweeping, or scowering the bathrooms. We were each responsible to have our bedrooms tidied up so others could do their jobs accordingly. My mom would do the laundry and the kitchen. The laundry was; she folded the clothes and sorted by each person and we were responsible to get them up and away... Outside chores were when needed. My brother mowed the grass, I weed eated, my sister (the youngest) sweeped up from everything. My dad was incharde of the trimming. This got us our allowance, which paid for school lunches and a little bit of spending money. I also could do the ironing to earn extra (mom hated to iron)

Now, I have 2 kids of my own and when they were that age I had charts for allowances. Things that they were responsible on a daily bases and things they could do to earn extra. Laundry, hygene (teeth bathe), and bedrooms, were daily things. Dishes, dusting, and sweeping. could earn extra. what ever they earned thou $1 0r $2 was put in offering at church.

as they got older more was expected and we have no chart. Now mine are 18 and 16 and both very busy with sports and girlfriends.They both do their own laundry and when their rooms need done.. I just say don't make any plans till it's done. My son has a job and pays for most everything on his own. The biggest helpnow is that they pick up after themselves, (dishes in dish washer, keep their rooms and bathrooms pickend up. But we also areon a farm, feeding is one of the added chores now that they are older. We all like to mow and use the tractor, so outdoor chores aren't hard to get done when we have the time. As for allowances now, we don't give any. When something big or special is wanted, we give them the option to work it off.. AS long as they are in a sport and make good grades we cover most exspenses. My son only plays one sport, so he has a job, but it has paid off, it got him a full ride to college, our daughter plays 3 sports, so no job, (side jobs in summer) but we have hopes that in future it will pay off as well..

Ashlee - posted on 03/19/2012

she ha sbeen ready to help out for years my 2 yearold stepson my 3 yearold son clean their own room and my 6 year old helps with dishes and and his own room

Mariah - posted on 03/12/2012

At age 9 I was responsible for: picking up my room, rinsing my dishes, feeding the dogs, taking out the trash, minding my baby sister, folding my own laundry, and making sure all my dirty laundry made it into the hamper. All of this was expected of me and I did not get an allowance for it. If I wanted pocket $$ I had to do something that was not asked of me.



An 11 year old doesn't need money, they want money. If I were you this is what I would say & do. "Honey, everyone has to work hard to earn $ to buy what they want, including you. When you take care of all your chores without complaint and do something that I have not asked you to do, then and only then will you get an allowance." Then I would make a chart of the chores and how often they are to be done with a space to check off the completed task. Then a blank space for the extra chore and a space for the $ amount the child wants for the task, and a 2nd space for the actual amount I would pay for the task. I feel this method teaches the child the value of work, and at the same time shows them how others value their work compared to how they value their own work.



At 11 I think it is reasonable to ask a child to: wash / fold / & put away their own laundry, pick up their room, wash & put away their own dishes, help with minding younger siblings, sweep/vacuum the house, walk / feed / and wash pets, take the trash to the street or dumpster.

Barbara - posted on 03/08/2012

Especially at 11 she should at least be doing her own laundry and helping with dishes. My 7 year old got up on the chair the other day to help with dishes I let her but rinsed them again after. She puts her clothes away now and feeds her own animals. She does get an allowance but if any given week she skips a chore she does not get it. Especially with a baby on the way she should be helping you.

Claire - posted on 03/08/2012

No you are not being unreasonable. My 11 year old daughter helps with tidying up, washing up and she keeps her room tidy. Obviously I do not expect her to put this before her school work and most of her chores are done at the weekend, but she knows that if they do not get done then she will get no pocket money.



I think helping out a bit prepares them a little for when they get older too and have to do these things for themselves.



Hope this helps a little.



Claire x

Elizabeth - posted on 03/06/2012

I think you're right...

Penny - posted on 03/06/2012

If you don't make her do chores now - how do you think she will respond when she is 15 ? I did the same thing and I so regret it now. I cannot get my daughter to do anything without threats and its awful.

Suzanne - posted on 03/03/2012

start her out by doing dishes and/or laundry. she can get used to it that way when she is older she can already be in the habit and have much more time for other things.

Julie - posted on 11/18/2011

Good time to start her learning the importance of earning -
Start out working WITH your 1 year old and tell her ahead of time that she will be earning fun/spending $.
Be postive in your voice as well as with your words.
STICK TO YOUR GUNS when she wants spending money and has not earned it.
Trust me - it will be hard on you both, at first, but WELL WORTH it in the long run ... when she realizes the value of a job well done...AND you are preparing her for life!
♥ love her ~

C - posted on 11/03/2011

You are not bieng unreasonable at all! A house that gets messed up by everyone should be cleaned up by everyone. When I was 11 I helped around the house..
Your 11 year old is concerned with pocket money, I would also think that was an indication that its time to earn and help.. I think chores are a great learning aid.
During the school year my kids chores are light because the schedule is so tight... My three year old feeds and waters the dog in the am and picks up toys before bed.
My twelve year puts the clean dishes away out of the dishwasher in the am and merges all laundry baskets to one and brings it downstairs next to the washer. These things take 10 minutes tops. Then in the pm she puts away her clothes and vaccumes the downstairs carpet...
My 14 year old accually does less this year then ever because her schedule is so hectic but she did her share of chores and babysitting before she hit highschool.
I also ask for special things a couple times a week like sweeping the porch or cleaning the mirrors.
I dont give allowance because for some reason my kids seem to always have money... good grades, birthdays, extra jobs. What I do is give bonuses for a week well done and its always a small gift that I would otherwise not spend on... sunglasses, lip gloss, earings and such... they have a clip hanging next to the chore list and they enjoy waking up an seeing a little something.

Sounds great doesnt it... LOL the reality is that it hardly ever works and I always have to refer them to the chart over and over and over... Then I have to make them go back and do it again several times a weeks because things like - missing dishes- hang ups stuffed in drawers.. :)

Michelle - posted on 10/27/2011

My son is expected to do chores or he doesnt get any spending money and has to pay me for doing his chores. He does laundry,dishes and picks up his dogs mess faithfully and hasnt had to pay me in almost 5 months....lol

Jessica - posted on 10/26/2011

Marie - as a mom(aunt) to three boys and a mom to a child of my own. Make her start earning her own because if she dosent start now, she will never learn. Make it clear to your daughter that its not a life of hand outs it a life of you WORK for what you want.

Dana - posted on 10/26/2011

No you're not being unreasonable. Just like a job, if you can't help with chores around the house then you don't get paid. There's a little song that many artists have sung. It's called NO CHARGE. You should look it up and listen to it with her. Maybe then she'll understand.

Hannah - posted on 10/26/2011

It is healthy for an 11-year-old to have chores. It teaches work ethic and how to take care of themselves. When I was 11 I was expected to keep my room clean, help pick up the house, set the table for dinner, and help wash dishes.

Michelle - posted on 10/25/2011

My mother had me helping as young as I can remember we got like 2-5$ and were happy with that. You have to earn money in this life its not just handed to you. My 1 and a half year gets upset when i dont let her help...she has to have a sponge and help vacuum or she is very cranky

Jessica - posted on 10/25/2011

My three kids all have chores. My 8yo has to clean the dinner table, put away the folded laundry and has to keep the bathroom in her room clean (sink, counter, floor and empty her garbage can. I do the toilets.) My 4yo puts the dirty dishes in the sink and cleans off the child size picnic table when the kids eat there. My 2yo does stuff with me. She puts her dirty clothes in the hamper, her diapers in the trash, and various other tasks we can do together around the house. And I do not clean up their rooms. I vacuum them and that is it. My oldest is not ready for an allowance yet, but when she is, she can choose what chores she would like to do and the allowance will be based on the chore.

Mindee - posted on 10/25/2011

Your child needs to be doing the dishes at least once a week, emptying the dish washer, vacuuming, emptying/taking out the trash, and heck, if she's interested, give her a night to help you with the dinner! The thing is, you need to be on the same page with your spouse and sit down with her and let her know what you will be expecting of her, and when, and exactly what the consequences will be if she doesn't do them. That way she knows what she stands to lose, it's all fair and not mean. She's old enough to be responsible. AND, just a side note, my 3 year old has little chores. Your 4 year old should too, even if it's just putting his/her dirty clothes in the hamper and picking up toys. The general rule of thumb is that you start teaching them to pick up/help around the house as soon as their able to. When they're babies that crawl/walk/toddle they LOVE to help! That's why this is when you should begin teaching 'chores', because they aren't seen as chores. Best of luck! And congrats on the new addition!

Catherine - posted on 10/24/2011

Household chores in our house is the means 0f making money for the kids. We give them a set amount of money each week and they have to help around the house or in the yard in order to keep the money. If they refuse to do the chores they loose money and if their sibling has done the chore for them they have to pay them for doing it, as they where asked to do it first. At the end of the week they get the money that is left to spend how the choose to do so.

Amy - posted on 10/24/2011

You're not unreasonable! My 10 year old is expected to set and clean the dinner table, fold and put away her own laundry, make her lunch for school and help out with anything else we ask her to do. We believe that each member of the family contributes in their own way and those contributions help our home run smoothly. We don't give out allowance, but do let her go out with friends and provide spending money if needed - but only if she's helped out around the house. There are ups and downs - sometimes it's much harder to get her to help us and sometimes she's jumping to get to her chores - we're doing our best to be consistent and it seems to be working out okay. Good luck and congrats on the new little one!

Sudha - posted on 10/24/2011

not being un resonable but i guess may be you can slowly make her do the chores also letting her know how important is that for her.. small small incentives can be introduced bt i feel giving money ...may not be really good... yes i used to give my son an extra hour to wtach movie ,use computer also sometime depending upon the situation a small day out with his friends etce etc....

Tana - posted on 10/23/2011

My personal feelings about this is that if you live in the house you contribute period. As soon as my kids can walk they have a rag in their hand to pretend to help mama dust. I introduced chores as play and didn't really expect a lot when they were little, however, expected more as they got older.

You are not being unreasonable. I have put it on paper for my kids before. Breaking down what they get for FREE and how much it would cost if they have to provide it themselves. Sometimes it helps to show them a different perspective.

Do an experiment for a week or two where everything has a cost. Her responsibilities from school work and chores pays for her meals, rent, clothes being washed etc....my kids quickly realized that it was much cheaper doing many things for themselves than paying mom to do it.

Inspired from Bill Cosby with Theo :O)

Carly - posted on 10/22/2011

I argee with everyone here, she needs to help. By 11 I could do everything that needed to be done in my house and did. We had a chart made of chores and it was very simple. No work = no privelages. No TV, no phone, no internet, no leaving the house, no new things. The less we did the less we got. My mom just started throwing away everything we liked including clothes! I learded to do laundry just to keep the clothes I liked as opposed to ones I needed. I learned to cook because if i didn't do chores I didn't get to eat anything besides basics. Yes it sounds really harsh and cruel but I promise she will learn when she realizes the difference between NEED and WANT.

Ramona - posted on 10/16/2011

I agree with everyone else, she should be doing chores. I never paid my kids for chores or grades, I expect them to be done and done well. If you do a poor job, then it means you need practice, now you bought that chore for several weeks. If I have to do a chore for my kid (cut the grass, empty the dishwasher, turn out a light), they will get a bill for my time. My kids do get allowence, well not so much my oldest as she has a job, but that is because we believe that money management is an important life skill. We also switch around the chores, as they are all important to learn to handle before college. We sent one guy home to his mommy in our ethnic fratority house (co-ed, house owned by ethnic churches for kids attending a large state school.) We all had to take turns cleaning and cooking. This kid was an engineering major who could not even wash his clothes and did not know how to boil water. We were all to busy and irrated that an 18 year old man could move into our house and contribute nothing. We gave him a hard time and he did withdraw and went to a local school so his mommy could help him still. Not a kid coming out of my house, I tell you.

Brandi - posted on 10/16/2011

My boys are 8 and 9 and they have been doing chores since they were 2, it started out as simple things like putting away the silverware from the dishwasher (not including the sharp knives), putting away washcloths and towels from laundry, dusting (they are closer to the ground than I am), to helping clean their room, now they do alot of those chores alone and they earn their allowance for their chores. We made a list on a dry erase board, and after they do their chores and mark them off, I go check, then and only then do they get their allowance.
You are totally not out of line to expect her to do chores and contribute to the household, if she wants money, she needs to earn it. Stay strong and don't give in.

Tracie - posted on 10/15/2011

I keep a jar with chores written on slips of paper. Each week, my girls choose one chore out of the jar. That is their responsibility for that week.

I keep track of who got what chore so they go through the whole rotation before they repeat chores. This gives them enough variety that they don't get bored and also gives them a variety of skills, all of which they will need to know how to do when they are living on their own.

My girls are 10 and 7 and their chores include cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, taking out the trash, cleaning the dog mess in the yard, sweeping, emptying the dishwasher and dusting. Just for fun, I also put in a slip that says Free Pass. When they pull that one, they get the week off of chores. This helps make them very excited to pull their chore slip for the week.

Everyone is part of the family, so everyone needs to chip in. You don't work for your kids! Good luck!!

Wendi - posted on 10/13/2011

the 11 yr old should be doing chores every week. she should show the 4 yr . old a good example. i wouldnt give any money to my kid she was 11 and did nothing. that isnt fair.

Tina - posted on 10/04/2011

I do NOT feel what you are asking is unreasonable at all. My 2 1/2 year old daughter helps me around the house. She puts her dirty dishes in the sink, throws her garbage in the can and helps pick up her toys & dirty clothes (with supervision) I am partially lucky because she wants to help me. However, I do expect her to keep her toys cleaned up and in HER room at a minimum. When I was 11 yrs old, I was doing laundry,dishes and much much more. Crack that whip and get her on board!!! LOL, good luck!

Vera - posted on 10/02/2011

Ah the age of 11! I can remember when my daughter (now 23) turned 11 – it was like she became a different child over night. Your daughter should be expected to do some chores WITHOUT getting paid! Everyone living in a household needs to contribute to that household by doing chores. At 11, she should be keeping her bedroom clean. There are plenty of other chores she should be expected to do – she can help set the table for dinner, help you sort laundry, get her to start helping to cook in the kitchen (a great way to spend quality time together). Starting at age 5, I had a chore chart for my daughter, some chores were expected to be done without getting paid, but then I added a few where she could earn some money too. Sit down with your daughter and create a chore chart together and explain that whether she likes it or not, she is expected to do some chores without getting paid.

Janeta - posted on 09/28/2011

I remember being three and four and my mom having me pick up my toys and take my laundry to the laundry basket and as I got older she changed my chores according to my age and my capabilities I did not get any pocket money when I did my fair share of chores but if I wanted some extra money I would pick up some extra chores around the house! I am now living on my own with my husband and my daughter and I look at what my mom taught me and it makes me grateful! If it were not for my mom making me clean and her letting me help her in the kitchen I honestly would not know a proper way of cleaning and cooking I am thankful that my mom did what she did with me and I plan on doing the same with my daughter! YOUR daughter is plenty old enough to go and start the washer and dryer or pick up her own room load the dishwasher ect things to that nature with out complaints and honestly your four year old is old enough to pick up his/her toys and laundry, I know it maybe a hassle but all of your kids will thank you when they have children of there own and a house and a husband/wife of there own to take care of!

Denikka - posted on 09/23/2011

I'm one of those kids who NEVER had chores. I lived with my grandparents for most of my life (6-18) and my grandmother did EVERYTHING. I don't think I even picked up my laundry off the floor more than a few times in all those years. There was a few minor, and VERY half assed attempts to encourage me to do some chores, but they never panned out.
At one point I started asking for money and my gramma agreed. I'd get $0.10 a chore. I could make roughly $0.60 a day. So of course I never did anything. Then as I got older, we revamped the agreement to $5 for every hour of work. I made some not bad money off that (kinda all in a one time deal). But with that, I ONLY did things that would take a long time..and I made SURE to keep it going as long as possible.
Leslie Redweik is right. It is SOOOO hard to go from doing absolutely nothing (and not just doing nothing, but having everything done for you) to running your own household. Parents who DON'T give their kids chores are doing them a great disservice later in life.
I started my kids young (okay, only one kid so far. I kinda doubt my 8mo would take kindly to folding clothes XD it's hard enough with a 2.5yr old who wants to help XD)
I don't have *chores* persay for my oldest, but he does help around the house
He is currently perfectly capable of:
helping my switch over the laundry (I pull wet clothes out of the washer and hand them to him. He puts them in the dryer) and taking the dry laundry into my room to fold
helping me unload the dishwasher (I grab the sharp stuff, he grabs the rest and hands it to me to put away)
He also picks up his toys.

If a 2.5yr old is capable of that, I would have to make the general assumption that an 11yr old could do that and so much more XD
Good luck :)

Shelley - posted on 09/23/2011

My daughter has done chores since she was about 3 - she is almost 9 now. Currently her "household" chores are to keep her room clean, pick up her thing throughout the house before bedtime, feed the dog, dirty clothes in the laundry (or I don't wash them!) and clear the table after every meal. These she does as part of the family and there is no pay. She is paid for doing "extra" chores and we have a chart listing the chore and what the pay for it is. She gets paid for those chores every other week. She can earn extra money for working hard, not needing reminders to do her chores or offers to help on her own. Every year after her birthday she gets a new "household" chore of her choice to add to her list. As kids get older they should be able to take on more responsibility. She is used to doing her chores and rarely makes a fuss. I would have your 4 year old start doing chores also. She's not too young to help out with simple tasks and you won't have the same problem when she gets older.

Sherri - posted on 09/02/2011

My kids who are 5, 12 & 14 have a lot to do. They have to let dog in and out, feed the dog, empty the trash, put away dishes, bring laundry downstairs.



Occasionally help cook, wash dishes, clean bathroom (including the toilet), dust, sweep, wash windows, mow lawn, snowblow and shovel in the winter, keep rooms clean.



Oh and my kids DO NOT get paid for it. We all have to contribute to make this house run smoothly. It is everybody's job to help make that happen and nobody should expect to get paid for it.

Carol - posted on 09/02/2011

My daughter is 11. Though she has not "set chore schedule", she is expected to help around the house. She often does the dishes, she is responsible for her own laundry, and she helps to sweep and tidy up in the bathroom. I think it is excellent to require your children to help around the house. It teaches them a sense of responsibility and prepares them for when they are on their own. Doing chores is also how my child earns money, although I tend to overpay her!

Dawn - posted on 08/30/2011

Have her learn the value of the dollar and learn responsibilities by having her do some chore around the house to EARN her money. When my daughter was younger than yours she had to do chores....here is what I expected her to do if she wanted her allowance.
1) Make bed everyday and keep room fairly clean
2) Clean her own bathroom
3)Take her dishes to the kitchen and rinse them
4) Put her clothes away

Jennifer - posted on 08/28/2011

I have three kids, ages 12, 9, and 7...they ALL have chores! They are all responsible of keeping their rooms clean, and doing things around the house (i.e. dishwasher-load/unload, vacuuming, bathrooms, that kind of thing). If they slip up and don't do them for a few days, then they lose a privilege. Period. If they want to go somewhere for the weekend, their chores must be done. It may seem harsh and that I don't allow my children time to be children, but that isn't the case at all. They are free to hang out with friends, play sports, that sort of thing, but they also have responsibilities around the house. It teaches them so much! And they know it really helps out both me and their daddy since we both work, and that gives them a sense of pride. Sure, they complain...but what kid isn't going to find SOMEthing to complain about. lol

Erica - posted on 08/25/2011

NO you are not being unreasonable. Ask her what she wants you know she wants something right. Sit down with her and ask her what she thinks she should do around the house to get it. Agree on something small at first so she starts to learn that she can help around the house. She may be feeling upset and afraid that she might get ignored around the house with a new brother or sister for the family. ensure her that there is no way that would ever happen have her help you with the things you are doing to prepare for the wonderful new addition to the family. chances are she would love to help. My daughter is also 11 she does the dishes,organizes the laundry and cleans her room everyday she is also responsible for the bathroom trash and feeding the dog. Since you are having a hard time start with some simple chores around the house such as cleaning her room setting the table having her help you make dinner and then move on to the more difficult ones. Also different chores in my house pay different cash ex dishes are 2$ and organizing laundry is 1$ clean room 3$ and trash is 2$ and so on it also helps to write this down for her so she can keep track of what is expected of her. I hope these ideas work and help for you good luck and god bless

Dameka - posted on 08/22/2011

Chores are not an option in my house! Our philosophy is that everyone who lives here must do their part to take care of the home. My 11 year old must keep her room clean, do dishes (alternates with my 16 year old), keep her bathroom clean, and do her own laundry...and anything else her my husband and I may ask her to do. We sacrifice a lot to make sure our kids have everything they need and most of what they want. The least they can do is help around the house. When they need money, we give it to them. If they go above and beyond, we may give them a little extra.