12 year old girl, spoiled...how many & what chores do your daughters/kids have?

Leslie - posted on 04/22/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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12 year old girl is very spoiled by everything that she has been given. She is now getting an attitude about everything. She plays the "nice" card when she wants something, although I tell her that is wrong to do. She is expected to put clean dishes away out of the dishwasher, but ALWAYS has to be told. She is reminded to do EVERYTHING. I take phone/electronics away. I think she may need MORE to do. I have seen some suggestions about doing everything for them so they can't find where things are, etc....liked that suggestion. What kinds of chores do your daughters have? What are your suggestions for improving appreciation and getting a child to do things without being told ALL OF THE TIME? Thanks!

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Michelle - posted on 10/05/2012

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I to have a very difficult child..people keep telling me she's spoilt.I have to deal with constant temper tantrums, and her only being nice when she wants something. She has a bedroom full of things Sky HD, Wii console, laptop, mobiles, MP3 player, films, games, wardrobe full of the latest clothes and shoes. There isn't anything she doesn't want for in fact. I guess I have spoilt her a little, but at the same time what she has isn't any more than what her friends have, so I struggle to see why she plays up and they don't seem to. I have never punished my daughter in the ways of smacking, I do shout which I know is not a good thing either. Just wish I knew how to handle her temper. I get fed up of things been broken and smashed up, her hitting me and calling me names when I ask her nicely to tidy her bedroom or take her rubbish out of a room where she has thrown it on the floor. Please help!!!!! Michelle.

Also, we are having family therapist to try and sort issues she has about me and school.

Jen - posted on 04/26/2012

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My kids each split up chores. On Sunday, my 8 year old twins move all the trash cans in the house to the garage for trash day the next day. They also clean up their rooms and sometimes help set the table, put away their clean clothes, etc. Sometimes we have them do extra chores for a little extra money - 25 cents isn't a huge loss for us, but it really motivates them.

My 14 year old folds all the laundry and towels, and empties and sometimes loads dishwasher. She doesn't get paid, but she sometimes baby-sits the twins for money. We have other expectations on her, like getting good grades, so we don't give her a ton of chores. All of our kids have gotten/will get a laptop and phone in middle school, but other than that we don't really spoil them. Anything else they want (iPod, new clothes, etc) they have to earn, either with their own money or by doing extra chores or jobs for us. They don't have attitudes, and it works well.

Kathy - posted on 04/25/2012

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My two, aged 11 and 12, are expected to either clean the bathroom and their room each week, or to clean the downstairs by vacuuming and dusting. They also must pick up their rooms on weekends, pack their backpacks for school, get their uniforms and sports uniforms ready the night before, and do their own dishes. May sound like a lot, but similar to you, they do need reminders very frequently. I run a tight ship, and feel like a commander constantly directing the household.



The way to help with NOT reminding is to have signals or "stop gaps." What I mean by this is that, for example, my kids cannot do anything after breakfast on Saturday until the house cleaning is done. So, they really don't have to be told; once breakfast is over, I assign chores and they get to it. My son must feed his lizard each evening before dinner; so, he is not allowed to start eating until the lizard is fed. This helps them to associate events with chores.



Hope this is helpful! Good luck.

Sylvia - posted on 04/25/2012

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My daughter does the dishes, dries them and puts them away. My daughter also doesnt respect me. I think taking something away they really loce gets them the most. Then tell them theyll get it back when theyve changed.

Misty - posted on 04/25/2012

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I have two boys and two girls. They have had chores since they could understand and I still have to tell them just like Ramona. Each day All the kids have to fill the wood box (that means they need to chop some), help with dinner and clean up. On weekends they will help with all inside chores and outside chores before they can do anything else. My boys will clean and cook and the girls mow the lawn and take out trash.

I will give one reminder for the chores that they do everyday, after that I start taking items away and add extra chores.

Ramona - posted on 04/23/2012

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My kids have done chores since they could walk, help p/u, put the dish into the dishwasher, etc... They still have to be reminded. I just took away all electronics from ds until he comes up with a plan to stay more on target. I leave it more to him, I may give him a suggestion or so, but it is up to him to come up with a plan and keep it to earn back his stuff.

Patricia - posted on 04/23/2012

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We had behavior problems with our sons so we started family counseling. They have to earn every privilege they get. If they don't take care of the responsibilities they don't earn the privileges. Our counselor told us to start out being too firm at first and then as they got their "act together" we could start to ease up. I have seen a tremendous difference in my stress level. It has gone down and they are understanding what their role is in the family. I stopped picking up the slack for them. It was really rough at first, but they are coming around. I have a suggestion I heard from someone that I haven't tried yet. If your older kids forget chores regularly, get them up around 2 or 3 in the morning to do the chores. Tell them since they couldn't get the chore done earlier you got them up when they had plenty of time to get it finished. I haven't used it yet, but I bet it would be effective (lol). Let me know if you try it and how it works.

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