12 year old son and the computer

Kelly - posted on 12/28/2008 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Hi -- I'm fairly new to this and looking for advice. I recently found my son looking at some inappropriate things on the computer and don't know what to do. I know that boys go through this and need some kind of outlet. We have spoke about puberty and he knows everything (or so he thinks). My problem is that I'm a single mom and really don't have many male figures he could talk to. He looks at me like I have 4 heads when I even try to talk about it. His answer to me was you don't know what you're talking about because you're a girl and I'm a boy.



If anyone has gone through or is going through the same type of situation it would help me tremendously!



Thanks for reading!!

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Someone - posted on 08/28/2013

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I think he might just be looking a site with rude things in it its when the watch porn you know there is something wronge or not really more just lonely ness.

Linda - posted on 08/22/2013

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I recommend everyone to chose another parental control program.
Most of the programs allows not to just block, but also to reduce access to some sites.
May be KidWatch, or Time Boss ( http://nicekit.com ).

Cathy - posted on 01/02/2009

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I have to agree with Margaret that you need to make rules about when, where and how long your son spends on the computer. At 12, he is not able to make sound judgment calls about what is good for him and what is not. In addition, he is too young to be inundated with porn and the other filth the internet has to offer - namely predators whose intentions are to harm children. Girls and boys everyday are being lured away from their homes and into the waiting arms of men and women through the internet. You have the responsibility to keep your child safe.

Will your son be curious? Absolutely! Which is why you must be available to answer his questions and be completely honest with him. But does that mean you have to discuss EVERYTHING with him? Absolutely NOT! There are things that at 12 he simply does not need to be made aware of.

Contrary to how Janeen feels, I believe pornography is detrimental to the mind and to the spirit. The term "deviant" refers to an individual whose behaviors deviates from what is accepted as normal behavior; especially when referring to sexual behavior. Many men and women who are characterized as deviants - predators, molesters, murderers - readily admit their fetishes began as a result of viewing porn - especially at a young age.

If you want to protect your son, look into internet filters and cyber-sitters. Place your computer in a public area and only allow him access when others are around. Know who his friends are and who their parents are! Talk to them about rules in their homes.

Finally, not all men are viewers of porn. There are men in this world who take the stance to remain pure in thought in mind and to their wives. It's an individual choice whether or not to view this stuff - not one that is based on gender. Men and women are different - yes - but to say that men have to do it is an excuse to avoid purity and and the sanctity of monogamy between one man and one woman.

Joy - posted on 12/29/2008

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I also agree with Janeen Kuxzero about how to deal with it he needs to know that it is a normal thing for kids to be curious about sex and that you are going to be there for him when he needs to talk.

Janeen - posted on 12/29/2008

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http://www1.k9webprotection.com/
My son also has been caught doing these things and I really try not to make a big deal out of it. I figure he was embarrassed enough to be caught. I have been talking to him about sex since he was about 12 because I wanted to make absolutely sure that he understands it is not a game. I'm really not the typical mother because I myself did not have one to learn from but I grew up with a house full of males and now I am the only woman in a house full of males. They are different and we don't understand because we can't. I don't want my sons to think that what they are doing is not normal because it is. I want them to know that although it's normal it is not appropriate at their age. I think your first step, no matter how hard, is to accept that you cannot stop this. He will find a way to look at this stuff no matter what. Once that is done you can move on to teaching him to respect sex. It is fun and I wouldn't lie about that but it's also serious and people with real feelings are involved. How can you tell a boy that women don't like to be stared at like pieces of meat when these women are posing for these pictures? I want my son to understand that not all women are the same. I personally have no problem with porn and the women who do it and I don't think that porn creates deviates. A deviate is merely someone who was probably made to feel ashamed of their curiosity and taught that these women are dirty. Sex is a part of life and kids need to be taught that it really is a SMALL part of a full life. Now that I'm sure a lot of mothers are ready to berate me I can say that I'm very proud of my son and I have no fear of him doing anything inappropriate or illegal. He's open with me and knows that when he is ready I will gladly provide him with protection no questions. He's aware that I don't think anyone is ready before 18 so I will not approve but we all know we can't stop it. I guess what I'm really trying to advise you to do is to teach him to respect sex and to know the line where things become inappropriate. You are the parent and he is the child but education is always better than fear. Plus the link for the parental control works wonders. LOL

Joy - posted on 12/29/2008

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I have a son that is getting ready to turn 12 and I know how you fell. I am not a single mother but sometime it fells that way. You need to set bonderies. Go get a parental control software on your computer. It helps block sites that you don't want him to get into. Then just set time limets on the computer. Plus the one thing that I have done it the computer is in the living room where I can keep an eye on him when he is on it. I don't fell he is ready for a computer of his oun in his room and even then parental control works great. He is blocked for getting on the computer befor school and right after school till homework is done. He hates me but he gets over it quick. I am his mom first and for most then his friend. It is hard to be parents in this day and age but we will manage with people that are going though the same thing can help with advise. Hope this helps.

Michele - posted on 12/28/2008

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The first thing I would suggest is putting some kind of locks or blocks on your computer to stop your son from going to inappropriate sites. I am not familiar with how to do that but you probably know of someone who has some knowledge of computers that could help. Your son needs to learn and understand that respect for women doesn't come from viewing them and appreciating their assets but in respecting their dignity. I have a 12 year old son and he knows that if he goes on any sites I don't approve of he loses computer time. LOL, I just had a thought....what would your son think of someone staring and looking at you on the computer in very inappropriate poses. Maybe the thought of that will make him think. Good luck to you....

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Its not about you being a girl and him being a boy! Your the MOM and he's your CHILD. The computer is not the place for a 12 year old to have too much freedom. There are many things on the Internet that I'm sure you don't want your son to see. You pay the bills, so YOU make the rules. Parental Controls, or maybe password protecting the computer unless your in the room. My son Tim (22) just moved out in the summer, and although he's the size of a football player I MADE THE RULES! My son respects the way I'm raising my 13 year old daughter, and tells her not to be stupid like he was...lol. When he's having a bad day, guess who he calls? Even to this day, I tease my son that I'd take him in the front yard and kick his @$$ in front of the whole neighborhood if he doesn't act appropriately when he's in my house...lol. He throws me over his shoulders like I'm a sack of potatoes, but he still has the "mama fear"...lol. I don't scream and I never spanked, but if I'm not happy they've lost their best friend. I was a divorced single mom until Tim was 7 1/2, I know its not easy. YOUR THE HEAD OF YOUR HOUSE, he's NOT the MAN of the house. When Tim was 12, it was the worst year ever! Forget breastfeeding, cloth diapering, and the so called terrible twos! He was a flippin' demon! It won't last forever, but YOU have to be the BOSS. Rent the movie "G.I. Jane" with Demi Moore and get yourself some MOMMY POWER...lol!! Good Luck.

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