13 Year Old Son Wearing My Panties...Again

Claire - posted on 12/20/2013 ( 15 moms have responded )

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I woke my son up & told him to go to bed last night and noticed he was wearing a pair of my lace panties. A few weeks ago I found a few pair in his drawer & thought perhaps I had accidentally put them in with his laundry. Now I think he put them in there. We have appropriate boundaries in our home and I am a parent who has discussed his body changing. I believe this is probably normal but it does make me uncomfortable. I am educated about sexuality and open minded but when its your own child - it poses a dileema in knowing how to address it. I don't want to shame him but I would like to understand why other than I am sure they feel nice on his skin. Even when he was very little he would get my lingerie and sleep with it. I thought then it might smell like me and comfort him so I really didn't think anything of it. Apparently he hasn't outgrown it and I have talked to him about it before - not getting into my private quarters or wearing my underwear. How would you address this with your son in a healthy manner. I know he is heterosexual so it doesn't seem to be a cross dressing fetish. I would like direction on how you would discuss it or if I even should. I suppose my issue more than anything is him in my intimate apparel-that seems inappropriate. I don't believe its an Electra Complex - I think he just likes to wear women's panties & mine are the only ones he has access too. Ideas, please?

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Jack - posted on 02/12/2014

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Alright, here's the deal. I happened upon this article during an actually unrelated web search looking for clothes for one of my children. I'm actually not a mom. I'm a dad. And, more than that, I was once a thirteen year old boy. But, I felt like after reading your post, I felt a need to comment. So, I actually created an account here just to comment on your post. Your son is %100, totally normal in regards to what he is doing in this post. Boys around that age are so strange and you really can't use this behavior to come to any kind of conclusion about anything, especially not what is sexuality is likely to develop into. He is at an age where the opposite sex is fascinating in every way imaginable. His own body is becoming something of an interesting course subject, too. If you pay close enough attention, you are going to catch him doing all kinds of wildly strange things at this age. Wearing your skimpies doesn't mean anything. You might catch him trying out some of your other more personal night-time items, as well. None of it means anything. If you can, act like you don't notice or don't know what he is up to. If what he does bothers you for some reason, like he makes a mess out of your clothes or doesn't pick up after his explorations, tell him. But, don't expect not to encounter some things that don't makes sense to you. They don't make sense to him, either and that is what he is doing, he's making sense of things. It doesn't sound like you are doing anything wrong or anything that is happening is not to be expected. As far as your son being gay, who knows! This behavior is most certainly no way to tell. I'm a straight male who has been happily married for a looong time and has beautiful, happy children. I used to do all kinds of strange things like that. Even if he does happen to be gay, bisexual, or whatever - he's still a perfectly normal kid that is trying to figure some stuff out. I hope it's not too much for you to handle, I'm sure you'll do just fine. Good day, and pat that kiddo on the head for me.

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Barbaras - posted on 04/05/2014

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dont let prople bother you. he will most likely out grow it. right now it seems sexy or maybe he wants something else. talk to him and be open not scolding. by the way i had the same problem with my son.

Erica - posted on 03/31/2014

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"Shammy's" response is BY FAR the best. Excellent post!! The only thing is, it's not necessarily with him for life. All teens (and pre teens) are different. I had a cousin who had a panty fetish until he was 15 or 16 years old, but then he grew out of it when he became old enough to actually date, go to the prom, etc. A large majority of teens will grow out of this particular fetish as it's often nothing more than a result of "Curiosity" and winds up being harmless exploration. But even still, there is that smaller percentage that don't grow out of it, so Shammy's advice is gold!

Shammy - posted on 03/28/2014

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I disagree with a lot about what has been said here. If he has already made the sexual connection and enjoys it - this will be with him for life. Pretty much how we associated mouth kissing with sex - there really isn't a natural sexual connection in kissing - its learnt and it appears from what you say it is, because of the length of time. I suspect that there is a lot you either haven't said or don't know as you say you observed this since he was much smaller. But it isn't a problem if he manages this properly. Fetishists enjoy a level of sexuality that's out of this world and sometimes unimaginable by 'normal' people especially if its a harmless one that doesnt impinge of the rights of others. My advice is to help him to manage this. Its private. Its not something you discuss with anyone unless you are sure they have to know (like a girlfriend and should would have to understand that this is not something that she will change). Never let this become a social problem - stealing (like he is doing with you etc) OR voyerism etc. And to those who dont understand, a very significant number of men wear panties for various reasons - especially the granny nylon ones - that still exist today - go on amazon or herroom and see the reviews - most of the reviews for nylon grannies are from men! And it has nothing to do with homosexuality or being Trans or xdresser. You as a mother need to be understanding and help him manage it without embarrassing him - he will thank you for it.

Erica - posted on 03/27/2014

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Just as most others said in their reply, he's perfectly normal. A VERY high percentage of boys do the same thing. A very LOW percentage keep doing it into adulthood.......Ignore "DaeReyelle". Idiotic parents like that are completely clueless and are the reason rebellion exists.

Lquaresimo - posted on 03/13/2014

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To DaeReyelle - What does me gay or not have to do with a boy wearing girl's clothing? One has nothing to do with the other. There is a big difference between gender and sexuality. There are straight men that crossdress and most of them are. There are also transsexuals that are attracted to women. There is such a variety of people in the world. This mother's son, it could be anything from fetishism, crossdressing to transsexuality. No one knows what's inside the boy's head. One thing I do know is that the mother needs to talk openly with her son, not shame him and accept who her son is. You can't change how a person is. Even if it turns out that the boy is a transsexual, shouldn't matter. She should still love and respect her son's behavior. The boy isn't hurting himself or others. The one thing the mother should stress with her son is that it is wrong to go into someone else's drawers and take something that doesn't belong to him. That's the only thing the boy is wrong about. Love, understanding, respect and acceptance is what the boy needs from his mother. If there is a father around, the mother should talk to him in private and tell him to make sure he doesn't shame him and disrespect the boy. I don't know the father but some father's will put boys down for doing something like this and shame him. That shouldn't be tolerated. If the mother is having trouble with this and can't talk to her son, she should go to a counselor, the first time alone, and talk about her son. Then just take it from there.

Lquaresimo - posted on 03/13/2014

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Well, sexuality has nothing to do with crossdressing. Most crossdressers are heterosexual. Sexuality has nothing to do with gender. You could take him to a counselor or you could buy him his own panties. Just remember you don't have to be gay to wear women's clothing.

Rodney - posted on 03/09/2014

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I saw your post after I told a woman friend that I wear women's underwear and she sort of freaked out. She said she did not understand and when I started thinking about it I don't really understand either. I am a middle-aged male and I remember as a young teen I developed a fascination for women's underwear and always snuck into my mom`s underwear drawer. I particularly liked a nylon pair of red briefs she had and wore them when no one was around. The point I am making is
I had absolutely no sexual thoughts of my mom and I just enjoyed the softness, feel, and the intimacy of the undergarments. So dont get too upset because teens become who they are and a person's sexuality is all their owns. I hope this helps.

Robert J - posted on 02/13/2014

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i think you should say "hay, can i talk to you in private?" and tell him it's ok if he weares your panties and if he does tell him to put them back when he is done using them.

Dave - posted on 02/13/2014

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I'm neither a mum or parent but I would like to offer my advice as someone who
was a 13 yr old boy who wore panties. Its totally normal and it could mean a number of things, he might not even know why himself yet. For me it turned out I just liked wearing ladies underwear I still wear it now in my late 20's. Its never done me any harm. Im an infantry soldier and am making a good career out of it,
I go to the gym have done martial arts I ride motorbikes and have a hgv license.
Ive done rock climbing, parachuting, off roading and all kinds of manly stuff. Im also happily married and have a cute dog and currently planning for having kids. Trust me I know you think its strange and yes it kind of is but its also very normal. Hes just exploring , and so what if he like wearing panties, so what if hes into x dressing or hes gay. You sound open minded so just talk to him about it, dont approach him about it in a negative way coz hes going to feel
embarrased about it. Just ask him in a relaxed way if he wants you to buy him his own but tell him he can only wear them in the house untill hes older. The important thing is here is it is probably a sexual thing one way or another and you dont want him to link you with any kind of sexual thoughts so whatever reason he wants panties for make sure there not yours. jjust be very understanding and patient with him teenage boys arent always easy to talk to about even simple things. good luck anyways hope this helps

Wanda - posted on 02/01/2014

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He probably isn't gay. He just wants to know what a girl feels. He sees girls at school and is curious. It goes with the hormones. Help him out a little. It's not like the two of you are planning a bank robbery. Let him spend the day in girls clothes. Just the two of you. Then drop it. Don't embarrass him. He may or may not want to do it more or he may not want to do it at all. At least he may learn how to treat a girl. That's something that many males never learn. But most of all let it be fun and don't judgmental.

Love And - posted on 12/27/2013

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I am a mother. My advice may be wrong and I have never been in your shoes. So if anything I say doesn't sit well with you, please just ignore it. In the end, only you can decide what feels best for your son and you. Maybe you could find a quiet/very private place and time to talk to him. Try to be as non-judgmental as you can, let him know he can be honest with you and then ask him why he is wearing your things. If he answers in a way that is unexpected or bothers you for any reason, try to keep a poker face on. Thank him for his honesty, remind him you love him always and tell him that you need a little time to think about what he has told you. If he chooses to continue speaking to you, do your best to listen but do not react until you have had some time to think your responses over and possibly even seek the advice of a professional but non-emotionally involved person. It is possible that he has feelings of guilt and shame locked up inside him or worry that you do not approve of him and what others will think of him. He may need to speak to you about his feelings and therefore, whether you like what you are hearing or not, your child only has you to act in his best interests. If your son is gay or a cross-dresser, this is not something that needs to be "fixed". This is a part of who he is. As a young person though, he needs help and guidance to learn how to express himself in a safe way to avoid ridicule and hurt by other kids and even well meaning adults. Please know that a world in which your son is whole and healthy, no matter how he likes to dress, is better than a world without his love, trust and respect. Don't be afraid to consult a professional but please vet them out before you place yourself and your son in their care. Finally, I would be very selective in who you talk about this to. The world is not a perfect place and neither are the people living in it. Your son's trust and happiness is at stake. I wish you and your son the best of luck

DaeReyelle - posted on 12/23/2013

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he may be gay .. this is around the ages where kids find out more about themselves & i feel that you personally shouldn't have let him wear it in the pass . you should have whooped him .. that is terrible he needs to learn that 1st going through your drawer & taking your things is unacceptable 2nd that he is not a woman he doesn't wear that stuff . be stern when you say these things .. thats all i can tell you .. good luck

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