13 yr old - Straight A's to Straight Failing

Sharon - posted on 04/02/2009

First of all, he's acting like a typical teenager. It does also sound like maybe he's bored. If he is ace-ing his tests easily, it may not be a bad idea to put him in a higher grade.



Basically, though, adolescence is a tough time. For 4 or 5 years or so, our kids become strangers. We just have to remember that we are the adult and be their parents and not so much their friends. Sometimes, removing privileges (for my kids it's their video games) until an attitude change is shown can help with behavior like that. When there's homework that's not getting done, I get my son to park himself at the kitchen table, where I can see him, and do it. I discovered also, that talking with him about his future made a difference. I asked him what he wanted to do when he was an adult and he told me. I said "Too bad you won't be able to do that." And he asked why. I told him that unless he had a decent education, he wasn't going to be able to do much with his life, including what he wanted to be when he grew up. He's a very smart kid, so this made some impact on him. Perhaps, it would with your son.

Lisa - posted on 04/02/2009

I agree with Judy's advice here.  My 15 yr old's marks take a nose-dive when she is bored as well.  I tried many things, but found she just needed more stimulation.  We enrolled her in an extra-curricular class (vocals) that she is Really interested in (plays guitar and sings), on the condition she keeps her marks to a certain level.  She loves the class, so she keeps up the marks.  Another thing that helped was a chat she and I had, talking about what she wants to do with her future.  I pointed out the the whole world was hers for the taking, she just had to keep up the marks to keep opportunities open until she decides what she really wants to do.  She's smart, strong and independant, but windows of opportunity will close if she doesn't keep up the marks.  Yes, we occasionally have issues with priorities, especially now that she has more going on her life, but these too are life skills she needs to learn. 

Good luck Carmen!

Judy - posted on 04/01/2009

I have a 14 year old daughter who is experiencing the same...She finally told me, just the other day in fact, that she doesn't understand why they need to learn some of this stuff (Algebra in particular)!  Therefore, she is uninterested, doesn't pay attention, doesn't finish the classwork or the homework. 

I personally don't feel the teachers have time to engage their students and really make learning fun.  My daughter's teachers barely have time to answer any of her questions and most of the time it has to be at lunch, so she misses lunch or after school and then she misses the bus home!  I also think they concentrate too much on teaching them the information they supposedly need to pass the WASL!

What I'm doing is trying to explain to her that even though she feels she won't ever use this information and that may be true, there will be plenty more that she will use on a daily basis.  Good Luck!

Carola - posted on 04/01/2009

I am not sure but could he be bored, does he need more challenging work? Is he being bullied for being smart?

. My son is also very smart and in the last couple of years of primary school he would often come home saying "what's the point I keep going over the same stuff over and over again" Nothing would upset him more than other kids disrupting lessons and just having to sit there listening to teachers shouting and trying to gain control. In class kids would say "oh ask Tyler he knows everything"!!

 He luckily stuck with it as he did like his school and had a lot of good friends, but I was fully aware of the fact that he was rapidly approaching his "Teenage Years" and that things could go the other way, where he would think why should I try when nobody else seems to.

He has just started secondary school and instead of sending him to the local school, he has taken his 11+ and has been accepted in a grammar school. Everyone there is working at a high standard and they all want to learn which I think makes a real difference. My son will be 13 in September. So far so good, he loves his new school and is relishes everything they throw at him.

Try talking to your son again, praise everything he does well and try not to be too hard on him they are still very young after all and things can get confusing for them at this age.

Good Luck

Kristy - posted on 03/31/2009

I have a 14 yr old girl. When she done this last year, i found out she was hanging with the wrong crowd of girls!the teacher noticed this and i called them to se what was going on and they said her behavior and grades were dropping. When i made her quit hanging with these girls, she went back to her normal self. check into it.

Cindy - posted on 03/27/2009

WOW!  I do feel for you and sympathize!  I have four children 21, 18, 15 and 11.  The 15 yr old is the only girl.  The older two boys were ok during 7th grade for the most part however; in 8th grade the acquired depression which was treated - thank god.

There are so many changes when they go to 7th grade.  Do you have a middle school where the 6th grade is part of jh? We have 7 and 8th at the jh level and then go 9-12 at hs (high school and jr=junior high)?

The kids when they start jh are discovering as 7th continues who their friends really are or not.  The learn that there are multiple choices good/bad and that whatever their peers or friends (especially good friends from grade school) do is not controllable by them.  My 21 yr old discovered in 7th grade that his friends and kids he knew where beginning to learn all the choices they had the option of and that was for the most part related to drugs, stealing, hanging with the wrong kids and being defiant.  My 21 yr old didn't like that at all!  By the time 8th grade came along he realized how his influence really didn't effect the ones he thought were his friends.  The jh kids just start to see a whole new way of life! 

Its unfortunate but true!  I wish you all the luck in the world and hope that you find resolution!  Keep your chin up and try to know who his friends are and who he tends to hang out with.  Keep an open line of communication with everyone especially your child even though he doesn't seem to say much.  Be an advocate for your children especially at this trying time and keep an open line of communication with the school staff.  You may not always hear what you want to hear and it may get more frustrating before it straightens out.  Try and keep your child(s) interested in extra activities school related or home related.  Don't push too far, of which you will learn how far is too far as time goes on.  A very prominant pyschologist that my 21 and 18 year old said "a parent can only try as hard as their child is willing to try for themselves"!  This is true but doesn't mean that you should give up!  Your children will always know you love them unconditionally as long as they know where you are and that you are available.  Keep your ears and eyes open!  Don't be affraid to talk to his friends, peers or just students that may know him.  Sometimes they will be more open with you than with their parents and at the same time you may find things out that you need to know to help your child(ren).

Make sure that you spouse is on the same page as yourself and as soon as he turns 14 maybe a part time job is something he should pursue if he's not interested in sports etc. 

I have my 15 yr old daughter to deal with now.  There is a difference other than the obvious!  I talk to her friends about  "EVERYTHING", including themselves.  I know more than I care to know but that gives them all the opportunity to open up more to me.  We have been through alot with her and it only will continue as she is only in 9th grade.  Boys tend to be quieter and keep things to themselves. 

I find that with schools, if you continue to make yourself known and that you are genuienly concerned about your childs well being no matter what the issue then you will get someone to watch for you closely.  If you don't make yourself known I find and see that they don't pursue the issue with parents.  Mostly because the school systems are very crowded and they can't be all things to all students.  Check attendance, conferences, emails with teachers and maybe even get the principles involved.  At the hs level I have found that if I really feel that I am on the right path with whatever issue I have at hand; emailing the asst principle, teachers individually and the attendance office(s) some times gets the cycle watching for you.

GOOD LUCK!

Cindy

Debbie - posted on 03/25/2009

I haven't been in your situtation ... yet, but I know when I turned 13 that's when I rebelled and started to act out a bit. I'm not sure if this will help or not, but I know what my parents had to do with my brother (who also acted out a bit in high school). He lost all priviledges until they saw a change in him. My parents ended up taking him to school and communicating with the school on a daily basis. He had to bring home notes from the teacher to make sure he turned in everything he had to and let them know what he had to turn in for the next day. Once my parents saw him capable of doing this on his own, then they started to give back privileges back to him. He could watch TV again, he could go out to play with friends, and such like that. They just couldn't stand the fact that he was doing poorly due to being lazy and acting out and not because he couldn't do better.



Maybe you could discuss your problems with the school to see if they recommend anything. I know in elementary school they will have a sit down meeting with the parents with about 8 different teachers involved it seemed. I'm sure the middle school would do the same thing. Maybe have him bring home something letting you know what his homework is and then check it before he leaves for school the next day. If you know he does it and he doesn't turn it in, then have a punishment of some sort for him. That's just my idea on the matter. I hope you figure something out.