14 year old daughter wants to get her nose pierced?

Jessica - posted on 08/01/2010 ( 51 moms have responded )

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My daughter is thirteen years old and for a long while she has wanted to get a stud in her nose. I always say no. She struggles getting A's in school and sticks to a more of a "B" Average. But, she wants to make a deal. This is her last year of Junior High. So, she is asking, if she can make all A's at the end of each semester if going into High School may she get her nose pierced. She will be fourteen and a freshman. I already am letting her get the piercing in her ear she wants (A helix, the top upper part of your ear.) But she says she will research it, look at pictures of the infected version, etc. But still I am having trouble. What would you do in this position?

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Callie - posted on 02/02/2013

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I wanted a nose piercing starting at age 12 and put a good amount of research into the process and care of it. My Mom told me 'no' (I found today that it's simply because SHE doesn't find them attractive) and said 'Are you sure you want holes in your body that God didn't put there?', I then reminded her of the fact that God didn't put holes in my earlobes, but she got my ears pierced at 11...She never did have anything to say to that.

She never told me that I had to wait until a specific age, but she also never said yes and never gave me a reason to not do it. And frankly, I think the 'because I said so' argument is awful, especially for something like that. I never went through a rebellious phase, but I also never stopped wanting that piercing. At 18 (not so long ago), I took my money and finally got it done after almost 7 years of waiting.

I was always quite mature, and I think that's something that you have to take into consideration with a child...There's no one right answer. Not to mention that a lot of horror stories you may have heard from back in the day are not as prevalent today; piercing is much safer. Sure, there are still risks (just as there are with earlobes!), but they're easier to manage. I'd say a nose ring/stud is one of the easiest to work with. As long as you can trust your child to leave their jewelry in and clean it (inside and out) each day, then I say it's fine to go for it.

Piercings heal better nowadays (I haven't met someone who has a scar from their nose piercing yet) and if your child has a good head on their shoulders and seems to understand the commitment, why would you say no? Depending on their age, jobs aren't an issue and imposing a belief on something as superficial as a tiny nose hole upon your child can be constricting. Look into the process yourself (there are plenty of vids on YouTube illustrating a near painless and quick piercing). You may be surprised at what it's like now. :)

Lissa - posted on 10/27/2012

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When I was 14 I wanted one so my parents made me a deal, When I was 15 I could get one. My parents really never said no. They more took a different approach. They let me do what i wanted but if i screwed up it was my fault. It progressed me into a young lady, I knew from right to wrong. If you so no to your daughter and keep her in bubble wrap her hole life she will find a way to get out. Yes my parents did say no sometimes but they talked about why they said no. It was never the "Oh your to young" Or "your not ready" If was more like what if something bad happens. :) I hoped this helped :)

Sarah - posted on 07/12/2012

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I really hope that any moms who were considering letting their daughters get nose piercings finally said no. That hole is probably going to be there permanently. I read one mother's post, saying she let her daughter do this before eventually letting her get her belly button pierced. I think I'd rather see my daughter with a belly button ring (something she can hide), instead of a nose piercing. I will NEVER agree to ear gauges. Thank goodness a mother on this thread said no to those hideous things :).

Caroline - posted on 01/28/2013

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Here's the thing. When I was 13 my mother forbade me from getting a second piercing in my ears.. so I did it myself. Yikes. If she does end up getting it you want to make sure it's done safely and professionally.
Also, she's only 14. She's not likely going to be applying for jobs or colleges or anything for a couple of years, so I'd say don't worry so much about it for now. By the time she's out in the "real world" the hole will be healed and she'll be able to leave the piercing out if she needs to look professional.
Here's the downside, though. Some people will think it's trashy and unbecoming. That's just the way it is.
However, as long as she carries herself well and like a nice young lady I wouldn't be worried about people stigmatizing her :)
So hey. That's just my two cents. Hope this helps anyone in a similar situation.

Peyton - posted on 11/07/2012

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my daughter suzy has struggles with getting as in her class and if she does her chores she can get a piercing but she has to pay herself! my daughter suzy is twelve but she is turning thirteen soon.

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Fiona - posted on 04/22/2014

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I remember when I was 14 and i wanted to get my nose pierced. I got it pierced when I was 15 and it hurt a lot. I think that you should let her get it done.

CalistasMom - posted on 04/07/2014

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If she gets straight As, I say go for it. High grades are perhaps the most important thing a teenager can achieve.

Maddy - posted on 12/09/2013

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When I was 14 I got my nose pierced . It isn't that bad and you can cover it up once it heals . The have caps you stick into the hole and I you can't tell it's there . I love my piercing and it's so cute ! It's not trashy ! At all ! (:

Mom - posted on 02/13/2013

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I remember when I was ten..... my mom said no so why should we say yes they leave scars and they mite not allow that at the schools thay go to...... when your kids ask this question you should think to yourself... is he/she in a gang? do they feel good about themself? i ask and ask questions but my kids wont tell me...... we all need to realize what were getting our kids into.... if they dont listen why reward them???? just think before we allllll do

Mom - posted on 02/13/2013

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what shood i do my daughter is 12 and want sa belly button peirceing but i said no what wood u doooooooo????

Mom - posted on 02/13/2013

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i am stuck in the same situation but my daughter is ten i said maybe but if she keeps asking i will say no the only difference is that she was accepted to honor classes but said no she is smart pretty and intelligent so i dont know why they need peircings at such a young age our kids shood focus on school work and homework instad of peircings and tattoos

Emily - posted on 12/14/2012

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Nice. I never thought of that. I know right now that you don't want to read this because I am not a mom, but a 13 year old going into high school next year, and turning 14. I have wanted my nose peirced for 7 years now. I heard that many parents are against nose percings. And so I am writing my mom a persuasive paper on why I should get my nose peirced. I mean its only temporary unlike a tattoo. But I have to say, not a lot of people at my school have a nose peircing. And I want it, cause I want to stand out, and because, I think they are very tasteful if you get a little stud like I want.

Josie - posted on 11/04/2012

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I think that teenagers should be able to be teenagers. They need time to explore who they want to be, besides a nose stud isnt a big deal; my daughter has gotten snake bites, a bellybutton piercing and even her septum pierced all at the age of 15. If she decides she doesnt like it, she can always remove it! Body modifications are a great way to express yourself. My daughter had to earn all of her piercings. If you make her work for it or pay for it or even keep her grades up theres no reason she shouldnt get one. God bless!

Rachel - posted on 11/01/2012

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I say let her do it. She can get a tiny little stud in there.

I had mine done three times. It just never healed correctly. Nothing bad happened and I don't have any noticeable scars. I just had to take it out because it was always bothering me.

Annie - posted on 10/22/2012

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Personally, I like to pick my battles. Nose piercing, to me, is not such a bad thing. When my daughter turns 14, I will be taking her to have hers done. Thats 6 months from now. I figure why argue over this little thing when there will be plenty bigger things later on for me to say no to!

Amber - posted on 10/17/2012

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i know Im not a mom but i got my nose piercing at 13 its nothing bad really

Nancy - posted on 10/15/2012

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I would let my daughter get one. Let her be who SHE wants to be, not who YOU want her to be.

Karen - posted on 10/14/2012

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My 14 year old got her nose pierced in California during a family vacation. She is very good with it, wears just a little stud and keeps her appearance very Abercrombie and Fitch. She is a good student and a great help to me. I don't think deals are necessary. A nose piercing does not make the teenager. You know home environment, morals and values make our children. Yours seem to be doing well.

Josselyn - posted on 10/08/2012

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I don't see nose piercings as a big deal really. They're kind of cute and they don't stand out like other facial piercings. Unless you get a nose ring instead of the stud. My 13 year old daughter has a few friends who have their nose pierced. My daughter even has her belly button pierced.

Jodi - posted on 08/20/2012

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This is such a personal decision and should be made by you! There is no right or wrong here there is only what you are willing or unwilling to permit and the reasons that YOU hold. Other people's norms in this regard should have no bearing on your decision with regard to this child, likewise, a decision made for another child should have no bearing on decision made with this child.

I would however, caution you about tying these kinds of things to grades and productivity. You don't want to have the reward be so significant that it would encourage other questionable behavior like cheating. If she is a B student, then she is a B student. That is who she is academically and that should be good enough, unless of course, she is fully capable of being a A student and has just lacked effort.

good luck and godspeed
www.theconsciousmoment.com

Brandy - posted on 08/19/2012

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I say really talk with her about it and if she's willing to make that kind of deal with you I say let her, she might go behind your back and get something else that later in life might be a regret, atleast youll know it was done by someone who knows what they are doing with the proper equipment and not her or one of her friends jabbing a needle through her nose, when I was 14 I told my parents I wanted a tattoo of a flower on my ankle, they told me no, I thought oh yeah tell me no so I gave one to myself with a razor blade, when they found out and asked why I told them, I really wanted one, so when I was 16 and said I wanted a piercing they took me serious and we talked about it and agreed to have my belly not my bridge of my nose like I wanted done, I'm 36 and still have that beat up flower lol and I keep it like that to serve as a reminder for me to stop and think before I do something really stupid

Kristen - posted on 08/19/2012

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http://www.pcp-net.org/journal/pctp10/ci...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nose_pierci...

make her research it for the next 2 years while maintaining that A average. turn in a detailed thesis paper on the sociological implications of the practice, both historical and modern. and pay for it out of her pocket which means she has to have a job. in this country, it is unlikely she will be able to maintain employment in the service industry as an adolescent with a nose piercing. covering it over with a band aid isn't really as cool as she might think the piercing is...and this employment dilemma will most likely persist into adult employment opportunities as well (which is why despite my personal affection for the piercing itself, i don't have one...and neither will my 12 year old until she undergoes these precise steps. at which point, i expect her to either lose interest or be able to find alternatives to the situation it creates. because piercing is not justification for unemployment...and boohoo "life isn't fair. people aren't fair. and our society sucks." are also not justification for unemployment.) let her prove that she means it, she wants to earn it, and is willing and able to cope with the social implications; as well as, long term ramifications of the practice.

Christine - posted on 08/04/2012

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Honestly.. it is one thing to allow your daughter to get her ears pierced.. even smething like the helix.. but nose pierced? I think she's too young.

Here are my thoughts on it..

1) Think back to when you were 14.. think of the person you were back then.. and now look at yourself.. are you the same ? Nope... didn't think so. I know at 14 I had pink hair (temporary color) and that was a big deal.. but it washed out in like 10 washes.. so it wasn't anything that I had to keep forever like a piercing. My first point is this in short.. she wants it now at 14.. but at 20 will she then?? or 25? I say choices that big.. let her wait until at least 18.. at least then she can't blame you for allowing her to pierce herself up.. if you know what I mean?

2) Second issue is.. she has her ears pierced, is getting a helix.. and say you let her get her nose pierced.. well where does it go from there? At 15 will it be a lip piercing and 16 a tattoo?? My second issue is body alteration is progressive.. it starts small.. with a funky ear piercing or nose piercing and then progresses to nipple piercings, forked tongues, and tattoos.. if you're okay with that.. then that's fine.. but I go back to my first issue.. she's 14.. and too young for any body alteration other than ears being pierced.

I know as a mom you may feel.. she's a good kid, good grades.. she deserves it.. but she deserves a mom who cares enough about her to say no and to explain why you're saying no.. and if she gets mad, then she gets mad.. trust me.. from age 13-age 17 you'll be blamed for everything anyway.. may as well let your child get ticked at you for doing the right thing.

So many parents play "friend " first.. instead of parent.. at this age especially it is so important to be the parent.

And I know it's hard.. and it seems like such a little thing.. but still in the long run, I think it's better for her to hear no now.. and then she can make that decision when she's 18 and a legal adult. But that's my feeling on it.

Good luck .

Linda - posted on 08/03/2012

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My daughter has been buying tapers for her ears behind my back with her Grandmother's money that she gives her to spend. I told her if I catch her with tapers in she will be grounded! Not only is she risking infection due to Type 1 diabetes, she may have scars and holes that are permanently stretched! She says "It's my body and I can do what I want". I told her not while she is a minor living in my house... I see many battles ahead with this one!

Samantha - posted on 08/03/2012

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Yes u have 2 daughters and They Bolth have 2 in there nose 1 of them has 1 in mouth 1 in belly button and in THE eye

Izzy - posted on 07/13/2012

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I agree that ear gauges are awful. But I really don't see an issue with a nose stud! The hole can fill in.

Izzy - posted on 07/10/2012

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Let her do it! She wants to be independent, so let her. Make her happy and the ride will be so much easier.

Elizabeth - posted on 07/10/2012

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Crap no. The nose is one of the ways a body safely gets rid of foreign particles and germs from your body..why open up a hole that says...hey germs...here you go..front door entrance. Remember mom, in lets make a deal..YOU are MONTY not her. When she pays her own way, washes her own dirty underwear and takes care of herself in her OWN place she can pierce whatever she wants. She can connect them all with a chain for all you care and when she sneezes all the parts will blow off. If you don't approve, don't allow. I have two daughters and I know mine, two piercings lead to three and so forth, next she will ask me for a tattoo. Not happening on my watch. Thats how I feel about it for my girls. Do what is right for you and your values..don't give into cohersion..even for straight As. Ive seen to many 20 somethings look like a pin cushion..or worse those HUGE things in young peoples ears..OMG it gives new meaning to....do your ears hang low ..do they wobble two and fro....can you tie them in a knot can you tie them in a bow....

Rachel - posted on 06/22/2012

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I don't think schools allow that?!? Do they? I know in my high school they didn't allow them. But really y'all could compromise maybe a magnet? It doesn't leave permanent damage. Good luck.

Linda - posted on 06/06/2012

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I am facing this issue right now.. ha that is kind of a pun. My 12 year old daughter wants a nose piercing. First she wanted ear gauges and I flat out said NO! I discussed it with her mostly out of her life father and he said instead of battling with her I should give in on this. I have already given in on the double ear piercing and the bleaching and coloring hair and going to Blood on the dance floor concerts etc.. I just don't like nose piercings and I don't think she is mature enough. She is barely passing 7th grade, is rude and disrespectful to me and already looks "scene emo" enough. My mother, her grandmother, my son and I'm sure other people are shocked by this. If I let her get it done I would get all kinds of bad reactions from people. I told her no and she is mad because I told her she could get one when she was 13. She says "everyone" has one... I asked her to tell me who "everyone" was and she was able to name about 3 people. Good luck everyone!

Vallyna - posted on 06/05/2012

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I also have a 12 year old daughter that wants a nose piercing. I feel 12 is too young. My daughter is quite smart and points out that I am just holding on desperately to worn out social conventions like my mom and so on. Why she asks is it OK for a baby (that is helpless) to be mutilated without permission, and a 12 year old can't get one little hole in her nose? Is it because moms feel they own their child's body? I am not much of a debater and never really thought about this issue until it was tossed on me like cold water. I feel12 is too young, but can find very little to convince her of that. My husband who is not in agreement with me, is backing me up so we do have a unified front. He points out that every parent sooner or later will come to realize that telling a child what to do is no longer effective as it once was. He says that is when you learn how to ask, because I quote "we are raising future adults that we hope will make good decisions. Where do good decisions come from? Practice" I guess I am -old school - and feel they should do as I say end of story. He did offer up one good point. He told her that it was our duty as parents to guide our children in making good decisions until they have more life experience and can go it alone. He has tattoos that he got when still a teenager and has regretted that decision because there permanent. The nose piercing has the same potential and he would like her to spend a few more years thinking about it before any action is taken. He also got some fake stick on ones so she could see how it looked and where it might go. I hate when he out parents me.
I hope she eventually let go of this yet I fear there is much more to come. However I find some comfort in knowing I'm not the only mom troubled by this issue.

Lisa - posted on 08/20/2010

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I made my oldest daughter wait until she was 16 before getting her nose done. As for the belly button ring, I hated the idea. She had to wait until she was 17, but I told her she had to pay for it herself... because I didn't agree with it, but her father did. She's now 20 and let the stomach piercing grow over but still wears her nose stud with pride. Her first real piercing she had to wait for and I didn't mind helping her get done. She was just disappointed that I didn't do it too. Oh well. I'm not going to get a tattoe just because she did at 19... all her choice. But damn, I did suggest something small and discreet. So glad she took my advice.

Pamela - posted on 08/18/2010

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A note of caution...my girlfriends daughter got a nose pierceing and developed a staph infection that spread to her eye. Luckily, it was caught in time and taken care of by antibiotics. If you decide to let her do it be careful where you go....

Kenitra - posted on 08/18/2010

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I feel as though kids can get the standard one-hole ear piercing. Any other body piercings should be done after they are 18 and have their own job to pay for it. Hopefully by then they will change their minds. It is only a fad, and when they no longer want their piercings, they are left with scars.

Ruth - posted on 08/18/2010

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She has wanted this piercing for awhile, she has obviously thought about it alot. I would definitely find out why she wants it and make sure it is because she wants it and not some other type of pressure she is feeling in life. Like not feeling pretty enough or to "fit in." I think it is a good idea to take her if the reasoning is good. You always have to be a parent but the times they really remember are when you were their friend!!

Sharon - posted on 08/18/2010

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I'm a tattooed pierced mom. In my home tattoos and facial piercings happen for the kids at 18. Period. The kids know that I will pay for their first ones. I personally feel this way because I think that by then they will have enough maturity to know if they want the permanence of the thing. I no longer wear the facial piercings except in my ears. I do wear the scars from them though. (Obviously). I feel that they need to realize that these fads come and go and they may not want at 40 what they want at 14. I have a lovely nasal piercing scar among other facial piercing scars which I remind my daughter of every time she brings it up. If, at 18 she still wants it I will gladly pay for it. I will also pay for any tattoo she wants (and probably another one for me too). That' s just how I feel about it from experience.

Lyn - posted on 08/17/2010

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I personally don't think this is a big deal. My 17 year old has quite a few piercings and I don't see the problem - but thats me. The problem I see hear is not the piercing itself but the fact that you have said no and she is trying to negotiate. I don't believe you should. Regardless of what I believe, you have said no and you should stick to it. Don't make a fuss but stick to your guns. In NSW Australia a person can get a piercing at 16 without permission. I don't know the situation where you are.

Lori - posted on 08/15/2010

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My son at 13 wanted an earring, but his dad didn't want him to so I came up with a plan. If he stays a virgin til he's 16 I would take him to get it done. If he stays a virgin til 18 I would buy him a small diamond (hopefully I'll have the money=). Of course I got my daughter's ears pirced when she was a baby, but if she wants other piercings it'll be the same deal as her brother. (Just an idea)

Lisa - posted on 08/13/2010

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I like that! What a smart mom.I probably will borrow that phrase in a few years when my boys become teenagers.

Julie - posted on 08/13/2010

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"Nothing permanent till you are ready to take care of yourself permanently out of the house" is what my mom use to say

Lisa - posted on 08/12/2010

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I would let her, but go with with her, buy her a special nose ring that will remind her of your special day together. It isn't your type of expression but it is fairly common today. She is trying to stand apart from you with her own "look". It isn't permanent and should it be infected it will have to close up to heal. Lesson learned. Keeping your communication open now will help with the tougher issues.

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I got my daugther's ears peirced at 3 months. Other than that... my answer for tattoos (for my son) and other piercings for both are simple. When you are old enough to pay for it AND not need my consent then you can. There is a reason there are age limits on those things, in my opinion. I don't care if they get them, just as long as they are older and realize the consequences of their actions. :P

Candi - posted on 08/10/2010

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I would say no. My daughter is 10 and wants her ears pierced, but until she is old enough to tke care of them, I refuse! A nose ring is not something I would even consider. Some places will not hire someone with a nose ring and she is too young to see all the risks in her future. Teenagers think nothing bad will happen to them! Tell her to wait a couple of years and if she still wants one, then you will discuss it. Personally I think they look tacky on teenagers!

Shawn - posted on 08/10/2010

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It's an epidemic! My daughter wanted to get her nose pierced at 12 ("all my friends are doing it!"), and I said no. She went behind my back, did it herself. She hid it quite well, I must say, for about 2 weeks. I finally noticed it, and made her take it out, and of course, punished her. When I punished her, I explained that while the piercing had broken my rules, the worst action was that she had lied to me, by deceiving me. I explained that truthfulness was the most important thing, because the lying had now broken my trust, and she would have a very difficult time building that trust back up. She was fine for awhile, then pierced it again. Punished again.

She is now 13, going into 8th grade. She wants to pierce her bellybutton. Again, no. There is a difference this time, as she has had a summer to mature--she spent some time with her birth-mother (open adoption), who is a wonderful woman. I'm not sure what kinds of conversations they had, but she came back a new child! Her birth-mother has been through some of the same things that my daughter is going through, and I think her experience had a positive influence on what my daughter was thinking.

Anyway, my daughter's behavior has improved immensely. Do I want my daughter to have a belly piercing? No. But I told her I would consider it, perhaps at the END of the 8th grade. In my day, it just wouldn't have happened. So many things are more acceptable today...

Cassandra - posted on 08/05/2010

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You might want to check school policy before hand. Alot of schools have a no piercings policy. I would let my daughter get her nose pierced, but I figure they close up after a time. I am pierced and tatooed, but I waited until 18 to do anything to my body. It depends on the child and how mature they are about it, grades, chores done, responsability, ect.

Lisa - posted on 08/05/2010

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Personally I don't think any child should get piercings other than earrings before 16. I wasn't even allowed to get my ears pierced until I was 16, but I allowed my children to chose if they wanted them done at 9. In Australia some places won't do other piercings on under 16 year olds, and those that do need a parent to sign a form first (as is required for ear piercings).

I know it sounds like a great incentive, but I'd be looking for another one. Maybe I'm just a mean parent... My 13 year old son wants to dye his hair black and I've said not until he's 16 LOL

Chanel - posted on 08/04/2010

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Just something to consider......Is it better for you to take her to get it done by a professional, or for her to sneak behind your back and have a friend do the peircing for her?

Becki - posted on 08/04/2010

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my hubby and i just had a simular conversation recently, we were torn on the subject. i thought it was fine, he did not. i felt a nose ring at 14 would be fine, as long as it was just a small stud. my hubby felt a belly piercing was more appropriate because it can be hidden. i say the belly ring is way to sexy! what does her father think? i would be inclined to make the deal. beware with the helix, i had that piercing, i woke up one morning and the stud had embedded itself into my ear. we had to pull it out the back to get it out. good luck :)

Christina - posted on 08/01/2010

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Hmmm.. that's a tough one. I am 36 and have a nose piercing but it's so small you can barely see that it's there. But, as for letting your daughter get one at such a young age? I'm not sure whether to say if it's inappropriate. If you do decide to let her get one maybe start really small like mine where it will hardly be noticed at all then move on from there as age progresses. It doesn't seem so bad compare to what you see other kids getting put into their bodies but I think it's really about how she'll handle it. Does she just want it because she thinks it's pretty or is it to get some sort of acceptance? Also there is the whole bribing involved here which really isn't bad, I mean don't we do it to our kids all the time to get what we want? Bottom line is that your daughter sounds like she's a good and smart kid that knows what she wants so it might not be so bad to make a deal with her.

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