15yr old daughter, 18 yr old BF...HELP!

Laura - posted on 12/17/2008

talk to her... don't be judgmental when you sit down and talk about this with her. Let her know that you do want her to be happy, but not just now, for the rest of her life. Have her write down what she sees good in him and what she sees bad in him. Ask her about her future with him. Try to see it from her point of view before you try to get her to see it from yours. Be genuinely interested. Then in a nice way point out that you've seen her change, ask her about her friendships and if they're like she wants them to be. Ask her about what she wants from her life and how is he helping her get to that. Not just romantically but careerwise and familywise. If you try to see it from her point of view she's probably not thinking about the far future, but by knowing how she's thinking you can tailor your questions to get her to think about the far future. Don't let it turn into a fight or you will get nowhere and she will fight you tooth and nail on this. Basically you have to acknowledge that she is growing up and although making poor choices it's your job to gently steer her towards a positive future. Cutting her off from him is not going to help, but make her fight you all the more. If she's specifically in harms way you HAVE to cut her off, but if not you need to steer her in the right direction through talking it out. Even if you can't talk face to face without fighting try writing each other letters on the subject. I have a feeling she's scared as well about her future so she's self sabatoging subconsiously. Basically you've got to be the grown up and teach her how to resolve conflict the grown up way. She'll respect you more in the end.

Joy - posted on 12/17/2008

wow!! i have a 17 year old living with a 23 year old. my daughter met him last year and they both hid it from me for about 4 months when i found out i did call the police on her and him....i soon after going through the court system and battling what i ended up losing realized that she she was far to stubborn to change her. a probation officer told me that im going to be miserable regardless of what happens if i get a restraining order on her she will and did make my life a living nightmare full of worries and fears if i allow her to continue this relaitonship i will also be in fear as well . i did not want to even meet this young fellow who was interested in my little girl. but i did finally make a decisionto just let go. she was going to see him regardless even if it ment breaking the rules at home to do so. i finally met him after several months and as much as i do not agree with the age difference hes a very nice young man and is a hard worker ...i have learned that no matter what i would like to choose for my children they will eventually make their own and hopefully not fall to hard....i wish i could tell you what to do but each child and situation is different and even though quite similarthey are not the same if you think you can put your foot down and she will respect that then i would do it now before its too late. my daughter no longer lives with me and has to now live like an adult because of the choices she made.....good luck God bless

KimmyAnn - posted on 12/17/2008

I had this problem as well. A 15 and 18 year old should not be together!! Yes you can stop it. She is 15, and you are in control. Send her to school, and be very interested and informed with her whereabouts. Don't alow her to go with her friends unless there is an adult. Talk with the adult and make it clear you dont want her going anywhere with this boy. It will soon pass and a new boyfriend will be in the picture. It will be hard and will cause havic in your home...but only temperary....it is the best thing for her. Don't let her go down the wrong road. This is the most impressionable time in her life, be her parent and not her friend.

Jacqueline - posted on 12/16/2008

I agree with the other post. You've got to stand firm and let her know that you are in charge. I've told my kids berfore that I'm not here to be their friend (that's up to them), I am here to help them become something in life, and teach them right from wrong. I've told them they may hate (but they don't -we r really close) me now, but one day they will love and appreciate what I've done. It may seem mean when we put our foot down, but that is true love, when we're willing to go to what ever distance to protect them. More parents need to start standing up to they're teens. She's 15 she doesn't know what is good for her. I would warn him to stay away if he doesn't take out a restraining order, and if she doesn't listen start by taking away things like phones, computers, doors to rooms staying open, taking and picking her up from school, no where with out adult super vision, if things like that dont work then boot camp or boarding school. This is your little girl,don't let some weazal come in and take her from you or destroy the kind of life you know she can have with out him in the picture.

Felicia - posted on 12/10/2008

Be a strong mother. She is 15 years old and still a minor. She has no business dating an 18 year old pothead. Tell her to leave the boy alone and refrain from any contact with him or she will be going to boarding school. Make this threat with a drug test in hand you are the mother make her understand this. If she fails the drug test that should be enough for you to step in and not let her see this boy. If the activity continues shut her off from phone, computer, etc.... If she trys acting out stand firm. And if it comes down to it and all else fails boarding school isn't that bad. Not trying to be mean dont take this the wrong way just trying to help. Hope everything works out if you need anymore advice feel free to contact me.