Am I loosing my 13 year old daughter?

Patricia - posted on 08/25/2012

Your daughter needs her Mom and always will. Call her and just take her out for an ice cream, or nice walk, download some fun music together; GET INTO HER WORLD; you both need to have boundaries with each other, show respect to each other but keep communicating in small ways; she knows she is on a bad path. She might be to prideful to admit it, though; be strong, smart, resilient and strategic. Introduce her to some older kids that are college bound, driven, accomplished and confident in their futures. She needs some positive teenage roll models.

Della - posted on 08/15/2011

Make the time. She's needs to know she is a priority in your life. It will help her confidence with other people if she knows she is important. Signed: Divorced Child with father who did not make the time.

Karla - posted on 08/10/2011

Jessie, My heart goes out to you. I hope the group home is helpful to your son. Hang in there!

Donna - posted on 08/10/2011

Jessie and Karla, Yes, I meant cutting herself, but she has not done that for a long time. I've made progress with her on that. It's been an issue with kids for many years. I think that Parents are embarrassed.. I know I was.
In the past week we have spent some time together.. I feel like Ive reconnected with her... I feel like I have some peace. We'll see how Dads house works out. :)

Jessie - posted on 08/10/2011

I know, but as I have told my daughter no matter what she can come to me. We have had a very tough life. Her brother has a Mental illness. He is 14 now. I have always try to get him the best help. He has been in and out of the hosp. since he was 5. We have a tough life, he almost kill me when he was 8. I took a lot of abuse from him, and also my daughter. He is back at a treatment center, and will go to a group home for a while. But my church family as always been there for me, and lots of prayers. It has took a lot out of me over the years. They have suggest that I give up custody, but I cannot do that. I love him and that way I have control over his meds, and were he is place.

Karla - posted on 08/10/2011

(the very little I know about cutting...) I read about it in the 70's, I think it was just coming to light at that time. I don't think it's a new thing, it was probably a taboo subject before people took the time to try to understand it.

Jessie - posted on 08/10/2011

I know I just took it as if her daughter was cutting. Hopefully, you are right. It is so sad. When I grew up you never heard of such things as kids do today.

Karla - posted on 08/09/2011

Oh gosh, I took it as "cutting school" - was she actually cutting? Yes, that is very serious, always a cry for help. I think it usually represents a need to remove emotional pain by creating physical pain.

Jessie - posted on 08/09/2011

The cutting you need to take very serious. My daughter was doing that, and was put in the hosp. I now have her in day treatment at school. Also, she is seeing a counslor. When they cut they are crying out for some reason. It like that will give them some type of releif. The day treatment at school has help a lot. Hope this helps, prayers are with you.

Karla - posted on 08/03/2011

Good! I hope it helps. It sounds like you are having a great visit with her. Here's a quick {hug} for you too.
:-)

Donna - posted on 08/03/2011

Thank you soooo much! It helps to feel like I am not alone. She came to visit today and seemed completely elated to get back to me when we first laid eyes on each other.. We plan to spend the day at the beach tomorrow. I cant stop looking at her. She was dropped off at my new office (which helps me to settle here) and we are both sitting here chatting and wrapping up stuff on the computer so I can take off tomorrow. ......Someone told me not to make her feel guilty, so just as you've suggested, Im giving lots of hugs and trying not to cry. Shes not nearly as emotionally far as I thought she was... Im really looking forward to this next 24 hours. I will be her rock and let her know that I am always here for her. And you're right, I'll talk to her about arranging a schedule like your friend did... that's a GREAT idea!

Karla - posted on 08/03/2011

Wow, that is a difficult situation. Speaking out of empathy with no real experience, I would say schedule visits, and soon.



My brother didn’t have custody of his kids, but he would have them every Wednesday night (and drive them to school in the morning) and he had them every-other weekend from Friday night until he drove them to school Monday morning. That might be a bit much for you, but it demonstrates what another parent did to keep contact and communication with his children.



I suggest certainly arranging a visitation schedule (maybe dinner out on Wednesday night? And every-other weekend visits at your place. Perhaps her dad would meet you halfway on the 30 minute drive?) This is an investment in your relationship with your daughter, and your future together.



Oh and give her hugs whenever you see her - it really helps fill that emotional tank! ;-)