Amazing 10 year old has anger issues?Tends to lash out if kids aggrevate him. What do I do?

Shelly - posted on 02/17/2012

oky I have a 10 year old we adopted with attachment dissorder and adhd he takes medicine for the adhd,he was in theropy but his counseler has recently passed away since then he has had some major anger issues at school,I have yet seen theses he keeps beating up kids was kicked off the bus for fighting for 2 days and the 1 st day back on the bus was great until he got to school then he tried to get a little boy to go beat up another kid for him so he would not get in trouble but when that kid refused to do this my child held him up against the locker and was beating him up he got kicked out of school for 2 days now the counsler he was seeing was great and she said that I should not take him to a differnt counsler that does not specialize in attachment dissorders that we need to work on this 1st now that she has passed away their are no other counclers that are within a 3oo hundred mile range to where we live,I am at a lost on how to help my child I have tried everything form grounding to no tv writing sentences and nothing seems to work. at home he is great helps out all the time does his chores very respectful he only seems to have this problem at school sure he has arguments with his brother and sister but no violent out bursts with them at home I need some help on what to do

Nikki - posted on 05/27/2010

My son is 10 as well and identical to yours. He is aggressive when bothered by others and has been to counseling as well, with no luck. He is even like this with his siblings as well as my husband and I.He tries so hard to control the anger and rage, but tells me it is almost impossible. With that said...he was diagnosed as ADHD, ODD and has Anxiety Disorder. He takes Vyvanse 70mg for the daytime 12-hr med (which works great compared to all the others we have tried). And at night he takes a clonidine 0.1 to help calm him for bed (anxiety about the next day). On to what helps (I told him about your story b/c it helps him to realize he is not the only one out there that is dealing with this, positive encouragement)! Here is what he said that he does to help with his anger: 1. Make sure to share with someone that you are feeling angry (like a teacher or parent) so that they can get you away from the other person as soon as possible...to keep you out of trouble. 2. Take 5 deep breaths and think of something nice to calm you. 3. Find a tissue box and wrap it with duck tape to kick or punch around when at home...helps to be able to put all that anger at something...(this has worked wonders with my son)! Last but not least...Believe in yourself, that you can overcome the anger in a positive way! We are trying as well, and have had some positive changes in the past 2 years...Good Luck and keep in contact with me...I think it is neat to have someone who understands what you are going through.

Helen - posted on 05/26/2010

know were your coming from my 10 year old hasnt got ADAD but struggles to express himself properly sometimes and always ends up in trouble for fighting and lashes out then is sorry and we have the tears he says its like having a volcano bubling away , ive got him in to doing tai chi and he seems much happier and calmer .

Jen - posted on 05/26/2010

I suggest you find a better therapist. The one you had was clearly not on the ball.

Claire - posted on 05/26/2010

HI MELISSA IM GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING MYSELF.I HAVE A SON JUST TURNING 11 AND I HAVE HAD TO DEAL ITH HIS ANGER .THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS MY SON HAS SEEN CONSELLORS AND BEEN SIGNED OFF AND DOESNT HAVE ADHD OR ANY MEDICATION.I HAVE BEEN APART FROM HID DAD FOR NEARLY THREE YEARS AND THOUGHT THIS WAS THE REASON FOR IT BUT DESPITE MY TRYING TO DO SOMETHING ANG TALKS FROM HIS DAD HE CAN STIILGET ANGRY AT THE SLIGHTEST THING.HE CAN BE A SENSITIVE CHILD AND PLAYS WELL WITH YOUNGER KIDS BUT CAN FIGHT WITH BOYS OF HIS OWN AGE.LIKE YOU I HAVE TRIED SEVERAL WAYS OF DEALING WITH IT AND SOME WORK FOR A WHILE.HE HAS CALMED DOWN A LITTLE AND WILL HELP OUT A BIT MORE AROUND THE AND THEN I PRAISE HIM FOR DOING THIS.I HAVE A GREAT SUPPORT SYSTEM IN SCHOOLAS WELL AS MY SON HAS TO KEEP A BEHAVIOUR JOURNAL IN WHICH I HAVE TO WRITE DOWN HIS BEHAVIOUR EVERYDAY AND GIVE A TICK OR X.IT HAS WORKED FOR SCHOOL AS HE DOESNT LIKE SEEING XON HIS REPORT.HE ALSO GETS TO DO CERTAIN JOBS FOR THE PRINCIPAL IF GOOD.HE ATTENDED SOCIAL SPEAKING WHICH IS TEACHING HOW TO BEHAVE IN CERTAIN SITUATIONS AND NOT GWET ANNOYED.SO THAT IS MY EXPERIENCE HOPE IT HELPS.PS DESPITE THE BEHAVIOUR MY SON STILL LIKES SNUGLLING UP TO ME WHEN HE CAN GET ME ON HIS OWN, HE HAS TWO SISTERS ONE BEING HIS TWIN,MAY HE WANT TO CE CLOSE TO ME.GOOD LUCK

Melissa - posted on 05/25/2010

You ladies have been a blessing to me and I am sooo happy this app is available to all moms. It does help to hear others stories. I have found that my son gets really mad when kids are taunting him or making fun or not playing fair. Of course my son does act different than other kids. Does not interact well, makes up not so funny jokes, kinda bossy, acts goofy. But let me tell you something....he would do anything for anyone and has a heart of gold. I get nothing but compliments about him. Yes he has recently been grounded from TV, games, ATV, fast food, ect. This is our first and his.....he absolutely hates this. But he is trying harder I believe. As for his feelings...he does journal. He loves it, and he sometimes, rarely, lets me read. He tells me the part of his brain that is supposed to help him remember from right and wrong is rotten and sometimes he just cant stop his reactions. Then he crys. . . Ladies I can tell you right now one of the hardest things for me is looking at my son and him tell me "mom I dont know why I do this, I cant stop, why wont God take it away, I hate this part about me" All I can do is keep believing with him, speaking Truth to him, and prayer

Nicola - posted on 05/25/2010

I have a 12-year-old who has anger management issues. He's been busted a couple of times at school for lashing out, but of course the teachers don't see/hear the provocation that precedes it! Fortunately his school has some helpful systems to help him deal with it, and they contact us if they feel we need to know what's been going on. However, we do also emphasise to him that HE has to take responsibility for his actions. He hurt a younger child a while back after a silly incident out of school, and got himself grounded for MONTHS. He's only just being allowed to go out and play with friends again, and he knows that we'll do the same should he repeat the behaviour...

Telika - posted on 05/24/2010

i too am experincing a child w/anger issues i have a counselor come twice a week,unfortunately for me,she's not on meds though she needs to be,it can be hard especially if no other oarent is going through it,i have decided to pratice yoga w/her i'm trying a natural appeoach and also gonna buy her a journal to channel her anger,you may want to see if your son is being bullied that can trigger his anger,bc we know how cruel kids can be when they find out certain private things,i wish i had more advice,but if you want to talk more privately please feel free to send me a message on my profile good luck

Anne Marie - posted on 05/24/2010

The adults who are around have to be aware of the problem and have a constant eye on him. Does he have an aid at school. If other adults are aware they can intervene before something happens. Knowing what may aggravate him and stopping the other child from doing what is aggravating helps. My son has ADHD the things that would aggravate him most people would find annoying at the least. The other adults who know what his reaction is knowing that the annoying incidents are extremely aggravating to your son can interfer. Not only do they need to explain to the other child that it is annoying at best, they should also put into perspective the incident for your son. My son often blew up over minor things and I would explain to him what is the big deal about this. He would often say "Idon't like it or it annoys me" but could not explain why. It took time but he became more able to realize that it is minor. My son is 18 he still blows up at times but I go back to what is the big deal. I have found he often opens up about something else that is bothering him. I often seperate him and took him for a car ride. You can't do this alone others need to be aware, unless you want to be with him 24/7 in school and at play mates. Trust me he doesn't want that nor should you, you need a break too. God bless you and be with you I feel the pain of you anguish been there and done that, God did see me through it (although I did many times wonder where he was).

Melissa - posted on 05/18/2010

Thank you so much for your response. The counselor did state the same approaches for Slayter to help him control his anger in handling such situations. The problem is that slayter does not notice what he has done till it has already happened. Most times he has not noticed its happened till all is said and done. Which means he acts upon impulse. His ADHD doc has now lowered his Daytrana and put him on Tenex (blood pressure med) to help him with impulse reactions. I will do anything to help Slayter out, but I have explained to him these are just aids. They dont stop him or keep him from doing. The choices he makes will always come with circumstances. Be good or bad. My prayers continue and I appreciate advice where people have been there. God bless each one of you.

Brooke - posted on 05/18/2010

Sometimes it is just about finding the right therapist. God is great and a major factor in my life, but he gave us free will and we must want to change for him to be able to help us. Your son needs the right tools to help him overcome his anger. Bless you and don't give up!

W - posted on 05/17/2010

I found a counselor who specialized in children...referred us to an anger management class. He was only 6 at the time. Focus was on coming up with things you could do and practice beforehand when situations arise: taking deep breaths, counting to 10, walking away, ripping things, journal feelings, etc. I felt my son "shouldn't" act/feel certain ways...counselor pointed out the fact was that he "does" feel a certain way...so acknowledging and redirecting was the key. For example: hated a certain kid, wanted to hurt him....counselor said he could draw the kid on a wipe board and shoot it with rubber darts, yell at it, tell it off....OK to journal the feelings too....to get the feelings out...but not to carry it out. Discuss approp behavior to the kid, learn to walk away, etc. He's 12 now. Things are much better.