ANy advice on how to bring up the subject of periods to my 10 yo?

Amanda - posted on 01/29/2010 ( 38 moms have responded )

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I know many of you would already have had this conversation but i never had it with my mother!! and wondered how i got through it when i was young really. I want to be more open with her so she can ask me any thing, any time. She has not brought home anything to say that they are talking about this in school yet and she has never said anything, yet asked, so reading all these comments, i do wonder if she actually has heard things at school and is not saying just like i did when i was her age. I just would like to know how to bring this into a a conversation?

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Yvonda - posted on 03/30/2010

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my daughter is on the 5thand will be 11 in April, and they have talked about this in school, so I'm sure your daughter probably has also, and I'd also guess that she already know a girl or two in class that has started her period, so I have had this discussion with her, and she had things in her backpack that she will need if it happens in school( advise form her pediatrician) So if I were you I'd just ask her if any of her classmates has started and go form there

Tracy - posted on 03/06/2010

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My Mother didn't talk to me about it either and when my daughter was getting close to the age she would start, I just started talking to her about it. She liked to walk in on me in the bathroom, seemed that was when she had something to say to me. When she came in during that time, I told her that she would have this happen sometime soon and when it did, she needed to let me know so I could show her what she needed to do. The one thing you need to tell her though, that I forgot, when she starts, it may look like brown stuff instead of red. My daughter is shy and doesn't like me to say things to her but she knows that she can talk to me anytime.

Jolene - posted on 01/29/2010

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I like yourself wasnt given "the talk" . so when it came time for the chat about it with my daughter i bought a book that puts the facts in kids terms which was great. I slipped it to my daughter and told her if she needed to ask any questions then i was there for her . Ask she did lol it was great and i also found out that she had been hearing some awful stories from class mates about periods and such that had freaked her out a bit so she now knows the facts and comes to me with any questions.

good luck

TJ - posted on 05/31/2013

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This topic is nothing to be ashamed of or embarassed by, especially if you are a mother opening the sacred door for your daughter(s). A young girl's transition is natural, and it should be honored. I especially think that multi-generational aspects are important (involving aunts and grandmothers and female cousins), as I did not have these connections growing up. It’s really very special to celebrate such milestones of change together, growing close with other women, and I regret that this was not done in my family. Instead, it was a "curse" and it was something gross and dirty. Not true!

GOOGLE "The Red Tent" ... modern gatherings that mark an empowering connection among females of all ages, from young to old. Menstruation brings us into womanhood – a time to rejoice and be supported by other women. From this point onwards, our lives are filled with occasions when empowerment by and between women is the perfect way to celebrate... and sometimes, the support is more important than the celebration! From the first time a female falls in love, to the hot flashes of menopause, a Red Tent gathering honors the collective power of women. For instance, have a look at what this website offers:

http://redtentparty.wordpress.com/

There are many more such groups... perhaps in your own area... or perhaps you should start one with your daughter!

Patrizia - posted on 02/05/2010

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the book "girls stuff " by kaz cooke RRP $25 is a great book explaining everything from relationships, body changes, alcohol, drugs, periods, sex ect in terms that young kids can understand i gave it to my girl a 9 to read the section on periods as i just had that feeling it wasnt going to be long as she has developed quiet young. she read through it and we sat and talked about it together. i then went through paragraph by paragraph to make sure she understood everything. thank god i did 2 days later she started her period but was totally ready for it and knew what to do.

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Julie - posted on 05/27/2013

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I think you should just be completely honest and straight forward make sure she has all the facts and then make sure you are available for her to ask questions once she has digested the infomation

ELLIE - posted on 06/19/2012

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its the most natural thing to discuss with your daughter you dont go into detail tell her about yourself explain to her whats up and whats going to happen to her so she wont be shocked if in case it happens and make it your thing mom and daughter thing buy her the nessescary things train her on how to use them and just make her ready ,my mom never talked to me but my daughter is ready ,plus some of her friends already got it be open about it good luck its normal and beautiful in its way there growing up...

Marissa - posted on 06/12/2012

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Actually, my daughter is eleven years old and I just had the talk with her, thanks to some great advice on circle of moms! I am very, very sure they talk about it in school this age, they did this for my daughter, but if not, her friends will be up and about talking about it, so she will know. If it's hard to bring up, try leaving a note. Or when no one else is home (especially guys) sit her down over a snack and say, "honey, you are growing up," and say what you have to. I recommend buying some books for puberty of girls, parent approved, of course!
Good luck with your daughter!

Angela - posted on 03/30/2010

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Kotex.com has a kit for young girls. This kit has a pad, tampons and pamplets that talk about what changes her body is going through. Also you can talk to your school nurse she probably has a movie you can borrow that talks about it too. Remember if you don't tell her someone else will and you know her better then anyone else! Good luck!!

Kerry - posted on 03/30/2010

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hi i spoke to my daughter when she was 10 we had a really detailed chat as i was 10 when i started my periods and found it really scary and i didnt want her to feel like that she is now 12 and just started her periods and its only day 2 but she is coping really well

Barb - posted on 03/28/2010

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American Girl has a book about a girls changing body and talks about all that stuff. My daughter really liked it. She even asked me questions while reading the book. It is tastefully done. When she started her period, she handled it really well, considering we were travelling and at a gas station bathroom. I remembering crying and freaking out when I first started.

Deanna - posted on 03/07/2010

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In our school district they do that in the 5th grade. I can understand the delima of bringing it up so I just brought it up when my daughter and I were alone and could talk freely about it. She may be hearing things at school already and not know how to bring it up.

Michelle - posted on 03/05/2010

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I didnt know what was going on when I started my period, because my mom didnt tell me, so I made sure that my girls knew what it was at an early age. My oldest had a babysitter and she asked me one day, (what does it mean when you go into the bathroom a little girl and come out a women). I guess that her babysitter had just started her period so I took that oppertunity to tell her about it. She was 6 years old. And after that I would just keep bringing it up. Take your daughter down the pad aisle at the store and let her know that one day she will have to shop for these things. I would also get some panty liners and show her how to put them on. Have her wear them so she will get use to them. I am trying to get my youngest (who is 11 now) to try to wear them. But she doesnt want to. I told her that very soon she will start and she will want to get use to them before it happens. Good luck

Renee - posted on 03/04/2010

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Oh My I had that conversation with my daughter at 9. My friend urged me to cause both her and her daughter started at 9. It was not an easy conversation and it was embarrassing to both me and her but we got thru it. Now I just ask her questions here and there and it is getting easier. My Mom and I were best friends and I want the same with my daughter. So I tell her just about everyday that we can talk about anything and you know what we usually do. So just bring it up get it out there be embarrassed tell her you are embarrassed and you are sure she is but she needs to know the real facts not the rumors from her friends. Also buy her pads and if she doesn't carry a purse buy her one and explain to her that she needs to start using a purse for these things and other private things. Also buy her things like lipgloss and some kind of perfume like high school musical.. This will make the talk easier and she will be so happy about the new things that she will be less embarrassed and hopefully open up more.

Gina - posted on 03/04/2010

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My daughter and I are close and we do talk so I was able to just explain what a period was when i had mine[she wanted to know why I had cramps] I think its great you want to be more open with her,because getting your periods are life changing for girls and a girl always needs her mum.Maybe you can just ask what shes learning in school and then just say 'oh did they talk about your body? and just go from there and remember if your uncomfortable your girl will be too! Good luck

Andrea - posted on 03/03/2010

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I have soon to be 10 year old twins, I have always be open and honest with my girls. Because they a twins and have always been treated differently, so from a very early age I have talked about their bodies, sex but to a basic information, nothing scary, only fact and open, if your daughter wants to talk then set time aside. What we do is have girly time when we have chats and do each others nails put on face masks. I bought them 2 books and gave them to my girls during girly time, 1) Girls Only all about periods & growing up stuff. 2) lets talk about sex. Both I investigated and read reviews and purchased on Amazon. When they ask questions it makes me feel great. Good luck, I always go by : knowledge is power, be honest but don't scare. x

Linda - posted on 02/28/2010

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when my daughter was in the 4th grade,they had a girl class that talked about it , when got home we read he pamplet together..if she had a question,we would open the pamplet together and read..

Candace - posted on 02/28/2010

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This past weekend I just had this talk with my daughter, who is turning 9 in 2 weeks. I never had this talk with my mother when I was little. My daughter has known for awhile about "the thing" that females get every month, but never knew what it was called or anything else about it. I wanted to let her know that it could happen at school, and if it were to happen there, that she would need to go to the nurses office and that she would be fine, and not to worry. We went through the whole talk about how a girl's body is changing into a young lady. I liked what EMMA ESKRIDGE said above about letting her daughter open up a sanitary napkin and letting her see what it was. I didn't think of that, but I think I'm going to do that, too!

Shelly - posted on 02/05/2010

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U just need to be honest and tell her...Remember how you felt because your mom didn't tell you..I just told my daughter the way it was and had her totally prepared and at the age of 13, she did great...It is better to be open than beat around the bush...

Madeleine - posted on 02/05/2010

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My daughter was 9yrs old when i brought up the subject of "period". I simply asked her, holding a piece of paper with a huge red dot in the middle, "do you know what this is?"
She of course laughed and said, a dot? " This is how i opened up a conversation with her.
It isn't hard...use your imagination...they will understand and appreciate it. My mom never did this with me...and it was devastating for me...don't let your girls find out the hard way...this is our job as moms!

[deleted account]

Gotta love the periods talk! My approach was to explain to my daughter that no matter how embarrassing she thought this talk was going to be it was equally embarrassing for me! That put her at ease to begin with.
We all know the details of 'the talk' so I won't go into that (I can hear everyone's sigh of relief lol) but I explained the changes in the body, the hormonal issues, and how everyone's period is different. At the end of our conversation my daughter actually thanked me for being honest with her and that's something that I have learnt from her - is that the most that my kids want from me besides my love and care is honesty. :)

Now my daughter is not scared to talk openly to me about her period and/or body changes - I really would recommend spending some 'girly' time and being honest and open and sharing what you know about periods etc :) and good luck!

Janine - posted on 02/03/2010

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I took my daughter away for a girls weekend and used the Passport to purity program (It's a Christian based lesson you can get it online) I'm really glad I did it. The program helps you to talk to your children about periods, sex, peer pressure, and many other important things. My daughter was starting 5th grade when I told her and the school did a lesson on sex ed the end of 5th. She ended up getting her period that summer and I was so happy we had all ready talked about it. Our weekend away was very special and really helped her to feel open to come and talk to me. My younger daughter keeps asking me when she gets to go away with me. It's easier then you think it will be! Good Luck!!!

Kathy - posted on 02/03/2010

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Have the conversation, honestly, my parents never told me about it and when it happened I thought I was going to die, so I promised myself I would never allow this to happen to my kids, boy 25 and I was a single mother with doors always open and I would not have a problem asking him to get me pads or tampons and when he asked what that was all for I gave it to him, my daughter is 10 and she has know about periods ever since I can remember. Be honest and direct and as sooner the better.

Kristi - posted on 02/03/2010

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Hi Amanda...my suggestion to you is to just be as open and honest as possible with your daughter as you can. Always be there for her whenever she needs you, has a question about somehing, or just wants to talk. Keep the lines of communication open and this should make her always want to come to you with anything...now and in the years to come. My mother was always there for me whenever i needed her, and now that she isn't...its hard...even though I am grown with children of my own....seem like you always have questions for Mom!!! Have a great life with your daughter!

[deleted account]

Also, when my step-daughter and niece started middle school I created a 911 kit for them. I found a purse on sell and packed it with nessecities if you have an emergency: pads, toilet seat sheets, spare underwear, body spray, deoderant, lotion, hand sanitizer, and so on. They absolutely loved it and bragged about it to their friends.

[deleted account]

THere is a great book by American Girl, it is called My Body Book. It goes through ALL of the changes girls bodies go through at this stage: hair, breast, periods, skin. I use it for my daughter, anytime she has a question she gets her book and come talk to me. It makes it easier for her to see (great pictures and language) and easier for you to explain. I ordered my book online but I have since found it in Breans Christian Book Store and Boorders Book Store.

Suzan - posted on 02/02/2010

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My ten year old has started to develop including 'body hair'. They've also introduced body changes in school. I used both those to kick off an open discussion with her and responded whenever questions arose. We also picked up a pack of pads so that if her period arrived while she was in school she had something with her and didn't have to feel uncomfortable. We also bought "The Care & Keeping of You - The Body Book for Girls" by Valorie Lee Schaefer. It covers everything - the body, changes, hygiene in general, health. Great book, easily readable by most 10-year-olds. I know a lot of us didn't have a real discussion with our parents, but this is a fact of life and shouldn't be made a big deal of, but should be discussed ahead of time just to set expectations and so there's no fear 'on the day'. (A friend's daughter was 10 and thought she was dying the first day she bled - wrote a note to her family telling them how much she loved them. I'd hate for my daughter to be that scared.)

Rebecca - posted on 02/02/2010

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Wait for a commercial to pop up on the TV when your with her & go from there. Talk about the product and what its for & so.

Christine - posted on 02/02/2010

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If you want to Focus on the Family has focus on your child you can check this web sight. Also FamilyLife Today with Dennis and Barbara Rainey have the passport to purity where it tells all of that in a non-threatning way. I have it for my kids and it is a very good way to present this subject to our kids.

Lizette - posted on 02/01/2010

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We have a pretty open relationship. My daughter who is 11, is comfortable asking me about random things she hears at school and one day she asked me how old I was when I got mine. We just started talking about how it happened and then we talked about why it happens and what she should do if it should happen at school. We even wrapped a pad up and put it in a discreet place in her backpack just in case. She felt much better after that. If she hadn't brought it up with me, I would of just asked her if girls are talking about periods yet.

S. - posted on 02/01/2010

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i started my periods when i was 11 and it shocked the hell out of me I was to young only and knew very little about periods it was horible, that is why i have always been open with my 10 year old no matter what.
i'd get a book sit down with your daughter and read it together that way you wont have trouble finding the right word's, You will find the 1st step is the hardest
best wishes xx

Amanda - posted on 01/31/2010

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Hi sandy

Yeah you are right. I really dont want her in that situation. None of her friends have started yet and i think she may be a little later as she is very slim and not developed at all yet!!! Thanks for all your replys, they have been very helpful.xx

Sandy - posted on 01/30/2010

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"The Care and Keeping of YOU" is a great book by American Girl. I gave that to my daughter when she was 9 and had her read it and then we discussed any questions. Girls are maturing earlier and earlier and you don't want her in a situation where she (or someone she knows) starts their period at school and she doesn't have a clue.

Dearbhail - posted on 01/30/2010

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hi ya,my daughter is 10 years old and already her hormones are kicking in,I explained to her that girls every month will have a slight bleeding every month and that its perfectly normal,that every girl gets it at a certain age when they are entering their teens and not to be scared when it does happen,I told her to come straight to me!she giggled and was very inquisitive about it afterwards and im happy i explained it to her before it does happen as she now is aware of what it is:)

EMMA - posted on 01/29/2010

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I had a Big Girls Tea Party with my daughter when she turned 9. I cleared the house and we were alon and she likes it like that so I knew that she would be comfortable. I told her about the whole process, I let her open a sanitary napkin, feel it and I explained to her how it was to be used etc. She was actually very interested and not nervous whatsoever, Maybe that will work for you and your daughter :~)

Amanda - posted on 01/29/2010

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Hi jolene

Thanks for replying. Its good to know you are in the same boat as me and the book has worked. Definitely go down this route. Let you know how i get on.xxxx

Amanda - posted on 01/29/2010

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Thanks Gayle. Thats been really helpful. We are close and i think the book would be great ice breaker to this important part of her life. xx

GAYLE - posted on 01/29/2010

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How open is your relationship with your daughter? If I were you I would ask her if she knows about growing up and how her body will change. By now she will probably be developing or she soon will.Her hormones will be all over but as her mother I personally think it is your job to tell her about periods and if you find it difficult to chat about them buy a book about the body and all the changes she will have to go through.Give it to her , discretely, and tell her that if she wants to ask you anything about it or anything in it then you will answer any questions as best as you can. Imagine if she started her periods at school and didn't know what was happening. How would you feel knowing that you could avoid any embarrassment she would endure. Tell her that you are her mother and that you will always be there to answer any questions she has to ask. Take her out to a cafe or shopping and have a girlie chat. Make it fun. Go to the underwear shop and pick out her first bra or something like that. Hope this advice gives you some ideas. Good luck.

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