Are we alone???

Kelly - posted on 04/15/2010 ( 56 moms have responded )

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My husband and I don't let our 13 year old daughter go on dates, she can't get anything but her ears pierced and she has to work for the things she wants. She says all of her friends can go out with boys and their parents just givethem money whenever they want to go somewhere. To me this isn't really teaching kids how to be responsible. I guess my questions are Do you let your 13 year old date? Do they have to earn things like money or cell phones or do you just give it to them? I just find it hard to believe her when she says we are the only "strict" parents out there.

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Evelyn - posted on 12/16/2012

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You are not the only parent that makes their kid wait until a certain age to do things. My daughter for example was 16 before she dated. She was given the use of a cell at 13 until her dad shut that phone off not really needing it. She only used it on weekends to call him when she had time. She earned her things. She was not given them when she wanted them. I have a son who is now 15 and he is not given everything he asks for either. He is working towards a XBOX 360 right now. He earns a little allowance....$10 bucks a month for doing odd and end chores. He is happy he gets that much. As far as dating, he is not yet interested in it. But when he is he has to be 16. And that is just around the corner.

Mother - posted on 03/28/2012

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HELL NO!!!!!!! Where are these kids going? They don't drive. They can't get into bars. They can't really go anywhere without a parent....so?? We have a theater, i might consider a movie. I might consider a pre-teen dance. Those however are chaperoned at our local churches. My daughter does not just get electronics unless it is a present. I am fighting the cell phone with my daughter as we speak. My daughter has chores. She set the dinner table, clears it and does evening Dishes. She does the kitty litter and feeds and waters all of the animals. If the dishwasher is full, she empties it. We also have chickens and many times she collects and washes the eggs. She DOES NOT get an allowance but if she wants to do something or buy something I usually get it for her or give her money to get it because she is responsible and is a great kid. Going out unsupervised with boys and just a wad of cash?? No way....

Misty - posted on 03/23/2012

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I have four kids two boys ages 18 and 14 and two girls ages 14 and 16. They have all been allowed to go on supervised dates at age 13. My husband or myself drive to and from. If the friend comes over they must stay where I can see them.

My kids do have phones and some other things, but they earn them by doing extra chores beyond what is expected or earning their own money

Holly - posted on 03/22/2012

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I dont think u should let her go out on dates until shes at high school or mature enough. but if she really wants to go on dates then tell her it will be supervised and u will go with her to see what they are doing or if she wants to wait till high school. I hope this works!

Jeanna - posted on 10/31/2011

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I have a 15 year old and an 11 year old daughter and an 18 year old son they have cell phones only because they are in sports and they do have to work for them they have to do chores around the house we use that as payment first time chores arent done they lose them. I dont believe in dating before 16 years of age. I feel that 13 is to young just because everyone her age is saying they are dating I am sure you are not the only parent of her friends that dont agree with them dating at age 13 remember when you were that age a boy showed you he likes you and you want him to think you are cool its the peer pressure that gets you. I know my daughter who is 15 now thought she was ready to date a boy who was 17 at the time she was 13 and she got her heart broke and turned herself into someone she didnt know. she is now 15 and has had a boyfriend that she has been with for seven months they date but at my house and my rules only.

Sarah - posted on 10/29/2011

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Well i have a step daughter and we don't let her "date" but we let boys come over BUT they have to be where i can see them at all times!! she's 14 and the only time he can come over is if their studying and if not NO bye!:)

hope this helped!:)

Leeann - posted on 10/26/2011

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I agree with Karen, my mom and dad were both strict with me. My dad was an officer in the military who trained men, so I dealt with that growing lol. But it was good though, because they taught me so much about life, because of them me and my husband who could have very well become statisicts (sp?). keep up the good work!

Karen - posted on 10/26/2011

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I don't have a 10 yr old but i have a 20 yr old daughter, an 18 yr old son and a 20 yr old step-son so i've been through this age group before and I am 100 % with you, be strong and do not let your daughter manipulate you in any way into giving in, stick to your rules and don't give an inch or she'll take a mile, what you are doing is for the best for your daughter, she won't realise that at the moment but believe me she will in years to come, she'll thank you for being this strict with her when her friends are still teenagers and have children etc and your daughter doesn't, my 20 yr old daughter thanks me all the time for being as strict as we were when she was younger as so many of her friends now have at least 1 child and she has none so......i never let my daughter go on dates at that age and i have a younger daughter now and wouldn't let her either so......

Lorraine - posted on 10/23/2011

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your not alone, my now 11 year old has only ever had her ears pierced and it didnt last she wants it again i told her she will have to wait now untill she is 13

my daughter only goes on "dates2 by meeting friends at school discos nothing more and she has to be indoors way beofre some of her firends , some parents throw money and gadgets at there kids to gain there love but what about there respect she may not like it but your teaching her just that respect for you and herself :) well done x

Amy - posted on 10/21/2011

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no i dont think she should. she might be mad at you for a while. i know i was at my mom. and i had to work to get the money i wanted. and now i thank my mom for doing it

Leeann - posted on 10/20/2011

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No me and my husband are the same way, I told my daughter she couldnt date until she was fifteen and then it had to be double dates, with her cousin or best friend. If she wants a cell phone she cant have it until she's sixteen and she has to buy it herself and we get to see who she is calling/texting. now we'll give her money to go out, but not all the time we want her to have to work for the things she wants, and we personally dont care about the piercing/tattooing or what have you as long as she has throughly thought it out, knows that when she looks at it every day she wont regret it and she pays for it herself. Kids have so much handed to them, there isnt anything wrong with making them earn what they want. its a lesson they have to learn as they grow up anyhow.



Edit to add:



when i talked about the tattoo/peircing I meant older than sixteen just wanted to clarify :) keep it up momma your doing a good job with your little one. And you are not alone! :)

EMMA - posted on 10/20/2011

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most definitly yes you keep doing what you are they do have to earn privaliges at least i did and my youngest daughter does as well and shes only 5 the earlier you teach them the better keep at it kelly you are doing the right thing hun!x

Corey - posted on 10/17/2011

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I was allowed on chaporoned dates until high school. My mother ran a tight ship. I had to do chores for my allowance and it was only however old I was . I don't think your being strict. Just be cautious if she wants to go out with a particular boy, explain that you need to talk to his parents and that either you or your husband will be more than happy to bring them somewhere

Sharlene - posted on 10/15/2011

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my parents were quiet stricked I also went to a private girls catholic shool 13 yr old is pretty young.Myself I didnt start to date until I WAS 16 YRS OLD AND HAD A CASUAL /PART-TIME JOB I BROUGHT MY OWN STUFF THAT I WANTED.MOVED OUT OF AT 18 YRS WORKING PART-TIME AND STUY AT UNI TO BECOME A NURSE SO NO I DONT THINK YOUR BEEN TO HARD KIDS THESE DAYS HAVE TO LEARN THE VALUE OF MONEY ALL THE BEST

Grace - posted on 10/14/2011

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You definitely are not alone! But my 12 yr old tells me the same thing...so maybe we're becoming extinct.

Megan - posted on 10/10/2011

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When I was growing up I wasn't allowed to get my ears pierced the first time until i was 12 and then if i wanted a second set i had to wait until i was 14...which I did lol. I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16 which is the same year unknown to my parents that I pierced my libre. Other than that small act of rebellion and piercing my eyebrow right after turning 18 and getting a small tattoo on my shoulder-blade after that I turned out just fine and survived. I got a cell at 18 and my sister one at 16 after I was babysitting my niece and nephew and got a flat tire on the way home in the middle of the night on a dangerous road. Our parents said that if we wanted extra money growing up we had to get a job and earn it, in addition to babysitting I also worked at a drive-in movie place when I was old enough. My husband and I are planning on doing the same thing with our children. We have all boys and have already decided that any piercings they want other than ears because some guys still get them nowadays will have to wait until after they are 18. It's the same thing with tattoos I'm not paying for my kid to get one they can do it themselves, I know kids in my husbands family and that I went to school with that started to get them in jr high. If my boys want money for something then they will have to earn it and they will not be allowed to date until they are 16. As for a cell phone they will probably be given one when they are teenagers with set limits in case of emergency only until they have a job and can contribute to the bill if they want extra. You aren't being strict by caring what your child is doing and teaching her responsibility. I was raised with parents that set limits and my husband was raised by parents who could care less what he and his siblings did as long as they weren't being bothered and you can really see the difference in us today. My husband decided he wasn't going to raise his children like that because he wanted them to have responsibility so therefore I'm the parental compass in this relationship..lol But honestly you are doing a wonderful job by being what she calls "strict"

Alisha - posted on 10/06/2011

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No child under the age of 18 should be 'dating' or going out with a boy alone. There is honestly no reason for it and they aren't ready for that type of relationship and they shouldn't be put in situations they are not ready for. Going out to the movies or something with a big group of girls and guys would be a different story. Stick to how you are raising her, she will thank you for the boundaries and protection you gave her when she's older.

Cheryl - posted on 05/24/2010

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I think that people are forcing children to grow up too fast nowadays. They're being allowed to make adult decisions with a child's mind & it's not right.

My daughter will be 15 in September. She is the oldest of my 3 kids, so I am constantly reminding her that she has to set a good example for her younger brother & sister (ages 6 & 3). She knows that she will only be allowed to have a cell phone when she can work & pay the bill. She does not get an allowance for doing chores around the house. I feel like those are things that she should be doing anyway since she will need to know how to do those things for herself when she (hopefully) goes off to college in a few years. She does, however, earn money for good grades. She gets money taken away for bad grades & not turning in her work (we have Edline here & I use it to keep tabs on her school work).

She is not allowed to date. Period. When I was her age, I was allowed to do pretty much whatever I wanted to, whenever I wanted to do it. It's a good thing that I had a fairly good head on my shoulders. I had a couple of part time jobs (babysitting & working at a local dry cleaners) & paid for having a phone line in my bedroom at 14. She has a lot less responsibility at her age than I had, but we have allowed her to stay a child for as long as possible. (My husband was brought up just like I was.)

She is allowed to dye her hair (so far this year, she has had black ends, black all over, black w/ red roots, blonde & now a pinkish-red in her hair). She has to pay for the dye out of her grades money. She also has several ear piercings, but she knows that piercing any other part of her body will have to wait until she's 18 & can pay for it herself. I do the ear piercings myself here at home. Tattoos are also not going to be allowed until she's 18.

She does have internet access in her room, but that was added only recently & w/ very strict rules. I have parental controls on her computer (which used to be my computer) & she knows that I can, will & do check up on her internet activities frequently. I can also access her computer from mine & lock her out if I need to. That hasn't happened yet, thank goodness. She also knows that if I see anything I don't like on that computer, internet access will be taken away & not easily earned back.

She does not get to stay the night with a friend until I meet the parents & check out their house ahead of time. That might sound harsh, but like I said, I was allowed to pretty much do anything I wanted to. I also prefer it if her friend's parents come over & meet us first & have a look around (I actually had one lady admit to me that that was what she was doing & I was happy that I wasn't the only one). I can't stand it when parents just drop their kid off & have no idea what is going on in that person's house & what they could be allowing their kid to get into.

One of my sisters-in-law allows her daughter to do whatever using the excuse that she's going to find a way to do it anyway (she's 15, almost 16). I don't agree. My daughter knows EXACTLY what to expect if she breaks our rules &/or our trust. So, before she makes any "life altering" decisions, she has to stop & figure out if it's worth it or not.

As far as sex goes, my daughter was uncomfortable talking to me about it last year, but I just continued to let her know that I was here to talk whenever she was ready. I also told her not to believe most of what she heard at school because it usually comes from someone that doesn't really know what they're talking about. Earlier this year, I started recording MTV's 16 & Pregnant. We started watching the episodes together & now she's really open w/ me about sex. She has no problem asking me about things that I wish she didn't want to know about. LOL But I'd rather that she know the facts & be prepared, than end up pregnant because she believed something that a kid at school told her. There are a couple of girls at her school that are 14 & pregnant. I know that my daughter will have sex eventually, but I'm going to make it really hard for her to have the opportunity. Hopefully, I can keep it up until she's mature enough to handle the decision & the consequences.

She doesn't use the "so & so gets to blah blah" much anymore. My answer is always to say "Is so & so my kid? No? Then do I care what so & so does if it has nothing to do with my kid? No." My 6 year old doesn't even try that with me too much anymore because he also gets the same response.

I think you're doing fine with how you're raising your child. She will look back on it & thank you one day. That day might not come until she's grown, LOL, but she'll get there & I'll bet you that she does her kids the same way & will be met with the same resistance & complaints. Then you'll get to hear "Mom, did I really sound like that when I was his/her age?" ;)

Sherri - posted on 05/22/2010

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My son who is 13 does not have a cell phone and he is not only not allowed to date, he is not allowed off our street with his bike, go to a friends house without an adult present, not allowed at the opposite sexes house, so basically not allowed anywhere unless there is another adult present at all times.

Della - posted on 05/21/2010

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You are NOT alone. My sons work to get big ticket items and have no cell phone. WHY? They don't talk on the phone. My 13 year old earned the right to an email. They have saved for all their electronic games and respect them. I will not allow dating until 16. My boys are ok with this. They get allowances for exta chores and friends and family give VERY generous gifts so they can get things they want. I want them to learn how to work to accomlish goals. Saving to buy a two hundred dollar game system will help them learn how to save for larger purchased down the road. Hopefully this will save you from saving them as adults.

Olivia - posted on 05/21/2010

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13 year olds are not old enough to date. If they start at 13, what will they be doing by the time they are 16?? My 12 year old has an allowance and she has to budget her money so hopefully she will have a concept of how much everything costs. I also do not let her have her own cell phone. She borrows mine and has her friends text her on my phone.

Angel - posted on 05/21/2010

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I have a 14 year old and an 11 year old. Both are boys. I do not let either of them walk the neighborhood without an adult. We don't have many where I live as it is a great community, but even the thought of passing by one sex offenders house creeps me out. Check to see if your area has a Megans Law website. Here is the one for California: http://www.meganslaw.ca.gov/disclaimer.h...

Sherry - posted on 05/20/2010

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Keep her young as long as you can. I have three teen boys and there are some bad little girls out there and thier parents don't even have a clue. It gets really bad in middle school. Most girls already have gave thier frist BJ before they even get into High School, Im not kidding. The girls today don't even think that oral sex is sex. It's so sad. Oh and they are doing at school. I hope you've had the talk, because Im sure she has with her friends.

Angie - posted on 05/02/2010

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hello,
I have a son that just turned 14. and one that will be 13 in september.They have to do chores or they dont get allowence.I have boys but still dont allow him to date. too young. my 14 yr old is very into girls , But we are firm and try to instill in him respect for a lady. for awhile he was jumping from girl to girl and i fear was know as the player at school. we explained to him that if he continues to do this none of the girls will like him. we are very open with him. And with all of them. alex my 13 yr old isnt into girls yet. if they misbehave we have different conciquences for each child. the oldest is an avid texter, so we take the phone away.my middle child is an avid gamer so we take the games away. my youngest is 9 and is still into toys so we take the toys away.They have to learn what is respect is. We give and expect them to give it back. we are the parent not the friend.

Cara - posted on 05/01/2010

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Want to hear from one more "strict" parent? lol. My girls are 11 and 13, (ugh, almost to the next year for each!!) I should say upfront that we are a home educating family and do almost everything together as a family.
The girls each have their ears pierced once.(neither wants more or anything else pierced) They each have a cell phone. (dd11 has a tracfone, dd13 shares a phone with me, neither is allowed to delete texts)
I do pay for the cell phones, but for my dd11, if she goes over her 60 mins, she has to pay for more out of her own money. She uses her sister's phone to text alot, lol.
They are expected to do a LOT of chores and there is no allowance. (we believe that keeping the home clean is everyone's responsibility - including the boy if he hangs around)
They do babysit and earn money, which they use for things they want (after tithe and savings)
We initially said no on boyfriends, but our 'almost 14' does have one who hangs around alot. She does call him her boyfriend, however, he comes around with the knowledge that he can't be alone with her, and he is VERY aware of her boundaries. He asked her when he would be able to take her out and she said "Alone? Maybe if and when we are engaged, which would be sometime after my bachelor's degree."
Dating, as in 'going out alone' is a never. Even our dd13 thinks it is a bad idea. My husband and I have taken our daughter and her guy out with us. That would be the limit of dating. (he knows better than to ask)
For what its worth, my dd13 encourages her younger sister to not have a boyfriend because it is distracting, and to focus on being good friends, which is what she is aiming for with her boy friend.

Kelly - posted on 04/24/2010

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You have company. 13 year olds have no business dating, ears are the only body parts that can be pierced (and only once per ear), and you can save your allowance and babysit your way to electronic privilages. I have 2 older children, then was blessed with my baby 10 years later. How things have changed! How entitled these children have become....and I might add, it is not making them better people! SO take it from an old hag - she might not like you now, but that's okay. You aren't her friend, you are her mother, and you are just doing your job!

Tina - posted on 04/24/2010

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Hi Kelly my daughter is going to be 14 in less then 2 months and no you are so not the only strict parents out there... She does not date she does sometimes go to the show or someone's house but it is always a group of them and there is always a parent in the home..She works for an allowance and she has the choice of putting it into her savings or keeping it if she has plans...As far as the piercing I am a little bit different in that area ... she has her ears done and just recently I allowed her to get her nose done but that is just my outlook on it....Would rather have an open honest relationship with her as well as have her respect which I do so I am strict and compromising as well. I think part of the reason society is so messed up now is because kids don;t have to work for anything and you know to her you probably are strict because "all her friends" can when I have heard that statement I simply say I don;t care I'm not their mother!

Susan - posted on 04/23/2010

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well i have 5 kids my eldest is girl and i think you are strick with girls more than boys i only allowed my daughter to perice her ears until shes left school then only small nose stud .safer than stomach piercing she was threating to have she leaves school in june so watch this space shes also after moped lessons god forbid weve always given ours basic pocket money but they have to do chores to earn it if they want more they have to use there imagination to earn it my son was moaning so a week after 13 birthday got him paperround he delivers 11 papers every morning apart from sundays localy from shop on our street and gets paid 11quid a week if he babysits his brother while i pick younger children up because big one come home 15 minutes earlier than little ones he can earn extra 5.00quid a week so some weeks he has combined effort of 17.50 but he has to buy his own hair gel and deodrants .in summer he goes round washing cars and cutting neighbour hood grass and was making himself 35quid aweek in summer holidays.as for dates i think as long as there are ground rules set and you meet boy before hand she should be alright we usualy meet boy /girl its normaly cinema and mcdonalds we normaly agree time and pick up as long as you get good feed for lad then it will be good skills and boost confidence.

Jennifer - posted on 04/20/2010

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I don't think that parents should just give Teens free reign but at the same time there needs to be a balance. If a person is too strict, when the Teen gets out on their own, they will tend to do exactly what the parents have said they are not allowed to do. What I did for my daughter who wanted to go on a "date" at age 13 is I took them to the movies and sat in another area of the theater so they felt like they had some privacy but at the same time, I was there to chaperon the event. We have a very open and honest relationship and she knows what is acceptable behavior and what is not. I have a rule that she can not get anything but her ears pierced until she is 18. This is mainly because I am responsible to take her to the doctor once it gets infected and that is not a responsibility that I want to take on.



I do pay for my daughters cell phone as part of a family plan and the reason is simple. I like to know she has access to me when she needs it and I have access to her when I want it. She knows that I prefer she text her friends rather than call because it uses minutes and as long as she follows the rules, I think paying for the cell phone is a good investment. We also tend to pay for some of her activities because it is difficult in this economy for someone her age to earn enough to do things with her friends and having a social life is important for self esteem. She does get an allowance when she does the chores we have established for her and if she wants something of excess, we make her pay for it herself. This basically comes back to balance. You can't expect a teenager to pay for everything they do because they don't have the earning capacity and at the same time, you shouldn't just buy them everything they want either.



I forgot to mention that my daughter is now 16 years old and is a virgin. She also does not date by her own choice. (The "dates" she had at age 13 were more of an outing and not really what adults would see as a date) She respects her body and does not approve of her friends who engage in casual sex. She makes wise decisions and has become a responsible young woman. I am actually very proud of her as she has decided to make the right choices by herself and not because I forced them on her.

Christy - posted on 04/20/2010

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Every kid is different; I think that you really have to take into consideration each child's maturity and self discipline. My 11 year old has a cell phone and has had for over a year. However, we don't have a house phone. Giving him a cell phone was as much a convenience for us as parents as it was for him. He is very good about watching his use. We are on Verizon Family Share with unlimited cell to cell and unlimited texting and most (maybe all) of the "premium" services (like the downloading and expensive text participation stuff, etc) can be blocked by the account controller. He knows that if there is ANY type of problem, his phone, along with any other electronics, can (and will) be taken away. They are not RIGHTS; they are privileges.
My 11 year old does not have set chores to do around the house. He is expected to help with whatever we ask him to. He helps watch his sister, rakes grass in the yard, vacuums, and just about anything else that we can use some help with around the house. For his efforts, he basically gets our permission to purchase (with birthday money or holiday money) any of the things that we don't see need to get for him. Even though it is his money we still have to approve the purchase.
This works for us.

Marcie - posted on 04/20/2010

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I don't think you are being strict. It is our job as parents to raise kids who are capable of making responsible decisions in life.

My kids want money and cell phones too. They have friends who are given everything. If they want money, they do chores for it. My oldest son wants a cell phone, he will have to prove that he can handle the responsibility of having one. This means decent grades, homework and chores complete on a regular basis, as well as being home on time.

As far as dating goes, at 13 a boy or girl has no business dating or getting into relationships. At 13, they are just not capable of handling the emotional aspects of a relationship, nor are they capable of handling the end result should they decide to have sex. I explain to my kids that sex and relationships are adult territory, if they want to engage in adult activities, they need to be able to handle the very adult responsibilities that go with them.

At the end of the day be clear with your daughter about what your expectations are and why.

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None of our children "date". We are a very conservative family that home educates and we stay together as a family. When the children are old enough for marriage and find the right person they commence with courtship. Yes, it works. :) None of our children ever had money given to them as working and doing chores is just part of being a family. None of them had cell phones or computers either. Our children do not go out alone with other kids either. We do things with other families. We are down to just 3 kids still at home now with 12 already grown and married.

Tracey - posted on 04/20/2010

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Don't believe half of what the friends are apparantly doing, I'm sure they are telling thier parents that your daughter can do x y and z.
My daughter (also 13) gets basic pocket money every week and can earn more by doing things round the house. She saved all her birthday and Christmas money to buy her first phone.
If she goes out we give her enough money for emergencies but otherwise she has to earn it.
She can only have her ears pierced until she is 18, once she is an adult it is her body and if she wants to put holes in it it's up to her, same with tattoos, it is her choice once she is an adult.
There are lots of "strict" parents out there but all children and I'm sure we were the same, moan about their parents, complain that soneone else can do anything and push parental boundaries - whatever they are, to see what they can get away with.
Stick to your guns, your daughter will learn to respect your rules and when she is older may even thank you for them.

Diane - posted on 04/20/2010

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NO you are not alone! We have two 13 year olds and two 16 year olds (blended family) and they dont date...when they are 17 we will consider it depending on their level of maturity etc. We do allow them to have groups of girls and boys over (small groups) but they hang out in a open area of the home...no hiding behind closed doors...and its during the day...hope this helps!

ANGELA - posted on 04/19/2010

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You ARE NOT! I am a 5th grade teacher and I see many parents letting their 11 year old do many of the things you mentioned. BUT, there are us "old-fashioned" parents out there still! :o) I remember telling MY parents this exact same thing...in 1986! Like my dad said to me, "You should thank God that you have parents who love you enough to make you work and discipline you! I feel sorry for the kids who don't..." Best of luck!

Kelly - posted on 04/19/2010

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Thank you everyone! You have made me feel much better about this! It is great to know we are the only parents still raising our kids this way!

Lori - posted on 04/18/2010

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A strict parent is a good parent!!! Keep up the GREAT work!!! You are 100% not alone!!!

Kim - posted on 04/18/2010

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There are way to many parents out there today that don't make their kids be responsible, that is what is wrong with the kids today. They have no work ethics because they weren't taught them by their parents. You are right not to let her date, there is no reason a 13 year old kid needs to date. That is how they turn into 15 year old parents. They only need to have cell phones if they are walking home from school by themselves, that is the only time they really need one. They can talk to their friends on the home phone when they get there. That is just my opinion.

Christie - posted on 04/18/2010

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I have 2 girls, one 14 and one gonna be 11. And no my oldest does not go out on dates. She really is not that interested in it yet, but still would not be aloud. I think this age is to young to be going out on dates with boys. I dont let her go to the mall with her friends either unless she is gonna be with an adult, either myself or the other girls parents. She has to be in before dark, homework done first, and has to earn money if she wants things. She does have a cell phone, yes we pay for it, but grades have to be of passing, and she does daily chores and helps with our 2 dogs to keep it. She is respectful, doesnt really have a mouth and does pretty decent in school. I am all for being a childs friend, me and my girls are very close but at the same time, they both know that there are certain things I expect and will not budge on. They follow our rules and also know that at the same time they can come to me with anything they want to discuss. Do not come down on yourself for the way you are with your daughter, know that you are doing what is best for her and later on in life when she is older she will thank you and understand that you only did what you did to teach her the value of things.

Nicola - posted on 04/18/2010

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I remember telling my mother that there was NO WAY I was ever going to bring up my kids the way she and my dad had brought up my sister and I, because I felt it was too strict. Guess what? Six months into having my own first child, my husband and I were already setting boundaries, and my mum was chuckling away to herself in the corner and reminding me about that conversation. 14 years and a further two kids later, we still keep them on a pretty short leash. The oldest boy (14) has his father's old mobile phone purely so that I can contact him, or he me, if school pick-up times change. They don't even get pocket money these days since there was a 'borrowing' issue last summer... Trust me, your daughter will thank you for it later, and probably emulate it herself when she becomes a parent!

Christy - posted on 04/18/2010

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Well i was 15 when I went to the movies with a boy and I have a very strict father when i was younger but I had go around 3pm and no later. This boy wasn't not

trying anything to me but respect.

But I believe we need to always be there for our children and at the time they may not like it but when they get older they respect and love you and also understand why.
Because that how I was raise my parents there and question me where you going what you going to do what time you will be back if they didn't like something they told me no. Maybe got mad about it but I got over it. Today I understand with my kids.

Tracey - posted on 04/18/2010

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My children are only 11 and 8 but I do not plan to let them date until at least age 16.
That is not too strict, that is allowing them the time and freedom to be kids. There will be plenty of time for dating after that. I also require that they save money to purchase items such as MP3 or games, etc... I will help them but they need to contribute to part of the purchase price. You are definitely not alone!

Kristina - posted on 04/17/2010

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Absolutely you are not alone. My daughter only has her ears pierced and was not allowed to go on a date alone with a boy until she was 16. The same is true for our boys. they all have to earn money. We give them money sometimes. But we always have extra chores they can do around the house to earn money. Stick to your guns. You are a good parent!

Rebecca - posted on 04/17/2010

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When it comes to phones or even computers I will not be letting my 13 year old have them. She can go online with me in the same room. But I'm so different to most parents my husband and I agree on this. She won't be going on dates until around 16.

Kryss - posted on 04/17/2010

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Awe well i never got to date till i was almost 17, i now have a 10 yr old and i am almost 31. I see all these "younger" people getting pregnant and i dont mean to offend anyone but where are these parents when this happens, i think parents should allow responsibility but, even wanting to date at this age...is crazy, i think friendsships are fine and being in groups like at school or youth activitys would be fine but, wht happened to kids beingkids? I think you are not strict...mayb you just want her to have responsibility and bring her to be aresponsible person.

Christy - posted on 04/17/2010

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For me I think 13yr is too young for that I believe what your doing is being a great parent. If you wanna go ahead and let her go with a boy to the movies or out to the mall just say ok but I'll be there with you. If not she need to understand her parents love her.

Tara - posted on 04/17/2010

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No dating until 16. Has to do extra chores for money and her cell bill. I think kids need to learn how to be responsible kids so they can become responsible adults.

Melanie - posted on 04/17/2010

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This sounds so much alike from waht my daughters used to tell me when they was that age lol.
But i didn´t care what other peoples kids are allowed to do or how much money they would give to their kids.I always told mine:Well i don´t care how other people handle their stuff at home.Your are my daughter and you will follwo my rules.If you don´t like them,ask yor friends parents if they gonna adopt you.
My girls weren´t allowed to date boys until they turned 15.I always wanted to meet that boy before and i must say it worked pretty good for us.My 17 yr old daughter is with her first boyfriend for the last two years and my (almost) 16 yr old only dated one guy and thats about it.My youngest daughter which is turning 12 this year will not be allowed to date until she is 15.Before then she should concentrate on school and homework and her friends.
About the money thing we do it like this:When they have good grades,have a clean room and want to have a little extra money to go to the movies etc. i will give it to him.But if they mess up in school/at home or have an attidude against me they ar not allowed to go anywhere,don´t get no extra money and if i´m really,really mad i even take their cells and wont let them call or recieve calls on our housephone

[deleted account]

You are definitely not alone. My two girls are not allowed to date, at least not until they are 16. They are not given money. They have to earn it. They have paper routes, do chores and save their birthday and gift money. If they want to go to the movies or swimming, etc, they have to pay for it. As for the piercings, if they ever decide they would like another piercing other than the one they have now, that is something we would have to discuss... it would depend on the piercing and how old they are (right now they are only 11 and 12).

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