Arguements and teasing??

Amanda - posted on 01/29/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )




I have two problems that i really could do with some advice with
. My husband and daughter really bicker and argue all the time and this really is getting me down. My husband tries to discipline in his own way which is different to mine, and although he has tried many,many times to set the bounderies,he doesnt stick to them. She is very cheeky and rude to him and he has real problems getting her to do anything he asks. Where as i have always been firmer and she knows when i mean no or want her to do as asked. I'm not saying that i dont get any cheek but i get far less then my husband. She taunts him with things like , "you hate me, you dont love me" if he tells her to go to her room for being cheeky. What suggestions do anyone have?? Also i have been ill this last week and she has been staying at my parents so they can take and pick her up from school. She should of come home tonite but cried and said she didnt want to live here anymore because of the argueing!! I was quite upset about this and sat here down and talked to her about it but it also came out that she hated school and the boys were constantly teasing her about which boy she loves and getting all the other children to tease her to. She is quite a confident child who is quite popular and lots of the boys want to be her boyfriend even at this age!! If she favours a particular boy the others get jealous and this teasing gets worse. It seems so petty and has gone on for quite a while now but its obviously getting her down enough to be crying about it.
Do you think i should confront the children myself or their parents or just go straight to the Head teacher? The last time i went in to get teasing/bullying sorted out, it made it worse for her, so she is very reluctant for me to intervene!!!!! Any advice welcome

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Amanda - posted on 01/30/2010




Thanks Gayle and Andrea for your comments. I do think my daughter stands her ground but she certainly wouldnt hit anyone. Some kids can just be relentless with their jibes and teasing though. She has tried playing with them but this only works if the boy who is the leader is in favour at the time. If he thinks my daughter likes another boy more than him he, and all his mates will gang up and will not let her join in with their activities. I have told her to stay away and play with her female friends but again there is jealousy amongst who plays with again!! Its an absolute nitemare!! Will be speaking with head on Monday though.

GAYLE - posted on 01/30/2010




With regards to how your husband is with your daughter I think he needs to be told that if he disciplined her the same way as you do then some respect would start to happen between them. Are you a team or not as if you can't work as a team it makes things very confusing for the children. He says yes, yet you say no. What sort of message is this sending to her? You both need to sit down and talk this out and decide who is going to be in charge of discipline and who will be enforcing it. Work as a team then you will find that things may get better between your husband & daughter. You all need to sort this out and maybe your parents can help out a bit.
With regards to school I think you need to talk with the headteacher as well as the parents of these kids that are picking on your daughter. Do the parents know their children are being bullies? But you need to explain that last time things were not sorted and the school needs to keep their eye on how much bullying is going on in the school. See what your parents say about how your daughter is feeling and ask them how they would deal with it. They will sympathise and probably be able to give you some ideas on how to handle all the situations that you are going through. Be honest with your husband as well and tell him that you want to be a team and make things better between him and your daughter. Good luck.

Andrea - posted on 01/29/2010




My husband and I have the same problem. We sat down and set rules that every one could handle and understand. If our kids cheeky, or lie they get to do wall sits ( back against the wall, knee bent at 90 degree angle.) I know it seems weird or mean yea they hate it, its not hurting them and it working their leg muscles.

Someone told us about a book called 1 2 3 Magic. It has great advice. It has really stopped a lot of the yelling and screaming. It's taught us all how to remove ourselves from the situations. Advice we could all use in the real world.

Our oldest son was being teased at school. We went through all the right channels, the teachers, principle and had a parent meeting. It would be alright a while and then get worse. Don't get me wrong my husband is a high school teacher and coaches 3 sports. We don't think get physical is ok. I finally told my son to stand up for himself, go ahead and haul off and hit him IF he felt that would solve his problem. Them I went to the teachers and principle and told them NOT to call me when he stands up for himself and decks the kid. That day came I got the call I went to the principle office to get my son. The principle started to talk to me about the schools rules on hitting, I stood up and said I understand the rules we will follow them. I turned to my son and said " I have 2 questions for you 1) Did you hit him as hard as you can? Good 2) How do you feel?"

Needless to say the teasing has stopped and they are actually friends!

I know it's not the best advice but it worked for my son.

Good luck! Let me know how it goes!


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