At my breaking point w/12yo son...

Tara - posted on 03/08/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Our son, Alex, turned 12 in January. We (against our better judgement looking back) gave him a cell phone for his birthday. This has turned into just one more thing to have to take away. Recently his grades have been declining, he's angry all the time (he also has ADHD), and we seem to fight from the moment he wakes up til the minute he goes to bed.
Now, on top of all this, he has a GF that lives a town away - so texting is their communication of choice.
I noticed him being sneaky with his phone lately (sneaking it when he wasn't supposed to, etc)so I, knowing it was wrong, looked thru some of their texts to each other. I was shocked by the open "luv u" and other talk, more inappropriate than that - and some language (swearing) that I don't hear him do in "person" - but maybe he does and just not around me or my husband.
Long story short, we took his phone away this morning and now he is more angry and distant than ever. We told him that we were wrong in giving him the phone to begin with if he can't respect it and be honest (lied about taking it to school yesterday - said it was charging in his room and turns out he had it with him) then he isn't mature enough for it.

We feel like total failures as parents and are losing our boy before our eyes...not sure what to do next or where to turn.

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Bobbie - posted on 03/10/2011

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Some children are the exception, but eventually they get caught with them and get them taken away by a teacher. I get that you want them to have a cell phone for contact. Sounds like making the rules is good except for the unlimited texting at that age.

Leah - posted on 03/10/2011

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I bought my daughter a phone for her 10th Bday shes about to be 12. When we got the phone I made sure she understood the rules of being able to keep her phone. I made sure I got unlimited texting so I wouldnt have hundreds of dollars in overages. I make sure her phone isnt in her room at nite or while shes doing homework. Ive taken her phone away for bad grades, attitude problems, or just breaking our rules. I let her take it to school so I can get in touch w/ her after school She shuts it off & keeps it in her locker or her backpack during school. Bringing it to school has not been an issue.The kids these days dont know what to do w/out cell phones, i pods or computers etc... so when i take any of these things away she usually fixes her issues right away. You have not in ANY way failed as parents!! Its hard for kids to be pre-teens & teens now a days. Im 30 & it wasnt that long ago when i was 12-13 it was alot different!!

Bobbie - posted on 03/10/2011

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You did the right thing. Kids don't need their phones at school. They just distract from getting an education. He will live.

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