bad attitude

Janet - posted on 11/08/2008

thanks for all the good advice I'll take it all to heart.. i know its only gunna get worse before it gets better but at least I've got something to work on now.. keep posting..xx

Tammy - posted on 11/07/2008

My son is now 16 and I have an 11 year old daughter. I've read that boys are worse to their moms during pre-teen/teen years because it's part of the important process of learning to "cut the apron strings", but that doesn't make it ok. I've had to work really hard with my teenager and here are a few tips that I've had to learn: 1) don't get into a tit-for-tat and don't argue or raise your voice. Calmy and firmly let him know that disrespect isn't allowed.This was hard for me not to get drawn into an arguement. 2) If it continues after the warning THAT DAY, then give a minor consequence. This is a normal part of adolescence so don't make it too extreme. A one day consequence or an extra chore. Then the next day is a new day and start fresh. 3) If it persists, think of counseling. There might be bigger issues and he's taking it out on his "safe" target because he knows Mom will always love and forgive him.

Leesa - posted on 11/06/2008

This is my third 10/11 year old. I'm in the states. If you ask around over the next year and a half, you'll find that most other moms of boys in this age (and dads, too) are ready to inflict bodily harm on the little darlings. The hormones are DEFINITELY kicking in. Between the eye rolls, the no-responses (my personal drive-me-crazy move) and the smart mouth, it is a rough time. I think you just have to hold the same line. Shrug, personally I am real big on calling them on some of it. "My mom said it was okay..." my response is, "Okay, let's go talk to your mom then" - got this at the bus stop yesterday when I told some kids to cut a behavior out. "Mom" was very annoyed and, of course, had NOT said it was okay. We're all in the same boat. I just keep holding the fort, use my instincts to let 'em have a teensy more space,then make them talk about it later - they hate that. LOL In my family, it seems to get better around age 11, but the emotional fluctuations set it more. Hang in there. If you don't kill him yourself, he'll get through it. Wink.

Janet - posted on 11/06/2008

i do follow the 3 R's-- rules, routine and responsibility. I've only just started giving him little jobs to do around the house, keeping his room neat, putting things away when there not being used..putting out the rubbish...stuff like that.. if i ask him to go the shop for me i let him keep the chance which he's happy with.. i don't really give him pocket money instead i set up a bank account for him and pay money into it monthly.. as for staying up late, school nights are bed at 8pm if there is something on he wants to watch i record it and allow him to watch it at weekends.. he is allowed to stay up later at weekends but i try to have him in bed before 9.30pm.. he is a really good kid and i wouldn't change him for the world. its just the back chat and the bad temper I'm finding hard to deal with.. I'm a big softy at heart..xx

Caron - posted on 11/05/2008

UR NOT LETTING HIM DOWN..HAVE U GOT FIRM BOUNDARIES IN PLACE..DOES HE HAVE JOBS TO DO A RND THE HOUSE..LIKE HOOVER ON SUNDAY?..HE WONT LIKE IT MUCH.BUT IF HE GETS POCKET MONEY HE HAS GOT TO START EARNING IT..STICK TO WHAT PUNISHMENTS U SET OUT..EVEN IF THEY HAVE THE KNACK OF MAKING U FEEL AWFUL..AFTER ALL WE JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY..AND WHEN THEY R SAD,ANGRY WE THINK ITS SOMETHING WE DONE..BUT ITS NOT..ITS THEM..THEY R TESTING THE WATERS..MAYBE U SAY SOMETHING ONE MINUTE AND THEN CHANGE IT AT THE LAST MINUTE..LIKE FOR EXAMPLE..SCHOOL NITES BED AT 9..W/E'S 10..BUT ONA SCHOOL NITE FOR INSTANCE THERES A PROGRAMME HE REALLY LIKES AND ITS ON AT 9..HE ASKS IF HE CAN WATCH IT..U SAY "YES,BUT THEN STRAIGHT 2 BED AND 2 SLEEP"...U DO THAT BECAUSE U FEEL GUILTY..WELL UR NOT..U SET BOUNDARIES SO STICK TO THEM...KIDS NEED STRUCTURE..I LEARNT ALL THIS WHEN I WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING WITH TWO OF MY GIRLS..IT GOES SO OUT OF CONTROL,U NO LONGER HAVE A HOLD ON IT...I LOST IT AND THEY ENDED UP IN CARE..THERE THEY GOT WHAT I SHOULD OF GIVEN THEM..STRUCTURE,BOUNDARIES,FIRM RULES,EARN THERE MONEY...THEY TURNED OUT 2 B 2 GR8 KIDS...I AM NOT SAYING U R LIKE HOW I DESCRIBED..BUT HAVE A GOOD THINK..AND IF UR CHANGE NOW AND STAND MFIRM OR IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE AND HE WILL SPIRAL OUT OF CONTROL..CAZ XX

Janet - posted on 11/05/2008

oh i get the rude comments under his breath then the dirty looks when he thinks I'm not looking at him.. he torments his little sister knowing I'll say something to him then replies with.. " I'm only playing with her for god sake ".. then turns and smirks to him self knowing he's not really playing with her but deliberately trying to upset her.. I've tried taking away the PS & the PSP even stopped him watching his favorite programs on TV but nothing seems to work.. his teacher at school says he's the most charming young man she's ever meet. really popular with the kids in his class and is also sooooooo polite... so i say, what bloody happens to him when he comes home then.. i think I'll have to do some reading up on growing pains and find a way out of the fire into the calm.. thanks ladies. its nice to know theirs others out there..

Tricia - posted on 11/04/2008

I know how you feel, I have a 10 year old and his attitude is much the same with me and his teachers at school, at this age they start to experience things earlier then we did at that age. Puberty is a big one, they feel terrible and in a way of realeasing their anger and the way they feel is to be negative, I relate it to me when I am PMSing and I just try to be sympathetic when my boy gets that way, sometimes he will talk to me about what is bothering him and sometimes he wants to be left alone. I respect his privacy when he says he doesn't want to talk and eventually he will tell me what is going on....you just have to be patient.

Gwen - posted on 11/04/2008

seems like 10 is when the hormones start kicking in... read up on some of the other threads on here and you will see a LOT of this same exact problem!



Personally, I think that a lot of it is the boys just puching the envelope. Now that we parents don't control every aspect of thier lives anymore, they are seeing what smart comment gets the laughs on TV, how thier friends SAY they talk to thier parents, and are bringing home some of the stuff they pick up on the playground. My DS said to me the other day, "yeah, so that's what YOU think". my response- "whaaaaaaat did you just say?!?!?!?!" I see friends' kids, who've always been sweet little boys before, tell thier moms "you need to do x,y,z" or "this is all your fault, you know" or my personal favorite "I heard you, I'm just ignoring you." This is NOT stuff we've ever let any of 'em get away with before! My rule is, if you saw it on a t-shirt, I don't ever want to hear it. (ever see those smart mouth comment t's???)



Maybe you could insititute a standard penalty for anytime he says something rude to you. Or give him one warning phrase like "I do NOT appreciate the way you are speaking, right now, so I will not be listening to you for the next X minutes" or something. then have a penalty if he says something else obnoxious.



We had an entire day of mom "not feel like it" when he wanted lunch made, help getting his bike out, help finding his DS, ect., because that's what I heard when I asked him to help with the dishwasher. that's the LAST time i heard that, lol.



good luck, and lots of hugs. it ain't gonna be easy for any of us! but I hear both us and the kids will survive, I have lots of friends who didn't eat thier offspring!