Bullying--

Brandi - posted on 02/06/2010 ( 35 moms have responded )

34

8

1

My son is in 6th grade and is being bullied-what can we do about it? We have talked to him and plan on going to the school, he knows he is allowed to defend himself , but what else can we do?

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

35 Comments

View replies by

Laurie - posted on 11/30/2013

42

3

8

Talk to the teacher.Talk with school Principal .I hope he or she will comes up with great ideas to help and resolve your problem.

Laurie - posted on 11/30/2013

42

3

8

Talk to the teacher. Talk with school Principal i hope he or she will comes up with great ideas to help and resolve your problem.

Lucy - posted on 11/15/2013

39

0

5

DEAR BRANDI, PLEASE REPORT IT. TALK TO THE TEACHERS, HIS FRIENDS ABOUT IT AND GET ALL THE DETAILS. EMPOWER YOUR SON WITH KNOWLEDGE ABOUT WHY KIDS AND ADULT BULLY OTHERS.
HE SHOULD DEFEND HIMSELF, MAKE SURE THAT HE HAS A WAY OF CONTACTING YOU ASAP WHEN IT HAPPENS. BE STRONG

Dana - posted on 11/14/2013

1

20

0

Ok so what do you do when kids say mean things here or there to your child? Do you contact the school every time? My son is 11years old and tells me certain things that bother him that some kids will say. Like so and so said I bet u can't run very fast cuz your so big. Or I hate you you are annoying and I don't want you around me. It's such a difficult situation with all of this. You don't want your kid to stop telling you things cuz you are gonna call the school every time and make things worse. It gets more as your child gets older. I mean his school teaches about bullying but I don think these kids actually think they are bullying if they just say rude things. It's all bullying even when it's just rude remarks right?! Being a parent is so hard:( it makes me so mad and sick to my stomach how nasty kids are!!!

Yemel - posted on 11/13/2013

1

0

0

Hello, my name is Yemel. I'm a software engineer and I'm working in a project against bullying. Our first step is to understand better what 10-to-12, 13-to-15 and 16-to-18 years old are doing.

We need all the help we can get! Could you help us? contact me by email: angel.jardi@gmail.com

We are trying to make this world better :)
Project info: http://www.lohoop.com/

Angel - posted on 11/11/2013

3

0

0

It depends on wether your son is being abused by words or by hitting. If it is hitting, I suggest he should hit back. If it is words, help him come up with clever comebacks. But try not to be to involved for it may cause embarrassment for your son. (Would you like it if your mommy took care of everything for you)

Laurie - posted on 10/28/2013

42

3

8

Group activities are a great way to prevent your child.Encourage your kids to make more and more friends. A larger social circle helps prevent bullying, and it will also lessen the effects of bullying as the friends say nice things instead of mean things.

Julie - posted on 08/16/2011

12

0

0

I would go to see the parents of the buly and tell them to deal with there kid as u dont want your son fighting and ending up the one that gets in bother as thats wat usualy happens good luck with it x

Julie - posted on 08/16/2011

12

0

0

I would go to see the parents of the buly and tell them to deal with there kid as u dont want your son fighting and ending up the one that gets in bother as thats wat usualy happens good luck with it x

Jennifer - posted on 08/15/2011

1

16

0

We enrolled my daughter in Tae Kwon Do almost a year ago and it has helped her self confidence imensely...she is no longer fearfull of confronting someone who is disrespecting her or her friends. Martial arts is also an excellent exercise and it teaches respect for themselves and others.

Richelle - posted on 08/14/2011

58

17

2

Go online and see what the school and district policy is on bullying. You can also go to your local P.D. and see what (if any) laws are in place to protect kids who are bullied. Ask your child to write down the approximate dates/times and students involved in the bullying. If he comes home with injuries or damage to his personal property, take pictures of it along with the other documentation. Go to the principal and notify them of the problem your son is having. If they are reluctant to do anything, go to the district. Be as pro-active as you can, even if they look at you as being a pest. Your son's mental and physical well being is worth it. A good book that I found is called The Bully, The Bullied and The Bystander. My son dealt with a lot of bullying up until 6th grade and we ended up pulling him from the public school and he's now in an online charter school. He's doing better now, but at the lowest point he had been contemplating suicide, was angry and had severe anxiety, and was nearly agoraphobic (fear of open spaces triggering anxiety). We did all we could, but we didn't document enough and that hurt us when dealing with the assistant principal that was enabling these kids to continue bullying him. Good luck to you and your son.

Steffi - posted on 08/01/2011

18

29

1

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Kirk-and-Laura-Smalley/188047171246281?sk=info - Kirk is awesome and has made it his life's mission to STOP BULLYING. . . .he has lost his son because of it. . . friend request him and see what he says!

Wanda - posted on 03/30/2011

1

18

0

My son is a bully magnet! I have talked to teachers, principals, and the bus drivers. No one listens. So, I told my son on one of my many office visits to the assistant principal's office to do what he had to do to get them to stop- mom has your back no matter what!! I have told him in the past to ignore them and report them- no results so fighting may be the only answer!

Whitney - posted on 03/22/2011

6

34

0

MY SON TOO HAD THIS PROBLEM.........I WENT TO THE TEACHERS, COUNSELOR, PRINCIPLE AND FINALLY WHEN NOTHING ELSE WAS WORKING - THE KIDS PARENTS. THAT SEEMED TO DO THE JOB. SO FAR - SO GOOD.

Holly - posted on 03/16/2011

80

45

2

group activities are a great way to bully proof your child. Your child makes friends there. A larger social circle helps prevent bullying, and it will also lessen the effects of bullying as the friends say nice things instead of mean things.

Amy - posted on 03/16/2011

15

3

1

Sounds like you are already doing two of the most important things -- giving your son positive support and communicating with the school.
Pay attention to your son--if he's quieter than usual, seems like he's hiding something, etc. We got our boys involved in Scouts. Finding a non-competitive program where he can make positive friendships around things that interest him outside of school might build up his self-confidence and help him.

Holly - posted on 03/15/2011

80

45

2

I have a published book for 3-6 graders that models anti bullying behaviors. My 2 daughters were bullied from 6 grade through 12. Your school should be running an anti bullying program. Rachel's Chain is one, Purple Hand is another. I offer a free program that uses the characters from my book series. One of the schools in my town is using my book Revenge of the Dorkoids, next year for bibliotherapy. That is a big word meaning the class reads the book together then discusses it. Questions are in the book. Bibliotherapy is a very powerful tool to use in dealing with social issues. If you can get your child's teacher interested, she could read one book aloud to the class with very little expense. I refer you to dorkoids.com. Other powerful things to do is to help your son develop a social circle. Find out who he would like to become friends with, and help him invite them to do things. Take them to a movie, or paint balling etc. Get your son involved in group activities, scouts, bowling class, art class. This helps develop a diversity of social groups and friends. Friends are key. Kids with friends are less vulnerable to being bullied. Friends will counter the negative messages the bullies are giving your son. I would be interested in hearing how you get along. I invite you to friend me on facebook.

Jenny - posted on 03/28/2010

61

9

6

hi iam am having the same problem with my eleven year old daughter the school have been very good and so far at school seems fine the problem we have is that the bullying continues out of school these girls are constantly outside the house ,when there is no need for them to be there ,i have spoken to all parents of the children but it is 2 twin girls that still continue with there friend who is at there house every night i have spoken to there mother about it but she does'nt believe her girls do anything wrong despite the fact that other parents have approuched her in the past about the same problem ,now the mother drives down the hil lets her children out the car to wide my daughter up and then drives off she can also see clearly from her house that her children are outsied the house being mean and seems to find it funny the fact taht they do her responce to me was that she is fed up with her children getting blamed for things off people realy hard situation and don't know what to do about it as now it is happeniong to my 5 year old to which she to is finding very upsetting it is so hard when your children are being bullied to know what to do when to step back and let them do it for theselfs i do hope things improve for u children can be so mean sometimes it is hard when you bring your children up to be knd and thoughtful and they seem to be the children taht are bullied best of luck

Jennifer - posted on 02/25/2010

2

1

0

There are very strict laws written to protect kids from bullying at school. I had a similar problem with my son in the 7th grade. Call your childs school asap and demand a meeting with the principal, guidance and you and/or your spouse. My sons school posted people to watch the accused without them knowing it to see signs of the problem. Then they pulled those students aside WITHOUT letting them know who filed a complaint and let them know the laws. If it continues they will be expelled. Fortunately for my son, the problem stopped soon after.

Good Luck

Stephanie - posted on 02/24/2010

2

20

0

It depends on the state and the school board policy regarding defending oneself. Where my children attend school, regardless of whether you're defending yourself or not, if you hit back, you get in trouble too. Check with your state regarding anti-bullying laws and check with your superintendents office to see what their policy is. Most schools have an order in which to file a grievance and to whom they should be addressed: 1.person immediately responsible(teacher, bus driver, etc.); 2. school principal; 3. Director of Schools; 4. the Board of Education. This article might help. How Best To Confront the Bully: Should Title IX or Antibullying Statutes Be The Answer http://works.bepress.com/susan_kosse/4/
GOOD LUCK

Brandi - posted on 02/19/2010

34

8

1

Thank you all for your resposes, we talked to my son and found out more details and documented everything. We have talked to the principal and she is working on it. Thank goodness we caught this before it got too terrible. My son is able to take care of himself and is starting to talk to some other kids who are having problems with the same kids. Thank you all for the help!

VELESKA - posted on 02/18/2010

2

9

0

if the school or district won't do anything, you can get an attorney and sue.

Tina - posted on 02/17/2010

22

6

2

Hi Brandi,
We had a really bad bullying problem at daughter's school I ended up writing a letter to the supervisor of the school board for our district and in the end had to get the police involved... From what I was told it is a hard issue for the schools as their hands are tied in a lot it still doesn;t make it right good luck

Steffanie - posted on 02/17/2010

115

27

2

Most schools have a no tolerance policy for bulling and also physical contact. I would talk to your child's teacher, counselor, and the principal. If this bully is bulling your child, he is probably doing it to other kids too. I would take care of this problem immediately. If they don't take you seriously, or dismiss your concerns, go to the school district.. Keep going as far up as you need to until this problem is solved. There is no excuse for bulling.... And should not be tolerated in any way.

Jill - posted on 02/17/2010

1

8

0

I would definitely go to the principal of the school and tell them. If the school doesn't stop it or have a bully plan in place that lets all the kids in the school know that bullying is not allowed, I would think about enrolling him in another school.

Pam - posted on 02/17/2010

2

17

0

I had no clue how bad the bullying at my son's school was until we moved to a different school system. My child has went from trying to copy and be like everyone else to actually being himself. The change in him is amazing. The kids he grew up with were just cruel.
Unfortunately, there is not much us as parents can do but teach our kids not to become bullies and make sure they have self confidence enough not to allow themselves to be bullied. Al ot of kids that are bullied are the quiet ones that don't have high self esteem. Most of the time, if the ones that get picked on will just stand up for themselves early on, bullies move on to easier targets. If it is a bad case, options are definitely karate, but sometimes team sports that foster new friendships can help. I have not found talking to teachers or principals to be effective, but it never hurts to try. Maybe you'll have better luck than I did on that one.

Kylie - posted on 02/17/2010

6

6

0

The worst part of bullying is the loss of self esteem, once one person starts it and your self esteem is shot others will follow. Get him into Karate, this will give him confidence and inner strength and maybe to a gym with dad or a friend. At least he will feel stronger and confident within himself. You do have to approach the school also and make them aware of what is going on. Good luck.

Melissa - posted on 02/16/2010

15

10

1

Hi Brandi ,
I so feel for you .My son is now in yr 6 and things have settled so far this year but ,when he was in yr 3 of all things there was a girl bulling him big time .She accused him of steeling her lip gloss so my sons teacher pulled my daughter out of her class yr 6 and made her search his bag -not to find anything after that I had all zips on his bag sewn up except main one and put padlocks on others .then again she brought paint to school and threw it on his bag at end of school ,also pulled his pants down and when we approached his teacher she said it is not happening in my class .We ended up finding out she was bulling him between classes when they were going to library or art -unsupervised .
But in yr 5 his teacher was fantastic ,he told my son that he would deny ever saying it but you need to pick your fight ,defend your self ,expect to get into trouble -it might just stop it altogether because you will stand up for your self .Seeing your principle yeah we did that but it is really up to you .We as parents need to reinforce to our kids how much we love them and make sure home life is good for them build up their confidence .My son also uses comebacks on kids that were supplied by a friend that is a teacher .I know it is hard and believe me I sprouted many grey hairs in the process .We even considered pulling him out or home schooling him but this little girl ended up in a detention center with her brother .Obviously they had issues but it does not give them the right to take it out on my son .All the best .Hang in there ....

Shelley - posted on 02/16/2010

275

23

17

talk to the school & keep very detailed notes on each conversation & incident

Traci - posted on 02/16/2010

22

14

2

In the town we live in, apparently not the whole state, there is a blatant zero tolerance for bullying, which includes verbal bullying. When my youngest daughter was in fifth grade, a boy had been calling her some not so nice names, but she hadn't said anything about it. Then one day, the teacher heard the kid and saw my daughter crying, and they yanked his little but to the principal's office. No problems after that and if the principal saw that kid even standing by my daughter, like in the lunch line, etc., he moved him away.

Kerrie - posted on 02/15/2010

4

21

0

Talk to the Principal. Then set up a plan and stick with it. If anything happends at school with my 10 year old my husband or I talk with our school Principal .she comes up with great ideas to helpS

Christina - posted on 02/08/2010

25

41

5

Most schools since all these shootings have taken on the zero tolerance against bullying. So the school needs to be notified and so do the parents of the kid doing it even if it is a group of kids. I agree once the school is notified and it happens again he has the right to defend himself.
My daughter had it happen & both my husband & myself told her not to backdown if the other starts it. We notified the school, the school had the kid pulled & the parents called, a written apology was given & did not have much trouble after that. They actually became friends for a little while.
Good luck & let us know what happens. This issue has become widespread & any knowledge or experience is helpful for future kids

Glory - posted on 02/06/2010

129

20

6

Waht don't know what state you are from but here in Fl is against the law....now, if it's a child constantly bothering him, is not concider bullying...but if a kid is in his face telling him he is going to hit him...than yes BULLY he is ...don't wait, that has to be horrible for your little boy, school is suppose to be a great experience, don't let anyone take that away form him...don't hold no punches, I have a 7 yer old he is the baby of five, I would not let a little punk bother my child , not for one second...go to the school, ask for the principal, and write the teacher a note, so the teacher keeps a close eye on the situation...good luck with your baby, once school has been warn, than tell your son to punch him as hard as he can, and not to worry about getting in trouble , ecpalin to him the diffrence between someone talking , or bothering him form far, just ignore, but teach him what personal space is..meaning someone to close to his body or face..I don't teach my children violence, but my 19 year old daughter , when she was about 12 a gril would keep getting in her face calling her some nasty names, I let the teacher know and the principal, and told them to handle it beacuse I told my daughter to defend herself...after that I told my daughter if the girl invades her space again, beat her up, and make sure everyone saw..just incase this bully had a group of followers, they'll know my daughter was not going to take any crap...The school had the nerve to suspend my daughter, but I tell you what no one in the school ever bother her again!!!

Angie - posted on 02/06/2010

1

33

1

My son has also been being bullied at school. I have spoken to the teachers, the school counciler and the principal and they are working very hard to fix the problem. We are lucky to live in a school district that acts on things like this. The affect it's had on my son is very sad, he just isn't the same happy kid anymore.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms