do your daughter have free will of hair cuts?

Yvonda - posted on 07/20/2010 ( 62 moms have responded )

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My daughter will be starting middle school( 6th grade) in 2 weeks, she wants to cut her very long beautiful think blond hair in a short bob, I know she will regret this after the fact and I have tried to talk her into another cut, but what do you other moms think? should she have free will with her hair...she has the facial structure that will look lovely with this style, but her hair is almost to her bottom now and it's so beautiful! :( I hate to see it all go...help us out ladies, please

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Rachel - posted on 08/16/2011

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Thanks, Debbi! Whenever I run into a "brick wall" regarding a disagreement about a decision between my daughter and I, I ask myself the following questions:

1. What are the long-term ramifications of this choice?
2. Am I putting my "wants" ahead of her "wants"? And why?
3. Can the decision wait 30 days? Maybe she'll change her mind.
4. Is it harmful, or is it just youthful experimentation?
5. Is this just temporary or will it have a lasting physical impact?
6. Is it likely to profoundly affect her future?

Of course, not ALL decisions can be judged this way, but for me, I find it's better to examine my OWN motives for saying no. Sometimes I find myself resorting to the knee-jerk reaction of "No way!" and then I realize, it's because I'm thinking her "wants" seem trivial, silly, embarrassing, or merely trendy. Then I stop and think about all the silly ways I used to wear, ways I'd do my hair, and realize, they didn't ruin my life, and some were embarrassing, but they were part of growing up and learning who I was.

Using the questions above, something like a haircut or unusual clothing style becomes a simple "yes" or "maybe" decision, but tempered with a conversation about the reasons why and the understanding the those choices might have consequences that she will have to deal with.

On the other hand, what if it was a belly-button ring or other unusual piercing? The answer becomes "Nope," because it does have long term consequence, it could be potentially harmful, and it's more than just a fashion choice because it has a physical impact on her body.

I can't necessarily say this would work for everyone, but it definitely helps me to think rationally about the choices my daughter wants to make that sometimes seem irrational to me! :)

-Rachel

Tammy - posted on 07/03/2011

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When I was in school, I had a friend that had the most gorgeous long red hair. One day she showed up with a butch. Everyone was so shocked, till she revealed that it was a wig; a most realistic wig that fooled everyone!

I suggest you try a wig in the style and length your daughter wants. Let her wear it for a while and see if she really likes it. In the end if you both agree on the cut, then go for it. :)

Laura - posted on 07/28/2010

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My daughter has been able to have some say in how she wears her hair since she was 6--that was the first time she had her long hair cut. She donated it to Locks of Love. It took about 2 years for it to grow back out, then she did the same thing! She is now 12 and starting middle school and once again wishes to cut her hair. Again, she wants to donate to Locks of Love. This act of "sacrifice" and giving can be a powerful character-building excersise! After all, it is her hair, not yours. Pick your battles, there will be more important issues to stand firm on other than cutting one's hair. Besides, it WILL grow back...

Rachel - posted on 08/16/2011

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How do you *know* she will regret it? Her tastes might be changing, and even if it's just trendy, it is only hair, after all. Whether she will regret it or not, it can be an opportunity for a good lesson in "getting what you wish for." Calmly explain to her that she will have to live with this decision until it grows back out. The wonderful thing about kids wanting radically different hair styles is that it grows back.

This could also be a great opportunity for her to learn about charity and how she can help someone else by donating her hair to Locks of Love. Take pictures of the process. If she regrets the hair cut later, remind her that no matter how bad it may seem, her decision, and her beautiful hair has made someone with NO hair very happy, and that unlike them, hers will grow back in time.

This is an age where girls want to begin defining themselves in terms of how they look and feel. If the worst of it is a simple haircut consider yourself well ahead of the game! :)

Klara - posted on 07/07/2011

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Mom, its just hair! Its a harmless way for her to show some maturity and independence. I let my 5yo decide how to cut her hair. Bottom line, if they don't like it, it'll grow, and hopefully they won't do it again. Good luck, it can be hard as moms to let go and let our kids make decisions. My main rule of thumb is, if its not going to hurt them or someone else, I generally let them decide. Now is the time for them to safely make mistakes.

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Judy - posted on 03/22/2014

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Also dont say bottom for butt unless she doesnt mind because i was talking with my friends about my grandma saying that and how it makes me want to gag then crawl in a hole and die lol but it creeps me out

Judy - posted on 03/22/2014

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Im 12 and i dyed my hair twice and got my hair cut very short i liked it for awhile but then i regreted it u should let her do what she wants to it if she likes it she will b happy with it and thats what most parent want foe their kids if she regrets it then it will eventually grow out again i would not recommend dying it red then blonde ever it will make your hair orange and look like an 80 year old lady with crappy hair dye just sayin

Heather - posted on 12/21/2012

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I agree with you Sherry. Let the girls be who they are. They can take care of it themselves. Why is she so controlling?

Heather - posted on 12/21/2012

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Why controll what they want? Let them choose and make them take care of it. My mom was that controlling until I was 11. Then I refused to let scissors near my hair. It is a major part of independence, individuality, and self expression.

Julie - posted on 08/08/2012

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Let the girl do what she wants with her head of hair. Self expression is the root to forming one's identity. Parents help form that identity, however once the child begins to EXPRESSES what they want we should respect it. (within legal and appropriate limits of course.)
it is our responsibility to allow them to find themselves, even if it does not fit the "identity we in vision or think they should have. Your daughter is expressing that desire, and 6th grade is the appropriate time to do so.
Let her try it. You may be right, she may regret it. But it's just one of the many lessons she will be learning in life, but the choice was hers, and hers alone.
Besides, it's just hair and will always grow back. That's what we girls do right? Grow it out, to cut it off :P

Jill - posted on 08/08/2012

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I had my daughters waist length hair cut very short 5 years ago 5 year later I still keep my daughters hair very short At first My daughters did not like at all but they have got to used having wearing their hair very short
from now on I will not my daughters have waist length ever again My daughters get monthly trims every month by me from now on. I love my girls very short boys hair. My girls will used their very short boys haircut by their girlfriends.My girls will only allow date girls only

Deborah - posted on 08/07/2012

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My daughter had long hair all her life , and always wanted it cut shorter . I didn't let her and it made her very unhappy . When she turned 18 she cut it to a mohock ,I was sad to see it go but it grows back . Her hair is pretty long again .Your daughtera hair will grow back ,dotate it for kids that have canser so it help someone too

Candi - posted on 08/07/2012

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My 12 yr old just got her waist length hair cut off at her shoulders. She donated it to Locks of Love. She loves her haircut and it looks great on her

Karenda - posted on 08/19/2011

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I started asking my oldest daughters opinion at about 3 1/2 years old. Just recently she wanted to cut her long hair into a short bob. I waited a couple weeks and she asked again, so I cut it how she asked. It is her hair, and I think it is important for her to be able to make decisions and then live with those decisions. There are so many areas of her life she can't control as a young child I try to give her control over any areas I can.

Catherine - posted on 08/18/2011

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Let her cut it and donate to Locks of Love. Then, she can't really regret it right.

Candi - posted on 08/13/2011

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its just laziness to keep your daughter's hair super short when they don't want it that way. At their ages, they are old enough to wash, dry, and brush it without your help.

Sherri - posted on 08/12/2011

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Jill why do you keep posting the same thing on this thread. We already know you cut your daughters hair super short so they look like boys. You take them to the barber shop every three weeks and you give them zero say as to what they want. All so your life is easier, you could care less what they want or take into consideration how they feel being girls being forced to look like boys.

Jill - posted on 08/11/2011

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Ever since I had my daughters waist length hair cut very short.It is very easy to care my daughters hair very short hair.Brushing and washing their very short hair take no more than 5 minutes

Tamara - posted on 08/09/2011

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I figure its their hair they can do anything with it.Its hair it will grow back

Migdalia - posted on 08/09/2011

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If she is going to be able to manage her short hair and she doesn't look much older then i can not see any thing wrong with it. Her hair will grow back.

Migdalia - posted on 08/09/2011

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I have to daughter who wore their hair styles according to their age. Some hair style might make a child look too grown and for a teenage child you would not want to put pony tail so I believe that the style goes according to their age group

Migdalia - posted on 08/09/2011

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I have two daughter who wore their hair styles according to their age. Some hair style might make a child look too grown and for a teenage child you would not want to put pony tais,l so I believe that the style goes according to their age group.

Kerrie - posted on 07/13/2011

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i will probably be the same with my daghter when her hair is long. in fact she is only 18 months and has beautiful ringlets and i am a hardresser but will only trim the fringe so i guess am there already wanting her to keepit longer. if thats whatshe is adamant she wants and there is absoltely no comprimise i would probably let her so she learns from her own mistake if she ates it..... tough lesson but she will only go on and on about it xx

Hayley - posted on 07/13/2011

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I do let my kids choose whatever style they want. So far they haven't been very adventurous so my nerves are safe.....for now at least lol!

Sherri - posted on 07/09/2011

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Sorry Jill I find that it is very sad that your children have no say for your convenience.

Jill - posted on 07/09/2011

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Having my daughters hair cut very short cut the time to wash their hair Now I trim their very short hair from now on

Klara - posted on 07/07/2011

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Mom, its just hair! Its a harmless way for her to show some maturity and independence. I let my 5yo decide how to cut her hair. Bottom line, if they don't like it, it'll grow, and hopefully they won't do it again. Good luck, it can be hard as moms to let go and let our kids make decisions. My main rule of thumb is, if its not going to hurt them or someone else, I generally let them decide. Now is the time for them to safely make mistakes.

Brittany - posted on 07/06/2011

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well i am 25 years old and my mother still will not let me cut my hair off and mine is past my bottom and i have a 3 year old and i have yet to cut her hair but when i was in the 6th grade i got a bob my mom did not want me to do it but she let me and i hated it and never cut it again so i think you should go ahead and let her she may love and and like it short or be like me hate and and keep my long hair for the past 13 years gotta give her some control over her self and let me make her own mastaks my mom did me and now i know i love my long hair and wanna keep it and do not like short hair

Candi - posted on 07/06/2011

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Like I stated in my post, it takes very little time to brush my daughters' hair. My girls are 6 and 11. They wash their own hair and are very capable of brushing it themselves. All I have to do is throw it in a pony tail for them or a bun for dance class. No need to waste money getting constant trims. Its not worth it

Jill - posted on 07/06/2011

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Every 3 week to trim my daughters very short hair is no big deal any way.Brushing their very short hair take no more than 5 minutes You are wrong I think it is worth

Taunya - posted on 07/04/2011

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I have two daughters, one going into high school just out of middle school. It's this age of new school, new adventure that kids a lot of times want to try something new, updated and theirs. I would agree with a couple of the mom's let her do it, hair grows back. But under long conversations, looking at different pictures (books,online) maybe talk to the stylist and maybe agree to do middle length first to get use to it. Also, sounds like she has beautiful hair maybe for you and her to feel better about it she could cut it for love of locks. I have a friend that grows and cuts her hair just for this reason, she enjoys the giving feeling.

Candi - posted on 07/04/2011

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Personally long hair is easier for me to take care of. You don't have to worry about constant trims and styling. We just wash, brush and go. Simple. They can have pig tails, pony tails, braids, or just leave it down. We use conditioner and detangler, so tangles are not an issue. Its not hard to take care of hair

Jill - posted on 07/04/2011

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Having my girls wear their hair very short march easier to care their very short hair than caring for their waist length hair

Klara - posted on 06/21/2011

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my girls are allowed whatever length, style they choose (within reason) but I guess I feel its just hair, it'll grow back..lol

Debbi - posted on 06/13/2011

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I was thinking the same thing Sherri. I even read it a few times and still couldn't make sense of it.
On the topic of hair, both my son and my daughter can keep their hair however they want it. They are 11 and 15 and I figure it is only hair, and they are old enough to decide.

Sherri - posted on 06/13/2011

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Jill why would you want your girls to look like boys?? Your post makes very little sense to me.

Jill - posted on 06/13/2011

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I am mother of fours daughters age 6 to 12. My girls used have waist length hair until I told my girls that their waist length hair was be cut very short like a boy.One day I took my girls to the barber shop to cut their waist length hair very short like a boy After very short boys haircuts.My girls look my boys with their hair very short before the very short boys haircuts My daughters look girls with beautiful waist length hair after very short haircuts My daughters look boys with very short hair I told my daughters that they no say what haircuts they get I will take my girls to barber shop every 3 week to make sure their hair keep very short from now on . I am keep my girls hair very short from now.My daughters will have get used wearing their hair very short from now on

Candi - posted on 11/03/2010

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My son is growing his hair out. Its a shaggy mess right now, but as long as he keeps it clean and brushed, I am ok with it. My daughters are different. My oldest daughter is 10. She has really thick hair like I do and its to her waist(finally). She has had trims but never a real cut. She wants a bob, but I keep telling her she might regret it and I refuse to let her cut it abover her shoulders....only b/c she is in dance and her hair must be in a bun. She does 2 recitals a year and the hair must be bun length. I told her we will get it thinned out and see if that makes her feel better. My youngest is 5. Very light extremely thin hair. Fly-aways like crazy. She wants her hair to grow long and I am fine with that. She is also in dance and needs it to be bun length. When I was a child, I was never allowed to cut my hair. It stayed a tangled mess and my mom never took time to keep it combed out. My sister had the freedom to spike hers and color it pink if she wanted to. I wasn't even allowed a trim!! Hair to my waist my whole life. Well, I got married at 22, 3 months later, CHOP!! Up to my shoulders!I felt 15 pounds lighter! Now my hair changes pretty often. It will be a shaggy bob, then a few months later, its down to my waist! Its to my waist now b/c my husband loves long hair. As far as my kids go, battles will be fought and battles will be lost with them. A compromise is a feeling of success. Hair cut? sure, as long as I can put it in a bun. Grow it out? Sure, keep it clean and well groomed. It all works out in the end

Julie - posted on 11/03/2010

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my 10 yearold was seven when she wanted to cut her waist length hair "like collete from ratoullie" I cried...she looked adorable...and locks of love got a great donation

Nelly - posted on 11/03/2010

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None of my kids have a say in their hair cuts my husband and I choose their hair styles so far no complaints

Pam - posted on 07/28/2010

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Lots of times when it's so thick, it hurts them to brush it. Why not cut off 6 or so inches and see how she does? If she's ok with it after a few weeks go back and have 6 more cut off. My daughters hair goes really wavy when it's cut shorter than her shoulders. The heavy weight makes it straight when it's really long...moderation is key

Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 07/27/2010

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I have been letting my daughter choose her own cuts since she was able to tell the beautician what she wanted. She even told the lady she wanted to be bald when she was 5 and I was going to let her do it.... lucky for me, the stylist talked her into a short cut. I love long hair but I have found from past experience, if a child is forced to endure a specific hair cut when they are young, they will grow up and choose to have the opposite hair cut. I have allowed my daughter to have whatever style she wants and there were a few years where it was short, but she has since changed her mind and now at age 16, she wears it long and I am so happy.

If your daughter gets her hair cut, try to find a place that will use the hair for sick children's wigs. Locks of Love is a good place that will use the hair for sick people. That way, even though you will be sad about her hair being cut, you will know that it is being used for a very noble purpose.

Kim - posted on 07/27/2010

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My daughter has always had her choice of haircut...but thats where it stopped until now at age 13. Now I allow her to get her hair straightened as she has curly hair as I do. The straight styles are the 'in' thing and I remember at her age how I could never have the look that was in due to my hair. At the middle school years it is just one small thing that helps with developing an inferior complex because of looks. She has red hair and already gets alot of negative comments at school, although she gets even more positive ones from all the adults she sees. And as the lady below mentioned..it always grows back. :)

Susan - posted on 07/26/2010

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My daughter is 8 and she had long hair almost to her bottom and she was tired of the brushing and taking care of. In the end she cut it into a bob, she picked the style from a magazine. We donated her hair to a foundation that make wigs for children with cancer. She is now growing it again so she can make another donation.

Shelli - posted on 07/24/2010

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My daughter has freedom over her hair. It is really the only thing she gets to decide. She can pick out her clothes while shopping, but I have final say so.
She has gone from very long to very short. At this moment she wants a perm. We are talking about that. Only b/c Dad says no processing... Color/perms, are a no go.

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My 7 year old had georgeous long golden locks down to the small of her back, she really wanted it cut above her shoulders and as I feel that her hair and dress is an expression of who she is as I person I said she could, but must realise that it will take a long time to grow back (but will grow back). Since her haircut she shines swishes her hair about and loves that she can wash and brush it so easily and is still such a gorgeous girl.

Mindy - posted on 07/23/2010

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I am glad I amnot the only one. My daughters like to do as they will with their hair. As long as they dont get in trouble as school, I said whatever. my only rules keep it clean and brushed

Sharon - posted on 07/23/2010

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My daughter has always had the choice in the way she wears her hair. I figure that it is her hair and she has to take care of it. She is now entering high school and her hair has been so many different styles! At one point she had bright blue streaks in it. That was a little out there. The whole agreement with that style was that she had to have good grades in order to have the wild color. She came home with straight A's. I know some mom's wouldn't agree with such a wild style especially for a young child ( mine was 12) but I feel that she was expressing herself. It's hair. It grows. It can be changed. Just my opinion.

Kimberly - posted on 07/23/2010

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My daughter has the decision. Sometimes she wants her hair cut and then regrets it. It grows back and then she wants to cut it again. What can I say? She is definitely a girl.

Eseta - posted on 07/23/2010

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I let my daughter cut her hair but only after telling her that she might regret it later. That way she takes responsibilty for her decision.

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