Forming Middle school friendships.

Mary Ellen - posted on 05/25/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Hi! I'm hoping someone can help me here! My daughter is a sweet, kind, talented and beautiful girl. But she is also very shy! She has a group of friends that she hangs out with at school but not after. She often talks about not knowing what to say to people that she would like to be friends with but isn't yet. Most of these girls have known each other since Kindergarten & my daughter is relatively new to the scene. She doesn't get much attention because she's not obnoxious. There are a few queen bee's with mean behavior flying around, too. I'm worried that she's not getting together with many people after school & hasn't been invited to any parties. Help!

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Becky - posted on 06/04/2010

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My daughter is also very shy. She is 14 now and is just starting to come out of her shell. She still doesn't hang around with the queen bee types though and I am grateful. She still comes home after school every day and does not go to parties and the the types of activities that cause problems later. Be glad she isn't doing those things. She has friends and it dounds like they are good kids. try having some activities at home this summer with these kids to help her social skills but I wouldn't push her to be "popular". See if she is interested in any sports or other activities. These can also help bring a child out of their shell and find out their strengths. Softball was what helped my daughter. She loved it! for some its cheerleading for others it martial arts for others its a youth group. Anyway, your daughter will find her way just give her your support and love and let her know how wonderful she is. Tell her what she is great at. This will help too. Sometimes shyness is just an inscurity and not feeling as good as everyone else. Good luck.

Jenn - posted on 06/03/2010

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Does your community have a Boys and Girls Club? They have some really amazing peer groups set up for kids her age. I have 4 kids and three of them attend. My youngest i snot old enough yet. They love going and it keeps them busy in the summer and allows them to interact with all different types of kids. Our local club has some amazing activities for all kinds of interests, including tutoring, and peer counseling.

W - posted on 05/29/2010

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I get similar feelings about my second son (12) since his brother has a huge social group. Since you describe these girls as obnoxious, are these the girls you are worried about your daughter befriending? I'm a bit reserved but did hang around people who were outgoing and 'partied' later. I started realizing that maybe this was the wrong crowd (realized it at age 40.) Maybe it would have been OK if I'd chosen a different, quieter group or just have a few friends. Being "in" is not all it is cracked up to be, those kids don't necessarily have the market on the good life. I think as long as she has some friends that suit her, she is doing fine. If she'd like to make a few more connections maybe if she could involved in an activity of her interest, she'll make friends with girls more suited to her. My son has recently joined a group (that his brother thinks is 'nerdy') but he likes it and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is his "niche" and he'll make more friends here. Good luck.

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Monica - posted on 07/05/2010

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My daughter starts MS this year as well and she has always been extremely shy. It takes her a long time to warm up and she usually chooses to have one close friend at school. This year she opened up a little more and actually had three girls that she really enjoyed being friends with, but at school only. She is intimidated by large groups and ifher friends are talking to other people, she won't go over and join in. It is hard to watch as a Mom, because we all know what it is like in MS.
I have bought several books by American Girl on friendship, there is one on Middle School and a few others that we read together and then she keeps them in her room if she wants to look at them again.
She will be in band this year, which from other parents I heard was a very good way for kids to make friends. She will go to her religion class each week and she also goes to girl scouts. I think it is important for her to have as many opportunities for her to be with the same group of kids each week outside of school. I think they may have a few clubs after school, so we will look into that as well.
Good Luck!

Susan - posted on 06/07/2010

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My daughter has a similar situation. I have suggested that she have friends to our house. She has had two get togethers over the last year. She invited about 8 girls the first time and they all came. We had a bar b que for 30 girls a couple weeks ago. This way I get to meet the girls and my daughter gets to know them better as well. It does not have to be big but maybe just start having 2-3 girls over at a time to get to know them better. Hope this helps.

Genia - posted on 06/03/2010

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My daughter had this problem in the 5th grade and I threw her a Top Model Party and she invited all the girls in her classroom and she and some of the girls are still friends now although they go to different middle schools now.

Gen - posted on 06/02/2010

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Are there clubs or groups for her to join once middle school starts? My oldest daughter is starting middle school this next yr. She by luck knows several kids that will be in her middle school. But the school has several teams and a kid is placed on a team and the kids on thier team is the ones they have all thier classes with.
I know that with my daughter I am having/letting her join as many as she wants so she gets the interactions with as many kids as she can.
Depending on the age of kids in your neighborhood and how many she wants to invite have a get together/BBQ end of the school yr party at your place.

Becki - posted on 05/27/2010

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in an effort to get her introduced to everyone allow her to throw her own, supervised, party. with summer fast approaching she could host a bash outside, maybe at the beach so you do not have as much to clean up. she should invite everyone to set a good example and to be fair. but i would warn her aboout those queen bees, they sting the worst.

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