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Grown daughter with a disability living with us.

User - posted on 06/18/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I have a daughter who is 26 years old and last year she was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. She was living with a boyfriend whom has issues. She left him just a few months ago but is now back with him. We had a big misunderstanding this past weekend and now she is back with him and was growing and flourishing so much living with us. I feel so sad and don't know how to cope with this. She wants us to be understanding that he is getting help and changing but we don't trust him and want nothing to do with him. She just started getting counseling recently but I think it is too soon for her to go back with him...but she is old enough to make her own decisions. Any advice?

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Marie - posted on 06/19/2012

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Hi Jenny,

It's OK!!! It's normal to be over protective of your disabled daughter. It may be a good idea to let things die down a little and give her some space. If she just started counseling, that's a great big step for her. Give her some time to figure out what it is she really wants to do with her life. I'm afraid the more you push her and the fact that you don't approve of her boyfriend may push her further away from you.

You have let her know where you stand on this issue, but she will need to explore on her own a bit.Try not to belittle or dismiss her thoughts and feelings. Validate her wants and needs, even if you don't agree. With counseling, things will become clearer and she may need to experience some disappointments before deciding what is best for herself.

Stay close, try to support her, tell her you love her, don't criticize her decisions. Soon, she will realize your only looking out for her best interest. You don't want her to think that every time you both get into a discussion, that It's going to turn into a full blown argument. Before you know it, she will no longer feel threatened by you and will begin to relax around you.

Your daughter will start to confide in you and value your opinion more without being on the defense or on edge every time she's with you. Remember..... You don't want to push her further away.... Stay calm and relax and know you have done the very best that you can to point her in the right direction.

By all means... intervention is a must, if you feel your daughter may be in any kind of danger. I know it's hard but, give her a little more credit after all, she was raised by a great Mom like you!!!

Things will come together just try to be patient. I hope I have helped a little and good luck!
Marie

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