HELP... My 10 year old daughter has mood swings!

Yvonda - posted on 03/30/2010 ( 31 moms have responded )

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I have noticed lately that my 10 year old daughter has mood swings that are sometimes downright rude and hateful, I try to understand that she is going through a stage in puberty, but I'm at my wits end. At times she can be the perfect child, and then she will baby talk and be a little strange and the least little thing will set of the feet stomping, door slamming behavior that I don't want to grow used to.. I have also had to cut out her having friends over because then she really wants to "cop an attitude".. she has 2 older brothers and I have to say, if this is puberty I would much rather deal with testosterone over estrogen any day.. Does anyone have any advise or experience with 10 year old mood swings to share to keep me from going insane... Thanks!

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Angeliq - posted on 06/05/2013

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i have a 10 year old daughter that is doing the exact same thing, she is also going through puberty, the constant lies to me and her teachers, about brushing teeth and i have to stand in the bathroom while she bathes to make sure she washes properly she has become, rude, disrespectful and very nasty to her smaller brother and sister, always shouting and hitting them.she wont listen to anything that we say and refuses point blank, doesn't want to study , we asked her why she keeps failing her test and she says, because i don't like studying. she has also been purposely missing her school taxi home so that she can go to her friend after school knowing i cant come and pick her up until her dad comes home. i'm going insane and now questioning myself for maybe being too hard on her. please help

Tanya - posted on 04/01/2010

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My 10 year old daughter is having mood swings too. I have talked to my mother for advice and have come to the conclusion that it is a combination of two things: 1) She's going through hormone changes that make her moods swing from one extreme to the next, 2) She's testing the boundaries to see what you will won't tolerate or let her get away with. My mother said this is normal and should eventually settle down but in the meantime stand your ground and stick to your expectations of her. She will eventually learn that throwing temper tantrums and being disrespectful won't be tolerated by you no matter what is going on in her life. Also, talk to her she may be scared about the changes occurring and feel trapped in a body that no longer feels like her own. Be understanding and explain to her that what she is going through is completely normal.

Nica - posted on 11/23/2012

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how about paying with her? my 11yold has the same mood swings described in these posts but I have noticed that if I seat to play dolls with her she is calmer for a couple of days. after we go back to slamming doors again :-) she does all the things described in the above posts, bad attitude, mood swings etc. any other thing I can do to keep her calm beside playing dolls? i am feeding her fat fish that should have omega 3 but I am not sure it works.......any other advice?

[deleted account]

Dayna and I do crafts, and outside stuff together during warm weather. I like to go to Lowe's or anywhere that sell large appliances to get the stirofoam out of the boxes. We made alot of hearts for Valentines day with it and you can even paint it. During the cold weather is when we do everything inside, I have OsteoArthritis and bone deg. dis. and dont go out because it hurts to much. We dont get to go out to shop often at all, since I dont get much money. But when I can do it, I try to make it as good as I can for her. She says she will never live at her dads even if he can do more that I can and that makes me feel good. But naturally it worries me anyway.

Nicole - posted on 09/12/2012

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Joan, first thing... Keep calm and don't engage her in petty battles. I KNOW easier said than done lol

it is a tough time but you have to stand firm, choose your battles and keep your chin up, things will get better.

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Alexa - posted on 12/30/2013

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I'm 13 and lately I have to admit I have been having mood swings and yelling at my mom and not listening. My parents are divorced and I slightly blame that. I hate my dads house and I think that's the problem. It feels like no one gets me or understands me. All on top of that I get my 7 year old brother who annoys me 24-7 and I loose my temper and end up hurting him. I'm confused it feels like my mom favors my little brother but she always claims she doesn't. I always get in trouble these days and I'm over it. It's hard being 13 with divorced parents and an annoying brother. I feel like my brother bugs me so then I hurt him and he starts crying and when he runs to my mom she gets me in trouble. Then he stops crying after I'm in trouble. I recommend just listening to your daughter and trying to comfort her and it would make it a lot better if my mom did that. Btw punishments don't work around this age because then we think you already took away something that actually I liked and what else could you take away. Give us warning it works way better

Lorraine - posted on 03/12/2013

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my daughter harriet is 7year old she can be good at time but she also can be very nasty she wont do as she told she band wall shout l took her to the docto but they cld not found nothink wrong with her l did talk to the school and her work ok l show her loads of love but she dnt understand the word no pls help me

Joann - posted on 11/26/2012

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why on earth would you drug test ? simply a girl who acts out on her emotions , they are going through a rough time and the only way we can make it better and easier for them is to trust and support them.... I see this everyday with my 10year old girl. THEY are not bad because the act out, help and support and a little more attention is all she asks ....

Nica - posted on 11/25/2012

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@Donna, don't think about money. A girls day in can be fun without money. All you need is some nail polish and popcorn. Or dolls :-). A board game etc. If daddy is rich, he can take her to the cinema or the zoo. With you she can do other things. We don't go out every weekend. In my case is different, I earn more than her dad. She knows that when she is with her dad she can go to a museum or the park and when she is with me, she can go to the mall. She would never ask her dad to take her to the mall. Teach your daughter to do the same. To do certain things when she is with daddy and others when she is with you. In the end its all about having fun with her parents one way or the other. My sister is like you, the children know that they can do expensive things only with their dad. It looks like that her dad is trying to buy her out. Don't let this happen and tell his wife to mind her business. She has no rights to do that. Your daughter loves you more than anything in the world. And money cannot by love.

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Yes, i've noticed that also. I like to have a just us girls day (which we did today) when I have a little extra money. But then when I cant do much (since I only get SSI) she starts getting agitated and wanting to have another fun day. She seems to be worse when I cant do anything. She goes to her dads every other weekend whether she wants to or not, and he also makes more money than I get and can do more with her. But usually when I ask her what all she got to do that weekend she always says she forgets like its a secret. His new wife is good to Dayna but sometimes says to her, "wouldn't you rather live here with us?" And she has a bad attitude when she does come back from there most of the time. It always makes me feel bad that I cant do it all now like I did when I was able to work but she always says it's okay. She really worries me at times!

[deleted account]

I'm with Yvonda Stokley!

I also have a 10yr old girl and she can be down right EVIL looking when another kid gets on her nerves, especially my 3yr old grandaughter. She wants to have kids to play with but not much longer than they show up Dayna gets very agitated and has such a mean look in her eyes that scares me. And when I talk to her about it she cries like a baby. I've asked her if someone has done anything bad to her, she says no in a way that I dont believe her, Most of the time she will go off to be alone in a room. which is a good thing she does so she doesn't hurt someone. But then I have to wonder and worry if shes going to hurt herself. She has a councelor that visits her once a week at school, but I dont think she gets like that at school. I dont know what else to do, because she will not take meds except her Daytrana 10mg for add, but thats a patch so she dont mind it.

GUADALUPE - posted on 10/11/2012

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I have a 10 year old and she is having mood swings as well. Is very hard at times, because she is a little angel around her father. I thought she hate me, but now I know she is not.

Her father has a better financial situation that me, and he is able to spend a lot of time with her. At times she accused me of not spending time with her, because I work a full time job.

I am divorce mother and I have to put roof over her head, and provide for all of her needs.

Joann - posted on 09/11/2012

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Hi there , it's the worse thing ever , I'm struggling with the same problem ...my daughter is also only 10 years old and this has started happening in the last year and getting worse by the day...I'm also looking for any advice , so even though i myself don't have advice , please let me know if you find a way so that I can also try it... at this stage I'm willing to try anything .... please help !!!!

Nicole - posted on 08/25/2012

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Donn, violence is never acceptable, you have to make that clear to her immediately! I commented on this post a while back, my daughter is 12 now and I have to say things have settled down a great deal, she isn't as volatile as she was, so things are looking up. I went to school and got advice there, not something I wanted to do at first as I thought they might think I was a bad parent or something, but they understood and referred her to a school counceller.

it became Clear my daughter was acting out of frustration. They got her to write me and her dad letters to explain how she was feeling as she finds it hard to talk. It worked for my daughter, so my advice would be to see if the school has any type of counceling available.

Just hang in there, things do get better. :)

Donn - posted on 08/25/2012

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I EXACTLY KNOW WHAT U MEAN . MY 10 YEAR OLD IS BECOMING REALY AGGRESIVE AND HITS ME ALOT I HAVE TO TAKE A WALK TO CALM MYSELF DOWN BECAUSE I GET SO ANGRY WITH HER .. I DONT KNOW ANY OTHER 10 YEAR OLD AS NAUGHTY AS MY DAUGHTER , I KNOW I NEED SOME HELP BEFORE IT GOES ANY WORST , THE THING IS SHE IS BIGGER THAN ME VERY TALL FOR HER AGE AND I THINK THIS GIVES HER A SENSE OF POWER WHICH SHE ALWAYS TAKES ADVANTAGE OF ,, ANY ADVICE FOR ME BEFORE I LOOSE MY MIND ,,

Sharon - posted on 06/14/2012

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I have a very emitional and pms daughter who is 12
Years old . She started her periods at age 10
But niw they are irregular and she is all over the place
Shouting . Screamin crying . Going quiet feels very sad
And cries over little things . I am at my wits end i try
To talk to her but i get go away u dont undestand etc
. At the moment i am trying vitamin b6 and eveninprimrose
Oil .

Andrea - posted on 04/20/2012

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Can't you remember being 10, and how you felt? I do, I was always confused, didn't understand why I felt so miserable and snappy. Girls are different to boys, you need to have a conversation explain how difficult these next few years are going to be, that you understand, that she needs to understand that if she feels like crying, then do it, as it reliefs the pressure. You as a mum must be there for cuddling and caring and helping her to understand the changes that are happening.

I have 12 year old twins girls, both hormonal, I've got them some evening primrose oil t help with mood changes, but they can't start taking it until they are 12. You need to make sure your daughter is getting enough fruit, veg & nuts, plenty of water and sleep. Enjoy this time, as it's a chance to be her best friend instead of the dreaded you don't understand me, mum.



Big hugs

Elyzabeth - posted on 04/19/2012

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I'm so glad I found this chat!! So helpful. My daughter will be 10 in two months and is very moody and cries at the drop of the hat. It makes me CrAzY!! LOL
I'm glad I'm not alone.
Thanks,
Ely

Sarah - posted on 04/15/2012

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Sounds like she is about to start her period. But still she needs to learn to control her mood swings. Best thing I can say is stick to your guns. Consult her doctor about the moodiness, maybe they can steer you in a good direction. But for now consquences for bad behavior and uf she wants to stomp off and slam doors then it adds to the consquence. Best of luck, I have 2 boys. But my friend has 3 girls and they had it rough for awhile.

Shelley - posted on 04/12/2012

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No I don't I was looking in here for advice for help myself but I'm glad to see I'm not alone. My daughter is horrible sometimes almost like she's bipolar. fine one moment terrible the next.

Nicole - posted on 02/27/2012

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This sounds like my daughter, from angel to demon in 3 seconds flat! I get the "I hate you" and "its not fair" all the time. She has said "its my life" more than once too. I have explained that 11 it might be her life but I make the rules which doesn't go down to well. She goes to her dads every other weekend and he has problems with her behaviour too. We understand its partly hormonal but wonder if there is more going on. My daughter will not open up and talk which proberbly causes frustration but we have done what we can to help her but to no effect. Let's just hope she gets over this "phase" soon as both her father and myself have been driven to tears more than once by her behaviour.

Denise - posted on 04/06/2010

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hi Yvonda my name is Denise and i just want to say that i am a mother of 4 ages 24, 21, 19, and 12 so i have had my attitude problems with both my boys and my girls. all of the children have learned that i do not deal with their attitudes. When they cop an attitude i cop one right back at them and show them that i can be big and bad just like them and i also tell them that i will not allow the attitudes from them in my house as i am the parent not them and what i say goes with my oldest they are now told if they don't like the rules anymore they know where the door is bye see you later but they never seem to leave so they must know that they have it mad in the shade living in mommy and daddy's house

Stacie - posted on 04/05/2010

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My youngest won't be 10 until May, and my only girl. I'm sure you are talking about my child! We walk on pins an needles not to upset her! And then all of a sudden, she's a sweetheart.

Cynthia - posted on 04/05/2010

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My 11 year old daughter started having mood swings around the age of 10. With her I heard or read somewhere, don't remember where, about calcium supplements. We started giving her viactiv and her mood swings changed drastically. I wouldn't say that it is for every kid but it is worth a try. There are no more slamming doors or screaming matches!!

Wendy - posted on 04/05/2010

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my son has had all that but my son started to get violent with his sisters and their friend we took him to the specialist who said it was adhd he is now total different we never wanted to put him on them but had no choice so see if there is something else my son had to go to a brain specialist because they weren't sure what is wrong with him and they still aren't sure at moment so see a doctor.

Jenny - posted on 04/04/2010

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hi i have ann 11 year old daughter who is the same can be very good and loving or little miss attitude ,the other day she said she hated me because i would'nt let her stay out later i told her i loved her she replied again i hate you because you are mean i sid well i love you and it is ok if you feel that way she then replied i don't hate you realy i'm sorry i guess what i am trying to say is she probley wan't more limmits to feel more grownn up her friends may be doing things she cannot it is just alot of frustration and basicually being in between an adult and a child and not knowing hwere she is right now be painent but also let her know that you will not tolerate the way she speaks to you and concequences for that behavouir love and understanding best of luck to you in dealing with your 10 year old daughters mood swings.

Tracy - posted on 04/01/2010

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My daughter is also 10, going on 11. Somehow, we have not hit the mood swings yet, but I guess it's coming! My son, who is now 15, had a phase at 13 where he would get really upset by my enforcement of certain rules or the consequences I gave and would slam doors, stomp up stairs, or speak to me in a disrespectful tone. I could ignore the slammed door and the stomping, but the disrespectful tone is what I had to make sure I addressed. Usually, the threat of an additional consequence was all it took to stop the bad tone..."You've already lost your phone for the week for lying, do you wanna go for early bedtime too?" Now that he's past that phase, though, when he gets a punishment, he realizes why and accepts it. He's not happy about it, but the sassing/stomping/slamming is gone.



So I guess you have to ignore some of the stuff she does or says (if it isn't breaking a rule.) I think the foot stomping/door slamming is about trying to engage you in an argument. If she can engage you, then she can negotiate with you. You have to ignore her attempts at engagement, and when she breaks a rule, and she cops an attitude with you about her punishment, don't argue about it. Walk away, or say, "It's not negotiable."



I wish you the best in parenting your daughter! I may be on here soon with my own issues with mine!

Laura - posted on 03/30/2010

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welcome to the teenage years, she is testing the boundaries and because she feels comfortable and trusts and respects you; you are that lucky person. just keep calm and treasure that happy moments - my daughter is just coming out of it [shes 20 ] and looking back she said that at times she really hated me but she always knew she was loved and safe and that i always had her best interests at heart and i think that all you can really ask for.

Also time out with other adult females who have the same values as you is a good thing [ because they never really listen to their parents lol] and its gives them someone else to sound off

Debbie - posted on 03/30/2010

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Hi Yvonda, I have 2 boys, one aged 12 and one aged 11. The oldest is always lying about his homework and comes home hardly speaking and when he does speak its a grunt which I cant abide so I totally sympathise with you. He has said to me he feels controlled and forced to do things, yes I suppose in his eyes he is because thats his age, but of course he isnt controlled but he is the type of boy who is VERY forgetful so I have to be on his case about things.



But going on to some advice which may help if your 10 year old daughter's mood swings are like my son's.....I have changed the way I do things after reading a post on here which was bit of a lightbulb moment....Teens feel they are controlled so instead of saying, for example, "You NEED to shower now!! I say..The time is 6.30 and so please shower between 6.30 and 7pm just so they feel they are in control of their own time and your not TELLING them to do something now. I tried this and it really worked as usually I have to keep on and on and on to get him in the shower. One problem solved and god knows how many to solve lol. Good luck xx

Jenny - posted on 04/04/2010

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hi i have ann 11 year old daughter who is the same can be very good and loving or little miss attitude ,the other day she said she hated me because i would'nt let her stay out later i told her i loved her she replied again i hate you because you are mean i sid well i love you and it is ok if you feel that way she then replied i don't hate you realy i'm sorry i guess what i am trying to say is she probley wan't more limmits to feel more grownn up her friends may be doing things she cannot it is just alot of frustration and basicually being in between an adult and a child and not knowing hwere she is right now be painent but also let her know that you will not tolerate the way she speaks to you and concequences for that behavouir love and understanding best of luck to you in dealing with your 10 year old daughters mood swings.

Debbie - posted on 03/30/2010

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Hi Yvonda, I have 2 boys, one aged 12 and one aged 11. The oldest is always lying about his homework and comes home hardly speaking and when he does speak its a grunt which I cant abide so I totally sympathise with you. He has said to me he feels controlled and forced to do things, yes I suppose in his eyes he is because thats his age, but of course he isnt controlled but he is the type of boy who is VERY forgetful so I have to be on his case about things.



But going on to some advice which may help if your 10 year old daughter's mood swings are like my son's.....I have changed the way I do things after reading a post on here which was bit of a lightbulb moment....Teens feel they are controlled so instead of saying, for example, "You NEED to shower now!! I say..The time is 6.30 and so please shower between 6.30 and 7pm just so they feel they are in control of their own time and your not TELLING them to do something now. I tried this and it really worked as usually I have to keep on and on and on to get him in the shower. One problem solved and god knows how many to solve lol. Good luck xx

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