Help with 13 year old step daughter

Tiffany - posted on 03/24/2011

Applying more pressure to a kid already emotionally disturbed enough to be physically violent probably is not the answer. Maybe counseling is not enough; if she hasn't been evaluated by a psychiatrist, maybe she should be.

Elexcyus - posted on 03/24/2011

i also have (well now 16 year ols ) step daughter...she was 12 when i got together with her dad and let me tell u what I WENT THROUGH WITH HER.......her dad worked out of town for 3 weeks at a time , so some times she would hide condomds open around the house to make her dad think that i was cheating, get people to call the house to( like gilrs-women) make it seem like he was cheating, running away, saying lie after lie to break me and HER dad up....thats what this is about HER dad... she doesn't see him as UR MAN....that thought is what's making her crazy.....what I did was first went from I TO WE, what we did was first i got the hell out of the way and let HER dad just spent time with her WITHOUT me there or my kids( not his kids) thats what she wants is to know that SHE is STILL important to him( that kinda bugged me :0 ) and slowly but surely it got better...now almost 17 she's still alive (i say that cuz if she hit me i would drop her...sry people but it's true) her dad and i r still together ,her and i r ok and now i have the next 14 year old son the deal weith.....teeehee man u gotta LOVE this ( parenting) or it's gonna eat u up and spit u out and the the poor kids a gonna be messed up in the prosses..... GET OUT OF THE WAY TIFFANY, HE'S HER DAUGHTER FIRST, THEN UR CHALLENGE SECOND :)

Elexcyus - posted on 03/24/2011

i also have (well now 16 year ols ) step daughter...she was 12 when i got together with her dad and let me tell u what I WENT THROUGH WITH HER.......her dad worked out of town for 3 weeks at a time , so some times she would hide condomds open around the house to make her dad think that i was cheating, get people to call the house to( like gilrs-women) make it seem like he was cheating, running away, saying lie after lie to break me and HER dad up....thats what this is about HER dad... she doesn't see him as UR MAN....that thought is what's making her crazy.....what I did was first went from I TO WE, what we did was first i got the hell out of the way and let HER dad just spent time with her WITHOUT me there or my kids( not his kids) thats what she wants is to know that SHE is STILL important to him( that kinda bugged me :0 ) and slowly but surely it got better...now almost 17 she's still alive (i say that cuz if she hit me i would drop her...sry people but it's true) her dad and i r still together ,her and i r ok and now i have the next 14 year old son the deal weith.....teeehee man u gotta LOVE this ( parenting) or it's gonna eat u up and spit u out and the the poor kids a gonna be messed up in the prosses..... GET OUT OF THE WAY TIFFANY, HE'S HER DAUGHTER FIRST, THEN UR CHALLENGE SECOND :)

Stacy - posted on 03/16/2011

Have you tried just talking to her calmly? I know with her behavier it may be dificult, but have tried? She may feel you are trying to take her BM's place, and it may make her feel defensive. How old are her siblings? Maybe do some reaserch on atachment disorders.

Denise - posted on 03/16/2011

rebelling due to a Divorce I assume, Is her mother involved at all? is she behind it? You could go to a counceler. I had to do this many years ago with my step son.
I hope you find peace of mind good luck

Kristin - posted on 03/15/2011

Wow, this is very serious. I don't think corporal punishment is the answer. The problem is that your daughter is already too big and strong, and she needs to be encouraged to deal with problems with words instead of hitting. It sounds as if you have already sought professional help. Maybe there is a boarding camp she can go to. I have heard about some programs where troubled teens can be sent. If she is seriously hurting you and the other children, she needs to be sent away before something tragic happens.

Lanie - posted on 03/11/2011

Is corporal punishment allowed still? I know it did wonders for me, but with today's "spare the rod" attitude...??

Sjfost - posted on 03/10/2011

Have you ever considered corporal punishment? How old are her siblings?

Tami - posted on 03/08/2011

Wow Tiffany. You have done alot of the right things. Did the counselor give you any idea where her rage issues are? Is there any way you can speak to the judge before court and maybe suggest somethings you'd like for him to sentence? (Don't know if that can be done) Maybe he can scare the heck out of her to straighten her out. If she has been in counseling for 2 years this isn't new so recent drug activity probably isn't an issue but a home drug test may let you know for sure. I don't know what preveldges she has like phone, PC, facebook, etc, but taking these away for bad behavior as punishmnent? Grounding to home and school only? Have you sat her down and asked her why she wants to hurt you and the other kids? Don't take "I don't know" for an answer. Make her think about it,
Good Luck with court and your SD.
Hopefully you'll find an answer.

Tiffany - posted on 03/08/2011

Dad works and does step in when he is home. We did file a police report and she will be going to court this will be the second time in court for violence. She has been in counseling for two years and has done anger management. Her BM is not in her life at all has not been for three years.

Tami - posted on 03/07/2011

Where is DAD? He needs to step in and help you on this!!
If she is attacking you, call the police if Dad is not around to help. A little while in Juvenile hall may cool her heels.
She needs help. Get her to an anger management councelor, or even a family therapist where you all go. She has some rage issues that need to be addressed! Without the family setup history it's hard to say where to go 1st.

Lanie - posted on 03/07/2011

What the family setup?