How can I motivate my kids to help around the house.

Pervorrice - posted on 09/01/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

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I have the hardest time getting my kids to help around the house. They moan, groan, and act like it's the worst thing to do. All i have them doing is going behind themselves. Their rooms are the worst. I help them out with it and expect it to stay decent for a few days, but as boys they can't seem to see it that way. Any advice?

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Debora - posted on 09/16/2009

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MY AUNT HAS A SCHEDULE POSTED IN HER HOME WHERE EVERYONE HAS A CHORE TO DO NOT JUST THE KIDS YES MOM&DAD AS WELL .IT WORKS GREAT FOR THEM SO THEY CAN ALL HAVE FUN TOGETHER. AS YOU KNOW TEAM WORK MAKES THE JOB DONE BEST.

Brandy - posted on 09/12/2009

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I have found what works best for my kids (11 and 3 and both girls) is a philosophy of "giving is getting and getting is giving". What I mean is they have their chores that are required to be done and by doing so they can earn things. They know ahead of time what their chores as they don't change. If their chores are done and done timely and properly they can earn things such as free passes, meaning they get to pick a chore that mom has to do instead of them. They really like this one too. :) I also do things such as mommy date nights, sleep over nights, and special treats. They have really responded well to this system and it works really well for us. I also have a step son that works on the same system just altered slightly since we only have him every weekend. The system works with any chores and any reward really, it can be talored ti fit all life styles and families. Another favorite for my kids is dinner and movie night. They can to pick dinner and pick what movie to rent and what flavor of ice cream to have also. I feel that it teaches them disipline as well as responsibilty since they control what rewards they get for their actions. I hope this helps :)

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Jennifer - posted on 09/18/2009

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I make a list of 3 things that have to be done for each room (example, in the kitchen there is dishes, counters, and floors. LR there is furniture, pick up floor, vaccuum/mop) I then let them take turns picking their chore for each room and I do whatever is left. We have 1-2 hours each afternoon we work on cleaning and there is no computer/tv/outside/friend time until the work is done. If you play around and your chore takes forever and your sister or I get done and do some of your chores, then you get an extra chore the next day from whoever did your chore's list and it's that person's choice. It's the only thing I have found that gets my girls (9 and almost 11) moving with the least amount of complaint. My older daughter only had to do extra chores once to learn that when it's time to clean, you better move.

Denise - posted on 09/13/2009

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You can try the merit system. With my kids, if they do all the things they are supposed to do during the week I take them shopping on Saturday. Thay can pick one thing that they want within limits. I give them a price range to pick something. Well this method has worked. Their rooms being clean might not be important to them, but getting something back for all of their efforts does. It's like adults getting paid for a job. Who would do it if they didn't get paid. LOL

Stacey - posted on 09/08/2009

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I developed a cleaning schedule for my kids for choressuch as washing dishes, cleaning the table, taking out the trash cleaning the bathroom etc.. The kids take turns doing chores Mon - Sat. Their rooms belong to them!

Jennifer - posted on 09/08/2009

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I encourage 5 minute clean ups..as a teambefore we leave our apartment or during the day I say come on team work girls 5 minutes in the living roomI have 2 teen girls one teen boy teen girls do the 5 minutes without issue teen boy rather help deep clean, So I don't argue too much, you know pick the battles when they out number you! lol

Leah - posted on 09/08/2009

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Quoting pervorrice:

How can I motivate my kids to help around the house.

I have the hardest time getting my kids to help around the house. They moan, groan, and act like it's the worst thing to do. All i have them doing is going behind themselves. Their rooms are the worst. I help them out with it and expect it to stay decent for a few days, but as boys they can't seem to see it that way. Any advice?


 

Kylie - posted on 09/07/2009

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i have 3 bys and 1 girl...with them i have a chart it gets printed out every week and goes on their bedroom wall next to that is what they have planned for the week or up coming events we have planned..every weekend and of an afternoon they have to check off their chores then they have free time..and there is nothing that a kid hates more then being left out of motorbikes quad riding their sports club funtions or visiting friends especially when they see their brothers or sisters doing it and they're stuck sitting with mum and dad

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First off do the children live with you. And second kids are kids weather there yours or his. How old are the kids. I feel bad for you . Its got to be hard being the step mom trying to figure it all out. Does dear old dad play a role in the discipline area or does he leave it up to you. Cause hes gotta be on the same page as you when it comes down to the rules in the house. But if his kids are coming to visit you guys on the weekends then they should have some respectful boundaries or they'll rub off on your kids and cause more problems.. im one of 6 kids and when we take on other families kids we all laugh cause we always say when you come with me I'm a gonna treat you like i treat mine you act up you get the same punishment as my kids they look but they know were serious . Thats what needs to be known in your home that there are consequences when you act up and dear old dad has to be there say listen to your step mom and when he does they'll look at you differently cause hes the dad. that respects your wishes and they follow in the foot steps. Now Rome wasn't built in a day.. But an Inch is a inch.. talk with him and come up with a plan. Hope this helps.

Rachel - posted on 09/04/2009

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I love some of the ideas, but what if the children are not biologically yours? They only listen to dad and that is only if they want something they could careless about stepmom.

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My method for my son. The off switch! seriously.... My son is 12 yrs old and I too have a hard time ( Got tired of picking up after him) No TV, No games, and it also depends on how many times I ask as for how long every things stays off. I Had a poster board in the hall way that would list all that had to be done and every day I would be the one to mark with a markers. And boy when they saw I was using the red marker they knew they were losing something I would give them the option depending on the severity of the chore. and this was daily If they got 5 red marks in the same week they would lose the first best thing they loved my son(12) being video games and computer time and my daughter(17) I would take her cell phone for one week or game system. It worked my daughter was on the chore list too and she was 17. This is the day of the electronic era ..lol And when you tell them its mine for a week. You would have thought someone had died the way they acted. But Boy did it ever get there buts in check. So when something wasn't done I would holler out Im going to the board two kids running around trying to figure out who left something undone.. lol I would take my time but it was funny to see them getting what ever they thought done done.. So I hope this helps cause it got mine in order...

Sarah Jamie - posted on 09/03/2009

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Will and Jada Pinket Smith were on Oprah once and said that they told their kids that they are just borrowing the room from them. So it really was Will and Jada's house, and the kids just lived there.

I thought that was fun, and that my daughter (10yo) could relate to. I also wanted to teach her a little about money, and what kid doesn't want money. So we do not do an allowance in our house. She has to earn it. BUT, she earns approximatly minimum wage. We started to pay her 11 cents a minute to do her work around the house. At first they are all gung-ho to do it, and don't really dilly-dally around, and they do it pretty quick. Soon they think they can milk it, but that is when you say, this is a ten minute job, so that is all you are "contracted" for, and that is all I can pay you for. This has worked wonders on her self-esteem, her money skills, and her organization skills. We have some high priced jobs like cleaning the whole bathroom that she will negotiate if she needs some extra cash, and heck, I love it because I don't have to clean the bathroom. Plus, it has to be quality work, or she gets deducted pay... just like in real life.

This has really worked for us. Oh, and just a note, she is a messy messy girl, and I am a neat freak, and right now... I am pretty happy with how her room looks as well as the rest of the house. She has done wonders with this philosophy.

Good luck!

Dana - posted on 09/03/2009

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Tell them they can't do there favorite thing until they show some improvement in ther chores. Do alittle bit at first and then add more that has to be done and do it every day. Then it doesn't seem so overwelming.

Vicky - posted on 09/03/2009

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I'm going through the same issues with my daughter- it drives me crazy!!!
I talk to other Moms that can't believe she doesn't help out.

Arlene - posted on 09/02/2009

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For some strange reason my girls respond well to the "beating the clock" game. I put the timer on say 5 mins to make their beds and they race each other to see who can finish the job first. There is also a form of quality control; if it ends up looking like a dog's dinner they have to go back and remake it in the time left on the clock.

Kendra - posted on 09/02/2009

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There is a great website to visit Loveandlogic.com...they have fabulous thoughts on this subject. As a family life coach, I use many of their techniques with my own kids and with families and parents that I work with. It's important to remember that you can't really control others (as you've found out), but you can control yourself...so instead of nagging, etc. figure out what you are going to do (or not do) and then execute your plan no matter how much they complain, promiss, whine, etc. Example: what could you "go on strike" and stop doing for them, until they start contributing to the family responsibilities? Taking them to afterschool activities, cooking for them, laundry, hosting play dates, etc. Another idea, if they get an allowance, put up a chart showing what you charge for doing certain jobs, and then deduct that cost from their allowance when you end up doing their jobs for them. There are so many ways to deal with this common problem...and you know we all face it at some point so you're not alone. If you want to visit my website, I offer some great resources for parents and a free e-newsletter too, it's theheartoftransition.com. Let me know how things are going - hope this helps?

Kathy - posted on 09/01/2009

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Well I tried to help my son with his room when he was younger now 25, they have to do it on their own not with your help unless they are really small. They will never get it if we always help and then end up doing it, he does it now.
As for help around the house, tell them what is expected, what they have to do and they will moan and groan but who cares they will get over when the job is done.
As for their room .... close their door and ask them to keep it closed and set some rules about eating in their room you do not want rotting food or wrappers all around.

Sherri - posted on 09/01/2009

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There's a couple of options for this dilema:



The worst part (I find) for kids is being told what to do. Give them a choice. Write up a list and have them pick the chores that they want to do-how ever many chores you want them to have. If they can't agree, put the chore in a hat and have them draw from it. Then, make a checklist of what they're expected to do with the chore (if one chore is the kitchen, have a checklist of "clean and put away dishes, wipe down counters etc). It's said that it takes a person 3 weeks to develop a new habit, so you may need the checklist for a while.



Once that's in place, set a day that they are expected to do their chore(s). Don't yell or rant about it-it's not worth it. I have the attitude "Why waste my time and energy fighting with him to get it done? Why stress myself out when I work 50 hours a week? Not for me. You pick the action-you suffer the consequence. Period. If you have a list of what's expected of you and you have a clear understanding of the consequence, you can moan and complain to yourself for not getting it done and let that be a lesson to you."



Example: My SS is 12. He is expected to do a quick tidy-up of the family room every Wednesday and a full clean on Saturdays, as well as a full room clean on Saturday. Every day he grabs any clothes or anything when he gets up and takes care of it right away. The first time he had to clean his room on a Saturday, he was AMAZED at how much easier it was because of the little things he does daily. My SS knows the rules... it's HIS choice. He has his jobs to do and if they don't get done, he's not allowed video games and TV until it is done. In order to avoid procrastination, we add a day for each day he didn't clean. So, if he's feeling lazy on a Saturday and doesn't clean until Sunday, he goes without video games until Monday. If he doesn't clean until Monday, he goes until Wednesday without and so on. This seems to work... So, it's up to him-he feels more independent being given a choice and therefore, doesn't complain, moan or throw a tamtrum. He feels as though it's all up to him, is empowered by that and thus, takes pride in it. Also, when it is done properly offer lots of praise.



If you have the type of children that can't handle that responsibility and would go without video games rather than just do it, try to make it a family event. Crank some music and have everyone off in their own corners of the house cleaning. Once you're done, make a joke out of it.... gather everyone and have eachother nit-pick about what they think is wrong with the job. This has to be kept light and airy-even allow them to give opinions about what's wrong with your cleaning job.



Hope this helps.

Denise - posted on 09/01/2009

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At my house they all have things to do, like dishes, taking out the trash, helping with laundry etc. But as far as their rooms, unless someone is coming over and it really needs to be cleaned, I just close the door. They eventually learn that they can't find anything(this is happening with my 6 year old now), and they have to organize their stuff somehow. It also shows their true personalities, my two middle kids are neat freaks, and the oldest, well lets just say she lives in what I call disorganized chaos. She has her piles all over the floor, dresser, etc, but she knows where everything is (amazing). Now I don't allow food and drinks in their rooms, so the mess is just their things. If they do forget to do a chore, then everyone will complain about it, not just me. For example this summer it was my sons turn to put away the dishes from the dishwasher, he didn't and after a while, there was a stack in the sink, and no clean spoons and bowls, so his sisters started complaining and he finally did it, I didn't have to say anything.

Pinky - posted on 09/01/2009

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My boys are not allowd out or tv/play station on, until everything is put away and they have to do it as part of their bedtime routine as well. Basically little and often. oh and don't forget to nag!

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