How can you handle the sacastic talk back of a 12 year old?

[deleted account] ( 19 moms have responded )

My 12 year old boy is going on the 7th grade next year and I cannot stand his sacastic talk back and in some cases I take it as disrespect because he rases his voice. Can't take it!

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Kelly - posted on 07/08/2010

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I read this great book "How to hug a porcupine" that I found on Amazon. It has helped me understand what is behind my 12 yr old's behavior and respond a little more appropriately. I also cannot stand the smart mouthing and see it as disrespect. It is terribly difficult to not react as though you are insulted! I will tell him that I do not appreciate being talked to that way and when it gets to be too much I take a privilege and send him away from me to think about his behavior for a few minutes. So far it has worked, he almost always comes back to apologize. Sometimes he doesn't and that's ok too as long as the "mouth" does not continue! I've reminded him that if he wants the freedoms that come with age, he needs to accept the responsibilities that come with it also. We do not do anything to him just to be mean, every action we take is for his benefit in the long run whether he likes it at the time or not. I have also read somewhere that middle schoolers brains have not developed to the point where they can comprehend what an adult brain can yet and they will make bad decisions, like it or not. This is good for them to learn from their mistakes (better than a lecture) within reason, nothing life threatening or altering! Just remember it is his job to push your buttons but it is also your job to keep calm and teach him how to be. It is hard but you will get through it! I highly recommend the book!

Melissa - posted on 07/14/2010

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I have an 11 year old daughter, going in to grade 6. The last year or so I have noticedan increase in the raised voice, rolled eyes, questioning of my decisions/or correcting me. Trust me it gets to me at times and I have lost my cool. But I have found that talking to her and responding to her frustration and questions and reassurring her of my love even when she behaves badly or makes bad choices is by far a more effective way of dealing with the behaviour than some of the other methods offered here by my peers.
I am in no way judging anyones parenting and I don't know what happens behind your closed doors, but I would personally prefer that my child respect me and trust me because I've earned it. Not because of frightened them, bullied them, or made them see who has control. Trust me, I'm not perfect and like I said, I have blown my top on occassion. But my daughter knows that she can talk to me openly. She also knows that there are boundaries that should not be crossed.
Patience is a virtue and you need truckloads of it to raise a hormonal teenager who thinks they have all the answers.

Marti - posted on 07/07/2010

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I have a really good book suggestion just for this situation. It is called "Getting to Calm, Cool headed strategies for Parenting Tweens + Teens"
You can find it on www.parentmap.com
Good Luck!

Mary - posted on 07/14/2010

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my 12 yr old daughter is also sarcastic and disrespectful and she gets a warning i tell her i don't talk to you that way if it continues i take aaway screne time any thing with a screne goes tv phone game systems computer ipod length of time depends on what was said or done. but it works well did it to my older two too.

Charmaine - posted on 07/02/2010

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I myself have a 14 yr old daughter, who also likes to get mouthy from time to time. The secret with this is that you restrict them. usually at the pre teen and teen years they feel as though they are grown up and they realize that they have a choice and freedom of speech. So as parents we have to be two steps ahead. 1. take any and all electronics. 2 they are not to go outside and noo tv. 3 explain exactly why you are doing it. and for thisin paticular if they tell you the "i dont need you"... this may seem harsh but it a good lesson, take all their personal items including clothing for one week that means deodorant, toothpaste and brush, anything that they use on a daily basis that you provide for them and trust me you will have a very respectful and greatful child. you will not have many problems after that with the tude and disrespectfulness.

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Kari - posted on 07/15/2010

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I also have a 12 year old boy and his attitude comes in waves. The one thing you keep in mind is that it's a rough age for both the parents and the child. Kids have hormone's and peer pressure and a lot thrown at them and sometimes my son vents all these issues on me. I get frustrated and yell and scream but what works best for me is taking the time to sit down with my son and explain. These kids are smart and they know it's wrong. Just communicate, communicate, communicate, and remember that they do grow out of it.

Sherri - posted on 07/15/2010

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I was just asking a question I truly didn't understand? She stated take everything away not just give it to them for school.

Carol - posted on 07/15/2010

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sherri your reply to that was petty you let them use the daily needs for school and restrict after that especially weekends they do not want to be smelly around friends. I have a 14 year old and he can get mouthy too but i let him know who is in charge and remind him i am not always going to be here to show how to be respectful so take note now

Danielle - posted on 07/08/2010

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These were all very good suggestions. I will have to remember these the next time this happens. I usually point it out to my daughter that what she said and how she said it was not nice.

Michelle - posted on 07/08/2010

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It's obviously an age thing, although none of us ever talked to our parents that way, did we? Noooo! There is a distinct pattern to all the posts. My 12 year old is always saying, so and so's mom let's him do it. I think we are being played cos so and so's mom probably does the same thing as us and says no. Haven't found an answer yet, but taking away the x box usually works. If only my husband, who gets home before me, wasn't so soft with them, it'd probably work better! Think we need to train our husbands before we train the kids.

Amy - posted on 07/07/2010

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I have an 11 year old going into the 6th grade and I am going through the same things. It seems to hit in waves. One week he will be fine and the next it's mouthy smart comments. He thinks he is being funny but it comes off rude and disrepectful. I have been taking his video games away when I think the smart mouth becomes too excessive. That seems to help for a little while.

Jennifer - posted on 07/06/2010

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it is disrespect. and as they get more and more in the teenage years it'll get worse. i would suggest to nip it while you can. they will test you. if you let it slide and allow it to go on.....then you'll be tested again.
What really sucks is control is kind of an illusion. I mean, if you tell them they can't leave the house....yes they can. So long as they don't care about the consequences. AND that, right there, is why you can't take a DROP of disrespect. They need to believe in the control and RESPECT the boundaries. This way it keeps them from getting toooo far off track. Hopefully :)

Andrea - posted on 07/05/2010

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Mine just finished 7th grade and it has been a tough year. You have to let him know it is not ok to be disrespectful to adults and know when to just ignore the yelling and tantrums (in our case). They are testing the waters, stay strong and remind him you are still boss!

Crystal - posted on 07/02/2010

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OH I FEEL YOUR PAIN I HAVE A 12 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER GOING INTO THE 7TH GRADE NEXT YEAR AND I'M DEALING WITH THE SAME THING. I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE GOING THROUGH THIS. AS A MATTER OF FACT I JUST TOOK HER TV OUT OF HER ROOM TONIGHT FOR SCREAMING AT ME BECAUSE SHE COULD NOT GET HER WAY. THANKS FOR THE GOOD ADVICE.

Sherri - posted on 07/02/2010

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How do you send them to school with no clothes, deodorant, brushed teeth etc??

Sherri - posted on 07/01/2010

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Sorry it comes with age you need to let it roll of your back because it doesn't go away my son is 13 and we are constantly reminding him of his tone or attitude. It sends my husband through the roof, me I remember that age vividly and I just don't take it quite so personally although it still is not allowed.

Melanie - posted on 07/01/2010

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Take it as disrespect. It is (almost always) meant as disrespect at least when directed at the adults in his life. And respond just the same. If he loses an hoir of video games when he is disrespectful then do the same when he is sarcastic. (It helped alot in my house)

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