How do I deal with the pre-teen attitude?

Jennifer - posted on 02/23/2010

thanks for the suggestions given space is something i'm not sure she wants. She seems to want to talk to me about all her problems and of course i want to protect her but i really need to just listen!

Daisy - posted on 02/23/2010

I know exactly what your going through!! I have a 10 yr old boy, a 2 yr old step-daughter and am now over 5months pregnant! My son is had a whole load of things put on him last year with my partner and daughter moving in. I thought he did very well for the big adjustments but then his attitude starting picking up big time! I put it all down to jealousy at first but then it just didn't any better.
His hormones are running wild big time and is now starting to talk bout which girl is "hot" with my partner....hmmmm! I sometimes just let him yell it out and get it out of his system and in a few hours he is back to normal. Give them space and try to talk quietly!
Good Luck:))

Karlas - posted on 02/23/2010

I have a 10 yrs old and a 13 yrs old and my advice would always be communication. There are certain behavior action that simply are not acceptable. You don't get to slam doors in my house, you don't get to storm off in the middle of a discussion simply because you don't like it. These are things that as a family we have instilled in them to avoid such chaos. Now they are not angels my any means, but when we do have a problem we discuss it because as parents we are not perfect and neither are they. Sometimes is something we said that hurt their feelings, or they are feeling something new and have no idea how to express it. Communication and learning to pick your battles. I enjoy my girls, I'm 31 and I've been with my husband for 16 years so yeah we are very open in this house no topic is off limits. If you don't talk to them about it someone else will, and might not give them the right info. Pray this helps.

Tina - posted on 02/22/2010

Hi Angie, Well I spend a lot of time putting the shoe on the other foot so to speak... How would you like it if I treated you this way or that way or did this or said that or or or and or how would she like it if someone other then me did it to her... I have raised her ...you treat people the way you want to be treated period!!! The mood swings are really hard to deal with but around here atleast we have done a lot of talking but when the mood is in full swing it is like ripping teeth out to get her to talk... The in between times are a lot better and there are times that I laugh at her because her behavior is so ridiculous... I ask her sometimes if she is 5 and then she seems to realize how silly she looks having her little tantrum. I also say I created this mood and then she laughs .... Take it in stride I know it is hard and there will be days where you want to smash your head against the wall and will feel like it will never get better but it does. And for sure take time out for you run a bubble bath put an Ipod or whatever on and tune everyone out for an hr (light some candles and have some peace)
Good luck

Tyisha - posted on 02/22/2010

I have a 12 year old girl and i find that giving her some space is o.k. at fist I thought something was wrong with her or school but i ask she said nothing called school they said she is doing great i talk she gives attitude so the best thing for me to do was to give her some space (still ask) and to allow her to come to me that seems to work and she is coming around now and she can still go into the mood also and someone told me THIS IS NORMAL and it is nothing that i am doing wrong it's just apart of growing up just keep in mind how you start to change around that age continue to love and nurture but don't crowd their space right now because they are trying to figure things out and you can push them further away i hope all is well and patiences is the key to understanding

Norine - posted on 02/22/2010

I have a 13 year old and an 11 year old. As of now, my 11 year old is just starting to change, however she takes notice as to what her older sister does, and she takes mental notes as to what she can try to get away with. They are totally different and what works for the 13 year old is diifferent from what works for the 11 year old. Just breath for yourself, remember you are the parent and save the battles for the things that they are doing that may lead them to danger.

GAYLE - posted on 02/21/2010

Well at the moment I am having issues with my 15 y/o daughter & all I do is ignore her rants & raves until she has calmed down. We then sit down & talk about why she is carrying on about whatever the problem is. If she is naughty & talks down to me I send her to her room, telling her that I won't stand for her back chatting. I also tell her that if she won't behave in an appropriate manner then she will lose her privileges. I have found that taking items away from my children seems to work. I have also found that being open & honest & talking with them works. There are no books on how to be the perfect parent but I think it is trial & error & consistency with any punishment and praise that I give is the key. If you feel yourself getting angry then walk away and talk when you feel better. Hope this helps. Please remember that children are really a blessing in disguise. They soon learn if you show them who is boss. Good luck.

Carol - posted on 02/20/2010

i am going through the same thing with my 11 yr old, sometimes she is so moody that i don't know what to do.

Natalie - posted on 02/19/2010

Read the Ames books "Your child at... (with the age)". They are very helpful and explain what to expect and why your child is acting this way. It helps to know it is part of "growing up".

Diann - posted on 02/19/2010

Take Time out for yourself every single day! It will help revive your mind and be able to deal with ONE MORE DAY!

Nicole - posted on 02/19/2010

I am going through he same thing and mine is only11 1/2. I am pulling my hair out with the mood swings. I know I wasn't a peach for my parents. I guess its payback lol

Julie - posted on 02/19/2010

Hi Angie I dont know specifically what your issues are but a few general rules are; try to stay calm, dont get drawn in to their arguements if you can help it; pick your battles and tell them you will talk to them ONLY when they are calm if they yell walk away! Explain to them (male or female) what is happening to them (hormones in kaos) and my favourite is NEGOTIATE! You do X if you want Y, and be consistant. I hope this helps you, I have 3 teens (19, 16, and 12) and there have been some rocky patches but we get through them by talking and I have great kids!