how do I discipline my 13 year old daughter who refuses to go to school sometimes and is failing almost every subject?

Stephanie - posted on 05/12/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My 13 year old daughter refuses to go to school sometimes and is failing almost every subject? How do I get her to go to school and to complete her work and turn it in? When she doesn't how do I discipline her? I have tried taking her things away and grounding her, taking away all privileges, but nothing works. She is content to stay in her room and sleep. When I make her come down stairs she is content to sit and do nothing but other times she screams and runs back up to her room. She was dianosed with ADD and an anxiety disorder when she was 9 and is on medication. I just dont know how to get through to her. All her testings shows that she is advanced in all areas, but she is going to fail the 7th grade. What can I do to help her?

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Yvonda - posted on 05/19/2010

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you may need to have your daughter talk to someone outside the home, like a counselor or therapist, if she doesn't want to speak with the people at school, I'm sure her pediatrician will have a list you can choose from..also try to remember what it was like when you were 13...puberty is (excuse my language) a bitch! I'm sure this is a phase that females have gone through for a long while, my advise is to just stay on top of the situation and don't let it get and stay way out of your control..Good luck!

Kristi - posted on 05/19/2010

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How long did you take away priveleges and how long did you ground her? Does she know you are the boss and not her. I have a 7th grader as well. A boy. We have told him that his job is to go to school and to keep his grades up. That he will earn priveleges by doing those things. If his grades drop or if he thinks he's not going to school then he is sorely wrong. Sit her down and let her know you are serious about the fact that she will go to school and that you expect her to do her best in school to keep her grades up. That you don't expect anything but her best. Let her know that if she skips school or if her grades are poor, that she will have absolutley no priveleges. No talking on the phone, No hanging out with friends, No computer priveleges (except for homework), NOTHING, No tv, No music, and No going to her room to sleep for as long as her grades are poor. If she acts like she doesn't care that she is being punished (which every kid cares even if they act like they don't) then put her butt to work. Make her scrub baseboards, do the dishes, laundry, cook, whatever you can come up with and tell her it's because she is enjoying her punishment too much. Make her do this everyday until her grades come up. Also, talk to her. Make it a point to listen to her....to see if something is bothering her about school. Ask her if there is anything she needs to talk to you about. There is nothing wrong with being firm and also listening to your child at the same time. Just make sure that she understands that you are mom and that you have rules that she will follow. Let her know that if there is bullying issues that you will be there to defend her and stand up for her. We had to do this with my son. Get her involved with some activities that she might be interested in where she can find friends who she can relate to.

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Kristi - posted on 05/19/2010

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Let me note that I meant no going to her room during the day to sleep her punishment off. Of course she will sleep at night :)

Debbie - posted on 05/16/2010

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If its possible start taking her to school and taking time in the evening or after school and ask her how her day has been and talk about any issues that is bothering her

Amanda - posted on 05/12/2010

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I can relate with you my daughter is now 20 but at the age of 13 she went off the rails drinking ,smoking hanging about with the wrong crowd and refusing to go to school I spent 6 months doing just what you have done but nothing worked , Then one day I sat and talked with her she then explained to me that she didn't like the school she was at and she was being picked on and that there was nothing i could do to help and that she no longer wanted me as her mum and would be better off in a care home , so am afraid I called her bluff and contacted social services explained what had beeen going on and they were great they help us both to talk with each other .I managed to get her back to a different school on a part timetable to study the important subjects and with help from a local youth group she took exams and learned different things I guess she just needed to be listened to. She is now left home and doing ok for herself we talk much more than we ever did and always send tx to say I love you.
Just try to remember that you are not to blame just reassure that you still love them

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