Samantha - posted on 03/27/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )
My children are responsible for gathering their own clothes to be washed by my DH. She has in the past worn the same pair of socks over and over again just so she doesn't have to waste time looking for her dirty ones. She has her own room with her own clothes bin for dirty clothes.
Yesterday we got home and my husband asked the kids to get their dirty clothes together so he could wash them. I noticed the boys were busy moving around collecting their clothes and she was in her room with the door closed. I asked her if she had any clothes that needed to be washed and she said she had put them in the basket already. So I got specific with her and asked if she had put all her school clothes, socks, bras, and underwear in the hamper. She got quiet, first sign, and said she didn't have underwear.
Apparently, she has not been changing her panties and has been putting them back on after she showers. She can not remember how long it has been since she's been wearing this pair. I made her dig out all her socks and panties so my husband could wash them last night. I don't understand what the problem is. I buy her bras about every 3 or 4 months because she is growing and when I do I buy the matching sets so I know she has panties. When she goes to her mother's on the weekends I know she is trading at least one pair off, fine by me.
I have tried talking to her about hygiene when she used to wear the same pair of socks over and over again. I buy cute socks for her so she knows which ones are hers. But she looks at me like I'm the stupid one for even suggesting she change daily.
This morning I woke up as she was getting dressed, we leave at different times, and asked her if she was wearing clean undies. She said no. When I asked her why she once again looked at me like I was the stupid one. When I finally said that if she couldn't tell me why she would be grounded this weekend from visiting her mom. The answers started flying, "Well I gave them to dad and he washed them. so when I got out of the shower they weren't ready. then I had to go to bed." I told her she could wear the shorts she wears under skirts until the morning comes and she can change. Once again I got the stupid look.
My question is what am I doing wrong? How do I talk about this with her to where she will understand I am not trying to be the evil step mother but I am trying to help her? It's like very time I try to help her maintain herself she acts as if I am criticizing her. I am not, it just blows my mind that she is not keeping herself clean. This is also something that has just started happening. She's never done this before. Help!