How do I tak to my daughter about hygiene?

Samantha - posted on 03/27/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My children are responsible for gathering their own clothes to be washed by my DH. She has in the past worn the same pair of socks over and over again just so she doesn't have to waste time looking for her dirty ones. She has her own room with her own clothes bin for dirty clothes.



Yesterday we got home and my husband asked the kids to get their dirty clothes together so he could wash them. I noticed the boys were busy moving around collecting their clothes and she was in her room with the door closed. I asked her if she had any clothes that needed to be washed and she said she had put them in the basket already. So I got specific with her and asked if she had put all her school clothes, socks, bras, and underwear in the hamper. She got quiet, first sign, and said she didn't have underwear.



Apparently, she has not been changing her panties and has been putting them back on after she showers. She can not remember how long it has been since she's been wearing this pair. I made her dig out all her socks and panties so my husband could wash them last night. I don't understand what the problem is. I buy her bras about every 3 or 4 months because she is growing and when I do I buy the matching sets so I know she has panties. When she goes to her mother's on the weekends I know she is trading at least one pair off, fine by me.



I have tried talking to her about hygiene when she used to wear the same pair of socks over and over again. I buy cute socks for her so she knows which ones are hers. But she looks at me like I'm the stupid one for even suggesting she change daily.



This morning I woke up as she was getting dressed, we leave at different times, and asked her if she was wearing clean undies. She said no. When I asked her why she once again looked at me like I was the stupid one. When I finally said that if she couldn't tell me why she would be grounded this weekend from visiting her mom. The answers started flying, "Well I gave them to dad and he washed them. so when I got out of the shower they weren't ready. then I had to go to bed." I told her she could wear the shorts she wears under skirts until the morning comes and she can change. Once again I got the stupid look.



My question is what am I doing wrong? How do I talk about this with her to where she will understand I am not trying to be the evil step mother but I am trying to help her? It's like very time I try to help her maintain herself she acts as if I am criticizing her. I am not, it just blows my mind that she is not keeping herself clean. This is also something that has just started happening. She's never done this before. Help!

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Joanna - posted on 02/08/2014

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Hell no!!!!!! My daughter is showering every god damn day I don't want her stinking up in my house and I don't want the other kids to bully her and make fun of her. The underwear situation is absolutely disgusting and unacceptable, if she has clean underwear she better wear them. She can't wear the same underwear twice especially when she on her lady business. If there's a leak she needs to clean that shit up. I did not raise her to be a tramp and I don't expect her to be one she needs to be a young clean respectable hygienic young lady.

Sherri - posted on 04/08/2012

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@Dee The blood stained items is very gross. However, I don't shower every single day even on my period. I only brush my teeth once a day and I have never brushed my tongue ever in my life and I don't have bad breath. I also will admit I have period underwear and if I leak through I don't wash them out either. I just throw them in the laundry hamper and wash them. They do however, get changed and put directly into laundry.

Dee - posted on 04/03/2012

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I have one that will probably stump you... I have been told that my 20 year old will grow out of her bad habits since she was preteen. So I left it alone for a while. She went away to college and returned a year later. I make her wash her own clothes ( and she has plenty, so repeat wears are not out of necessity). She wears the same bra until it is brown and discolored around edges from tan or skin. She messes up a pair of underwear EVERY day of her period. Does not even try to clean them, just throws them in her hamper. She says she wears a panty liner with a tampon, but obviously not because the leaking/ spotting is not around the edges but straight through her underwear and pants. It is not an issue of heavy periods, because even if that were the problem, she should still have good enough hygiene and forethought to clean up the situation. She lies even though I have evidence to the contrary staring her in the face.I bought her a spanx to wear to a formal at school and she came home for the summer with it in her drawer with dried blood in it ( she did not even wash it). I have showed her how to clean things with peroxide, rinse with water, ring it out and place in with the towels to not mildew all her clothes.

She does not take a bath but a minimum of every 36 hours even when on her period and going on a date! Yes, she is sexually active. That has made no change. Bloody stained underwear do not phase her.

She brushes her teeth once a day, no more. Even if she does, her breath still smells because it is quick and does not include her tongue. I have never seen her brush her retainer. I did peroxide it before she packed to go to college.

I have to make her wash her hands when she comes out of the toilet prior to eating at the table. Yet, if we are in a public bathroom with other people she gets distressed if there is no soap at the sink.

This is not new and I don't think she is depressed. She gets vey annoyed when I bring anything up. I feel it is ack of responsilibity and laziness. Because it is evident in other areas of her life too.

At what point do I accept it and completely give up? Is it a lost cause now that she is basically an Adult.? I will still make her wash her hands before eating at my table, but I worry about her in my refridge and cabinets too.

Advice?

Mother - posted on 03/28/2012

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Maybe call her mom and she can talk to her. Not trying to exclude the Step mom but this is time of change for her. Does she have her menses? Maybe she has soiled them and is embarrassed or maybe hiding them? Maybe she is "trading them off" so her DAD won't see when HE does HER laundry. Tried to put the teen emphasis in there LOL



I do know that some pre-teens go thru stages of not wanting to shower, are too lazy to look for clean clothes etc etc.....it is usually followed up by 3 showers a day and needing clean clothes everytime they fart!!! LOL

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