HOW DO YOU GET THE MOUTH TO STOP , EVEN AFTER YOU PUT THEM ON PUNISHMENT !!!

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Jessica - posted on 01/27/2009

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Quoting Dawn:

well now i am at the point where i get the kitchen spatula.. and use it as a threat...but then she screams"i don;t trust you get away"..like i beat her or something..i am actually taking her to the doctor tomorrow cause she came ot me and said she has anger issues,,my 10 years old does to but he also has adhd and they put him on risperdal...so i am hoping for the best,they always say go c a psych.. well insurance don;t pay and the ones that take it r horrible.... i am old fashioned too.. but a big time yeller,,,which will give me a heart attack one day....soooooo frustrating!


The best advice I could tell you is to stay calm, they hate it when they can't rattle you!  I think they also do it because they want extra attention.  My Daughter is 10 1/2 and boy do we go at it sometimes.  When I can't handle it anymore I send her to her room and that gives us both time to cool off!  I'm stuggling with my own advice sometimes, but I've really been trying to stay consistant.  My daughter also has some anger issues and I'm not sure what to do, but I would love to her what you found out.  I can not afford Psych...and she has been talking to the school counselor.  I agree so frustrating

Lisa - posted on 01/25/2009

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I too have a child who won't stop talking, he has to have the last word...very stubborn and cheeky.



I find the best cure is to ignore him, it's an attention thing normally and hates being ignored...usually does the trick



Lisa

Melissa - posted on 01/25/2009

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hi amber, in my opinion i just dont believe in ear pulling no matter how its done, but on the other matter of your older son, how old is he? i had almost the same problem with my 16yo son always picking on his younger  brother he even picked on his little cousin whos like 10yrs younger then him. about 2 years ago he finally tried to clean his act up and get along with my youngest i feel its way to late but i dont sweat it to much. im not one to give advice really bcuz consistency has never been a strong point for me. we locked him in room took away everything he enjoyed even prevented him from going outside that was the only thing that hurt him. we did counceling that didnt work to well, i find myself  getting ready to send him back to counceling. he is disrespectful as well, but i use his disability as his weakness; hes very impulsive, has auditory processing disorder, mild ocd, and a mild case of adhd...my hubby says its all an excuse but i refuse to believe it. im at wits end as well and searching high and low for the correct path to take....   xx  mel

 



Quoting Amber:

Pulling on the ear does leave permanent damage. However, I have found that if I hold the ear, squat down so I'm face to face my younger ones listen. They won't run away if I have their ear, and it keeps them looking at me (which helps). However my oldest is recently just completely out of control, he doesn't want to go to his dad's house cause its boring, and when he's home he's disrespectful to everyone in the house (including his younger siblings). He has spent an awful lot of time in his room lately and his behaviour doesn't seem to change. I'm being extremely consistent, so I don't know what to do next.





 

Melissa - posted on 01/25/2009

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hi holly, i have never heard of boxing the ears...what is that? xx mel



 



 



Quoting Holly:



Ear pulling or boxing the ears can leave PERMANENT HEARING DAMAGE!!! 





 

Amber - posted on 01/24/2009

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Pulling on the ear does leave permanent damage. However, I have found that if I hold the ear, squat down so I'm face to face my younger ones listen. They won't run away if I have their ear, and it keeps them looking at me (which helps). However my oldest is recently just completely out of control, he doesn't want to go to his dad's house cause its boring, and when he's home he's disrespectful to everyone in the house (including his younger siblings). He has spent an awful lot of time in his room lately and his behaviour doesn't seem to change. I'm being extremely consistent, so I don't know what to do next.

Melissa - posted on 01/23/2009

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Quoting Leeann: OH NO NO NO on the ear pulling!!!  Very very DANGEROUS....Very very Bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the pulling of the ear sounds like it works i'm going to give it ago.


 

Melissa - posted on 01/23/2009

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Oh no no no on the pulling of the ear idea!!! I did this one time when my 16yo was around 7yo I think, I pulled it because I was so frustrated and I heard a pop and he started to scream! I freaked out real bad and cried so hard I had hurt him but thank heavens it wasnt serious! Thats something I wouldnt do again or advise someone to do you could possibly injure them severely. Although I havent found a way to conquer  the mouthing off because in my home we tend to get in those situations where we shout at eachother, hot headed and quick tempers run in my household...lol!! Im still working on it...hopefully all of us that are looking for way out of it find it soon. NO EAR PULLING, PLEASE!!!!

Michele - posted on 01/22/2009

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One of my sons major complaints is that he is always "yelled at".  I do it only after extreme frustration but I usually walk away to the bathroom and shut the door if I feel myself getting to that point...  but my husband ...he yells. pretty much all the time....then threatens to take away everything-tv, videos games, outside, his weekly bowling league, special food treats(wings, pizza, his soya ice cream).....he has no patience to just talk through an issue ( its the same between us)...he gets defensive and sometimes makes silly childish comments.  ...very hard for a 12 yr old boy to respect that I am afraid.

Michele - posted on 01/22/2009

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One of my sons major complaints is that he is always "yelled at".  I do it only after extreme frustration but I usually walk away to the bathroom and shut the door if I feel myself getting to that point...  but my husband ...he yells. pretty much all the time....then threatens to take away everything-tv, videos games, outside, his weekly bowling league, special food treats(wings, pizza, his soya ice cream).....he has no patience to just talk through an issue ( its the same between us)...he gets defensive and sometimes makes silly childish comments.  ...very hard for a 12 yr old boy to respect that I am afraid.

Tracey - posted on 01/22/2009

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Well, one of two options......... either ignore it.......or tape it shut? Kids with attitude  have a need to win, so they just keep going and going, if you walk away and ignore it, they have noone to hear them......they just stop! It work one arguement at a time, but it works.

Amber - posted on 01/22/2009

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I have a ten year old who does the exact same things.  She is a very sweet and loving girl but not so much to me.  She never talks to her father the way she does me.  I have learned that she has a comfort in me that she feels she can express how she thinks she feels.  It is a very confusing time for them.  They dont understand the mood swings or what is making them feel the way they do.  When she gets mouthy all I tell her is to go to her room and cool off.  I let her know that I am not mad but she needs to chill out before it becomes an argument and we are both mad.  Sometimes that does not work, but mostly it does, so when it doesnt I just survive the moment.  And always TRY to be nice and not raise my voice. I just tell her to cool off or chill out and then ignore her until she does.  I let her know that I understand she is human and has emitions and we can talk any time she wants.  I hope this helps

Cari - posted on 01/21/2009

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every child has at least one item or activity in their life that they feel they cannot live without ( video games, sports , tv, phone , outings, + . If you take these things away and I mean take them away ( not for 1 day only! ) they will eventually straighten up, they might act as if they dont care, but trust me they do. these days the children seem to run the house, parents need to take a stand and stop being afraid to be the Adult (Parent) who runs who?? I dont believe in medicating children that are hyper overactive adhd etc... but thats just me. also, yelling does not work , if you yell they will too you have to calm down and try to calm them down and have a rational conversation .... it can be done .... really it can. Lastly , threats are no good , give 1 warning and thats it. (Example: if you dont stop yelling you wont be going to your game this saturday... If they continue to carry on with the yelling DONT LET THEM GO TO THE GAME ) too many parents dont follow through with the threats they yell out and thats why the children dont care they know no matter what , nothing will happen! SHOW THEM WHO"S BOSS!

Michele - posted on 01/21/2009

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It would be very hard being a single parent...somedays I feel like I am a single parent...with 2 kids.  I am always  being the referee between my husband and son. sigh.   Speaking of pocket money...we really can't afford to be giving an allowance especially when our son can't be relied on to do any chores without being nagged. My husband has suggested we pay him $10.00 a week but he pays for his bowling league ( $8.00) but to me that doesn't leave much to spare and if we took it away for attitude then we are paying for his bowling or he is letting his team down.  So it wouldn't be just him suffering the consequences.  What  do most parents give for allowance or how do they decide how much?



 



 



 



 



 



 



 



 



 

Julia - posted on 01/21/2009

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its just nice to know im not the only one having teenage troubles!!i have 4 girls aged between 5 and 16 very hormonal in our house!! i think the best thing that has helped so far is removing privileges or poket money no amount of talking or explaining seems to help my 16 yr old is worse than a 2 yr old with the tantrums and its exhausting! oh and im a single mum to and it is harder without a dad around!

[deleted account]

well i took my daughter to the doctor..now keep in mind she is 8 and younger than this forum and has been through alot.,,,but thet thinkshe is depressed and has abandonment issues dues to her father not being in her life..so off to another doctor we go.. i appreciate everyone advice and have pretty much tried all what has been suggested..so.......

Michele - posted on 01/21/2009

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My only concern with the chore box is that doing chores is a necessity.   Won't  using it as punishment counteract  any positive idea  that chores are part of every familly members responsibility?

Christina - posted on 01/21/2009

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Oh Cristi, I feel your pain! I just joined this group, yours was the first post I saw, and I laughed out loud, it's like your posting about my daughter!!! Mine daughter is basically a good kid, (10 years old, also) never a problem in school or anything, but BOY, those hormones seem to be kicking in, SCARY! And she always has to take it one step further! Never knows when to stop (she is in her room right now being punished, for talking back and to calm down). Punishments don't work, (she was grounded most of Christmas vacation) but I AM going to try that chore box that shannon mentioned, with her mouth, my house is going to be SPOTLESS!!!

[deleted account]

i've posted this before regarding a similar inquiry. i took a parenting class at my church last year and it was amazing. i have even posted some of it on my myspace page under my blogs (myspace.com/whirlwindgrl). basically, we have a discipline box for my 11 yr old son and when he does something wrong (mouths off, attitude, etc.) he must pull a chore out of the box. we actually made the box together and filled it with 15 minute chores (like, sweeping, vacuuming, window washing, reorganizing cabinets, etc.). we've barely had to use it the last several months. now the only time he really gives me attitude is WHEN HE IS PLAYING A VIDEO GAME. and if i ground him from those, he's my sweet little boy again. i almost don't want to ever let him play those video games again...

Joy - posted on 01/21/2009

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My daughter is 13 and never ownes up to anything.  Her father & I have caught her in lies and she keeps on lying.  She is a good kid for the most part her problems is her mouth gets her into more trouble then she was orginially.  I was never this disrespectful.  I may have mumbled under my breath but never in the sight or in the same room as my parents.  I knew better.

Michele - posted on 01/21/2009

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My 12 year old son has developed an  "attitude".  And his mouth runneth over.  Drives us to distraction.  Funny, but my son always asks how he can earn it back.  My problem is that I did that alot when he was small so he thinks its his right to be able to earn it back.  When they are younger STAND FIRM.  If I see a dramatic attitude adjustment and his mouth is respectful and he is helpful then I will shorten the sentence but still with some restrictions.  I have enlisted  the help of his sunday school teacher...and already in two weeks there has been a slight change.  He gave all the kids special stones on a necklace then he laid out several papers, "I will obey my parents"   "I will obey the ten commandments"  "I will help out at home"  etc.  They had to sign them.  He (the teacher)  was totally shocked the first week...not one of the kids signed the "I will obey my parents"  committment sheet.  They willingly signed  some of the others but not one signed that one.  I find that interesting. After teaching this past Sunday all the kids did sign the obey my parents....and I did notice a slight change.  I wasn't mouthy (at least not outright-to my foster parents/parents) because I knew I would get my butt smacked or my mouth....I think God gave us padded butts for this reason.  However, because of the way things are now I would be very careful with physical punishment.  I believe kids are worse today because of lack of discipline.  I have read several parenting books/ articles and most agee that at this age spanking does not work. One of the Moms mentioned anger issues....any child exhibiting anger issues should be taken to the Dr. asap.  I know that is hard where there is no insurance to cover it but it is an investment in the well being of that child.  I have had days where I felt like a rotten parent, failing dismally and asking, "what did I do wrong?"  now I know I am not the only one.  What a relief !!!!

Buffie - posted on 01/20/2009

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We are not allowed to spank our kids (we are foster parents) but sometimes I think a good spanking is deserved if of course you are not angry when you do it... but anyway I say take things from there room (even if they are at school - sometimes it's easier), let them earn it back with good behavior and/or chores, if they don't want to then I guess it's yours.

How funny... like the lady above me I tell him to take a shower... it calms him down (he's 14) and is usually better when he comes out. But he is mouthy..... oh and I think church helps a lot... it's a great center for him to focus on.....

Mary - posted on 01/20/2009

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First off, I do not at all believe at all in ever hitting anyone, especially my child. I would only hit someone who was trying to hurt me. If you are hitting and saying your parent's did it and you turned okay you are mistaken, because you too are having trouble with your child being mouthy. I have spoken with police officers who told me they think spanking is one reason why people end up in prison, it can be the start of a violent life. When my son is mouthy, I tell him he can't talk me that way, just to get him to stop. Then I check myself and make sure I am respecting him when I talk. I tell him why I don't want him to talk to me like that, that is is disrespectful, I am his mother, I love him, and we shouldn't talk to each that way. I tell him, I know it is hard to grow up and you have to deal with hormones, I remember how hard it was, but you will get through it. If he persists, I was taking away electronics, but then he would just hang around me and mope. Last time, I told him to stay in his room after school for 2 days, with no electronics, it really calmed him down, and he pulled out books and read, and I still had him help with dinner and stuff so he wasn't on lock down. I think kids tired and stressed like we do, and just need more dowm time then they realize. When he was little I would give him a bath when he was snotty. Now, I might say "hit the shower." Also, make sure they are getting enough sleep and exercise, it really makes a difference and get a grip on yourself. Mary (Healthcare Worker)

Sharna - posted on 01/20/2009

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i have a 13 yr old step son who always used to gob off and say stuff i hated but he dont do it so much now i strip all his stuff off him like his playstaition his tv and his favourite PHONE  he hates not having his phone so he nos as soon as he starts gobbing i give him a warning then if he keeps going i say thats it phone gone for a week then he trys t earn it bk lol i never give in to him thou and give it bk 2 days later.

[deleted account]

well now i am at the point where i get the kitchen spatula.. and use it as a threat...but then she screams"i don;t trust you get away"..like i beat her or something..i am actually taking her to the doctor tomorrow cause she came ot me and said she has anger issues,,my 10 years old does to but he also has adhd and they put him on risperdal...so i am hoping for the best,they always say go c a psych.. well insurance don;t pay and the ones that take it r horrible.... i am old fashioned too.. but a big time yeller,,,which will give me a heart attack one day....soooooo frustrating!

Priscilla - posted on 01/18/2009

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ok I am old fashioned here.  I do spank.  I have always spanked...only as a last resort.  I havnt spanked my kids in YEARS!!! However, its because it only took one good swat and that did it.  Lately my 11 and my 10 yr old have gotten into this thing that they can ignor me and dh and granny and grandpa.  I dont think so.  So I go up to them and I get in their face and say "OH YOU WANT EVERYTHING. CHEER, CLOTHS SHOES AND SO FORTH AND YOUR GONNA IGNORE ME!!! I DONT THINK SO SWEETIE!!!" then I grab their ear and PULL! I do I yank them by the ears to where they need to go, I dont have to yank hard, they dont want it to hurt so they get up fast and walk fast. 



Today my 10 yr old daughter talked back to my husband.  and I mean TALKED BACK!! I said no way.  I told her that If I ever EVER heard her talking back to her dad, to me or her grandparents...she was going to get a good slap in the face and she was out of cheer and any aother acitivites she is on. 



Now I dont know you or your child.  again Like i said Im really old fashion.  I am not afraid of using old fashioned tactics.  Todays kids are spoiled.  They get what they want when they want it.  My girls act like they deserve everything in the world sometimes.  They try to ignor me, because they see their cousins do it to their parents.  I do not tolerate that here at all.  Heck, my cousins say "IF YOU DONT BEHAVE I WILL CALL COUSIN PRISCILLA AND WELL SEE IF YOU WONT DO IT THEN!!!'  I dont even have to say a thing or do anything to most of my cousins kids, all I have to do is just give them a really angry look and they know I mean business. 



So that is what i would do, again, its just one way.  Like i said before, these methods are old.  My dad spanked me, i came out ok.  I never did drugs, I dont drink, I was always afraid of doing something wrong or sneaking out cause i didnt want my dad to find out, cause I knew he would spank me.  heck no way! I stayed stear and clear of bad influencual people.  TO this day I follow the letter of the law. 

[deleted account]

good question,except mine is 8 and has percocios puberty...no "friend" yet but OMG! the mouth is unbearable.. i have yet to find anything that works...i tried the ignoring it but she just screams louder or stamps her feet or slams the door, then if i take something away on top of sitting in her room it makes it even worse.. i am at my wits end with her..someone please help us!!!

Cristi - posted on 01/16/2009

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I HAVE A TEN YR OLD , WHO IS GOING THROUGH PRE-TEENS EARLY !! ANY DAY SHE COULD START HER FRIEND !! MOST OF THE TIME WE GET ALONE BUT WHEN I ASK HER TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL HER WHAT I EXPECT, SHE HAS ALWAYS HAS  SOMETHING TO SAY. SOMETIMES SHE EVEN FEELS TO JUST SPEAK HER MIND !! I HAVE GOTTEN ON HER AND PUT HER ON SOME TYPE OF PUNISHMENT AND SHE KEEPS GETTING MOUTHY!!! I KNOW I CAN'T GIVE IN OR STOP USING SOME FORM OF PUNISHMENT, BUT WHEN DOES IT STOP ???? LOL



WHEN I GREW UP , I DO REMB. THE MOOD SWINGS AND THE MOUTH !! BUT THERE WAS FEAR OF GOD IN MY FATHER B/C IT WOULD NOT BE EXCEPTED !!! TODAY KIDS ARE GROWING UP FASTER AND MORE MATURE IN SUCH A YOUNG AGE.. IT IS SCAREY B/C SOCIETY IS MOVING FASTER AND MORE THINGS ARE MORE ADVANCE THEN EVER FOR OUR CHILDREN..  I BELIEVE IN STRUCTOR AND KEEPING YOUR CHILDREN INVOVLED WITH ACTIVITIES YOU CAN KEEP WATCH IN... EVEN THEN, NOT EVER PARENT BELIEVE IN THE SAME PARENTING AND SOME CHILDREN CAN JUST WALK ALL OVER THEIR PARENTS. I DONT EXCEPT THAT FROM EITHER OF MY CHILDREN...



 I ALSO BELIEVE IN KEEPING A OPEN MIND TO WHAT OTHER LEARNED AND METHODS, THEY TRIED..

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